Fullmetal Alchemist: Friendship is Alchemy!
"Discord's Game"
By Violetlight
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, in any of its incarnations. That pleasure belongs to Hiromu Arakawa and Square Enix. My Little Pony is likewise the property of Hasbro. I am borrowing their universes and characters for entertainment purposes only. I also borrowed and parodied some lyrics from a certain Disney song, which again, are not my property.
Author's Note: This one's been sitting on my hard drive for a while! After writing so many serious stories, and reaching a bit of a writer's block in "Wheels Within Wheels" (I have to rewrite a major plot point in the next chapter, since it ended up not lining up with canon), I wanted to write something cute and fluffy for a change, though I may have gone a little overboard. May or may not be "in canon" with my other FMA stories - it doesn't really matter.
Anyway, this story was somewhat inspired by a rather unusual source, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic's season 2 opener, "The Return of Harmony". Basically I reached an epiphany when I realized just how similar the Mane Six Ponies and their Elements of Harmony were, when corrupted by the chimeric Spirit of Chaos, Discord, to another certain group of emotionally-themed beings. Read on, and you'll see how FMA's own version of Discord can put that theory to the test!
Timeline: About three years before the end of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
"Goodbye my friends. Thank you again, for your sacrifice – to save a land that isn't even your own." Hohenheim gave his customary farewell to the souls he planted, like the seeds of a vast, invisible tree, into one of the several counter-points he was creating against Homunculus' Nationwide Transmutation Circle. As he felt the last soul that had volunteered for this point peacefully leave his body, he also felt a question from one of the others within him. Hohenheim smiled slightly. "What is it, William?" he asked, easily recognizing the curious Xerxian child from among the thousands.
There's enough of us planted now, even with three points to go, Mr. Hohenheim. Can't we, like, test our circle somehow? See if it works?
Hohenheim pondered the soul's request for a few minutes. "We won't know for sure until the Promised Day, but perhaps we can try something." The golden-haired alchemist drew a transmutation circle into the ground around him, making sure to step into its centre before connecting the final lines. "Can I ask another favour of you, my friends?"
Anything, Van, he felt the souls within him unanimously agree.
"Then reach out, my friends, to your comrades, trapped within my erstwhile brother, and his seven children."
At first, Homunculus paid no attention to the rhythmic, regular noise that had started permeating his Lair. He ignored it like he was ignoring the slight, irritating vibration in his Philosopher's Stone body – he had long grown used to the souls in his stone having the occasional, hopeless fit, and it was never of any consequence. No, with the Promised day only a few short years away now, he had far more important things to worry about than noise – internal or external. Homunculus tried to get back to the pile of military reports from Wrath, but that noise - he realized with a start that the noise was getting louder, then softer in a regular way, like a Doppler effect? Far more curious with that revelation, he raised his head from his desk.
Only to see a very surprising source for the noise. His second-youngest child, Gluttony, appeared to be running laps around the perimeter of the Lair!
"Gluttony?" A lesser being's jaw would have hung open at such surprising behaviour, but Homunculus was above such things. He managed to keep his surprise to just his tone of voice as he questioned his son.
"Oh, hello Father. I hope I'm not bothering you," Gluttony said politely, as he jogged in place.
"Gluttony, what are you doing?"
"Well, I was just sitting there like you said, staying out of your way, when I was thinking, I've been getting awfully big, Father. Maybe I should get into shape," Gluttony started doing jumping jacks as he "explained".
Homunculus was not sure what surprised him more – Gluttony's "explanation" or the fact he had claimed to be thinking about something. "That's ... um ... good of you, son, but shouldn't you be helping your sister?"
"Oh, it's okay Father. Lust said she didn't need my help. She went out to learn about the magic of friendship!" Gluttony said, switching from jumping jacks to trying to touch his toes.
"She's what? Now I know something strange is going on. Gluttony, hold still." Homunculus grabbed his son by the alchemical node clusters on his wrists – sure enough, he felt that Gluttony's Philosopher Stone was vibrating, at a faster rate than his own was. But was that really the reason why his creation was acting so strangely? Their stones had acted up before, and it was nothing the homunculi could not handle, even a child as ... special as Gluttony.
