It was a new school year at a new school. A school in a completely different country at that. What were you thinking? Hogwarts may be the best magic school, even though you're rather impartial to Ilvermorny as that's where you attended, but you were pleased to receive McGonagall's invitation to teach nonetheless. This was Hogwarts' first term since the battle, since the defeat of Voldemort. It took a year before they could open the school again. During that year there had been small cases of dark wizards around the world, even in the United States, but it was nothing compared to Voldemort. The cab ride to Kings Cross from the airport took enough time for you to really process what was happening. You were teaching at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by personal invitation from Headmistress McGonagall. You hopped onto the train to head to Hogwarts the minute you arrived in the country.
It was three days before classes started so the ride was rather lonely as the train was completely empty. Many of the professors, having already been in the country, had arrived at Hogwarts several days ago. They had so much time to prepare and get settled in. You searched through your bag for a small pocket watch to check the time. You were going to be late but there wasn't much you could do about it. Replacing the watch into your bag you sigh and slide down comfortably into your seat. You start to drift off to sleep thinking you'll just rest a bit and change and freshen up before you arrive. Sadly that was not the case and a few hours later you were awoken by the conductor letting you know that you had reached Hogsmeade Station. You woke with a start.
"Oh crap," you mutter under your breath. You yell a thank you back at the conductor as you race off the train. You rush by Filch who is heaving your luggage off the train with angry grunts. "Thank you, hun," you say, placing a hand on his shoulder quickly to show your appreciation. He perks up a bit after. You rush towards the front gate and are stopped by the sudden sight of the carriage being pulled by thestrals. How curious, you think to yourself and reach up to pet one.
You hop into the carriage and enjoy the ride to the castle. It was a nice breather until the mad dash starts again. You step out of the carriage once it stops and are brought to an immediate halt at the sight of Hogwarts. You stand in awe of the castle, so lost in its beauty you almost forget about running late. That is until you hear bells chiming somewhere from the castle and realize that the meeting was supposed to start now. You run up the front steps whispering shit, shit, shit, shit with every step.
A ghost in the great hall grunts you in the right direction towards the teacher's lounge and you head there in a full sprint only stopping once outside the door to adjust. You straighten out your knee length black dress. It clings to you a bit. It's more so a slip as over it you have a sheer see through black lace cloth. It's an inch longer than the slip and it has flowing sleeves that hang over and around the sleeves of the slip. The slip has long sleeves that come to a point at your middle finger. Your nails are sharp and painted black. You've got sheer black hose underneath the dress and you're wearing black heeled boots. You pull a mirror out of your bag to check your long black hair. You stare back at your reflection for a moment. Anxiety fills your grey eyes. Your baby pink lips cracked from sleep. You lick them in an attempt to rid yourself from it. Lastly you straighten the pointed witches hat on your head and straighten out your cloak. You knock on the door softly and enter the room.
"Ah, Miss Osbourne, I had wondered when you would join us," said a stern looking witch.
You look around the room scanning the faces staring back at you, most smiled back. There was a short, plump witch and next to her an even shorter mustached man.. On the other side of the table however was someone who was not smiling. He looked rather uninterested in anything that was happening. He wore all black, had shoulder length black hair, and a hooked nose. At the head of the table was a stern looking woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun. You assume she is Headmistress McGonagall.
"Yes, sorry I'm so late," you say apologetically. You approach her to shake her hand and you sit in the seat next to her, across from the black haired man.
"Well, now we can begin. I want to introduce you all to Eris Osbourne. Professor Osbourne will be taking over the defense against the dark arts position as Severus," she said motioning to the black haired man, "has asked to return to his position as potions master and head of Slytherin in Professor Slughorn's departure." You and Severus make brief eye contact. "Professor Osbourne attended Ilvermorny, the North American wizarding school, and has been invited here personally by me. She has shown true potential in teaching our students. She fought in a battle against some wizards that were turning dark in the States."
You didn't like being boasted about, especially when it came to the battle, but you smile halfheartedly anyway, making eye contact again with Severus. He raises one of his eyebrows at you, as if challenging the idea that you could really hold your own in a duel. Perhaps he thought you were too small. Or perhaps he thought you too weak. You turn to McGonagall.
"Actually Headmistress, I was also hoping to discuss starting a dueling club here to help further teach students defensive and combative spells aside from in the classroom. I think it could be very beneficial and plus we could dedicate class time to other things. We had a club at Ilvermorny and I was the head of it as a student so I have some experience."
"I quite agree with Professor Osbourne," Severus spoke right after you. He had a rather deep voice that droned on and you felt as though you could fall asleep to it easily. "I'm afraid it seems the year we had the dueling club with Lockhart was a failure but the students seemed to be rather interested in the endeavor."
"Yes, well. I will see that we can attempt to get that up and running. I'm assuming, Severus, that you will be willing to help out with this?" McGonagall questioned him with a smirk.
"If need be then, yes."
The meeting carried on discussing the rules for the semester. There was a corridor students weren't allowed down, they were not allowed in the forbidden forest, etc. Term started in three days. You spent the rest of the meeting getting to know the other professors a bit and discussing Ilvermorny and what it was like. Severus had attempted to slip out unnoticed but McGonagall stopped him before he could.
"Oh, Severus. I was hoping you could show Miss Osbourne to her classroom and office as you have to head in the same general direction." She said this with a hint of a smile forming on her lips as Severus seemed dissatisfied with the request.
"Yes, Headmistress," he said, holding the door open for you. You quickly say your goodbyes, grab your bag, and follow him out the door. You follow him soundlessly through the castle and up the staircases. While waiting on some to move towards you Severus clears his throat.
"Ilvermorny, huh," he says eyeing you suspiciously out of the corner of his eye. "What made you accept this position?"
"I, uh, needed a change of scenery. Thunderbirds favor adventurers," you say with feign excitement.
"Thunderbird?"
"Yeah, that was my house," you say, forgetting Hogwarts houses are different. "And anyway, they didn't want me at Ilvermorny." You both stop walking in front of a dark wooden door.
