Warning: This story mentions adult themes such as eating disorders. If you have, or have had, an eating disorder, I do not recommend you read this story. If mentions of eating disorders make you feel uncomfortable, then I do not recommend you read this story. If you are under the age of 18, I do not recommend you read this story.
Author's note: The first chapter of this story takes place in season 1. Chapters to come will take place at different times of the series.
Chapter 1
There are 10 calories in a tablespoon of regular oats, cooked with water. A cup of nonfat milk is 91 calories. An ounce of apple, raw, without skin, preferably grated, has 14 calories. 100 ml of fresh orange juice are only 47 calories. On even days, she drinks a cup of nonfat milk and eats an ounce of grated apple; on odd days, she drinks 100 ml of fresh orange juice and has two tablespoons of regular oats, cooked with water. Everything is carefully measured (she's got all the right utensils) to make sure the calorie counting never goes above 115.
100 grams of raw butterhead lettuce are 13 calories. Four slices of tomato, 0.25'' thick (0.7 ounces) each, are 14 calories. 50 grams of white rice cooked without salt are 65 calories. There are 41 calories in 100 grams of carrots, raw. 8.6 ounces of mashed pumpkins are 49 calories. 50 grams of mashed potatoes, home prepared, with whole milk and margarine, are 56 calories. Those are the ingredients and quantities she prefers to prepare her lunch. On Mondays and Fridays she's got lettuce and tomato salad. Tuesdays and Thursdays she eats mashed pumpkins or mashed potatoes. On Wednesdays, it's rice and carrots. Every time any of her coworkers comment on how small her meals are, she quickly finishes the exchange of sentences by stating she is more of a big breakfast person than a big lunch person.
There are 32 calories in 100 grams of grapefruit. A container of no-fat plain Greek yogurt is 100 calories. That's her dinner on even days. On odd days, she has two large leaves of cabbage (16 calories), three ounces of spinach (20 calories), and half a cup of chopped broccoli (55 calories).
She doesn't eat beef, chicken or fish; she's a vegetarian. She doesn't eat bread. One single slice of wheat bread is 78 calories. A very thin slice of white bread is 40 calories. She doesn't eat sandwiches or pasta. She doesn't eat pizza either. A slice of pizza (cheese topping, thin crust) is 192 calories; it's just not worth it. She doesn't eat doughnuts either, nor pastries, chocolate or sweets; those are sinful pleasures that lead to gluttony, and gluttony is a deadly sin.
Water doesn't have any calories, thank God, so she can drink as many bottles a day as she likes. So she drinks a lot of water. She allows herself a can of diet coke (1 calorie) with lunch when she is on her period; it helps hold back her appetite – she is a strong willed person, but her hormones tend to act up a little at that certain time of the month, so she needs to please them a little in order to keep them in check.
Whenever she is feeling lightheaded or dizzy during the day, she hides in the women's bathroom, and puts a teaspoon of Splenda under her tongue (2 calories). Nobody ever notices this- or so she likes to think- and she feels better and ready to get back to work almost immediately.
She keeps track of every calorie she eats. She may lack people skills, but she's always been good with numbers. She's always excelled at math, economics and finances. She has a knack for them. She likes numbers more than people– that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. She has a better understanding of numbers than of her family and coworkers (she doesn't have any friends; she's got cats)- or any other human being, for that matter.
She loved math classes, and hated the other subjects and fields of study when she was a little girl; they never interested her enough, whereas math fascinated her. Now that she is a grown up, professional woman, the head of Accounting at a local paper company, numbers are all she thinks about. Even when she isn't at work, from 5 pm to 8 am, her head is busy with numbers. She constantly, compulsively, adds, subtracts, multiplies and divides calories. If she eats this now, but doesn't eat this later, and has eaten this other thing for breakfast, but isn't planning on eating this other thing at dinner, at the end of the day she will have eaten this many calories. She keeps track of what others eat too. If Pam eats this for lunch, but she has previously eaten this snack while she flirted with Jim from Sales, and is telling her fiancé Roy about having this other thing for dinner, by the end of the day she will have eaten this many calories. By watching her coworkers and analyzing their eating habits she reassures herself she is on the right path: what she is doing, what she puts her body through… it is worth it. It's worth everything. She doesn't want to be imperfect like the others. She doesn't want to be chubby like Pam or overweight like Phyllis or ugly like Meredith or a compulsive eater like Kelly.
She wants to achieve perfection. And she knows that once she does, absolutely every little thing will have been worth the effort.
She keeps track of every calorie she eats. And at the end of the day, when she goes to bed, she is very pleased with herself knowing that she is totally capable of having everything under control.