Disclaimer: Birds Of Prey, it's characters, locations, etc. are copyright DC Comics, Time Warner, and the WB Network. Other DC properties, particularly from the Batman mythos, are mentioned as well, and are also owned by DC Comics and Time Warner. No infringement for profit is intended. This is strictly for fun.
Note: Spoilers for episode 1, Pilot, and various comic book adventures including the original comic version of the Batman story, A Death In The Family. The title is a nod to the last Silver Age Superman story, Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow? by Alan Moore, Curt Swan and George Perez, originally published in Superman #423. (Long before the 2009 Batman story.) Repost:11 November 2016 (originally posted April, 2003)
Barbara wheeled around so fast, she seemed a blur.
"Alright, Alfred! Enough! What do you know?"
"Well, that depends..."
Barbara worked to suppress a grin that always appeared when Alfred was being stoic, especially around Helena.
"Depends on?" she asked.
"On what we're speaking of..."
"You know damned well what I said. And I heard you mutter in that insufferable way you have." Barbara's smile died quickly. "Tell me what you know!"
Alfred closed his eyes and sighed. He knew it was only a matter of time before this brilliant young woman, the daughter he never had, would figure something out.
"I gave my word..."
"To who? Bruce?" At Alfred's silent nod, Barbara went on, "What did you promise? Where is he?"
"I notice you didn't ask if he was still alive," the old gentleman replied evasively.
"No. No, I didn't. I have figured that much out."
"May I ask how?"
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Barbara let out a sigh. "Tit for tat? Alright, I can play too. Here's my tidbit. He didn't cover his financial tracks well."
"Oh. I had thought after that nasty business with that Al-Ghul chap, he would've learned his lesson. He did manage to cover up those clues quickly enough."
"Alfred, I don't care about R'as Al-Ghul, Two-Face, the Riddler, Bane, or any of the rest of his Rogue's Gallery. Where is he?" There was an edge in Barbara's voice that mirrored the frustration in her soul.
"Mistress Barbara, I gave my word that I would not reveal that information. Please, there are good reasons."
"Good reasons? For abandoning the city he pledged his life to? For leaving us to try and keep order in this cesspool?" Barbara turned her chair away, hiding the tears that threatened to spill, "Do you know what it did to my father when he disappeared?"
"Ma'am..."
"My father tried. He really tried to keep things going but... With me in a hospital bed, he was torn. He had to choose between his family and his career. He knew, without Bruce's help, he couldn't do both. Even Nightwing's return from Bludhaven wasn't enough. The strain was just too much.
"Fortunately the stroke was minor and he's doing much better. Thank God for Sarah and those therapists I found."
Taking a deep breath, Barbara turned around again, "But it didn't have to come to that. If Bruce hadn't turned tail and run after the Joker's last spree..."
Alfred whispered, "Forgive me, Master Bruce." Alfred straightened and look directly into Barbara's eyes. "This is not to go further. Do you understand?"
Barbara nodded, amazed, almost frightened, by the steel in the old man.
"As you know, the Joker wasn't killed in the fire down in the warehouse district. He escaped. Master Bruce, finally accepting the fact that there was only one solution to that maniac, followed.
"He knew that he could be away for some time so he requested Master Dick return from Bludhaven, at least temporarily. Once he knew that Gotham would be in safe hands, he left.
"To be frank, Barbara, I don't even know if he was aware of your injuries at that point. I don't believe he became aware of the extent of the Joker's mad rampage until much later."
Barbara noted the rare use of her name without any honorific. It always touched her when Alfred let his proper British gentleman's gentleman facade slip. "So he figured Dick and I, and whoever else was around, could handle things for him?"
Alfred nodded, "Yes. But I believe his..." Alfred paused, "Excuse me, but this is difficult. While he and I had our differences, I never spoke badly about Master Bruce behind his back.
"I believe his mania, for lack of a better word, to avenge Mistress Selina overcame his judgment. He didn't bother to find out how things were in New Gotham. Or to make arrangements for his true identity. Fortunately, Lucius Fox had previously learned of Master Bruce's double life and hastily took care of those arrangements to cover for the sudden absence of the head of Wayne Enterprises.
"The chase went on for quite some time. Gotham to Canada, across into the former Soviet Union and into the mess in the Near East."
"Near East?" Barbara asked, vaguely recognizing the antiquated term.
