Palpatine drew his dark cloak around him; it had been a long day of travelling and he was tired. He could feel the cold wind nipping at his jowls, yet this was no ordinary wind for Palpatine was in fact standing in the void between dimensions. The air that stirred bore the channel which would unite him with his opposite: the Agent of Light.
This would not be the first meeting between these two, as the Agent of Light and the Dark One had met many times before. Their meetings were engraved upon the strings of time itself and neither had the power, or the desire, to resist.
Palpatine stared out into the void, concerned. Was it always this time? Where was he? As the dark lord of the Sith tossed himself off with concern, he was interrupted mid-jerk by an impossibly loud cracking sound which filled the void. Light filled the void and played across the cracks in Palpatine's middle-aged face as the fabric of time and space gave way to a six-foot-seven, all beard, all man, ass-fuckin' wizard. It gave way much like a sphincter would to a lump of shit, only this shit was Gandalf the White.
As Gandalf advanced into the void, the gateway between worlds began to close, the sounds of the annual Hobbit Orgy barely discernible. Palpatine too began to move towards the approaching wizard. Light and dark. Yin and yang. All dat shit.
"It's good to see you again, old friend" Gandalf said, sensuously stripping off his outer robe. Palpatine smirked as he saw the centuries-old wizard standing before him wearing a skintight woollen onesie woven from finest dwarf beard. Now the action would truly begin.
"Shall we begin?" said Palpatine, taking of his heavy cloak and revelling in how the chilled air of the vortex caressed his soft, flabby flesh. He could see Gandalf was enticed, he could see the hunger in his eyes and this made him want to slow down. He gradually began to peel off another layer, teasing his lover. Torturing him.
"Enough of these love games!" Gandalf bellowed, slamming his staff into the ground. Palpatine's remaining garments were disintegrated by the resounding blast, revealing the prize that lay beneath. Gandalf could now plainly see the penis he so dearly loved, the rich mahogany crotch cane of the Dark Lord. It was curved downwards much like the handle of an umbrella, and Gandalf could tell he'd polished it recently as each grain of the Dark Wood shimmered just as brightly as the stars surrounding them.
The real treat though was what dangled beneath the impressive cane: a great pair of beautiful bouncing boy-balls. The twin testes each bore a face, the same face, although one hung upside-down. The faces were of Palpatine's eight-year-old future apprentice Anakin Sackwalker. "Well, if it isn't my two favourite balls!" Gandalf exclaimed with a barely-hidden hunger. "We're people and our names are Anakin!" screeched the testy testicles, their ear-piercing child voices in perfect unison.
The sight of the bountiful treasure laid bare before him made Gandalf's crotch cauliflower grow many sizes, now bulging rather prominently from beneath the woollen unitard. A cauliflower of this size would be the pride of any Middle-Earth farmer and could feed a family for weeks, but alas Gandalf had sworn to keep himself pure for his one true love. Palpatine eyed the bulge with a sense of longing. "Might this be a present for me?" he enquired, only to receive an invitingly sly "maybe" from the white wizard. Palpatine was suddenly overtaken by his lust and blasted force lightning at Gandalf, igniting the dwarf hair onesie and leaving behind only the pale, skeletal figure of the ancient wizard. "You know I never could wait for my presents."
Gandalf's nipples puckered in the cool breeze of the void. Like all wizards, Gandalf had one flabby man breast and one firm female breast. Unable to wait any longer, the two shuffled towards each other. The Akakin balls began to whine and bounce in protest as they knew what was coming. "Oh come on now, eat up your vegetables!" Gandalf childed encouragingly, thrusting his cauliflower into their mouths. The Anisack's protests were silenced as their mouths were filled with Gandalf's starchy vegetable. The balls munched away until all of the florets were consumed leaving nothing but a jagged stump erupting from its leafy surroundings.
Now that the boys were full, they felt a pressure as if they were about to explode. "I'll try spinning. That's a good trick. Whoa-ah!" they exclaimed as they began to rotate. The pressure slowly began to relieve as the boys mouths were suddenly filled with a solid white. Each testicle suddenly belched out an enormous sperm each. One giant sperm resembled a young boy, perhaps the ensign of a starship. He looked like his name might be Wesley, or something along those lines. He seemed very eager to please. "Oh boy!" he cried joyfully as he skittered out into the darkness of the vortex to make a life for himself. The other sperm was an abomination of a Gungan. "WESA FREE!" it screamed at the top of its non-existent lungs. "WESA GONNA IMPREGNATE, MESA TINKS!" It sadly did not get the chance to impregnate anything, as it was then immediately crushed by Gandalf's boot. It popped much the same way a water balloon would, only filled with cum instead, which gurgled out.
"Now then," he said, looking back up and wiping his shoe on Palpatine's leg, "I think you boys are in need of some dessert!"
"Wahoo!" yelled the right-side-up Anakin.
"Now this is podracing!" exclaimed the upside-Downs Anakin. Both bobbed excitedly.
At this point Gandalf needed no further encouragement. Palpatine's orgasm-stasis ended just in time to see Gandalf's glorious fellowship of man-titties soaked with lactation. His rather petite moob shot asphalt, while his voluptuous female teat oozed strawberry jelly. The jelly slapped right-side-up Anakin in the faceticle and what little he wasn't able to eat bounced off and jiggled on the floor, an everlasting monument to their unholy love. Upside-Downs Anakin, with a face full of asphalt, pulled an unhappy face. Because of his upside-Downs everyone who looked at him thought he rather enjoyed the steaming asphalt.
Now that the boy balls had been sated, it was time for the return of the cane. A new hope filled Palpatine as he knew that it was his turn to strike back. The once-curved cane was now completely straight, with a slow trickle of soil leaking from its flat tip. The jagged stump of Gandalf's crotch cauliflower split apart and arranged itself into the delicate folds of a starchy mangina. Palpatine was not a gentle lover. He forced his three-foot cane, which was once a table leg, into Gandalf's cruciferous goodness. The white wizard's white vagina developed a number of cracks from the rigorous pumping, perhaps this was revenge of the Sith lord for the earlier teasing? After three gruelling and pleasurable days, Palpatine released his earthy sod deep inside Gandalf's man womb, fertilising him to the very core. Now Gandalf could begin to grow a new cauliflower and soon they would meet again to repeat their sexual ritual.
And with their consummation, the gates of hell were rended open once again.