"Didn't want you?" Severus starts to ask but you stop him.
"So… is this it?"
"Is this what?"
"My room. Is this it?" You ask, motioning to the wooden door.
"Oh, yes. Apologies. I hope you settle in well. I'm just down the hall if you need anything but please, don't need anything," he said this with what felt like forced kindness. He turned with a flourish of his cloak and headed down the dark hall.
You spent the three days before term getting your room organized. You dedicate one day to something specific. The first day was your private quarters. The second was the classroom and the third was a rough plan for the term. You had already worked on it all summer but things can always be improved. It was important to you that your first time teaching turned out well. You hadn't left your quarters until the third night, having your meals delivered to your room as you were so focused on your work. On the third night, however, you decided to wander the castle after your dinner. Out in the grand staircase you stood for a long time looking at all the moving pictures that lined the walls. There was a hall similar to this at Ilvermorny but it wasn't as huge a collection. You pass by the trophy room, taking in all the awards. As you make your way into the great hall you see McGonagall and Severus. You attempt to turn and head back to your room but the second McGonagall sees you she waves you over.
"Eris, Professor Snape and I were just about to head to Hogsmeade for a start of term butterbeer. Would you like to join?" She said this with the most genuine smile while Severus still looked relatively disinterested, except for when the headmistress looked at him. His expression softened just a fraction. It was the kind of look you'd give your mother.
"I was actually just heading-" you start but are immediately cut off by Severus.
"Nonsense. You will come with us as I haven't seen you leave your quarters once since you've arrived."
"Well then," said McGonagall, eyeing Severus coily. "You have to come. I will not allow you to return to your quarters until you've had at least two drinks with us." She turns with purpose linking one of her small frail arms with one of Severus'.
You follow behind them with a small distance between you and them. You listen as Severus discusses the potions curriculum with McGonagall and you can tell it's something he's really passionate about. You also get the sense that he really cares for and respects McGonagall. It's almost moving the way he looks at her. Severus really seems to show disinterest in everything except for potions and the headmistress.
"So, Eris," you look up quickly at the sound of your name. "What are your plans for the term? What are you going to teach the students?" He was testing you, you could tell that he was waiting for any moment to jump in and prove to be better at the dark arts than you.
"Well," you say, speeding up to walk between him and McGonagall and he seemed a little put off by it. "I really want to teach them some defensive spells first. I find that many just seem to gloss over defensive spells as if it's much more beneficial to be combative all the time. And while combative spells are obviously very important you need to know how to block and disarm. Before that though I think it would be very beneficial to also teach some lessons more oriented towards the understanding of the dark arts." You pause for a moment, registering their responses to that statement.
"Would you care to further clarify?" Severus asked with a great amount of interest in his voice for once. You also notice that he's looking at you with a brow furrowed in curiosity, one of his eyebrows lifting slightly.
"Yes, well I just mean that to understand the dark arts means to know the history of it. Who were some of the greatest dark wizards of all time? What drove them to be that way? And I don't mean that in a 'train them to understand dark magic so they can become dark wizards' way. I just mean that if you need to defend yourself from it then you need to fully understand what it is that you are defending yourself from. It's also a way to remove that fear. So many people fear the unknown and I think being informed on all of these things dark magic, dark wizards, etc can really help to make students understand what they could be up against once out there in the real world. Granted it's been rather calm since the defeat of Voldemort but we've seen small croppings of dark wizards throughout in the world."
"Just like in the States," added McGonagall nodding.
"Yes! Exactly! I think this would also be a good way to mix note taking and book work with being able to actually use our wands and practice magic."
"It seems you have it all planned out, Miss Osbourne, but if you do need any assistance I'm sure Severus here wouldn't mind helping out as he has always shown an immense interest in the dark arts. He was once professor, as you know."
"Yes, but the position seems to be cursed," said Severus in a deadpan tone.
"Cursed?" You stop walking and McGonagall and Severus keep walking ahead of you, their arms linked again, and a small smile of both of their faces. You follow them the rest of the way to Hogsmeade soundlessly. They carry on several small conversations along the way and you just listen from a distance behind them.
The little village of Hogsmeade was nice and quaint. The smell of sweets and the soon approach of fall fill your nose. You look around at all the little shops taking in the wonder. You manage to fall behind McGonagall and Severus as you look around the little village. You can only imagine how beautiful it would be with fresh snowfall.
"Come along, Osbourne. We're headed to the Three Broomsticks," McGonagall calls back to you and you are immediately pulled out of your trance. You jog up to them.
"I've never actually had butterbeer. We don't have it in the States," you say timidly.
"Well you're about to be in for a treat," McGonagall says as she holds the door to The Three Broomsticks open for you and Severus. You quickly find seats and order a butterbeer each. You enjoyed it and knew there would be plenty more to come tonight as you had an incredible sweet tooth and the drink hit the spot.
"Wow. These are amazing," you say finishing your second butterbeer of the night. "I'm disappointed we don't have these in the States."
"Well just be glad you were wanted here then," Severus said with that same voice that seemed to force kindness. The night went along slow as you took some time getting really comfortable talking to both of them but Severus mostly. You found him the most difficult to talk to. It was nice though. You had been so nervous you wouldn't be able to fit in or get along with anyone, really. After long McGonagall headed back to the school to rest for the next day which was sure to be busy for her. You were left alone with Severus who sat across from you quietly watching the rest of the patrons. You would have liked to leave, not because it was awkward, but because you knew you needed to get some rest as tomorrow will likely test your nerves. But there in your warmth from the butterbeer and the pleasant conversations you'd had you couldn't bring yourself to move.
Instead you snuck glances at Severus. You watched his eyes glide from customer to customer. He stared with such intent at times that you wonder whether he was reading their minds. You read that he was a skilled legilimens after all. When his head had turned so you could see his profile you traced his hooked nose with your eyes. There were no laughter lines on his face and you found that very sad. You were interested in Severus. He was mysterious and dark and you didn't quite understand what made him that way. You look away quickly as Severus catches you staring at him.