He had no further time to ponder the issue, as the rather panicked voice of his eldest creation filled the Lair. Father ... there's something wrong with Sloth. He's ... Pride's shadows became visible along the Lair walls, quivering with their master's nervousness.
"Pride," Homunculus felt almost ... relieved that Pride sounded normal, relieved enough, at least, to hardly notice when Gluttony wiggled out of his grasp and started doing squats. "Gluttony has been acting strangely too. Tell me what's wrong," he ordered.
He's um ... well ... listen, Father. One of Pride's shadows formed a shape like a megaphone's bell, directing sound from all the way down Sloth's Tunnel to his father's ear. Homunculus' eyebrows raised at the unusual, happy sound that greeted him.
Dig a tunnel, gotta dig a tunnel
Dig a tunnel, dig a dig a tunnel
Dig a tunnel gotta dig a tunnel
Quick before the Promis-ed Day comes!
"Is he ... singing?" Homunculus shook his head. If even Sloth was affected, as far away from Central as he was ...
The Devil's Nest
"Hey, what's with you two? You're staring like you've seen a ghost," Martel asked. She waved her hand in front of Bido and Roa's faces, as her two fellow chimeras' mouths hung open.
"It's Mister Greed ..." Bido began.
"Yeah, the Boss is acting ..." Roa continued.
"Really weird," Dolcetto whined as he joined the others in the main room of the bar. If the dog chimera had a tail, it would have been between his legs.
Behind the bar, as their crocodile-chimera comrade, Ulchi, seemed stuck between staying out of the way and gasping in surprise, Greed was happily bringing out what seemed to be every bottle of booze in the place, joining the already-considerable number of bottles covering the bar, singing the whole time:
"Ninty-nine bottles of beer on the wall! Ninety-nine bottles of beer! You take one down, pass it around! Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall! Ninety-eight bottles ..."
"Uh, Boss?" Martel interrupted, "are you feeling okay?"
Greed gave a shark-toothed grin, but unlike the usual sarcastic, greedy way in which he smiled, he seemed genuinely happy. "Hey Martel!" He wrapped an arm around her shoulder in a friendly (not lustful!) way. "Have a beer! We've got lots to go 'round!"
Martel slithered out of his grasp. "Yeah, but even when we do, you're usually telling us not to drink the merchandise -"
"'Cause you're 'trying to run a business here'," Roa finished. "What's gotten into you, Boss? It's not like you to be this ... uh ..."
"Generous?" Greed asked.
"Yeah!" All five chimeras simultaneously agreed.
"I mean, you're usually so ..."
"Cheap! You never pay us!"
"And self-centered!"
"Lazy, I mean, you get us to do all the work while you sit on the couch - "
"Not to mention lecherous!"
"Awww, you know me so well!" Greed smiled and grabbed Dolcetto and Roa in a pair or friendly headlocks. "I love you guys! But, don't worry! I'm going to be a nice, generous boss from now on! You'll get a great salary, all the beer you can drink, and ..."
"That smile ..." Martel said as her boss continued to ramble on about things that seemed far too good to be true, while Dolcetto and Roa managed to wiggle out of his grip. "He seems so ... happy ... like he really believes this ..."
"It's freaking me out!" Bido said exactly what his comrades were thinking.
Dolcetto nodded. "Wait! Didn't the Boss once say he had weird-ass siblings, like one that could ..."
"Shapeshift! That must be it!" Martel yelled, jumped behind the bar and tackled a surprised Greed, Dolcetto and Roa soon following.
"Who are you and what have you done with our boss!?"
If the chimera had known just where said shapeshifting sibling of Greed's really was at that moment, they probably would have found it even less believable than their boss' behaviour.
