Undisciplined Hearts
By Laura Schiller
Based on: David Copperfield
Copyright: Charles Dickens' estate
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1. Deja Vu (David/Dora)
He does not mean to be unreasonable, but having no food in the house, his best shirt scorched by a too-hot iron, Jip's paw prints on his manuscript, and his wife complaining as if everything were his fault, exasperates him to no end.
"For God's sake, Dora, don't be such a fool!"
She looks up with eyes like drowned forget-me-nots, her soft curls coming loose. Be firm, Clara, a voice echoes from the darkest corners of his childhood.
"I didn't mean that." He kneels by her chair, his own tears falling into her lap.
"Darling, please forgive me!"
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2. Confidential (Agnes/Dora)
"What do you mean, you've never been kissed?" Dora exclaims, her eyes round as a doll's. "Not even once?"
"Never."
"But you are so pretty, dear Agnes. You must have had dozens of beaux by now!"
"Heaven forbid! One is already too many," thinking of Uriah with a laugh and a grimace. "I would not know what to do."
With no warning, Dora's tiny hands are on her shoulders and Dora's lips are brushing hers. She tastes like strawberries.
"There, it's easy. To think I know something Agnes doesn't know! Oh, by the by … "
"Yes?"
"We don't need to tell Doady, do we?"
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3. Ever Yours (Agnes/Uriah)
He's been feigning humility for as long as he can remember, first in fear, later in ambition, but he never feels humble – except, sometimes, with her.
He dreams of ripping the crucifix off from around her neck, pinning her down, watching that maddening calm of hers freeze into fear, blaze into passion. He dreams of sleeping in her arms, like the innocent boy he was never allowed to be.
But in the waking world, his humility leaves him speechless – or worse, conventional, scattering phrases like withered leaves for her to walk on.
"Miss Agnes, ever yours."
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4. The Dearest Boy In The World (Traddles/Sophy)
It's a thankless task, holding a family together. On some days, waking up to the prospect of rubbing Sarah's back, curling Caroline's hair three times over, putting Mama's shawl on and off every five minutes and being accused of selfishness if she so much as sits down, Sophy feels like pulling the blankets over her head and never getting up.
But it's Sunday, and Tom is coming. To see his unruly hair and sunny smile, to hold his arm as they furnish their imaginary home, is all she needs to make her life worth living.
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5. Denial (Murdstone/Clara)
"You were a tyrant to that poor baby, and you broke her heart."
It's a wicked lie, and he knows it – yet Miss Trotwood's keep him staring at the ceiling long past bedtime.
Clara's ghost haunts him in every corner of the house, sobbing, pleading, whispering apologies. If she had only been firm enough, if she had learned from him, if she hadn't loved the damned boy more than she loved his son –
But if his conscience is clear, why do her tear-bright eyes still seem to follow his every move?
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6. Awkward (Annie/Dr. Strong)
It was rather disconcerting to be told – by her mother, no less – that this venerable friend of her father's wished to marry her. Left alone, Annie could not help feeling her twenty-one years as if they were no more than ten.
The next time he visited, however, and they read together as usual, she realized she was … comfortable. Chaucer was still funny, Shakespeare brilliant, and Dr. Strong as inspiring company as ever. Nothing had changed.
Then he caught her eye over Sonnet 18, and she blushed.
Correction - everythinghad changed.
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7. Never Desert Him (Emma/Wilkins)
Anyone familiar with the family knows that Mrs. Micawber never will desert her husband. When asked why she must repeat this with such emphasis, however, she will refuse to answer, because the truth would make no sense to any outsider.
She needs to be embraced, wept over, reminded with passionate eloquence that their love is worth the risk. To remind herself – rejected by her relatives, on the edge of ruin, living on the hope of something turning up – that she hasn't made a terrible mistake.
She needs to believe she never would desert him …
… even if she could.
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8. Magnets (David/Uriah)
What is it, besides hate, that makes Uriah stand frozen in the snow, holding Copperfield's wrist, Copperfield's mark still burning on his face? What is it, besides hate, that prevents him from letting go?
Recognition, perhaps. They are two magnets, in spite of Copperfield's denial, most alike where they are most repulsed. Reverse the poles, and they draw each other like a compass to the North.
"And yet I always liked you, Copperfield."
Whether that is true, a lie or something in between, neither can tell.
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9. No Better Woman Anywhere (Peggotty/Barkis)
There are many worse reasons to choose a wife, according to him, than her baking. Those pastries are the finest thing he's ever tasted, and he's as free with admiration for her as he is close with his money.
There is no better reason than the way she says goodbye to Master Davy: with a button-bursting hug, a purse of coins, and a bag of those pastries, love and common sense in equal proportions. The child's own mother couldn't do better.
Thirteen happy years later, he stands by his choice.
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10. Shards (Emily/Steerforth)
This is not how she imagined being a lady.
Without her uncle and cousin to share them with, her fine clothes and money are worthless. James will never marry her, she knows that now; she sees it in his smile, hollow as the shells she once played with. He whirls her around the hotel ballroom like a well-dressed china doll, and she smiles that hollow smile right back at him. Her soul for a smile: what a bargain he has made.
When he throws his doll away, she comes to life in tears and broken china, and is thankful. Better to feel pain than nothing at all.
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11. Think Of Me At My Best (David/Steerforth)
If Steerforth had ever known Betsey Trotwood, he would have agreed with her on one point at least: that by rights, his younger friend should have been born a girl. With that unique blend of sweetness, vulnerability and strength, the imaginary Miss Copperfield would have been a conquest well worth making. Perhaps even worth keeping, if Steerforth were that sort of man … which, needless to say, he is not.
Even as a boy, David's lips are strangely kissable – but if there is one temptation in Steerforth's life not worth giving in to, this is it.
He has destroyed everyone he loves so far. Let his Daisy be an exception.
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12. Angel of Mine (David/Agnes)
"Really, Trotwood!" She blushes and shakes her head over the last lines of his memoir. "Must you make me out to be completely flawless? No reader will believe this."
"Should I write the truth instead? How you monopolize the bedclothes, wake me up at unholy hours, your obsession with cleanliness – "
"I am not obsessed!"
He smiles at her mock-indignation, making her laugh.
"You may not be an angel, my love, but you are my angel," he tells her, drawing her close. "And that's good enough for me."