Disclaimer: Don't own the characters that belong to Ms. Rowling. I do own this particular arrangement of words and punctuation, but hey who gives a damn.

Author's Note: I'm rusty; I haven't written fiction in a long while. So constructive criticism is nice, though not many people review this I know. So cheers and on with the fic.

Spoilers: All the way up to Order of the Phoenix, to be safe.

Title: Breakfast Musings

I walk alone.

I think that's from a song by some muggle band. Really I'm not sure but hell it seems to fit me. I'm alone when I'm in a crowd, distinguished by circumstances beyond my control. I have spent my whole life this way. Even all those long years ago when I was dragged into this brave new world, when I thought finally I had found a place. Actually I'm further from feeling whole then I was in my youth. Hell, I long for those days I'd take an obese bully cousin, bitchy Aunt, and bastard of an Uncle over a mad-man born again of my blood any day.

Still I trod along day by day, a fake smile plastered so firmly on my face that when it actually breaks every once and a while, my followers shrink back in shock. Yes, my followers. Sometimes when I'm feeling optimistic, I think they actually care about me. Then reality hits and I realize that I'm simply a way to distinguish a girl with slightly above average intelligence and a boy with too many brothers. Still it is better to be lonely with company then to be lonely by yourself. Right?

To be frank, I don't quite know anymore. I don't quite feel anymore, well anything other than hollow. Empty, a shell. Sometimes I can't wait for that prophecy to come about; I'd readily relinquish my hold on this mortal coil. To be or not to be, is definitely not a question I ask myself.

So here I am sitting at the illustrious Gryffindor table. Chewing my food with deliberation, in comparison to my male friend who seems to fear a wild band of thieves will burst in at any moment to steal his plate. Hmmmm. That might make me actually laugh for real, not the laugh that comes out of necessity. A laugh created to avoid awkward questions.

So here I sit as I sit every morning, at a later time on the weekends, of course. I sit here and draw my energy and waning will together in order to face yet another day of drudgery.

Though of late, I have noticed a small change, a pair of eyes on me. This of course isn't a departure from the norm; everyone loves to look at the great and wonderful me. I must admit these eyes feel different, less judging. Okay somehow.

I think I know the identity of the owner of those eyes. There is only one person in this school who did have any preconceived notions about me, which is surprising considering his history. Surely his father would have ground a hatred of me into him before he came to school. Strangely I don't think his father actually beat this into him until a later date, after my many "successes". Success, ha, I don't actually view my life as a success. I shrink away from those who watch me with adoration, especially a particularly vertically challenged photographer.

I'm being watched and for once I have taken comfort in the weight of his gaze. It feels right, inexplicably so, but I've stopped trying to figure my life out. I just keep going through the motions. Still it is nice to have found comfort in something, even as small as this.

I look up from my morning meal and meet a steely grey gaze. I return the intense stare with a small smile. To my shock the smile is returned, but then the bell rings and our moment is broken. For once, I rise from the breakfast table without feeling the weighted down. Not even the imminence of potions class can break this well-spring of hope. Strange I thought Pandora's redemption had abandoned me, it seems it isn't so. I laugh at a comment from my red-haired companion and leave the Great Hall.

Maybe I can handle being the Boy-Who-Lived after all, at least for today.

fin

I said I was rusty. But let me know what you thought anyway. By the way this was meant to be stream of consciousness so sentence fragments were probably intentional.