"Can I help you?" he asked, his eyes squinting at you just a fraction.
"Oh, I was just staring off into space. Sorry." You fidget with your empty butterbeer glass.
"We should probably be going soon," said Severus watching your fingers twist the glass around lightly. Neither of you made a move to leave. So you sat in silence for a bit longer. Neither wanting to face the awkward walk back either alone or together. It was almost one thirty in the morning when you finally make the decision to get up and leave.
"Well, I think it's about time I left," you say standing and grabbing your cloak. You start to leave but Severus pulls the door open for you.
"Do you really think I'd let you walk back on your own at night?"
"I was an auror once and I've fought off several dark wizards. I don't think I really need your protection," you say jokingly. Severus doesn't laugh.
"Just let me walk with you, Osbourne."
You walk in silence for sometime but just before you get to the last building before leaving the village you stop to listen to two voices, one of which is incredibly familiar. Realization dawns on you and you pull Severus into a dark alley.
"What are you doing?!" He starts to shout angrily but you put a hand over his mouth, which he immediately pulls away, and you shush him with a finger over your lips. He starts to protest but stops when he hears footsteps nearby slowly approaching you. The two voices, which are initially what made you stop, start up again. They're closer this time and you and Severus back further into the shadows, his body close to yours and you go rigid against him feeling strange to be that close to him.
"We shouldn't be this close to the school. She'll know I'm here," says one of the voices angrily in an almost hiss. This is the voice you recognized. He was American.
"How was I supposed to know she would be teaching at Hogwarts? Don't blame me," says another unfamiliar voice but this one had a scottish accent.
"We saw her in the Three Broomsticks. We shouldn't be here. We should have left hours ago. I can't go to Azkaban. I swear to god I'll kill her if I get the chance again."
"It's not like I want to go there either, Theo." And the two disapparated.
"Would you like to tell me what in the bloody hell is going on?" Severus says to you once they're gone. He looks angry and you are afraid of him for a moment.
"I can't. Not until I talk to McGonagall. It'll have to be in the morning. I need to sleep on this," you say walking back out onto the sidewalk shaking your head in disbelief. You feel your chest tighten. "We need to get back to the castle quickly. I can't be out here."
Once back at the castle you immediately rush back to your room and Severus follows you. You knew he wanted an answer to what happened in Hogsmeade but you didn't know if you could give one to him. Could you relive what happened last year when you fought those dark wizards? Could you relive what you had to do? You already have to relive it for McGonagall in the morning. Can you do it twice? You reach your room and you turn to Severus.
"Thank you for tonight," you say, your voice breaking a bit but you try to ignore it and turn to go back to your room but Severus grabs your arm. You don't turn to face him but you let him stop you.
"What happened out there? I'm not letting you go until you talk to me," he says to your back. You finally turn to face him, tears starting to fill your eyes.
"I can't," you try to say but you're choking on your words and it only comes out as a whisper. You feel your heart begin to race and you feel as though you can't breathe. Please not here, not with him, you start to think. You move to step around him but your knees buckle beneath you and you start to fall but Severus catches you and you crumple in his arms. He falls to the ground with you. "I-I can't… breathe. Panic… panic attack," you try to say to him but he shushes you. He holds you there until it passes. He holds you to him and you can feel his chest rise and fall against your back.
"Match my breathing. You'll be okay. You're safe," he says to you soothingly. He has such a deep voice and it really does help to calm you. Once your breathing returns to normal you push yourself away from him and lean your back against the wall next to your door. You bring your knees up to your chest and shield your face from him.
"I'm sorry," you say softly through broken sobs.
"What for?"
"That you had to see this."
"Look at me," he says pulling your arms from around your face and lifting your face up from your knees.
"But I'm such a mess," you say looking at him, tears streaming your face and you know they're colored black from your makeup.
"It's okay to be a mess sometimes. Look," he says taking one of your hands and helping you up. "Let me take you to my quarters and I'll make you some tea. You can rest and we can try to talk about this." You nod and allow him to lead you to his quarters, your hand still in his but you were too numb to register the feeling of it.
You reach the door to the potions classroom. Inside it was cold and dark. The walls were stone and lined with hundreds of ingredients. He leads you through a door off to the side of the room that lead to his office and bedroom. There was a drastic change between these two rooms. While his classroom was cold and uninviting his office and sleeping space was very different. It was warm and inviting. He sat you down in a large chair near his fireplace, which he lit, and he handed you a soft blanket.
"I'll be back momentarily with some tea," he said and headed out into his classroom again. You stared into the fire thinking about all that happened tonight. Would you be able to tell him what you did? He came back just a moment later with a cup of warm tea. It smelled faintly of honey. You took a sip and warmth ran over your body. You turn to face Severus sitting in a similar armchair opposite you.
"The story I'm going to tell you hurts. It's something I'm still not comfortable living with. I had to do something that I regret every day," you stop because you can feel a lump form in your throat and you felt like you might cry again. "But I trust you. That's why I'm telling you."
"I'm here to listen," he says and leans back in his chair, maintaining eye contact with you. "Begin whenever you're comfortable."
You take a deep breath and exhale. You drink some more of your tea, stalling, thinking of what to say, thinking of how to start. Your mind races but Severus never takes his eyes off you. You probably shouldn't but you find it comforting. You look him in the eyes finally ready to speak.
"Back when I was an auror and we had to fight those dark wizards that had started to appear in the States I was engaged to a man I would later have to face in battle. I was engaged to a man who would try to kill me." You stop and try to understand Severus' reaction to this but his expression hadn't changed since you entered his room. You shift your gaze and stare into the fire in his fireplace. "His name was Theo. I met him in school. He was in house Wampus. We got together in our last year at Ilvermorny. Last year we fought in the same field he proposed to me in two years prior. He was leading the group of dark wizards in the US. They called themselves Nex Angeli. They were a group of new age death eaters.