"Yes, your pardon. When I was a child the Middle East was the Subcontinent and the eastern end of the Mediterranean was still considered the Near East. Until the war when the Middle Eastern Command was..."
"Yes, I remember now from my history classes. Please, let's get back to what happened."
"Yes, of course. Master Bruce thought he'd cornered that dastardly maniac several times in various dictatorships. It seems the Joker tried to curry favor with the various despots in hopes of securing diplomatic immunity once again."
"Like he did after he killed Jason Todd and later tried to gas the UN."
"Yes. Superman convinced Master Bruce that it was in his best interests to let Iran's diplomatic immunity protect the Joker. Until such time as the Joker tried to gas the General Assembly. After that incident, many nations called for the Joker's head but he was returned again to Arkham. Would that the State Department had acquiesced to one or more nations demands to give him up..." Alfred shook his head, saddened that the Clown Prince of Crime was allowed to live and spread his madness again and again.
"Now Iran has a more moderate government and wanted nothing to do with the Joker again. Saddam Hussein, wisely, wouldn't trust such a maniac in his own government. Libya had been quiet since President Reagan bombed Tripoli. The Afghans, the Syrians, even Hezbollah didn't trust him. Only Qurac was willing to take him in."
Barbara closed her eyes. Qurac was, to most, the worst of any of the Middle East regimes. Even Hussein's madness paled against the evils that regime had perpetrated on too many occasions.
"The fact that the United States did not, and still does not, recognize the Quraci regime allowed Master Bruce to act with impunity.
"He entered the country and found the Joker. But what he also found there..." Alfred shook his head.
"What? What did he find?"
Alfred paused and carefully looked around the Clocktower. "Mistress Helena?"
"Out. She's working then she's going on patrol. It'll be..." Barbara glanced at the system clock on her central monitor, "...at least an hour before she even checks in. Why?"
"The Joker's lair, one of his Ha-haciendas as he called them, was an old British colonial fort. Most of it was in ruins but the central citadel was intact. Inside, that maniac had..." Alfred paused again, swallowed, and with a pained look, continued, "Inside, Master Bruce found...Mistress Selina."
"Selina?! Alive?" Barbara exclaimed, leaning far forward in her chair. Selina Kyle, Barbara's first love. One of the many things she found she shared with Bruce Wayne. Theirs was a brief, tumultuous affair, one that still sizzled in Barbara's memories. But, ultimately, it ended when Selina decided Barbara was suffering from puppy love. The pain from that still throbbed in Barbara's heart and mind as well.
"She was...after a fashion. Drug-induced coma. When she was stabbed, the blade had a curare derivative on the tip. Enough that, when the medical examiners initially examined her, they declared her dead. After she was taken to the morgue, but before the autopsy, another body, similar enough to Mistress Selina to match the medical records, was put in her place."
"Another body? Who's?"
"None of us who know the truth have any idea. Could be any of a number of missing persons at that time. Perhaps a prostitute or some homeless vagrant. Sadly, no one seems to miss them," Alfred stated sadly.
"But the funeral? Surely someone would've noticed?"
"You forget, it was a closed casket in deference to young Mistress Helena. As far as the city of New Gotham is concerned, Selina Kyle is interred in the city's main cemetery, Holy Mount. Near the Wayne mausoleum, I might add.
"In the case of the real Selina Kyle, the drug kept her comatose for all the months that the master searched for her 'killer'. And, unfortunately, there was neurological damage as a result..."
"Oh, poor Selina," Barbara whispered.
"As to the deception, no one can guess the twisted workings of that fiendish mind. However, once again Master Bruce managed to foil the Joker's insidious plan."
"What plan?" Barbara asked. "What could he have planned?"
"Nothing as grandiose as attacking the United Nations. For the moment, he merely wished to secure his liberty. Foolishly, that demented mind didn't seem to understand that the sole reason Master Bruce tracked him as long, as relentlessly as he had was because the Joker apparently killed Mistress Selina. The mad fool actually brought it on himself.
"This time, Master Bruce broke his own code. He took a life. The Joker died in the Quraci wastes. And Mistress Selina was rescued."
"But why didn't he bring her back? Why didn't he tell us? My God, Helena believes her mother was brutally murdered all those years ago and that her father is an unfeeling brute."
