Disclamer…Don't we already know this crap by heart now…? I don't own anything related to FMA…cept some DVDs I purchased

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Edward Elric, the FullMetal Alchemist, opened his eyes slowly. The fog of morning still clouding his mind, he slowly lifted his head. Eyes focussing only halfway, he looked at what was not his bed, noticing something somewhat round that was not a pillow. Raising his head slightly more he noticed something that was not the headboard of his bed. Most of his noticings were of a pale color. At the very top of the blurry mystery not-bed was a blob of golden color. Ed, tired of guessing, rubbed his eyes a bit, relieving them of some haze. He looked back at the not-bed object only to realize that, not only was it not a bed, but it was in fact a person. More to the point, it was a person he knew. His brain was still half dead just now so he couldn't quite place it yet.

'Oh, god… blond hair… pale skin… Winry…?' he thought slowly the realization only making half the impact it should. 'No, wait… Winry isn't this tall… Oh what a relief, It's just Hawkeye…Waaaaaittaminute… HAWKEYE!? Oh damn! Baddreambaddreambaddream! Go back to sleep before she wakes up and kills you or you won't be able to wake up!!'

And with that he lay his head back on the soft cushion that was apparently Riza Hawkeye, and slept. Minutes later, he still slept.

More minutes later, there was finally a stirring. The blonde head was finally raised. And with some rubbing of eyes there was a vocalized, "Ahh that's much better" Thoughts entering the mind stated, 'I don't remember my sheets being so heavy…'

It was at this point that the stirring blond looked down to see, propped comfortably and deeply asleep…

Black Hayate.

Slightly above Black Hayate however was something Riza Hawkeye had certainly not expected to see.

"Oh dear god, I must've been really drunk last night…" she said as she poked the sleeping figure of Edward Elric. "Guess it's to be expected… I mean we did drink a lot last night… and I was voted most likely to have an incredibly embarrassing experience… Well… all I have to do is make sure Havoc and the others… and especially that pervert, Mustang, don't hear about this…" she continued aloud only to be interrupted.

"Find out about what Alpho- Ohshititwasn'tadreamI'mgonnadienow!!!" Ed blurted as he woke rather startled. "Knock it off!!" Hawkeye yelled punching him in the head. "And get off me we, need to get dressed…"

At that remark the younger of the blondes stood up and for the first time it hit him, he was staring a very naked Riza Hawkeye. "H-Hey, quit staring! Get dressed!…NOW!" she scolded him, and despite all of the blood in his body rushing madly to his face, he somehow managed to scurry away.

'Must've been something really good last night… Clothes are all over the place…' he thought to himself.

Riza Hawkeye saw only two options: Decide to go public with the fact that she had apparently had a night full of horribly embarrassing and reputation marring sex with Edward Elric,

OR

Spend the rest of her life trying to hide it while keeping the FullMetal alchemist at arm's length to make sure he didn't let it slip. Guns might help here… but it might seem conspicuous if she suddenly shot him for no apparent reason…

"I've got a better idea!" Ed chimed in forcing the lieutenant to realize she'd spoken all of that aloud. Walking over to the phone Ed dialed a few numbers and waited…

"Hello? This is Colonel Mustang."

"Colonel It's me."

"FullMetal? Where are you? I've got a new assignment for you."

"Alright, but first I need you to do me a favor."

"What is it?"

"I need you to fill out some forms for me…"

"You want me to fill out forms for you…

"Yeah, I need the standard inter-personnel fraternization forms."

"FullMetal are you positive that you have the right forms in mind?"

"Maybe I should explain…"

"Maybe you should."

"Well… Colonel… Riza and I are dating!"

Sputtering and coughing can be heard over the phone, as the ever-cool Flame alchemist becomes the equivalent of a coffee volcano.

"cough cough Alright I'll get on it… Nevermind about the assignment."

"Oh, why's that?"

"I was gonna have you track down the lieutenant, she's been out a few days and no one could find her. I'll see you later then, FullMetal."

"Alright Colonel" Ed said hanging up. "So what's your big idea Edward? And who was that?" Hawkeye questioned with genuine wonder.

"Oh I took care of it. Oh and that was Mustang, I told him we were dating! He's filling out the paperwork now…" and suddenly with Ed's final words, 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye blacked out… and there was a slight foaming at the mouth shortly after…

A/N: Reality will no longer exist in part 2, just a warning…

Mustang: Yes if you really value your sanity you won't read the next part.

A/N: Actually I was warning you all… I want them to read the next part… that's when the real fun begins…

Hawkeye: foams and gurgles

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A/N: I really feel I don't get many reviews… so…. REVIEW YOU LEECHES!!! Ahem I mean please review it keeps me writing….