"For months I had been hunting down the man I was supposed to be starting a life with. I found out one night because he hadn't come home. So I tracked him down and I found him in a meeting. I didn't say anything, only watched. The group disbanded and I thought he was headed home so I tried to beat him there. He didn't return for another two hours. It was my own stupid mistake for not following him. When he returned he was bloody and bruised. He had the audacity to lie to me and say he had been attacked by the very group he was leading. I pretended to believe him. The next morning we met for battle. I had alerted MACUSA of their plans and we had planned a surprise attack. I had to kill my own fiance. I had to kill the man I loved." When you finally finished you had tears streaming your face. Your tea had gone cold and Severus had pain in his eyes.
"But that was Theo tonight in Hogsmeade. I heard the other wizard say his name," he said, just as confused as you were.
"Yes, I don't know how. Maybe he knew I knew what he was up to and that wasn't Theo I killed. Maybe it was someone who had drank polyjuice potion. I don't know. What I do know is he is incredibly dangerous."
"Let me make you a new cup of tea. Yours has gone cold," Severus said changing the subject. His hands were visibly shaking when he grabbed your cup. You couldn't help but wonder if this was bringing up bad memories for him as well. Fear of another dark wizard rising to power. How close had he been to death? You were too afraid to ask. Your eyes started to grow heavy with sleep and also from crying. I'll just rest my eyes until he gets back with the tea, you think.
The next morning you awake in Severus' bed but Severus is nowhere to be found. Did I sleep here last night? You think to yourself. You stand up and look around the room. You weren't able to appreciate how nice and homey it felt last night but the room makes you feel safe somehow. You stretch and head out into the classroom to look for Severus. You walk out to find him talking to McGonagall. They both turn to look at you and you flush bright red.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about. I've told McGonagall about what happened last night. I told her your story. We've alerted the Ministry. They'll be on the lookout for him. You're safe here at Hogwarts." You stand there for a minute looking from Severus to McGonagall. You point back to his room and start to say something about waking up in his bed. He didn't- there's no way we slept in the same bed, you think. As if reading your mind Severus says, "You were asleep before I got back with the tea. I didn't dare disturb you as you had a rough night. I put you in my bed so you could sleep comfortably."
"But where did you sleep?" You ask without hesitation or without thought, really.
"I didn't," he says as if it's nothing. You stare at him with a look of discomfort. "I tried to sleep in one of the armchairs but I just didn't feel comfortable knowing he was out there in Hogsmeade. He said he would try to kill you if he ever saw you again. I just couldn't sleep."
"If I may interject I think you'll be in good hands here, Eris. As you know we've got Harry Potter on our team of aurors now. He'll be by later on to ask you some questions about the encounter last night and any information you can give that will be helpful. I hope you are feeling up to it as I understand last night you suffered from a panic attack."
"Yes, I think I'll be fine but," you pause and walk over to where McGonagall and Severus are sitting. "If there's going to be a search I want to help. I failed to stop him before but I can't live with myself knowing he might hurt someone else."
"We need you here, Osbourne. We need you here training our future aurors so we can stop things like this from happening again," says Severus with a stern but sincere voice.
"Should we alert the students when they arrive?" You ask.
"Yes, I do think that would be a good idea. Now, you and Severus should go get some food. You've both had a long night. I hope the rest of your day runs smoothly. We've got the first feast back today." McGonagall says as she leaves the room.
"Come along, Osbourne. Let's get you some food," Severus says as he exists the classroom. You slip on your shoes and follow him out to the great hall. You try to straighten out your hair with your fingers as it's a bit of a mess from sleeping. You can almost guarantee that there's a ring of smudged black makeup around your eyes. When you enter the great hall you can see Harry Potter talking to Professor Flitwick and you immediately turn away.
"Oh no I can't talk to him right now," you say to Severus as you turn to leave. He follows you out. "I need to not look like I slept in your quarters right now." You say and you leave Severus standing by the doorway to closest girls bathroom. You come out feeling a bit better having washed off yesterday's smudged makeup and you've pulled your hair into a loose bun on the top of your head. "Okay. I feel better lets go." This time when you enter the great hall Harry notices you enter with Severus and he has a mischievous look on his face.
"Good to see you again, Potter," Severus says in a voice that leads you to believe that it really isn't that good to see him again.
"Good to see that you're at least getting along with someone, professor," Harry retorts back and Severus just turns to walk to the teachers table without another word. Harry then turns his attention to you, your face a little flushed. "You must be the new defense against the dark arts teacher? I'm Harry Potter." You shake his outstretched hand.
"Yes, I am. I'm Eris Osbourne. I know we have some important things to discuss but I wasn't expecting you so early. Do you mind if I eat while we talk?"
"Not at all," he says gesturing to the piles of food lining the teacher's table.
"Thank you so much. I'll be right back," you say and you rush up to the front to grab coffee, eggs, bacon, and two biscuits. Before you head back down Severus walks up next to you with a piece of half-eaten toast still in his hand.
"If he gets on your nerves, which isn't very hard for him to do, let me know and I'll get rid of him for you," Severus whispers to you in a joking manner. He was standing so close to you that your shoulder was brushing his arm. You wink at him, resting a hand on his arm, and tell him that he shouldn't be so hard on Harry before walking back down to join the auror.
"Is Snape still just as cold and cynical as he used to be?" Harry asks as you sit across from him. You shrug.
"He was when I first met him but he's been really helpful in getting adjusted," you pause for a minute. "I'm glad he was with me last night. It really helped to have him with me."
"Well he's seems to soften around you. Not to mention he hasn't stopped looking at you since you left him at the teacher's table." You choke on an egg when Harry says this and you look to see Severus watching you and he doesn't bother to hide it. There's an intense look in his eyes.
"He's just being concerned," you say taking a bite of your bacon.
"Anyway, let's discuss what happened last night. I know the basic story from Snape. He sent me an owl late last night."
"We were leaving the Three Broomsticks and I heard Theo's voice. I wasn't sure it was him at first but if it was I knew I needed to hide. Severus and I pulled back into a dark alley and waited for them to pass. I got a good look at him. It was definitely Theo."
