I watched as the clouds swirled in pink and purple shades of cotton candy colored mischief. They were having fun up there, playing with each other. They never had to worry about life and all of its struggles. They didn't know what it was like to be stuck inside all day long; they were free. I held my hand up before my eyes, so envious of the little wispy fluffs that littered the orange and violet shade of the sky. One could just notice the stars peeking out, but nothing beat that oh-so perfectness of the clouds. I could stare at them all day long, picturing myself eating them as I flew along. Only in movies had I seen the sugary delicacy but never had I actually tasted one of them. I imagine them to be sweet and sticky, that they turn into little pieces of stardust on your tongue. That is what the sky would probably taste like.

The view was something I waited for every night. I wanted to see the sky turn that pretty mixture of color. It was like someone dropped a bucket of Portland Orange paint on the sky and then another of Tea Rose and let them swirl around each other naturally akin to koi fish in a pond. And so when I would finally be able to go outside, I would lay on the ground, much like now, and watch and wait until the sky was perfect. I wish I had a camera, just to take pictures. I would take one every night and date them. I'd put them together to make a great big sky. I'd glue them all to the ceiling so that way everyone can see it before they go to sleep.

I had been laying there for a few minutes, but it felt like hours. The leaves and grass that had tickled me when I had first gotten there no longer tickled me, but enveloped me in nature's hug. The flowers were like the plug in scents back in the home. The little bugs that crawled didn't bother me. I rather liked them. They lived their own lives and did their own things. Whether they flew or crawled, they were free; and I was envious of them. A butterfly landed on my nose. I crossed my eyes to look at it and smiled wide. "Hello there Ms. Butterfly. It's a pleasant evening we're having, isn't it? Have you gotten your daily intake of pollen yet? Well you should, don't want to run out now."

A cry was heard from the inside and the butterfly flew away startled. I sighed, sitting up and glancing back at the home behind me.

It was a small little thing, in appearance and space, but that was only because so many children lived there. It was the Sunshine Orphanage; a little farm in the middle of Lancaster, England that was turned into a place for orphans to live. The building looked practically brand new on the outside, but that wasn't the case on the inside. There were dingy walls, all dying from a few simple years of wear and tear from drawing and constant washing. The beds were decrepit, practically falling apart and the sheets used were stained with juice and patched with little pieces of cloth.

The children inside were mostly young, aged three to nine with the exception of Lilith, the only baby in the home. She was abandoned on the porch steps three months ago and has been a part of the house ever since. There were fifteen children and three adults in a house made for a family of four. But they made room. There was always a way if you tried hard enough. People could fit multiple clothes in a bag so why couldn't fifteen children share a room? The baby got her own room (the room that used to belong to the girls, but they had decided that Lilith needed her space because she was a baby and so they shoved all of the boys and girls into one room).

Typically speaking, space didn't matter really. Most children were adopted within a year of being here. Just last week, Davie Murphy (a boy of six years) showed up last year around October. It was May now, but he had finally been adopted by a nice couple in their thirties. They had a little girl with them who bore a crease in her brow. Probably having been upset over the sudden intrusion of another member taking the attention away from her. He had been a shy boy, very well-mannered and kind-hearted.

"My Lidia, I think he's just what we need!"

"I think he looks stupid."

"Now Miranda, please relax dearie. I'm sure you'll love him. I'm sure we'll all love him." They smiled and, like a stuffed animal in a store, they picked him out and did whatever it was that they did beyond the office doors. I had never been in that room with anyone. I had never been chosen and the adults there keep saying I was running out of time.

I am also an exception to the age rule, for I was twelve. I had stayed there the longest out of all of them. As a child, around three, I had lost my parents in a car accident while I was with the babysitter. I don't remember much. I don't remember crying or being angry, I was just confused. It was such a blurry memory that I wondered if it were real at all or not. Maybe I dreamed about it rather than actually experiencing it. But, with no known relatives within reach and my older brother having gone missing, I was thrown into this crock pot of a home.

Sometimes I like to sit and wonder about what my family was like. I have pictures of them, only a few, and even some with my brother in it as well. I like to fantasize about it all being a cruel joke; that maybe one day they'll magically appear and save me from this zoo. I like to think that my brother; after being gone for so long, would finally turn up. They would have found him at a coffee shop and his excuse would be that he simply forgot to come home and grew up the rest of his years on his own. He'd be wealthy and have a pretty housewife too. They may or may not have a kid but that all depended on my mood at the time I thought it up.

I glanced back up, watching as the clouds were pushed farther and farther away, breaking apart into wisps until they vanished into nothingness. With no clouds to paint with the sky's shade, I got up and headed inside. I was very reluctant, taking my time as much as I could. If I let it get dark, Miss Daisy would come out to get me. I learned my lesson the last time I tried to stay out, thinking she wouldn't notice during late night roll call. She came outside that night, red in the face and taught expression glowering at me like some evil sorceress. Her eyes, even in the dark, were a stark shade of green like Medusa's. Her hair was in a bun as per usual but I half expected snakes to come out and turn me to stone.

She was a rough woman too, who went by the books. And by books, I mean the ones of years ago, when children were disciplined with rulers and had to sit with their hands folded a certain way. Most were young and she liked them. She always smiled and played around with them, drew pictures and sang songs with them. But not me. She didn't like me. Miss Daisy was crude. Where she gave everyone a cup of pudding, she gave me a half-cup as if I wouldn't notice. She gave me more vegetables and less meat. Most of the kids didn't notice, they were too caught up in their blissful innocence to ever see what a horrible person she was. But I knew she wasn't everything she made herself out to be.

