ALL NUMBERS IN PARENTHESIS WERE INTENDED AS FOOT NOTES!!
VIVA LA FANFICTION!

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Dedicated to Edward L. Doheny (wikipedia it)

Word of the Day: Provocative(1)

Sean, The Young Pimpling(2), leaned over the side of the putrefying dinosaur jaw and thrust his hand on his hip provocatively as he whined, "Guyyyysss!! The MAGMA'S rising!!"

Ignoring Sean completely, the Severely Deformed Professor(3) tried to light the magnesium stone, his box- like features casting eerie shadows across the cavern. The Whore(4), also ignoring Sean's shrill cry for help, leaned over the rock and stared at Trevor's butt, her cherubic jaw going into a rhythmic spasm. She couldn't resist giving him a mischievous slap on the bottom as well.

"Go get 'em tiger." She whispered sprightly in his ear.

He turned around at a snail's pace only to see Sean furrowing his brow. Is my nephew coming on to me?? Thought Trevor in horror. Yeah, there's no other explanation, it couldn't have been anyone else…But it didn't bother him, even in the least. He rather likedhis nephew, anyway.

Trevor's tight turquoise Spandex biking shorts, designed for such square-bodied men as him, threatened to tear as he leaned awkwardly over the magnesium rock. "SEAN! Hold onto my legs!" he bellowed, as his box-shaped vocal chords quivered.

Hannah calmly shouted, "No, I've got you!"

Damn. Trevor thought, in a spur of the moment British accent. I don't want that whore so close to my abnormally square graham cracker like features!

Suspense hung in the air as Trevor hurled the last BURLY(5) flare at the magnesium-coated wall (ACTIVATE SLOW MOTION BUTTON). He missed by a good 30 feet.

Sean could no longer take it and assumed a homosexual "teapot" pose(6).

He began a sarcastic rant:

"WELL WELL WELL. LOOK who blew our last chance at escaping INCINERATION by pure MAGMA. The REEEEETARD scientist. You know, I WANTED to stay HOME and watch adult MOOOVIES, but NOOOOO. Mr. SPANDEX here had to burrow down to the CENTER of the EARTH, and DRAAG us along. OOOOOH, exciting. I (promisingly points to self) said the MAGMA was rising, but NOOObody listens to the PIMPLING. You just HAADDD to go and LIGHT the magNESIUM. OOOH, like THAT will save us, Mr. So-called SCIENTIST. And YOU. (points to Hannah) Hannah the Mountain GUIDDEE?? I should think NOT. More like Hannah the Mountain WHOREEE!! I'VE been STUCK down here for THREEE DAYYS!! Do you KNOW how many adult MOVVIEES I could've watched by now?? Well great, GREAT. Now we're ALLL gonna INCINERATE in this FUCKING hell hole!! THANKS A LOT, PALLY-Os—

But before he was near finished with his rant, the magma rose over their heads, causing their eyebrows to singe as the molten lava seeped into every open crevice of their floundering bodies. It was much more excruciating for the boxly man, for there was 3 times as much of him as there was of Hannah the Whore and that Homo (Sean). Their flesh crackled and shriveled as they breathed in hot magma. The corpses would not ever be discovered.

A cell phone rang in the distance. It was the misunderstood Homo's mom. Nobody answered, as nobody ever W.O.O.D.

Nob(7)

- - - - - - - -
FOOT NOTES! TA FRICKEN DA!!
If you didn't read them from the get go this entire story was completely WHACK! And you may not know the identities of any of the characters. :)

1 Challenging, provoking.
2 Baby pimp; one who has not graduated from Pimp School.
3 Uncle Trevor
4 Whore-like Icelandic female. Sometimes confused with the blond from Spider Man.
5 To be pronounced in deep throaty man voice.
6 Pose commonly assumed by gay men; similar to the "I'm A Little Teapot" gestures.
7 The End