"And there was another man with him?"
"Yes, Scottish, short shaggy brown hair. I didn't recognize him."
"Did you get a name?"
"No, I didn't." You stop speaking and adjust the way you're sitting. You were getting anxious. "Theo's hair is much longer than when I last saw him. It's long now and pulled back into a ponytail. He's grown a beard and is very skinny."
"Now," said Harry readjusting in his seat. "When you last saw him you were dueling and you killed him?"
"Yes, at least, I thought so. I mean, I was definitely dueling someone who looked like him."
"And you're positive that you saw Theo Bates in Hogsmeade last night."
"Yes! Who else would I have seen?!" you say a bit louder than you intended and you see Severus shift at the teachers table.
"Calm down, Miss Osbourne. I'm only asking just to make sure."
"I'm sure I can recognize my ex-fiance easily enough, Mr. Potter," you say mimicking a tone even Severus would be proud of. Severus came and stood next to you, placing a tentative hand on your shoulder and you jump at his touch.
"If she says it's him, Potter, then it's him. I trust her to tell the truth."
"Alright then. Well, I'll be going. We've got a search underway. If you hear anything new let us know. Have a good day, Miss Osbourne," Harry says before he leaves and you turn to Severus. You stand so you aren't having too look up at him from your seat. You're still very short compared to him.
"Thank you. For last night. For just now. Thank you." And without thinking about it you hug him. Your arms wrapped around his torso and your head buried into his chest. His arms raise in surprise but he never touches you. Your face gets hot from embarrassment and the tears forming in your eyes. "I'm sorry. I should go." You turn to leave and you see McGonagall clapping softly at the teachers table. No doubt cheering the idea of someone giving Severus affection. You're feeling overwhelmed. Embarrassment from hugging Severus and waking up in his bed this morning, anger at Harry for questioning you, gratitude and confusion that Severus is being so kind to you, and sadness or betrayal at Theo. You don't know how to process it all other than crying. You cover your mouth stopping a sob from escaping and you rush out of the great hall to your room.
Once in your room you don't know what to do with yourself. Your class is prepared for tomorrow. Your room is always clean. You change into clean clothes and head for the school grounds. Maybe a nice walk outside in the fresh air is just what you need. You grab a book to bring with you in hopes you find somewhere nice to sit and read. After walking for sometime you find a nice shady spot under a tree near the lake to read. You had been here reading for what felt like an eternity even though you know it can't have been more than an hour.
"I used to come here and read," you hear Severus say behind you. You close your eyes and take a deep breath before he comes to sit next to you. "Look about what happened…"
"Can we just forget it ever happened?" You snap at him not wanting to think about it again.
"It's forgotten."
"I was just feeling very overwhelmed. It won't happen again," you say opening your book back up and continuing to read as if Severus wasn't there.
"That's one of my favorites," he says pointing to the cover of your book. "Judging by the breakage in the spine I can tell you read it a lot."
"It's a good book. A great story of selfless sacrifice." You pause awkwardly. "It was my father's."
"Were you two close?"
"Yes, until he passed, much closer than my mother and I. My mother never particularly liked me."
"It was the opposite for me. My father never liked anything much." He turned to look at you. "Is your mother a muggle?"
"Both of my parents are actually. My father was much more accepting of having a daughter that is also a witch."
"I'm sorry." He looks out at the lake, a distant look in his eye and you close your book finally to listen to him. "I'm trying to be more open with you. You told me something that was hard for you to talk about last night and I feel like I pushed you. It's only fair that I open up to you."
"No, no it's fine. I needed to talk about it. I hadn't told anyone before last night because, I guess, somewhere in my mind I thought that if I didn't talk about it it never happened. Theo and I just weren't right for each other. It was just a break up. I didn't kill him or, at least, didn't try to. I know none of those things are true but somewhere in my mind I tried to lock away the truth so I didn't have to face it because it hurt too much."
"You don't have to talk about it anymore. It's okay," he says to you.
"I know. Thank you," you say and you lean your head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I hugged you. I don't know why I did that."
"Emotions make us do strange things, Osbourne, it's okay. It was just a hug. I'll be okay." He fell silent.
"Sev," you feel him go rigid under your cheek. "Can I ask you something?" He shifts awkwardly under you and he hesitantly leans his head against yours.
"Depends on the question."
"Why are you so closed off all the time?" You feel him sigh. "I'm sorry you don't have to answer."
"No, it's fine. I understand why you asked I just-," he pauses.
"You can't talk about it. I get it. If you ever feel like you need to talk about it I'll be here to listen." Neither of you say anything after that for a while. You both drift off and are awoken a few minutes later by Hagrid.
"Ah, Professor Snape, didn' see ya there. Sorry fer waken' ya," he says with a wide smile on his face. When he wanders off you hear him mumble something about "telling McGonagall. She'll be so happy." Severus shifts out from under you softly.
"I better go follow the oaf and see what he's so happy to be telling Minerva." He leaves you and the feeling of suddenly being alone feels heavier than it's ever been. You lean your head back against the trunk of the tree and look up at the sky through the leaves. What am I doing? I can't let myself get attached to someone else. Especially someone I barely know. Severus is just a good friend. He's just a coworker. Your mind is racing. There is a bell ringing in the distance and you realize it's getting close to five o'clock. You head inside to change into an outfit for the feast and you fix your hair and makeup. You head down to the great hall and take your place next to Severus at the teachers table. No doubt the seating arrangement was McGonagall's doing in an attempt to push you and Severus closer.
"Are you ready for the feast?" Severus asks you.
"Actually, yes. I've been wanting to teach for such a long time and I'm just so happy McGonagall has given me this opportunity."
"She is big on giving people chances," he says with a pained look in his eyes.
"Sounds like that came from a personal experience."