Central Park
"Elicia! Who's the cutest widdle baby in the whole wide world? Who is? You are! Even if mean old Uncle Roy doesn't believe it – we'll show him, won't we?" It was hard to tell who was happier, Maes Hughes, or his baby daughter, as he bent down in front of Elicia's stroller. "You know what Uncle Roy needs? More pictures! Once he sees just how cute you are, he'll just have to smarten up with Auntie Riza, and then they can make you a playmate, can't they sweetie?!" Maes pulled his camera out of his satchel, and started snapping photos, to Elicia's giggling delight. The one year old almost seemed to be posing for her father's camera, shoving her favourite light blue and green-striped ball out of her stroller as she bounced up and down excitedly.
"Whoops, there goes your ballsy-wallsy. Hold on, sweetie. Daddy's gonna get it back." The ball bounced towards a nearby tree. Making sure to keep a constant eye on his daughter, as usual (if anyone tried anything with his baby, they'd end up with a nice little knife in the forehead), Maes went to retrieve the toy, and heard a small squeak of surprise from the other side of the tree.
"Oh no! Oh, don't run away, Mr. Squirrel! I won't eat you ... this time."
The ball had landed next to the foot of a rather jumpy girl, dressed in a frilly pink dress with an angel-like wing pattern on her back. Long, blonde hair fell away from the pink headband she was wearing, with a light blue triangular pattern on her forehead. The unusually pale girl bent down and picked up the ball cautiously.
"Sorry about that," Maes said, as the evidently shy young lady looked away from him. "My little one gets quite excited some time. I'm Maes Hughes. What's your name?" He asked in a friendly manner, trying to put the girl at ease.
She whispered something in her soft voice, Maes couldn't quite make out.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Um ... Envy," she backed away timidly.
"Didn't quite catch that."
"Enveee ...eeek!"
"Emily? Was that it?" The girl paused for a moment, then nodded shyly. "Well, thank you, Emily, for catching Elicia's ball."
"Emily" peeked from behind the tree curiously, and spotted Elicia cooing back at her father. "A...? A baby!" The girl squealed excitedly.
"Yep! That's my little girl! Isn't she the cutest?!" Maes smiled, and started walking back towards his daughter.
Surprisingly, the girl followed him from a few feet behind. "Emily's" violet eyes lit up. "I've never seen a baby like yours before! She's soooooo cute!"
Elicia babbled, equally excited for the attention, then, to Maes' complete and utter shock, squeaked out "hi!"
"Oh my, she talks? I didn't know babies as tiny as her could talk." "Emily" said, obviously thrilled.
"Heh, neither did I." Maes said, a hand behind his head. "That's my little cutie's first word!"
"That's just so incredibly wonderful, I ... I just don't even know what to say!" The girl looked so happy, like she could just float off the ground.
Now, there's the kind of reaction his little Elicia was supposed to evoke! Roy could learn a thing or two from this girl! Maes smiled at the young teenager, gave Elicia back her ball, and moved behind the stroller. "I was just about to get Elicia some ice cream, why don't you come with us?" He felt any suspicions he might have had regarding Emily melt away. Such a sweet girl! Might be the ideal babysitter too!
"Really?"
"Well, yeah. You obviously have good tastes."
"I'd love to! Thank you so much Mr. Hughes!"
"It's Maes, please. And I'll have to introduce you to my wife, Gracia. She'll love you, I just know it!"
"Gluttony! Listen to your Father! Stop this nonsense right now!" Homunculus sighed exasperatedly at his son, who was now attempting to do sit-ups. "You're exercising for no reason, your sister and ... sibling, whatever, have taken off to Truth knows where, Sloth's singing, what else could go wrong!?"
"Good afternoon, Father," as if on cue, Wrath stepped out of the elevator, carrying a pile of papers with him.
"Wrath, what are you doing here? Don't you have the Western Inspection to get ready for? You know I want the Cretan front to remain within the bounds of the Blood Crest." Father said, then noticed the creepily genuine smile on his youngest son's face. "Oh Truth, what now?"
