A/N: Rating for language and Tony being ridiculous. I'm sure this has been done before, but I just needed to get it out. XD
Cheater! (aka Tony Stark Sincerely Loathes Apple Inc.)
"Oh my god. Steve. What. The hell. Is that?"
Steve's concentration was abruptly broken and he looked up to see Tony standing frozen a few feet away, staring at him with a mixed look of horror, confusion, and hurt. The super soldier was startled at first by the look on the other man's face and then sent into a fit of confusion as he glanced at the device in his hands. Ignoring the fact that the screen was obnoxiously proclaiming that the distraction had made him loose his game horribly, he looked back at Tony, almost worried that he'd done something wrong.
"It's an... iPhone?" he almost asked. "I would have thought you knew that. It's all... technological-y, like the things you like."
Steve held the device out towards Tony, who instantly flinched away like it was going to burn him, hissing. The noise would have been hilarious if it wasn't so surprising. Steve couldn't even think to pick one of the million questions flying around in his head to start with.
"Keep that... that thing away from me!" Tony spat, throwing his arms in the air and retreating behind a chair, glaring at Steve from his post. "You cheater! How dare you wave that unforgivable device in my face! Why are you doing this to me, Steve? I thought you loved me!"
Tony pouted at him from where he was sticking his head up above the chair's armrest, looking genuinely distressed. Steve stood from where he had been curled up on the side of the couch, trying to keep the look of amusement off his face.
"Tony, I really don't understand what you're talking about," Steve snorted. That was an understatement. "I thought you'd be pleased that I was trying to understand modern technology.. And of course I love you, idiot."
"If you really did, you wouldn't bring that hideous demonic device anywhere near the premises of Stark Tower!" the genius growled. "Who gave that to you? It was Clint, wasn't it? Damn him!"
Tony jumped up and waved a fist at the air, shouting "I know you're watching this! Fuck you to hell and back, Barton!"
"Tony," Steve scolded, disapproving of his use of language as he always did. He started walking towards him, the phone still in his hand. His boyfriend took one look at it and skittered away again, towards the kitchen, holding his hands out in front of him as if he could force it to disappear with his mind.
"Don't you dare come near me with that thing, Steve Rogers!" He shouted.
"Tony, I don't see what the big deal is. I thought it was nice of Clint to help me learn how to use-"
"AHA! So it was him! I knew it!" Tony smirked triumphantly. It was replaced by a hateful look as Steve approached him again and he rushed to duck behind the island, grabbing a wooden spoon as he did.
"You're not making any sense, Tony, I hope you know that," Steve sighed, leaning his elbows against the opposite end of the island from his boyfriend. Tony was wielding the spoon at him in what was surely supposed to be a threatening manner, but was actually just plain adorable.
"Steve Rogers, if you don't throw that damned device out the window this very instant, so help me I swear I will dump your admittedly sexy ass like garbage, you cheating bastard!" he swore.
Steve merely rolled his eyes and set the iPhone on the counter, moving around it to Tony, who gave him a few light strikes with his spoon-sword on his arm and chest. The soldier effortlessly grabbed the wrist attached to Tony's spoon hand with one hand, using the other to trap him against the counter. With a soft smile against his boyfriend's hard glare, he ducked in to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
"You're adorable..."
"Don't you call me adorable while you've been fraternizing with that piece of junk for the last two hours!" Tony protested, trying to wriggle his wrist free to no avail.
"And ridiculous," Steve added, with another quick kiss. He could see his lover's resolve fracturing. "Now, would you mind explaining to me what this nonsense is about cheating?"
Begrudgingly, Tony explained, "You were using an iPhone, Steve. AppleInc.- that is, the manufacturer of that piece of shit- is a company full of cocky bastards who like to pretend that their merchandise can actually compare to StarkIndustries'. The StarkPhone V6 has just the same capabilities as any of their shitty iPhones and much more, mind you! Not to mention, I'm already in the process of working out the V7 model, I've just got a few more ideas I want to try..."
Tony started off grumbling quietly to himself, throwing in as many profanities as possible about his competition. It took a third kiss for Steve to grab his attention back, this one slightly more drawn out.
"Then tell me what it would take for you to stop accusing me of cheating and earn me the approval that I so desperately want from you..." he requested upon pulling away.
A mischievous glint lit up Tony's eyes at his words and he relaxed a bit, setting his spoon-sword down on the counter behind him as a movement towards peace.
"I like the sound of that." he grinned, meeting Steve's eyes with gorgeous brown ones. Still, he snuck a wary glance back at the phone on the opposite side of the island before continuing. "But... I was completely serious about throwing that thing out the window. And after that, I'll issue you a brand new StarkPhone... No, better, a V7 prototype. You can help me test it... And I'll teach you all the tricks to using that. Trust me, it's a lot more fun that anything Apple could even imagine and a fuckload more user-friendly."
Steve smiled and released Tony from his place against the counter. Holding his hand out for the shorter man to shake.
"Alright, Mr. Stark... I accept your proposition," he agreed with an almost teasing tone. Tony smiled and went for a hug instead, completely ignoring Steve's hand.
"Good, you damn well should. I love you again."
He was rewarded a smack to the head accompanied by another kiss for his troubles.
Imagine Phil Coulson's surprise when he came to Stark Tower for a friendly call on the Avengers and was startled by what appeared to be a phone shattering to pieces a foot from where he was standing outside the door.