"Yes." And he didn't say anything more. An hour later the students were brought into the hall. The first to be brought in were the students that had been sorted before the battle. There was a lot of loud chatter in the few minutes before Hagrid brought in the first years. No doubt from all the excitement about being back at school again. You watch the students get sorted and there was a great cheer after as this was the first moment the school had seen new students since they lost so many in the battle.
"This is the smallest group of incoming first years Hogwarts has ever seen," Severus whispered to you.
"I wonder why," you say looking around the room at the students and the joy on their faces from being back at Hogwarts.
"Probably because of the dark wizards cropping up and the last time Hogwarts was open we were attacked by Voldemort," Severus says and you look down in sadness.
"And now that Theo is out and about-" You trail off. Severus starts to say something but is cut off by McGonagall.
"Welcome everyone to a new year at Hogwarts. I know it has been a while since the last time our doors were open but we are ready and stronger than ever. This school will always have the ability and resilience to bounce back no matter what is thrown at us. Now, without further ado we would like to welcome our newest defense against the dark arts professor," McGonagall motions for you to stand. There was a small applause. You stand and nod your head towards the students to say 'hello' and you give a quick smile and wave before sitting back down. "This is Professor Osbourne. She came all the way from the United States to teach you so please show her some respect especially as she tries to become more accustomed to living in this new place," she turns to smile at you.
McGonagall talks for some time about many of the things covered in the meeting your first day at Hogwarts. You stare out at the students, split by their houses. McGonagall begins to warn the students about Theo and you look down, your eyes closed, trying not to think about what could happen if he's not caught. She explains to the students that it should not affect their Hogsmeade trip later in the year but there is a chance it could and the crowd groans.
"Now, let the feast begin!" announces McGonagall after some time and food spreads across the tables. There were foods of all kinds. You had never seen anything like it. You fill your plate with small portions of everything wanting to try it all and also make up for your lack of eating recently.
"Hungry, are we?" Severus says next to you.
"Uh, yes, actually," you say stumbling over your words a bit. "I haven't eaten a lot since I've been here, to be honest," you say, stuffing your face.
"And why not?"
"Because I've been fully immersed in my work and it hasn't crossed my mind to stop to eat. I've just forgotten entirely and, to be honest, I've also been a little too anxious to eat. Plus, today it's just been hard to settle my mind."
"Anxious about classes?"
"Yeah. New place, new students. I've never taught before. How do I know I'll be good? I've always loved the dark arts and I want these students to love it too. I want them to understand it's more than just 'dark' arts. It's not just a dark wizard thing." You were talking a mile a minute. "What if I'm not a good enough professor?" You finally stop talking and Severus just stares at you for a moment, a hint of concern in his eyes.
"I'll just stop you right there. You very clearly care. This is important to you, yes?" You nod, not looking at him. He takes a bite of his food before continuing. "Then you'll be fine. Don't stress too much. Plus, I did some research on you and I think you'll do fine." He hesitates for a minute. "Look at me," he says and you look at him, his eyes bore into you. "You'll be fine. Now eat." You stare at him for a moment, confused by his concern. "Please," he says, pushing some bread onto your plate. "And get some rest tonight." He takes a final sip of his pumpkin juice and heads to speak to McGonagall.
You take a bite of a roll you stuffed some ham into and stare out at the students. You notice some, mostly slytherins, staring back at you with curious looks on their faces and you can't help but wonder if it's because they could see Severus' concern for you. It must be unusual behaviour for him. You look away, a little embarrassed, and stuff your mouth with food. You catch Severus looking at you out of the corner of your eye and you feel your cheeks flush. You can see him hold back a chuckle. You avoid his eyes the rest of the night, even when he sits back down next to you. You can feel him stop himself a couple times from speaking to you. He felt rigid and tense next to you. After you finish eating you stand quickly, whispering a soft 'goodnight' to Severus, and head back to your quarters before the feast had ended without a single look back at him.
You shower once back at your quarters. It's so warm and you hope that the heat will wash away your discomfort from the day. Your thoughts start to race through your mind. Why did he have to be so nice? Why did that make you so uncomfortable? You finished showering ten minutes ago but the warmth is so calming and welcoming. You lean your head back with your eyes closed and let the water run over your face. The heat stinging your eyes. Your mind flashes back to an old memory of Theo and you feel a pang in your chest. Hatred? Sadness? You don't know but your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at your door.
"Just a minute!" You yell and shut the water off. You grab your black night dress and pull it on after drying off. You open the door to your chamber and come face to face with Severus. You immediately feel the need to cover up even though there is nothing remotely revealing about your dress.
"Can I come in?" He says softly.
"Sure, of course." You mumble yes a few more times and a welcome to him as you grab a long sweater and pull it around you. You stand there for a minute watching him walk around your room, your wet hair dripping to the floor with small little tinkling sounds. Your room's walls are lined with books, old records, and potion ingredients. You walk over to the fireplace and point your wand at it. Little bursts of fire fly out and light the logs.
"You've got quite the collection here," Severus says, a hand tracing across a couple of your no-mag books.
"What are you doing here?" You ask, folding your arms across your chest and avoiding his comments about your books and avoiding his eyes as best as you can.
I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You rushed from the great hall so quickly I was concerned you might be sick, you know, because today was stressful for you. I brewed you a potion in hopes it would help." He hands you a vial. "But as I can now see," he gestures to your potion ingredients. "You probably don't need it." He rubs his hands together. He seems a bit embarrassed. Or maybe vulnerable?
"I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed." You watch his hands, their continuous motion. You find yourself wondering whether they are soft or rough from years of potion making. You can just see a few burns and scars lining his hands and fingers. You shake the thought from your mind. "I'm sorry if I worried you," You say almost yelling at him, hoping to stop the thoughts of his hands. "I just needed to be alone for a bit." He drops his hands to his sides.
"I'll just be going then," he says heading for the door but you run in front of him to block him off.
"No, no, no, I didn't mean," you stop speaking to push yourself between him and the door. Looking up at him you're shocked by how close he is to you. His face so close to yours you can feel his breath. He smelled faintly of pepperup potion and you can only assume that was the potion he brewed for you. His eyes linger on yours and you could have sworn that they dipped down to your lips for a moment before he turned away from you to stand in front of your fireplace.
