I rush towards Sam even before he hits the floor.
I don't think. I just use the reflexes I've gained through the job.
I apply pressure until the EMTs arrive, trying to keep Sam conscious.
His declaration earlier kept replaying in my mind. He said he made a mistake. He said he wanted me happy.
He almost said he loved me. Did he expect me to drop everything for him after that little speech? I mean, it's not like I haven't forgiven him for not waiting for me-because I truly have. I've moved on.
And after that stunt he asked me to pull off last week. That's a whole different problem right there. He asked me to do something unethical, something that could ruin my career-and I just had to do it, didn't I?
"We have it from here, officer," I heard someone behind me say.
I look behind me and see EMTs.
Finally.
I let her take over, as I stand back.
I lock eyes with Nick, and he's looking at me as if he's been broken. But that look passes, and suddenly his gaze turns cold.
I walk to him, his gun is still in his hand. Shaking.
I take his hand, and try to loosen his grip on the gun. He flinches at the touch.
"Go," he tells me, nodding his head to the ambulance.
I shake my head, tears suddenly shedding.
He thinks I'd rather be with Sam.
"Go, I'm fine, really," he repeats, softer. His eyes taking on the broken look he just had a few moments ago.
He's letting me go. Giving me an out.
"No," I say defiantly.
He refuses to meet my eyes so I angle his head towards me.
"I am not going anywhere, okay? Nick, I am here. I'm not leaving you."
He finally meets my gaze.
And that's when the dam broke.
"You ran to him, Andy," his voice breaking.
"I know. I just felt so guilty. Because the first thought that crossed my mind when he got hit was 'thank God, it wasn't you'."
"I saw Ford pointing a gun at you. And all I could think of was 'Please let it be someone else'."
"You almost got shot, Nick. I am not going anywhere," I repeat.
I close my eyes, trying to will the tears to stop, but once they get out there's really nothing I can do except ride the emotions.
I feel his arms around me. And suddenly I feel like I can breathe.
I hug him back, not wanting to let go.
"Collins, we're gonna need your gun, and Callaghan will debrief you," I hear Frank say.
Nick pulls back first, but he gives me one of his smiles before answering Frank.
"Yes, sir."
Frank leaves us, probably heading to the hospital with the others.
"Hey, I think, I'm gonna head to my apartment tonight. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He says before kissing me and leaving for the debrief.
Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna let him deal with this alone.
I go back to the locker room and scrub off the blood that got on me. What had happened to Sam scared me to the bone. But I could deal with that kind of scare. If Nick had been shot though, I don't think I would have been able to function properly.
I get the remaining blood off and changed out of my uniform. I grab my bag and sit on the bench in front of Nick's locker.
It wasn't long before I heard him enter the room. I was about to get up, but I heard a loud slam. His fist against the metal locker. Again. And again. When the slamming stopped, I got up.
"You were supposed to go home," he says.
"Yeah, well, I guess you didn't hear me earlier. I meant what I said, Nick. I'm not going anywhere."
"Andy, I'm not mad. I just- I just need to deal with all this adrenaline and crash..."
"Is that adrenaline blocking your ears, Collins? I am going with you. You almost got shot at today. I've been there, and I know I needed someone to just be there for me. So, I'm here, Nick. Like it or not, I'm here."
"I love it," I hear him whisper.
I raise an eyebrow at him. We've been skirting the topic for weeks now. Avoiding the L-word. And then now he brings it up.
"I love you." I tell him, staring him in the eyes.
I don't give him time to respond, "So can we please go back to my apartment? It's nearer anyway, and I'll even let you cook me breakfast tomorrow!"
He shakes his head with a smile, "Lead the way."
I give him a peck on the cheek and lace my fingers around his.
We get to the apartment, both of us tired.
I head into the bathroom, needing a really warm shower. As I step into the shower, the bathroom door opens, Nick.
He wordlessly walks in and starts stripping off his clothes and gets in the shower with me.
I kiss him. Deeper and more meaningful than ever because I finally told him that I love him.
My hands travel upward to his hair and his hands travel to my waist.
He pushes me back against the wall, and the force knocks the air out of me.
"Sorry," he murmurs in between kisses.
Our breathing becomes more labored and finally we have to stop to catch our breath.
I reach for my shampoo and lather it between my hands before reaching out to Nick's hair.
He smiles at me, "Andy McNally, are you washing my hair for me?"
I stick my tongue out, "Maybe."
"I can do that, you know."
"I know, but I can't stop myself. I love your hair. And your eyes. And your adorable dimples. That little wrinkle on the side of your eyes when you smile at me-like that! And your lips. And- it's a long list," I confess.
"You're going soft on me McNally," he teases me.
I roll my eyes and start rinsing my hair.
As I start rinsing out his hair, his hands land on my waist again. And I can't control the goosebumps that surface all over my skin.
"I love that I have this effect on you," he whispers.
"I love your totally wild hair every morning. I love you weird taste in food-because you're the only one I know who eats my cooking. I love that you deny you snore every night, even though it's true," I punch him lightly, "they're baby snores. Cute, little baby snores. That I can't sleep without. I love that you always wake up after me because that gives me time to just look at you in a totally non-creeper way. And I love that you think you said 'I love you' first."