Alfred offered a weak smile, "That is where it gets...dicey. Most of this I put together on my own. I'm not a bad detective myself when need be." Barbara nodded. He had, after all, been the first to figure out mousy little Barbara Gordon was the sleak, sexy Batgirl. Even her own father doubted it when she had finally told him.
"The Joker had always been a bit of an amateur chemist. Perhaps before the incident that created him at the Monarch Card Company, he had been a professional. But, with no knowledge of his former identity, the Joker's past will always be a blank slate.
"At any rate, he was again experimenting with gaseous compounds, possibly trying to enhance his Joker Venom. A combination of these was released inside the lab as the two arch-nemeses fought.
"The compounds seemed to create gaps in Master Bruce's memory. He knew who and what he was, who the Joker and Mistress Selina were but, among other things both trivial and important, his mania for justice in Gotham was lost. He decided to take Mistress Selina and get her the best help possible."
"And?"
"They are residing in a chalet in the Swiss Alps. Mistress Selina, like you, requires a wheelchair to move around. But her memory, and Master Bruce's, are slowly rebuilding."
"Do they at least remember they have a daughter?"
"Yes, now. But Master Bruce took some papers from the lab before destroying it completely. They indicated some grand plan to kill all those important to the Batman. In his addled state, he took that to mean that Mistress Helena was already dead. He decided to devote himself to helping his love, her mother."
Alfred paused at the pained look on Barbara's face. "My apologies, Barbara. I should have phrased that better."
"No Alfred, you phrased it just right. She is his love. Not mine. It still hurts though."
"Yes, lost love always does... Anyway, back to what happened. Master Bruce and Mistress Selina both now know of Mistress Helena. And Mistress Dinah as well. Master Dick and I have kept them informed."
"Dick knew?! That creep!" Barbara muttered with a low laugh. "He is so going to get it... Alright, if they know, why haven't they returned? Or gotten in touch with us?"
"Embarrassment in part. How could a parent forget their own child? That traumatized both of them for a time. Only Leslie Tompkins managed to keep them from doing anything rash."
"So that's where she went..." Barbara interjected.
"Also, they have seen how magnificent a job you've done here and don't want to overshadow you. He was quite content to pass over the mantle to you and the other ladies here."
"But his need for justice... For..." Barbara hesitated. It was not a word she or Dick dared to use around Bruce. "His need for revenge?"
"I have seen them – my vacation in Italy last year? – and I have never seen Master Bruce so at peace. The ghosts that have haunted him since his parents' brutal murder seem to finally be at rest."
"So why not return?"
"Travel is difficult for Mistress Selina. And there is Mistress Helena to consider..."
"What's to consider? I mean now that they know they have a daughter..."
"She has been a bit...volatile on occasion. I must say your influence has gone a long way to calming her but we all agreed that none of you would learn of this until we felt the time was right."
"And the time is right for me but not Helena?"
"Exactly. We decided when you were able to deduce as much as you had, it was time to tell you the truth."
"So, when will the time be right for Helena to learn all of this? I don't think it'll matter in her reaction."
Alfred nodded, "I tend to agree. She will undoubtedly be most displeased. But, with your love and support, we believe she'll be able to accept it more easily."
Barbara smirked, "My love? No, she's not..."
"Ah-ah-ah." Alfred wagged his finger precisely twice. "I have seen how you look at her when you think she can't see you. And I've seen how Mistress Helena looks at you."
"A-at me?" Barbara asked in a quiet voice.
Alfred smiled gently, "Yes. She loves you. And you her."
"B-but..."
Alfred knelt before the redheaded woman in the chair, taking her hands in his, "Barbara, you have both had so much pain and loss in your young lives. And you've both given so much to this city. Take what joy you can when you can. Please."
Hope welled in her breast at the prospect of being with the woman she secretly loved. The girl leaned forward and kissed the old gentleman softly. "Thank you, Alfred."
Standing and stepping back, he smiled, nodded and said, "It is always my pleasure."
"So, what will our prodigal couple think?"
"I know for a fact that they will be happier than anyone when the two of you get together. Except perhaps myself."
Barbara wheeled her chair next to the man who always took such marvelous care of all of them and hugged him. "Oh Alfred, I love you."
"And I love you too, Mistress Barbara," Alfred said as he blinked back an ungentlemanly tear.