"I really should go. You should probably rest," he says, not looking at you but part of you wishes he would.
"Yeah. I probably should." You agree with him but you know that once he's gone you'll lay in bed for hours unable to sleep because you will be over analyzing every aspect of this interaction tonight. You follow him out into the corridor.
"I hope your first class goes well tomorrow. Don't overthink it, Osbourne. You'll be great," he says all this without looking at you. He turns away from you with what seemed like disappointment. He gets a few strides away from you before you call out to him. He turns to look at you finally, a softness in his eyes. "Yes?" He asks as you take a small step closer to him.
"I just wanted to thank you," you say and he raises an eyebrow at you waiting for a further explanation. "For- for the potion. It was really very thoughtful." You could see him hold back a smile but the corners of his mouth twitched up in protest.
"Goodnight, Osbourne."
The next morning you drink the pepperup potion Severus gave you hoping for the chipper mood that comes with it. You dress in a black pant suit, black cloak, and black boots. You head down the corridor towards the great hall for breakfast. You notice there's a bit more pep in you compared to last night and you're thrilled that the potion is improving your mood. You head over to the teacher's table where there is already food spread across its surface. You see Severus sitting alone at the far end of the table, reading the daily prophet, and eating a piece of toast.
"Good morning, Sevy." You say, sitting next to him with a plate of eggs and bacon. You sit in silence for a beat. "Oh my god. I'm sorry. I really don't know why I called you that." You drop your face into your hands in embarrassment.
"You smell like pepperup. The potion can sometimes have stronger effects on witches or wizards who need that extra perk for various reasons," he says turning towards you and folding the newspaper and setting it on the table.
"I've had it before but it's never affected me quite like this."
"Obviously you've never had one brewed quite this strong then. Or this well," he says matter-of-factly and turns back to his breakfast.
"Are you insulting my potion making skills?"
"You can't be good at everything, Osbourne," Severus says holding back a chuckle and takes a sip of his coffee. You stare at him open-mouthed and smiling but it fades quickly.
"Is the position actually cursed?" You ask, turning to face him so he could see how serious you are. "Is that what's happening right now? Is it the curse?" Severus choked on his coffee.
"That was just a joke, Osbourne," he says placing a tentative hand on your shoulder. "The position isn't cursed. We just say that because we lose defense against the dark arts teachers every year for various reasons. The effects of the potion should wear off in an hour or two."
"Oh no! I have class in half an hour." You try to sound displeased but the potion counteracts that and instead you sound thrilled. Or at least fake thrilled. You sigh and sink down into your chair.
"This should be a very interesting class," Severus says taking a sip of his coffee. "I almost wish I could be there to watch you fail."
"I. Could. Use. Some. Support!" You say hitting him on his arm with his newspaper with every word. You toss it back down onto the table. "This is all your fault, by the way."
"I'll make sure I never brew you another potion again."
"Hey! That's not fai-"
"Look at the time, shouldn't you be heading off to class?" He says interrupting you. You huff at him and head to class. As if I wasn't already anxious enough, you think to yourself as you walk into your classroom. It was full with a mixed class of students from each house. The chatter stopped the second you walked in.
"Good morning, class," you say as you walk to the front of the room. You turn to face the class once you reach your desk. "I'm Professor Eris Osbourne. Today is just going to be a relaxing, get to know everyone type of class. I feel it is important to know each of you to build a relationship." You look around the room at the students, judging their reactions. They seem hesitant. "Anyway, as I said, I'm Professor Osbourne. I attended Ilvermorny in the United States and now I'm here teaching you." A Ravenclaw in the back of the room raised her hand and you call on her.
"Weren't you an auror before?" She asks this as if she already knew the answer.
"Why, yes!" You were surprised that she knew. "I was an auror in the states. This is my first time teaching." You notice that Severus had slipped silently into the room and was leaning against a back wall. He catches you staring and brings a finger up to his lips, shushing you from announcing his entrance. A couple students had a few more questions about life in the states, life as an auror, what MACUSA was like, and about Ilvermorny.
"So, that makes you our youngest professor currently, right?" Asks a slytherin girl. When you nod she turns to another slytherin next to her and whispers, "She's only a couple years younger than Professor Snape." The class erupts into giggles and whispers.
"Alright, that's enough," you say feeling your face flush and noticing Severus' discomfort in the back of the room. "Let's talk about what we're doing this term." As you start discussing boggarts and patronuses you notice Severus slip out of the room. Once class was dismissed you went to to walk the students out but Severus met you at the door. Some of the students noticed and started whispering amongst themselves. Severus closed his eyes in irritation. He opened them to look at you.
"How did your class go?" He asked.
"Great. Uh, great."
"Great. Can I talk to you?" He seemed rather in a hurry to be out of the hall.
"Sure but I have a class soon." You escort him up to your office. "What did you-" you start but notice there's some discomfort on his face. "What's wrong?" You ask but he didn't say anything. "You can talk to me Sev." His eyes met yours. They were soft but there was a hint of fear or… hurt? You weren't sure but it made you concerned.
"It's nothing. Forget I said anything. I have a class." He turns to leave but when he pulls open the door he is faced with a full classroom and you notice that he immediately tenses up. The class bursts into excited whispers.
"Th-thank you professor for the, uh, the potion advice. I will try it out later," you say attempting to diffuse the situation.
"Yes, if you aren't too incompetent you shouldn't have too much of a problem following the instructions I gave you." And with a quick flourish of his cloak he left the room and the class fell silent, looking back forth from one another to you. You spent this class the same as the last but when you open up the class for questions a hufflepuff girl asks a question you weren't prepared for.
"So, do you like Professor Snape?" You hear a couple people gasp and the room gets dead silent.
"Well of course. He's been a great help getting adjusted to life here at Hogwarts. He's not as grumpy as you guys think he is."