The worst was when she attempted to play innocent. She had a very youthful appearance, still sporting her baby fat like a necklace of her beauty. But it was all an act that would help her get away with it. However, Mister Donnavan would have none of it. Though he didn't outright say it, he knew she treated me differently and I was grateful for that. He would sneak in an extra wafer cookie or give me a refill of juice whenever we had some extra to spare. He was a nice man and treated everyone equally, the way things should be. Whenever he'd bring it up to her, she'd brush it off; say I was a 'growing boy and was only looking out for my nutrition'.

What a load of rubbish.

I walked inside just in time to avoid getting hit in the head with a ball. "Anabella, I told you not to throw balls in the house, did I not? Huh? Oh, Peter! I was just about to go outside to get you. But it seems you are finally understanding the rules. Now go wash up, supper is ready and you've probably been touching bugs the whole time. Go, now shoo, go on now." She moved both hands in a hurried, dismissive manner; one that read 'I have no time for you and never will'. That and she also had a slight entomophobia so that made things a little more interesting.

Without much protest, I made my way over to the bathroom and did as I was told. I glanced up into the cracked mirror, having broken when Anabella had kicked the ball with the door open. Anabella was a seven year old monster. All she did day and night was run, jump and break things. She pulled the hair of the other girls, shoved the boys around and screamed a tantrum that size of the sun when she didn't get her way. It made everyone's life a hell and, much like myself, she'll probably be in here for quite some time.

I dried off my hands and left the restroom. I only needed to wash my hands now, I could always shower after dinner. As I walked towards the kitchen, I could feel someone tugging on my sleeve. Glancing over my shoulder, I found Alrick gripping my sleeve. He was a shy little boy, about eight with two long braids of platinum hair and fair skin. His eyes were a weird shade of blue, though now with the lighting, they almost looked violet. "What's wrong Alrick? Are you alright?"

"Who me? The almighty Peter? Of course I'm alright, why wouldn't I be?" The smile that graced his face was enough to reassure me that he was also fine. It didn't take much to really upset me, but he probably saw me speaking with Miss Daisy and thought it was something bad. Alrick was like a little brother to me and I appreciated it. It was warm company and having someone look up to you made one feel prideful. "Come on now, let's go and get some dinner. I heard Hulga was making meatloaf." His eyes scrunched up and he stuck his tongue out in a disgusted fashion, causing the both of us to laugh as we headed over to the table.

After dinner, I made sure to shower myself. Miss Daisy had made it her job to not only inspect me, but to point every single thing out while we were eating our meal. She was definitely my number one enemy. She was the villain, the bad guy, the spinach that nobody wanted to eat. Sometimes I think it's because she's lonely, but maybe it was just her upbringing that made her that way. Whatever the reason may be, she was just unnecessarily cruel. At this time, since I was unable to go outside, I simply sat at the window and stared out into the open sky. It was now dark with thousands of glittering stars winking back at me. My parents are up there, in the stars waving hello. Or maybe they were the stars; little angels that watched over the people they had left in the past. Whatever they were, they kept me company every night. They told me words of encouragement, telling me that I'll be adopted some day. They tell me that I'll be happy in the future, that I'll find out what happened to my brother, that I won't have to go to bed every night suffering from an existential crisis. Every time I need help, I look to the sky. The sky is my friend, the sky is the only one there for me when I really need it. It never goes away, whether clouded or clear, bright or dark, littered with clouds or stars, it was there for me.

Miss Daisy soon came into the room, interrupting my discussion with the stars. "Role call children! Everyone line up along your bunks, you all know the drill. Chop! Chop!" And like clockwork, we all stood before our bunks. Mine was near the center of the room, in between Linus's bed and Alrick's. And like a prison guard, she walked along the rows, calling out names like the broken record she was. "Anabella, Alrick, Daniel, Peter," mumbled the hag with a side glance my way. The look lingered; didn't she know it was impolite to stare at somebody? Soon her gaze returned back to focus on the job at hand. Once roll was completed, she stood at the end of the room with her hands behind her pencil skirted legs. "Now children, it is time for you all to go to sleep. Into bed now, not a word of it." And, as if flicking a switch, everyone reacted at once, all climbing into bed and tucking themselves in. There were no forehead kisses, no hugs good night, no 'sweet dreams', and nobody wanted to even think of the possibility of being bitten by bedbugs.

The bed, despite it's small size, felt larger tonight than usual. It was scary, but familiar. I felt as though I was drifting on a plank of wood in the ocean, feeling the light waves pushing me onward to my destination where the sea met the sky. The two blues merged, almost eliminating the horizon line completely. Seagulls flew above my head, squawking their high pitched tune. And it was then I could just barely see it; a large beast-like thing in the water. But it was a ship made of wood and with masts as high as the clouds. I wanted to go there. I wanted to be on that ship and meet the people there. Then the sky grew dark around me and no matter how much I tried to picture something else in my mind, I couldn't. So I stopped fantasizing, just for now.

I glanced over at the window with longing, wanting to move my bunk there. I wanted to feel the breeze against my face as I slept, bringing back to those fantasies of flying or on a ship sailing. I wanted to be so close to the freedom I knew that I would never be able to experience a day in my life. No, not until I left this place would I be able to experience that freedom. Running away was futile; they'd just bring me back to another place if they had known. And money was important, money was both nothing and everything in this world. Even with the few pounds I had, it was nothing; useless.

And so as I tried to reach my hand out to that far away place, I could feel my eyelids drooping shut. I might as well give in, I was not getting out of this. But one day, one day I will be free. One day I will be able to be out in the sun all day long, rowing a boat on golden rays of sunshine. I could smell flowers of all kinds, meet people of all kinds, have fun of all kinds. I want to explore, I want to escape. I want to live the dreams I have dreamed all of my life. And one day, I will be able to. I won't stay here, I can't stay here, I don't want to stay here.

I will search for freedom and I will have her in my grasp. I will love and cherish her. One day.