a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR, GMW fandom. Hope you are having a lovely day. Today I have a one-shot. for you It is a Riley/Maya friendship one-shot. It mentions depression and self harm, so please be careful and keep yourself safe. It's about Maya finding out about Riley's depression. This isn't canon in the show, just a theory I happen to agree with. I wanted to write something of this tone, without it being in the POV of the person who is going through the depressive episode. I have been in the position of the person with the issues and the person who has helped someone with theirs. I wanted to explore watching someone you love go through this. So hope you enjoy.
Maya noted how sad Riley was getting. She noticed how Riley's eyes did not sparkle anymore. She noticed how her best friend just went through the motions, not enjoying the days like she use too. So Maya kept an eye on her. She watched Riley carefully. The more Maya payed attention the more she began to worry. But she didn't want to raise suspicion unless she was sure something was wrong. According to the research Maya did, in order for someone to be diagnosed for depression the symptoms have to last two weeks. Plus she knew about the subject matter personally, the research done on the side was to assure herself she wasn't jumping to the wrong conclusion. It has been ten days and now Maya needed some answers. So that Friday, in class, she asked if she could sleep over tonight and spend the weekend together. To which Riley smiled and said yes. But Maya noticed she didn't seem as excited as she use to be.
When the girls changed into her pjs, Maya noticed how Riley hid her arms when she changed. Maya had her suspicions about Riley self harming, but she pushed the thought out of her mind. So when Maya sees the cuts because of the mirror reflection, she doesn't react out loud. Though she does react internally. Over Riley's nightgown she wore a sweater.
"You feeling cold Riles?" Maya managed to keep her voice steady.
"Hm" Riley mumbles, as she made her wrist were covered.
"Yeah, it's kind of cold" She says, able to process afterwords. She walked to Maya to grab her hand. "Let's go bake cookies"
Around one in the morning, Maya begins to feel a headache kick in. Riley was sleeping peacefully in her bed. They finished having a princess movie marathon. Normally Riley would fall asleep after the third movie, but tonight she fell asleep during the first movie. Maya remembers one of the symptoms, not sleeping at all or sleeping too much. "Goodnight Riles" She kissed the top of her head. Then goes to the bathroom to find some medicine. She figured she has been here long enough to take some Advil is she needed, she would normally ask.
She opens the medicine cabinet looking for the Advil, and finds an orange pill bottle. She picks it up and looks at the bottle. Maya recognized the name. They were anti-depressants. That's when she knew her best friend is depressed.
Maya remembers first seeing this orange pill bottle, it was nine years ago.
Little Maya Hart, wasn't feeling well. Her mom just came home from her shift at the diner. Maya stayed home and couldn't wait for her mom to get home. But instead of seeing her mom's beautiful smile she saw her mom with tears in her eyes. So she decided not to bother her mom by asking for help. Her dad left and haven't returned in three months, she knew when her mom was sad. She always tried to make it better. So Maya goes to the medicine cabinet to get the medicine to help her feel better. She grabs the first bottle she finds, an orange little bottle, and goes to her mom to double check. She remembers her medicine being in a box, with the bottle inside with a mini measuring plastic cup. She runs to her mom, using up all her energy that day.
"Mommy?"
Katy looks up and wipes her tears. "Yes baby girl"
"Is this what I take to feel better?"
"No!" Her mom runs to her and grabs the bottle. "No baby girl, that's not for you"
Maya, shocked by her mother's outburst just stays quiet.
"I'm sorry if I scared you, those are mommy's big girl medicine and you can not take it. They help me feel better when I'm sad"
At first Maya didn't understand, after all she was a child. It took five years for her mom to explain. When Katy felt she was old enough, she told Maya.
"Sometimes, baby girl, acting happy isn't enough. These pills help my acting skills" She never told her daughter she had situational depression because of Kermit. She wanted her daughter to be strong.
But Maya put two and two together. Just like she did now. She has''t seen the pill bottle in her house for years. Her mom was finally deemed okay to be off the medication. She still has her days, but mostly she is better. Maya would have to ask her mom to talk to Riley.
She knew if Riley felt hopeless, she had a success story to talk too. Since Maya knew for sure what was happening, she could help Riley. She just needed a way to bring it up.
She took the Advil with some tap water in the kitchen and went back to bed.
