A Twisted Storm in the Face of Life
Chapter 1: the Sorrow
I ran. I don't know how far, or how long for all it mattered—I just needed to get out. To break free from the earthly bond I was chained in. To set myself apart from the world—yet so many memories flooded my mind before I had the chance to barricade myself from their painful means...
"Daddy?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Why won't mommy come home?"
"Well, sweetheart, mommy just needs to spend a little more time with God, she's very busy..."
Why was this happening to me?!
My life was crumbling to ruins, right before my denying eyes, yet I was too defiant to accept the truth—this was the end.
For years on end, my widowed father hid the secret from me that my mother was no longer alive, that she had past of a treacherous form of breast cancer shortly after I had turned one. When I was eleven, I finally realized that she wasn't coming home ever again...
"Daddy?"
"Yes, angel?"
"Where is mom?"
"She's still visiting with God, honey, don't worry..."
"Will she ever come back?"
"..."
"Daddy, tell me! Will she ever come back?!"
"...no..."
I had cried myself to sleep every night after that—it was too much for me to bear, after all those years of anxious anticipation, just waiting for my long lost mom to come home... Little had I known my dreams would never come true, that they would slowly turn to nightmares that would haunt me into eternal insecurity. And then...
"Bella, we need to tell you something..."
"Yes? What is it?"
"Bella, you're father was working this morning, on the top floor..."
"What happened, did he get in a fight with Randy, is he alright?"
"Bella, listen to me—he was in the building where the fire started. He was on the top floor."
"What are you saying?"
"Your father won't be coming home. We're terribly sorry, we tried to get him out in time it was too late..."
"No! You're wrong, that's impossible, he couldn't be gone! He'll be home tonight, you'll see! He'll get home! I'll cook dinner for us, and then he'll settle down to read his book, or maybe watch TV! Then we'll go to bed, and in the middle of the night, when I start screaming, he'll come in like he always does, and he'll tell me everything's alright, and that mom's watching us in heaven, and..."
A single tear collected on my cheek—then I ran.
NO! I would not allow myself to drown in my pain, and I tried to keep my head up—but my emotions got the better of me. And I curled up into a ball, with my arms hugging my legs to my chest. With that, I buried my head and wept.
"Are you alright?"