Conversations: Explanation

Dark crept slowly over the island as the sun dipped behind the waves. Scattered across the beaches where dozens of tiny campfires, keeping the occupants of the neighbouring make shift homes warm. Homes that were slowly become stronger and more permanent by the day.

A lone figure cut a shadow through the firelight as they trailed the beach, making their way slowly to the only other lonely figure on the beach.

The flames flickered an orange glow across her face as she watched them dance before her. She had spent the day alone. Creeping around the jungle collecting fruit kept her mind busy. She tried not the think about the conversation she'd held with Sawyer earlier that day.

As usual, he had spent the day keeping himself to himself. Deciphering the burnt remains of the found manuscript had kept his mind busy for a while. As had a few games of solitaire. But after ten hours of trying not to replay and change the morning's admission, he decided to seek Kate out.

She didn't look at him as he sat down opposite her, the fire burning between them. "I don't suppose you're here to apologise are you?"

He chuckled despite himself, "Think we've been over this before Freckles, I don't do apologies." He resisted the urge to move himself to sitting next to her. He watched her for a moment, the orange light alternate features on her face. "I do curiosity well though. Been eating me up all day, why does it matter to you so much?" her expression remained still. "It's like when we found that silver case. You were so bothered by that case; I just wanted to know why."

Her expression change to anger for a second, before relaxing, "It's nothing like that." That wasn't entirely true. She knew there were definitely some similarities. But it was on a different scale. And she didn't know why.

"Ok maybe not. But one question still remains Sweetheart, why does it bother you?" In for the kill. Straight to the point. No jokes this time. Just honest conversation. No games. This wasn't like him. Was this James?

She still hadn't looked at him. How could she answer that question? She didn't even know the answer. Why was she bothered? Even after a day alone with her thoughts she still didn't know. She bit her lip and glanced up for a moment. He wasn't looking at her either, or at least not anymore. He was focused on the burning embers, his head hung almost in shame. "Do you regret it?" The words spilled out before she had chance to stop them.

The question caught him unaware. He hadn't even thought about it. Sure he'd had one night stands in the past. Some he'd regretted, some he hadn't. But he hadn't really given what had happened with Ana Lucia a second thought.

Around them life for the other castaways carried on as normal. Rose and Bernard sat closely, heating themselves by their fire. Jin and Sun could be heard laughing in their tent not far from Kate's. And Claire could be seen trying desperately a crying Aaron to sleep. Yet time stood still for the pair, silent tension cutting through the space between them.

It was a long time before Sawyer answered. He thought about the question over and over and replayed the incident with Ana in his head repeatedly before finally coming up with an answer. "No." It was a simple answer, not one that could be elaborated on.

She wasn't surprised by his reply, although she was surprised he had replied at all. A joke or snide comment maybe but not the truth. Was she hurt by his answer? Was she jealous? She still didn't know. "How did it happen?" Shut up Kate, stop asking ridiculous questions. You don't want to know the answer, she screamed inside her head.

Damn it Freckles, why are you torturing us both like this? He sighed, how could she ask that? How could he answer that? "Like I said it just happened. One minute we were fighting…" he trailed off; he didn't think he needed to go any further.

"And you don't regret that?" She looked up at him, their eyes locking instantly.

He sighed but never let go of her gaze, "Freckles, it ain't exactly it's the first argument I've had that has ended that way." And he hadn't regretted these past times so why should he now? There was just one difference, "I only regret how you found."

Her eyes narrowed, totally focused on his, "How I found out or that I found out?"

It cut him deep. The tension had reached a new level. True he hadn't wanted Jack to be the one to tell her, but had he even intended for her to find out? He'd played telling her over and over in his head, but each time he couldn't find the words and they ended up having brief conversations about collecting mussels or mangos. Was it his subconscious telling him that she can't find out? "Yeah, ok. I regret you found at all. Ana didn't want anyone to know and that was fine by me. But then she died. And I dunno, maybe I wanted to get one over on Jack. After all he had the strongest connection to her. So I was a smartass. I told him. I never actually thought he would tell you." It was a harsh whisper he spoke in, trying not to draw attention from the surrounding beach dwellers. "Should have expected the hero to going running to his leading lady." He rose from the sand as the anger rose in him. He couldn't understand his anger but he had to get away from her before he said something he'd later regret.

She mimicked his movement, rising to her feet, "What's that suppose to mean?" The meaning was crystal clear but something inside of her couldn't resist asking. Even if it was just to make him stay near her for a little longer. Her voice was raised above the whisper he'd spoke in and she was drawing attention to them now.

He glanced around the camp, as if to warn people that they had no business watching their private interaction. Charlie who had stopped his strumming quickly started playing again. He turned his attention back to her, "Don't really need to explain that do I. And beside, you still never answered my original question. And I asked first."

Silence fell between them once more. But the looks exchanged could speak a thousand words. She couldn't answer why she was bothered. And he didn't need to explain any more. "Well, that's that then." He turned on his heel, finally breaking their gaze. Both dropped their eyes to the ground. Both wondering if they had said all that had been needed to be said. Both wondering what tomorrow would bring.

Kate glanced up, watching Sawyer's disappearing figure cut through the firelight once more. She wanted to yell out that she was sorry. That it was none of her business. That he had every right to be pissed off at her for prying. But something stopped her. Perhaps it was the jealousy that she still denied was eating away at her. With a sorry sigh she slipped into her makeshift home.

After moments of fighting the urge, Sawyer glanced over his shoulder. Part of him wanted to thrown away his "I don't apologies" crap and say sorry. That it really didn't mean anything. And if he could go back in time, despite not regretting it, he wouldn't repeat the event. That he liked that she was bothered. Part of him just wanted to see her one last time, to see the final look on her face. To see if she was as sorry as he was. But she was gone.