The next morning, she wakes up before Riley, something that hasn't happened since they were in elementary school. Maya examines her best friend. She notices her sleeve slid up in her sleep. There, something was confirmed again. Riley's self harm. She got suspicious once Riley wore long sleeves during the warmer weeks. But, ever since seeing her mom, Maya had this habit of jumping to the worst conclusion there is. She talked herself out of believing this one for days. Riley would never harm herself. And if, for any reason, she even considered it, Maya convinced herself Riley would confide in her. Like Maya had all those years.
Seeing those crimson lines across her best friend's wrist brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't believe something bothered her so much that self harm was the answer. She wanted to threaten anyone who even stared at Riley to long, fight anyone who makes her anything but happy. Realizing she'd have to fight everyone in their life stopped her train of thoughts. Maya noticed they were fresh as well, not scars. Not last night, cause she's here, but maybe the night before. Seeing the amount convinced Maya it's been a while. She wondered if it became an addiction?She wondered if her wrist was the only place Riley self harmed? Or where she learned the behavior. It wasn't something they were exposed in middle school. Though she noticed it in people in their classes, she just never thought Riley picked up on it as well.
As she ponders these things, Cory and Topanga knocks on the door. "Rise and shine girls"
"It's open" Maya replies.
They walk in to observe Maya up, covering up Riley's arm. She wondered if they knew, since they had to know about the depression to get the medication. Doubtful, she tells herself, the cuts would be bandaged and taken care of. Not out in the open, creating an entrance way for infection. (Do to her mother's situational depression, Maya had to learn to take care of herself majority of her childhood. She carries a first aid kit in her backpack just in case. She convinced Riley to do the same, mainly do to her best friend's klutziness) Maya, still in her mind wondering how she was going to bring this up, didn't notice that The Matthews were talking to her.
"It's been a while since you've been the first one up" Cory comments with a laugh. But Maya saw it in their eyes, they exchanged looks. Knowing this depressive wave has hit it's hardest. Their daughter loved getting up extra early, especially when Maya was over to make the family breakfast. But there she was, sleeping in.
"She probably didn't sleep the whole night, Riley probably fell asleep after watching the 5th movie"
Topanga tried to lighten to mood, sensing Maya's eyes on them. She knew her daughter's best friend is observant. She knew her daughter didn't want to tell anyone about her depression, claiming it would ruin the perception of Sunshiney Riley, her friends loves so much. Topanga tried to reassure her daughter that depression was nothing to be ashamed of, and to tell them whenever she was ready. Since then, Riley made her parents promise not to tell anyone, so Topanga had to respect that.
If it had been under normal circumstances, Maya would've laughed. Many of her sleepovers consist of Cory and Topanga checking up on them some time in the morning, to find that neither girls have slept and watched movies throughout the night to the day. They would nap throughout the rest of the day.
She just gave them her best smile. "Yeah, it was a long night" Maya wanted them to know how true that statement is.
Riley twists and turns in her sleep, until she wakes from what everyone hopes was a peaceful slumber.
She turns to face her parents and her best friend her eyes squint at the bright light.
"Good Morning, everyone" She gives them her best fake smile, wishing she didn't have to act so happy as soon as she woke up.
"Hey sunshine" Maya greets, kissing her best friend's cheek.
"Peaches" She greets, genuinely surprised. "I would've thought you left last night since I fell asleep so early"
"You kidding Riles?" Maya tried to have a joking tone. "I'll stick by you no matter what" She hopes her best friend caught the double meaning.
She gets up to hug Maya, while simultaneously pushing down her sleeves.
"Let's get the day started" Topanga urges to have Riley move before her energy drains. "I made pancakes"
Riley sat on the bay window, picking flowers from the plants outside. They just finished breakfast and watched t.v. After the third episode of whatever was on, Maya was paying attention to Riley's little movements more then anything that was playing on the screen, Riley excused herself.
Maya tried to give her privacy, but after five minutes she gave in. She walked into the room, beautiful pink petals on the ground. Now dead, withered. Riley picks at them and watches them fall gracefully on to the ground.
"Having fun honey?"
Riley jumps, startled.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you"
Riley smiles, "It's okay"
Maya goes to sit down next to her, Riley use to be so comfortable with Maya. Their arms would be linked, or their would be holding hands. Or Maya would hold her hands on her lap. She'd have her head on Riley's shoulder or vice versa. But it's been off the past couple weeks. It wasn't that Riley made an effort to scoot away from her,it was just that she didn't make the effort to be closer. The very thought of her best friend slowly but surely slipping away from her made tears well in her eyes again.
