Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Castle, it all belongs to ABC, etc.
A/N: I wrote this immediately after seeing Knockout but am just now getting around to posting it so it is clearly not Rise compliant. Thanks, as always, to my best friend and beta sithwitch. :)
Shattered
Breathe.
The world had stopped. There was no sound, no movement.
Breathe.
The world had stopped. His world had stopped. In that single instant there was nothing.
Breathe.
The world had stopped. Moving only in fits and starts between each breath. His world had stopped, it only moved when she did.
Breathe.
He barely felt it when he was shouldered out of the way. His whole world was her, nothing else existed. He couldn't hear, couldn't breathe on his own. Each inhalation was a gasp, drawn desperately into his lungs with each slowly faltering breath of hers.
Breathe.
He couldn't hear the screaming, the yelling; a part of him knew it must be happening. He didn't see the frantic movements of the cops around him, canvassing the graveyard, herding the bystanders away. He didn't register the hands that had replaced his on her chest, didn't notice the blood covering his own from where he'd tried desperately to stop it.
His world had stopped and he prayed desperately to anyone listening that it would start again. There was no world without her. He didn't see the family surrounding them, didn't hear the cries for an ambulance, feel the tugging on his arm. His world was her, the blood still seeping from her body, the pale skin of her face, the slowing motion of her chest.
Breathe.
The world suddenly moved. She was moving away from him. He lurched to his feet, jerking away from the hands that tried to help him, to hold him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't live without her. He stumbled after her, moving faster as a part of him realized they were putting her in an ambulance. He had to get to her, if he didn't it would all end. He brushed past the hands trying to stop him, not caring, not hearing. A firm grip on his jacket. He didn't stop, allowing the jacket to slide off as he barreled forward. Grabbing the edge of the door before they could close it, refusing to release it, gasping out a breath as he saw her again, a slow breath.
"Please, don't leave me."
They thought he was talking to them; he didn't care what they thought. They moved, more hands on his arms, pulling him forward. He nearly fell into the ambulance, only the hands keeping him on his feet. He didn't hear the door shut, the paramedics talk. His world was faltering, slowly crashing to a final halt as he watched. He didn't hear the voices, barely noticed the frantic actions as the paramedics struggled to save her.
The world stopped. Her chest stopped, and his entire world crashed to his feet. Dimly he heard the shouts, the high pitched whine of the defibrillator. Through a haze he saw the jolt, allowed himself to be pushed to the side, buffeted helplessly by the circumstances.
Breathe.
He didn't know when he sat down, only realizing he had done so when he needed to stand. He stumbled after her, his only focus on her face, the ever so slow rise and fall of her chest. He stopped abruptly. For a moment he didn't know why. Slowly his gaze tracked to the face of the nurse standing in front of him, hand planted firmly on his chest. The words slowly filtered in to his mind. He wasn't allowed to follow. Surgery. Cardiac surgeon. Best care. He shook his head slowly, "Please, I have to be with her."
"I'm sorry, sir, I can't allow that. Are you her husband?"
"Partner. I have to be with her."
"I'm sorry, sir, you can't, she's going in to surgery."
He moved forward, suddenly angry. "I'm going with her."
The nurse took a stronger stance, his voice sympathetic but firm, "No, you can't. I will tell you how she is as soon as she comes out of surgery."
He ignored the other man, striding past him, vaguely hearing his name called but ignoring it. The nurse grabbed his arm, hauling him backwards. He gasped, "No, I have to be with her! Kate!" His sole focus was on the body disappearing through a pair of swinging doors at the end of the hallway. He moved forward again, feeling himself grabbed by more than one person this time. He struggled wildly, tears beginning to fall, "Kate! Let me go! KATE!"
He made no headway, finally sagging against the arms holding him back. Slowly he felt the grip on him loosen. He heard his name from close by. He looked up heavily, Esposito was standing next to him, a concerned look on his face, "Castle, man, you back with us?"
Castle nodded slightly, "Yeah." His voice was hoarse, for a moment he didn't know why. Vaguely he recalled calling Kate's name, crying. For once he didn't feel inspired to use real life events in a story. At the moment he couldn't comprehend the thought of ever wanting to write again.
"Come on, man, let's go sit down."
Castle followed Esposito across the waiting room slowly. Reaching the line of chairs along one wall he fell into one gracelessly, seating himself between Lanie and Ryan. Esposito took the seat on the other side of Lanie, the four of them sitting in shell-shocked silence. Four gazes studied the floor tiles intently, occasionally flicking glances at the hallway, waiting in silence. It was impossible to comprehend, too much had happened in too short a time. Castle eventually gained enough presence of mind to ask softly, "Alexis and my mother?"
"Home. They'll be up later. They..." Ryan's voice trailed off, choking up slightly.
Lanie finished the sentence, "They understood that this time needed to be for us. Jenny's with them also."
Castle nodded in acceptance, missing their presence and yet grateful. They were right, this was a time for the four of them, no one outside could truly understand. Silence fell once more, heavier this time. There was nothing they could do but wait, and hope, a small family nearly shattered by events.