Hermione Goes Postal

Disclaimer: We Alaskans respect J.K Rowling's work and so we say, "Thanks for allowing us to play in your world!"

A/N: Review and Enjoy!

Harry Potter glanced at his antique watch. Ron and Hermione were fifteen minutes late, and Harry was supposed to be meeting Ginny later that day. He took a sip from his butterbeer. Just as he was about to give up and leave the Leaky Cauldron, he saw bright red hair in the doorway. No doubt, a Weasley had arrived.

Ron hadn't changed much in his two years since exiting Hogwarts. If anything, he was just cleaner. His robes were new and his hair looked recently cut.

Holding his hand was Hermione Granger. Her years after school had also been good to her. Her hair was loose and looked somewhat less bushy than Harry remembered it. As the pair recognized Harry, they waved and slid into the booth with him.

"Hi, Harry!" said Hermione excitedly. "Sorry we're late. I've just had the most wonderful news!" She looked thrilled.

"Oh- you have? What is it, then?" To Harry's surprise, it was Ron who asked the question. Apparently, she hadn't even gotten around to telling her fiancé the good news.

"Alright, well, I've just heard back about a job offer." Hermione's smile grew, if possible, even larger.

"You've gotten a job?" Harry couldn't help but sound surprised. Ever since Harry had defeated Voldemort, Hermione had delayed on choosing a new job. Since she was so brilliant, she'd had many offers, but she always turned them down. Ron's earnings as a junior Auror were all the pair had in terms of finances.

"Yes, I have. Ever since I was a little girl, I've had one dream. I think I would even say that it is- well, it's my destiny." Ron's eyes widened at this, but he said nothing and waited for her to go on.

"The job is in America, in a state called New Jersey." Hermione looked over at Ron. "That's the part I was scared to tell you about." Ron had slopped butterbeer down his front at the word "America."

"Hermione, what could you need to do there?" Ron practically shouted. "Are there even wizards in… in New Jersey?"

Hermione's eyes shone. "None!"

"Then why should you go there? Why should I go there? Why haven't you told me about any of this?!"

Hermione looked at him. "This is something I've got to do on my own. I knew you wouldn't be supportive, that's why I wanted Harry here. I'm just going to spit it out. I've taken a job at the Post Office in New Jersey."

The table was silent. Hermione beamed around at her best friends.

Finally, Harry cleared his throat and spoke. "So, will you be doing some sort of secret magical work there?"

"No, I'll be selling stamps, moving packages, that sort of thing."

"But… what about magic?"

"Yes, I've given that a lot of thought. I think I'll stop using magic."

For the second time, the table was silent. The silence dragged on and on. Harry wanted to end the uncomfortable silence, but didn't know how. Perhaps this was some sort of twisted, elaborate joke… he could only hope.

"Ha! Ha! Good one, Hermione. You got us." Harry's voice, even through his laughter, sounded desperate.

"I'm obviously not joking, Harry. A job at the post office will be infinitely more fulfilling than using magic. It's what I've always wanted!" Hermione took out a worn old book labeled, "Hermy's Jurnal." She flipped open to an entry. "This is from my diary. I kept it ever since I was four years old." She read aloud, "February 3. Today we got five letters in the mail. I want to give people letters when I grow up. Mum and Dad think I have magic powers but I don't care about them. All I think about all day is packages and stamps."

Harry and Ron said nothing, then Ron spoke, "Hermione, kids are always obsessed with weird things when they're young. You're confused."

Hermione ignored them and flipped through the journal to a later entry. "This one's from when I was 12- my second year at Hogwarts. 'Harry and Ron are very concerned with some sort of creature making noises in the pipes. At first, Ron and I assumed that Harry was just acting crazy again, but there's probably more to it than that. I told Harry that I'll go to the library and do research for them. Silly boys- they really think that that's what I'm doing with all my time! Most days, I read about magical letter delivery. Unfortunately, the Hogwarts library doesn't carry many books on the Post Office. It's all I think about, Journal! Letters, stamps, packages, waiting in line… all a part of the beautiful post office experience. Oh, listen to me! I'm even crazier than Harry. And that's pretty crazy.'" Hermione looked up again. She seemed oblivious to all the insulting remarks about Harry in her journal.

"Yeah, you are even crazier than me, Hermione," agreed Harry. "Have you maybe eaten something strange today? Ron, did you give her a potion? Maybe you didn't make it properly."

"Hey! What are you saying about my potions skills, mate?" asked Ron. He then turned to Hermione, saying, "Hermione, how the hell are we supposed to stay together if you want to abandon magic and work in a post office in New Jersey? Have you thought about that?"

"Oh yes, I've figured it out."

"Well, what's your plan, then?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

Harry cringed. He felt that familiar feeling that he sometimes got around Hermione and Ron- the one where he was intruding on something private. "I think I should be going—" Harry started to say, but he was interrupted by Hermione.

"No, Harry, I want you here. Please." Hermione reassured him, and he sat back down.

"Hermione, what are you saying?! We've had a great relationship! I love you, and you love me- don't you?" Ron looked so confused, so angry.

"Well, sort of. Your hair is rather red… Hey, Harry, are you still together with Ginny?"

"What!? Yes, yes I am," replied Harry, startled.

"Want to break up with her? I think we'd make a cuter couple. Besides, maybe they're hiring at the local supermarket." Hermione reached out and stroked Harry's cheek. Harry jumped back and looked at Hermione, bewildered.

"Hermione, thrilling as that life sounds, I'm in love with Ginny. You know that. You're making a huge mistake right now, let me tell you that."

"I still think she's had loopy pills today." Ron looked as if he'd decided that this was all a bad dream.

"I can finally say goodbye to magic, your stupid hair, and my silly wand." Hermione pulled it out of her pocket, snapped it in half, and smiled. Ron and Harry gaped. "My dreams are coming true!"

A/N: Obviously, this story is COMPLETELY serious. We feel that this is what Hermione's true destiny is. It's not like we're joking, or anything. Just like our other reviewers, please make sure to take this story ENTIRELY SERIOUSLY.

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