"You're crying" Riley says, observant to others as well.
She wipes the tear with her thumb and interlocks her fingers with Maya's.
"You know you can tell me anything" Riley says.
"I know" Maya says. "You know you can tell me anything, right" Maya emphasizes what she needs too.
"Of course peaches"
Maya watched as Riley understood, watching the transformation of Riley's facial expression.
"You know" She whispers in a tone so fragile it broke Maya.
"About?" She prompted, wondering if Riley would admit it to her. Also which part she would admit too.
"My depression, the waves, it comes in waves. This one just happened to last the longest" Rliey admits.
Then in a quieter tone. "My parents told you"
"No"
The answer shocked Riley, by the way they all gave her looks this morning she knew something was up.
"I figured out all by myself, that's what happens when you love someone so much, you notice the small things" She mentions, trying to discreetly get the message across that she loved Riley to pieces, and didn't want her breaking down into them. She wanted to convey her love without blatantly saying it, she needed Riley to know she'll always be here, no matter what. Without scaring her with downright affection, she had to do this slowly.
"I also figured out something else" Maya tested the water, seeing if she would admit the self harm as well.
"You found the pill bottle" Riley says. "You placed it in front of the Advil, I normally hide it" She noticed when she went to go brush her teeth before breakfast.
"That and something else" Maya says, not wanting to say the words out loud.
"Oh"
Then she fiddles with her sleeve.
"Oh"
She understood.
"How long have you known?" Riley asks, as a tear slides down her cheek. She tried to prevent this, yet her efforts were useless. She knew if she had to choose anyone knowing, Maya was the right choice. But she wasn't expecting confrontation. Regardless of how gentle Maya is being, talking about this hurts her. So badly. She knew this day would come, but she always thought she'd somehow gain the strength to tell her. Not have Maya find out.
"I was suspicious for a while now, but I saw last night"
That's when Riley broke down.
Maya just held on to her best friend for dear life.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" She cries into her hair.
Maya rubs her back.
"Everything will be okay, I know it hurts and it's hard. But you have me to fight with you. You'll always have me" She promises.
"I know, I'm sorry I didn't tell you"
Maya didn't want her to feel bad for not telling her, in fear of self harm being a result.
"Oh honey, you have nothing to apologize for. You weren't ready. I want you to be comfortable telling me" She reassured.
"It happens unexpectedly, the waves. I'll be happy, then suddenly get this crushing feeling. Nothing matters. I feel so empty, like I can't escape anything. Not the thoughts, not the...the" More tears welled in her eyes, Maya wanted nothing more to make them stop.
Maya knew she struggled to say whatever she uses to self harm.
"It's okay, you're okay. You're with me and you're safe. Just know you can always talk to me. I know it won't heal the sadness, but it will make it go away. Even if it is just for a little while"
"I'm so numb and it hurts. I feel like it's never going to go away"
"It will, waves pass. I know it's hard to believe, but I promise you that. Now, can you promise me something?"
Riley looks up at Maya. "Anything"
"I know you won't be able to stop right now, but try to not self harm, pretty please." Riley flinched at the words. "Taking these feelings out on yourself isn't going to help you. Remember what we talked about when you wanted to redecorate the bay window. You're my safe place and I'm yours" She wipes a tear from Riley's eyes.
"Tell your parents, I'll be there if you want. Tell your psychiatrist, I'll be there too. Just try to get help. This is serious and it takes time to heal from it"
"I can try" Riley says.
"Thank you honey"
"I love you Maya" Riley says, genuine. Sure, her emotions swirled in her like a hurricane, but talking to Maya helped her calm down. She knew she wouldn't bring it up and felt slightly relieved Maya did herself, much to her surprise.
"I love you Riley" Maya says, tears building up in her eyes as well. "So much"
They hug, tighter then they ever have before.
"You'll always have me"
a/n: Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to share your thoughts. Sorry the ending seems rushed, it just felt right to stop right there. I hope you enjoyed. I wrote this story early 2016, so getting to finally type it up and post it is such an amazing feeling. I typed up the first half last week and finally got the time to type up the rest and post. If you struggle with these same issues, please try your very best to get help, I know how tough it can be, but know I believe in you. Also, feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
Have a wonderful day
-Summer