Empty
I can't kiss her! No I shouldn't after all this. I can't back down now. I have to leave, that's what is best for her and she is my priority now. I have been selfish for too long. I must leave and put an end to this madness, I must put an end to this torture. Her eyes beg and plead me to stay, for me to pull her into my arms and save her.
What an absurd thought, me save her! If anything she has saved me. I have been the cause of so much physical and emotional pain in her life, ever since the moment I met her I have put her in danger. Well no longer! How could I be so selfish and let myself fall in love with her? How could I a soulless, selfish monster allow myself to get so close, so emotionally attached to such a beautiful fragile creature such as Bella. Even thing her name makes my frozen heart leap!
I gaze down at her for just a second hiding all emotion from her. All i want to do is take her with me. Maybe if it was just the two of us then she would be safe. No! Stop fooling yourself, you have done it for to long now. You are a monster! time to get that into you thick skull Edward. I am a selfish, cruel monster. This cannot be love. This is NOT love. This is NOT love.
The darkness was creeping over me. No I couldn't break now. I had managed so well. She believed my lie, she truly believed that I didn't want her anymore! I must have been more convincing than I thought because when I said it I could feel my un- beating heart die. I'll never be good enough for her, I'll never be good enough for her.
I wanted to tell her to forgive me, that what I said didn't matter! I wanted to tell her everything I said wasn't true, to tell her that I loved. I needed her warmth, her touch, her love like a dying man needed medicine. She was my medicine, the cure to my disease and I was giving it up. I was allowing myself to go back to being the monster I once was. she cured me she made me whole, she made me feel human. She cured my un-beating heart and if possible made it beat again. For once in my existence I actually felt like I was alive, but soon that would be gone and I would no longer be living, only existing.
Kiss me quick Bella, before it's to late, before my light fade and the night skies steal my freedom. One last kiss that's all I ask. I just need a little help even if only for a second just for the pain to leave me. It's too late for me now, but you can have happiness s just kiss me quick and leave. Never come back to me. Bu please Bella, oh please just know that I am doing this because I love you.
I bend down and let my lips brush her forehead and run. why? Why did I do that? I can feel a tingle of warmth on my lips, I can feel the need to run back and beg her to forgive me. Faster! I must run faster! I must it's the only way her. Once I feel like I am far enough from her I allow myself to stop. The pain washes over me. Why did I do this? My knees buckle under me and I am on the ground. Moisture steeps through my jeans but I don't care. I let her go! No I need her!
I grasp my hair tugging at it. I have never felt pain like this! Why does this hurt so much ? Please God make it stop, I can't do this. I feel like I have given her my heart and stolen it is no longer mine and I don't want it. I am aching to give to back. I don't want it! I don't want it! It hurts too much. Take it, Oh God please just take it. I can't live with it without her. I could run back now and take her into my arm, just to remember happiness and warmth.
No!
This is what's best. I slowly pull myself up and begin to walk forward, moving forward into my life without her. I dare not think her name. I allow myself one last luxury and whisper her name...
" Bella"
It feels like sharp needles plunging into my frozen flesh. But the pain is good, it's the memory of the fact that I a monster, I Edward Cullen once loved, once knew how act human. But not anymore now as I move forward into my existence I am just a soulless ,selfish monster, empty of emotion. I Edward Cullen am empty.