I heard that you've been
Self-medicating in the quiet of your room,
Your sweet, suburban tomb.
And if you need a friend,
I'll help you stitch up your wounds.
Alec had collected so many scars over the years, some from demons, some from Downworlders, some from faded runes, or childhood accidents. He didn't blame his family for not noticing the ones that weren't so unpredictable.
He wasn't sure why he did it. He knew his life was perfectly fine. A brother and sister who loved him, a parabatai who chose him, parents who trusted him. He was good at what he did; he was fully aware that Jace and Isabelle would have died ages ago if it was not for him. He was gaining respect in the Clave. But something wasn't right, even though he could never put his finger on it. So instead, he let iratze's heal his wounds, the ones made in battle as well as the manufactured ones.
Then, due to a short—and short tempered—redhead girl, his whole life changed. He was no longer the focus of Jace's attention, and that didn't sit well with him. That may have had something to do with that tiny crush Alec had on Jace, but he refused to even admit it to himself, let alone anyone else.
But then, because of that same redhead, Alec met Magnus. Magnus who took his wrist accidentally during that party. Magnus who saw and tilted his head in curiosity; Magnus and his sad eyes when he realized what exactly it was that he had seen. Magnus who healed him after being poisoned. Magnus who took away those scars that same day and left only a note saying,
You had enough scars already. Alec looked at his clean—cleaner, at least, as it would never be fully free of scars—and promised himself that it would stay that way.
I heard that you've been
Having some trouble finding your place in the world.
I know how much that hurts,
But if you need a friend
Then please just say the word...
At some point between that first date and kissing him in front of the Clave, Alec realized that he had fallen in love with Magnus. He wasn't sure when, he wasn't even sure how, but it had happened. But it was not Alec's place to be in love with a male Warlock. Alec honestly wasn't sure which part of who Magnus was scared him the most.
No, it wasn't Magnus who scared Alec, it was what the Clave would think. Both had happened, neither was strictly illegal, but they were heavily frowned upon, and Alec, well, Alec wasn't like Jace. He wasn't a rule-breaker. He wasn't Isabelle who flirted with whatever being had legs. Hell, he wasn't even like Clary and Simon who were so openly in love with the aforementioned Shadowhunters despite the challenges. Alec kept that all hidden—not on purpose, mind you. It was just what he was comfortable with.
But it was Magnus. He had held him close when he was afraid. Alec had let himself be vulnerable around him, and Magnus had not taken advantage of that. Instead, he kissed him, so soft and gentle that every negative thought simply vanished and Alec's hands were in Magnus's hair, and neither of them was quite sure where three hours had gone.
Hold on tight,
This ride is a wild one,
Make no mistake,
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,
Now don't lose your fight, kid,
It only takes a little push to pull on through,
With so much left to do;
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you.
It wasn't that Alec was ashamed of Magnus because he wasn't. He didn't want to push Magnus aside as though he was nothing, because he wasn't. But it had seemed like he was and that he had, and he knew that that was what Magnus was thinking. He also had no idea how to make it up to him. Because he had to make it up to him.
He had to, because even though Magnus was mad at him, the man still subtly checked his skin whenever they saw each other. He still took Alec's hands when he started running his nails across his arms for much longer than a simple scratch would take. He still helped his friends, and smiled and made him laugh and, by the Angel, Magnus was perfect