"Hey now. I did say it first though!" I said.
"Nope," he gives me a knowing smile.
"When?"
"Everyday since our first night together," he says as he turns off the shower and reaches for our towels.
"I though that was just part of my dream... every night," I say, wrapping the towel around me before the cold sinks in.
"I love that you told me anyway," he says before kissing me.
I let him exit the shower first, needing a clear path to my closet because I hate the cold floor.
Nick keeps blocking my path though.
With his boxers finally on, he walks back to me.
He gives me his Linkin Park shirt and my favorite boy shorts and waits for me to dress up in the shower.
Once I finished he literally sweeps me off of my feet and brings me to bed.
"You were right. I didn't want to be alone tonight. Thank you for being you. I love you, Andy."
He climbs into bed and I immediately snuggle closer to him.
"I love you, Nick Collins."
I feel his heart start beating faster.
"Move in with me, Andy."
"Okay," I answer in less that a heartbeat.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know Nick is calling out to me.
"Andy, wake up. You're having a nightmare," he says as he kissed my temple.
I finally have the strength to open my eyes and I realize I was crying in my sleep.
I rack my brain for the reason and it goes rushing back to me.
I dreamt that Nick was the one that got shot.
"You almost got shot," I whisper.
I know I said those words last night, but now it sunk in.
Nick could have been the one bleeding on the floor.
"But I didn't," he says to calm me.
But it's not working. Once my mind goes down a path, there's no turning back.
"I don't want to lose you Nick," I say, stifling sobs.
He kisses me, helping me get control of my breathing.
Once my lungs remembered how to breathe on their own, Nick gets on top of me. And I see the look in his eyes.
He wipes away my tears and I let go of a strangled laugh, "This is perfect. You almost get shot, and I'm the one needing comforting. I'm the best girlfriend ever."
"You are the best girlfriend ever. Thank you for worrying about me," he says, planting kisses on my neck, right behind my earlobe.
A shiver passes through us both, and I feel the urge to touch him everywhere. I don't want anything separating us anymore.
I give him a slight push on the shoulder and straddle him.
"Hey, did I mention I like you in my shirt?" He asks me.
"No, but I was kinda thinking you'd like me even more without it," I say, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it off of me.
His eyes grow with hunger and I can't take it anymore. I kiss him. Every kiss a whisper of how much I love him.
After reaching our breaking points, we both fall asleep. A deeper and more calming sleep.
I wake up again, and the sun is up as well. I'm still tangled up with Nick under the sheets. I feel his even breathing as I turn to look at him. I get a few moments before he starts to wake up.
"Morning," I smile at him.
"You're supposed to wake up after me," he says.
"Was I? I don't know, I kinda like the view when I wake up before you though," I smile.
He just smiles and shakes his head at me.
"You want breakfast?" He asks as he starts to get up.
I hold him down, "No, I just wanna stay here. We can eat later."
He laughs at me, "Okay. So what do you want to do today?"
"Talk. Let's play 20 questions. But we split it. So we ask each other 10 questions, but we also need to answer our own questions."
I give him a second to think about it.
I see him nod.
"Where'd you grow up?" I start.
"Just here. Toronto. This was-is home. Grew up as a foster kid, but I got really great parents. I never really did anything to make them proud when I was a kid."
"Which was why you joined the army?" I clarified.
"I count that as question number two. Yes, it was the only way I knew I could make them proud. I was never a good student, always getting into fights, so I thought I'd use my skill set to my advantage. My turn, where did you grow up?"
"Same. Toronto as well. But mostly I grew up in 15. My dad would always take me to the station during his night shift since no one could look after me. At first it felt weird, you know? Like being the only kid there, but it felt like home."
"Okay. Now for the serious questions. First boyfriend."
I bury my head in my pillow, "Really?"
"Really." I don't even have to see him to know that he's smiling.
"Second year high school. His name was Aiden and he was mean. You?"
"First girlfriend was my neighbor's kid. Her name was Sarah, and she was gorgeous."
I punch him on the shoulder.
"Kidding. I was kidding. She was my only friend. And I thought I had to like her in that way so we tried it for a bit. Didn't work out."
"I'm getting hungry. Can I skip to my tenth question?" He asks.
I nod, not being able to say no to him.
"When did you know?"
He didn't have to elaborate the question. I knew he what he was asking me.
"Frank and Noelle's wedding. When you called Dov just because I wanted to hear them say their vows. I knew it then, but I was just so scared. You and Gail, yeah, was I really ready to be part of that drama? When I had just ended my drama? And then you go and say that line about me being magical, which kind of scared me because I felt the exact same thing about you. You?"
"UC. When they told me to shoot you? I was so angry then. I thought of 3 different scenarios where I could kill them, before they hurt you. But then I came back to my senses. I felt the gun's weight and I realized it was a test. I swear to God, Andy, I was sure the gun wasn't loaded. I would never point it at you, let alone pull the trigger if there was a chanceit was loaded. I just-the way you looked at me when I pulled the trigger. I would never do anything to put that same expression on your face again-"
"I believe you," I say before kissing him.
And I do believe him. For the first time in my life, I know I can trust this person to not let me down.