"Well, Father, it's about that, actually, and the Aerugian Front in the south, not to mention Fort Briggs. You see, I'm getting sick and tired to lying to everyone, especially to the people of Amestris. We do need them to make your Philosopher's Stone, after all. So, I've made up the rough drafts for some peace treaties! I wanted to ask you what you thought of them!" Wrath handed his father the pile of papers. "Besides, happy people make for happy souls!"
"What the...? Peace treaties? Wrath, what idiocy is this? You know it makes no difference to the stones whether their souls are happy or not!"
"But Father! I'm the Fürher, and I want to be honest for a change!" Homunculus couldn't believe it! Wrath, his most disciplined, mature son, was whining like a rebellious teenager!
"Because ... agh! I shouldn't have to explain myself to you! Pride, discipline your brother, now!" Homunculus shouted. He expected to see his sadistic eldest creation jump at the chance, but the flickering shadows outlining the Lair stayed where they were. "Pride?!" It is not like Pride to ignore an order, Homunculus thought. What was this new feeling permeating through him? It couldn't be ... worry? "Pride!" No! Not Pride, not reliable, loyal Pride ...!
After a few more agonizing moments, he heard Pride's melodious voice. It was one of the most beautiful sounds Father had ever heard. Oh? Sorry Father. Mother was reading me a wonderful book, about a little girl who rode on a tornado to the most amazing place!
"What are you talking about? Who's 'Mother'?" Homunculus demanded, trying to keep the ... relief out of his voice.
Pride, however, seemed to ignore him. A place full of colour! A yellow brick road to an Emerald City ... you know what, Father? That's what the Lair's missing, colour! To Homunculus' horror, Pride's shadows began to change! The dark, black, wispy shapes became vibrant reds, oranges, greens, yellows, blues, every colour of the rainbow, splashing against the Lair's walls like someone had thrown buckets of paint across them!
"How are you ... what's happening!?" Homunculus yelled, as the throbbing in his Stone got even more intense. "My sons, my daughters ... this isn't how you're supposed to act!" He kneeled down, fighting with all his strength against the rampaging souls, not only in his Philosopher's Stone, but in his children's as well. He reached out desperately along the alchemical ley lines he had built across Amestris, crying out for his children ... he swore, he even felt Greed's presence. Greed ... what had he done to drive his son away? Whatever it was, he was sorry ...
No, no no! This isn't me either! Homunculus gritted his teeth, as realization dawned on him. "Hohenhiem! This is your doing, isn't it?! What have you done to us!? What have you done to my babies!?"
Hohenhiem slowly opened his eyes. He knew the souls' work wouldn't last for long, but the gift they had given the homunculi ... taking away their fear, their anger, their hatred, even for a little while. Giving a chance for the positive emotions in each one of them to escape the tempest in their hearts, even temporarily ... his brother, his nieces and nephews ... it was the least he could do for his family, even though I'm sure The Dwarf won't appreciate it.
"Thank you," he whispered. For the souls to do this for them, to forgive the beings who trapped them for so long ... there was nothing more Hohenhiem could say. They said nothing back; there was no need to.
With a sigh, the Western Sage got up. It was time to move on; he had his own, immediate family to think of, after all. Trisha, Edward, Alphonse ... he needed to finish his work, and hoped they would forgive him.
A short hour or so of inner peace, that was all he could give the homunculi. When they regained "control" of themselves, their uncle heard their thoughts, before they faded back into the background "noise" of alchemy:
No, we're not friends! Go away!
One two! One two! One ... huh? Father, I'm hungry!
Dig a tunnel! Digga digga ... what a bother.
Hey, that's my booze! What the hell are you doing?! ... No you're not getting a raise!
What ...? Peace treaties? When I find out who wrote these, they're meeting the business ends of my swords!
Sommmme wheeeere over the rainbow! Bluebirds ... what? Father? Oh Truth, what happened?!
Wow, this ice cream's good! Wait ... ugh? What am I doing with these humans? Why are they being so nice ...? I'd better go, before they infect me! Yeah, that's right ...
Was it enough? Hohenhiem could only hope.