"-Happy birthday dear Regulus ! How are you ?" says Aunt Andromeda as she sits next to my Uncle Aphard.
-Already fourteen! The time pass so quickly...
-Ah look, that's funny, you're getting older each year but you don't grow that much, you're still the same brat." jokes Bella while she is patting my head.
-So Regulus what about unwrapping your gifts ?
-Wait a minute Uncle, he doesn't even blow his candles !"
The light of the candles enlighten my face but not my mood. Today is my birthday and I would definitely not going to smile. Indeed, this lonely and lousy feeling won't go this easily, stuck inside the deepest coat of my core, in my flesh, in my bones, and fills my heavy heart.
I don't know what is wrong with me... After all, I have all that I want, Haven't I ? A caring and loving family, friends, a bunch of useless and expensive presents, a big party in my honor. Happiness is everywhere.
So... Why do I feel like this ? Why do I feel like I'm on the verge of crying ? Why do I feel like I would break down anytime soon ?
Perhaps it is not the best moment to think about that, just in front of everyone singing " Happy Birthday!" whereas I am in the middle, just next to the stack of colorful boxes and the two layers vanilla and chocolate with sweet frosting cake. Never mind , it's eventually beyond the veil of my overwhelming melancholy that I figured out why I am such this mess in that joyful moment.
It is because the person that I love the most in my entire life isn't there.
No he isn't here. Even if I wish it, he wouldn't appear just in front of me, holding that smirk he always had, doing some pranks with me like we used to do back when we were kids. Innocent , pure , clueless about the world that surrounded us, when we couldn't ever and even picture that we could one day be separated, or that a fight couldn't be solve with a smile or a simple and genuine " Sorry".
No, that surely won't happen even in my sweetest dreams.
Because well... Even if it is a dream , it couldn't be that irrational and even with some crazy imagination, I wouldn't make up any ideas that impossible and striking.
Furthermore... Sirius. He hates us, no it's a euphemism, he loathes us, with everything he has. We are only two years apart but I feel like we're separated by billions light's year. In our behavior in our choices, in our actions, in our ideals. We are so different. And this huge gap between us, it won't cease to grow, and I hope that I can bridge it before the gulf becomes an abyss.
Also ,our relationship , it doesn't stop getting worse every single second that this world gives to us. And I'm not sure if one day... if one day, he would speak to me again , and not yelling and arguing at me, every time I see him in the corridor.
Nevertheless, that bond that we have, this link, I wonder if it would disappear someday. Like vanishing totally. Sirius and me, we're connected isn't it ? Not just by blood , I mean, but also with the stars that are hold in our names, with the title of our family; because even if he doesn't want to recognize it, he looks like a true Black. The way he carries his head high and haughty, this unique silver's shade in his iris, the pale and fair complexion, his silky black hair and his casual elegant manners.
Moreover, when I think about it, our family's connection is with him all the time because even if he denies it. Family is in all his actions, and even if he does the exact opposite of us, we are with him. He gets to know like me that we don't choose our family, and we don't just remove all the memories and all that we share in a row just because we want it. It's a little bit more complicated than that. Blood is like chains, like silk chains that linked us but also tied you down. Unfortunately, Sirius is enchained with some people like us, and to quote Sirius, ''some foolish Pureblood's fellows blinded and deafen by their own stupid mania''
I don't know what to think about this. I don't think we're wrong all the way trough but I don't think that we're right either, and he neither.
Sometimes, when I have enough courage to remember this night. The night when Sirius runaway. I wonder what if... What if I choose Siri over my Parents. The Lion over the Snake. The bravery over the slyness.
I... I don't know what would it happened. Would I be happier ? Or would I be even more depressed, insecure ?
So many gazes are directed toward me now. I can see every hope, every emotion in their eyes.
I am the perfect son. The Slytherin who dislike Muggles, hate Mudblood and despised Half-blood. I am the son of Walburga and Orion from the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. And that , that wouldn't change at all.
Indeed, Regulus Black, the promising Hogwarts student who is name from the brightest star in the entire Leo constellation is just a cowardly lonely teenager.
" Don't forget to make a wish!" claim Mother as they finished singing and clapping to themselves. I take a deep breath, one that filled my whole lungs and blow the little sparks which were dancing on the top of the fourteen wax's candles while I quietly whisper:
" I wish Sirius was here."