"Yeah, after the defeat of Voldemort he was less harsh," a slytherin student spoke up. "I guess all that time spent as a double agent weighed on him a lot."
"Not to mention losing the love of his life," said a gryffindor.
"Okay, alright. Moving on," you say and just like in the last class you change the subject back to classwork this term. Another hour passed while you discussed the term. "Alright, class is dismissed. Next class let's try and keep discussion of our other professor's private lives to a minimum please." You keep a smile on your face until the last student leaves. You sigh and drop down into your desk chair, happy for the breather until your next class in two hours. You lean your head back against your chair and close your eyes. What did they mean by 'the love of his life,' you wonder. Your thoughts are interrupted by a light tap on your open door.
"Rough first day? You hear McGonagall say.
"No, no. It's been great," you say sitting up to look at her.
"That's good. Severus recommended that I come and check up on you." You look at her a bit confused. Did he now, you think.
"Can I ask you something, headmistress?"
"Yes, of course, dear. What about?"
"About Severus." you say, a bit hesitant, looking at McGonagall out of the corner of your eye.
"Oh, yes. He seems rather interested in you and it's honestly rather nice considering how much of a loner he is." You just stare at her for a minute, a bit shocked and your face started to flush. "Is that not what you were going to ask?" You assume she could tell by your shocked expression that she was right. "I'm so sorry. What were you going to ask? I just get ahead of myself sometimes. I care for him like a son and i just want to see him happy." You nod hearing the sincerity in her words.
"I wanted to ask you about his past? I had a couple students mention something about a 'lost love.' They had also mentioned his work as a double agent, which I'm familiar with as I read up on him before working here. I just didn't know-"
"That he was capable of love," says McGonagall interrupting you. "Not many people do. It's a sad story. It's weighed on him for a while. Her name was Lily Evans. She had a doe patronus. She was such a beautiful and bright student. Her and Severus were childhood friends. She was the only friend he had. Severus didn't grow up in a great home. He was poor and his father was abusive. To him and his mother but Lily was always so good for him. When they got to Hogwarts Lily was sorted into gryffindor and Severus was sorted into slytherin. They remained friends but their relationship became strained as his feelings for her grew and as she developed feelings for James Potter, a fellow gryffindor. A man who relentlessly bullied Severus.
"For all the good that James did and how good of a man he became he was a terrible bully in his time here at Hogwarts. Severus would fight back but James and his three friends would gang up on him. I've asked both Severus and James why he bullied him but I've never gotten a clear answer. Severus has said that James bullied him solely because he existed which seems ridiculous to me. One day in particular Severus was humiliated by James in front of the whole school out in the courtyard and Lily laughed at him. Severus called her a mudblood. It hurt Lily to hear him say it and she never forgave him. He tried to apologize as it only came from a place of pain. She never would have loved Severus. He was too into the dark arts and Lily vehemently hated the dark arts. She would have changed Severus in order to love him. Severus had felt so much guilt about what he called Lily. He always wanted to apologize to her but he never got the opportunity. She married James Potter and the rest is history."
"She was murdered by Voldemort and that's why Severus became a double agent."
"Yes, it's a rather sad story, isn't it? But I've seen him feel more comfortable and almost happy around you in the last few days. You've been so great for him." You look down after she says this. "I think he's also been great for you. I also think he sees a lot of himself in you." She pauses briefly, eyeing you before speaking softly. "I see a lot of him in you too."
At this you look down at your hands and fiddle with a loose thread on the hem of your jacket. Is this why he's been so nice to me, you ask yourself. You sit in silence for some time until it grows heavy and you become uncomfortable.
"I think I'm going to rest. Take some time to be alone before my next class," you say getting to your feet to escort McGonagall out.
"I'll have your lunch sent up to your room if you'd like?"
"Yes, please. Thank you," you say with a forced smile on your face. You return to your quarters and slide down into one of the large armchairs facing your fireplace. It doesn't take long for your food to arrive but you can barely eat it. You send the plate back to the kitchens with barely half of it eaten. Two hours later and you've finished your last class of the day. You return to your room and curl into your bed and wrap into a blanket. You're exhausted emotionally. These last couple days have been rough. You start to doze off to sleep but you are interrupted by a light knock at your door. You shout that it's unlocked and Severus steps into the room.
He looks just as exhausted. You want to retreat further into your blankets. You want to put some kind of barrier between you and him. You don't know if you can look at him right now. You don't push the blankets up. Instead you sit up and watch him stay by the door, keeping his distance. He folds his hands together in front of him.
"I didn't see you at lunch. I wanted to make sure you were alright," Severus said not taking his eyes off you.
"I'm okay," you say without breaking eye contact. He's trying to read you. You can tell by the slight squint in his eyes and the growing crease between his brows that deepens when he is concentrating. I can't get away from this man, you think to yourself. "I just chose to eat alone. I've got a lot on my mind."
"Is it Theo?" Severus asks.
"That's part of it." You thought about lying and telling him that was all it was but you couldn't bring yourself to do it.
"May I ask what else is bothering you?"
You hesitate. "Do you visit the other professors this much, Severus? Or is it just me?"
"I only came because I was concerned for your protection. Forgive me but we only just heard the other night that there is a man you once tried to kill lurking only a few miles from here saying he'd kill you when he got the chance. If that is a problem then I will gladly go," he snapped. You could tell he was upset but you couldn't stop yourself.
"I just don't think we should be visiting each other's quarters on the daily, do you?" You stare him down. You can feel your face getting hot. "I mean, what would the other professors think? The students are already talking and McGonagall keeps trying to-to-"
"To what?!" He yells, interrupting you. It broke you.
"I can't be what you want me to be, Severus. I can't be this person that I'm not."
"And, pray tell, what do I want you to be?"
"I'm not her. I'm not Lily," you say in almost a whisper and you can see the immediate hurt on his face. It crushes you. He storms out of the room, slamming your door so hard it bounces back and hits the wall behind it. Your last view of him is his black cloak waving behind him before your door swings shut again.