I own nothing at all.

Warning: Not Morelli friendly

Deserves What he Gets

My name is Stephanie Plum and I live in Trenton New Jersey. I'm a 5'7, 110 lbs, blue eyed curly haired brunette. I currently have two men in my life, my on again / off again boyfriend Joe Morelli who is the Italian Stallion and a Trenton cop. Morelli is 6'2, 220 lbs with bedroom eyes and messy brown hair. The other man in my life is Ricardo Carlos Manoso a.k.a. Ranger who is a 6'0, 200 lb Cuban American with deep brown eyes and long black hair and owns a security company named Rangeman, Inc. I was done with Morelli but he didn't seem to be getting it. I had informed him last night that I was done yet again, but he informed me that I would change my mind. I was currently sitting at my mother's dinner table eating with my mother, Helen, my father, Frank, and Grandma Mazur. Then, there was Joe Morelli sitting across the table from me with a shit eating grin on his face. It was a very uncomfortable dinner.

My mother took a sip of wine, "So Stephanie, I can book the hall for next month. I already talked to Karen Sysnack and they have a Saturday afternoon open since Mary Kelowski eloped to Vegas. We need to start planning right away."

I sighed, "Mother, who is it that you think I'm marrying next month?"

"Why Joseph of course."

I glared at him, "I'm not marrying Morelli ever. We broke up last night."

Joe smiled at me, "Now Cupcake, you know you didn't mean it. You never do. We'll get married next month." He winked. "Our mother's have it under control."

I stood up, "I'm never marrying you Joseph Anthony Morelli! I'm gone. I won't be back in this house until you understand that I'm not a puppet to be played with just to make you sick people happy."

Grandma got up and hugged me, "Stand up for yourself Granddaughter and never let them bully you."

My dad just sat quietly impassive as always. I stopped next to him and said, "Yo, Dad. Grow some and speak for a change."

I walked out without a backward glance. I drove aimlessly around for a while thinking before ending up back at my apartment. I climbed the stairs and went in my door. I pulled out my mace and did a quick apartment check to make sure Morelli hadn't showed up. He still had my key.

I gave my hamster, Rex, a carrot as I explained what had happened before watching

Ghostbusters. As I sat there watching my movie, I thought about what had happened that night and at previous dinners. The more I thought the more nervous I felt so I got up and loaded the little .38 that I kept in my cookie jar. I got ready for bed and put the .38 under my pillow after propping a chair up under my door knob.

I had just fallen asleep when I heard my door banging open and the chair giving way. I sat up suddenly and grabbed my gun while keeping it under the sheet. I watched as Morelli staggered into my bedroom, smelling like a cheap bar.

Morelli stopped at the foot of my bed, "Good, you're in bed already. I came to get you pregnant so you have to marry me."

I rolled my eyes. "Get out Morelli. I don't want anything to do with you."

He didn't listen and lunged towards me as I ran from the bed towards my bedroom doorway. He slurred, "Cupcake, come here. The boys miss you. Cupcaaaake. Gimme' some sugar."

I backed out of my bedroom doorway and Morelli was stalking close behind. He had his pants unbuttoned and unzipped and now almost to his knees and his service revolver was flapping against his backside. His hands were out and reaching for me. I headed towards my front door but tripped on the broken chair. He was on me in an instant and went to pull my panties down when I kicked him and wiggled out from under him. I grabbed his cell phone and dialed Ranger's number.

I heard his gruff voice, "Morelli. Why the fuck are you calling me?"

I said, "Ranger, help please. Joe's here and he's drunk. He was planning to rape me or something. I broke up with him. Please help me get him out..."

I heard him moving around, "Babe, are you alright? I'm on my way."

Joe said, "Cupcake, why you playing so hard to get? Everybody wants the Italian stallion. Phhttttt, neeeee."

He was now crawling towards me with his pants around his knees. Jeez. I was embarrassed for him. He had just reached in his boxers when the door opened and Ranger walked in. "You okay, Babe?"

"Yeah. He's really drunk. I broke up with him and our mothers are trying to get us to the alter in a month. He was making an attempt to impregnate me."

Ranger was grinning. "Why are you grinning? What if he had raped me?"

"Babe, you've been sleeping with him for over two years. Aren't you fixed for the pregnancy problem?"

I flipped him off. "I still make sure he always wears a raincoat. What are you going to do with him?"

He grinned. "We'll find a good place to dump him and take his truck home."

He walked over and kissed me on the lips and pulled me against him ending with a hand on my ass. Then he gave me a wolf grin and picked up Morelli and headed out the door. I stuffed Morelli's phone in his back pocket before they got out the door.

Waking the next morning, I made coffee before taking a shower. While I was eating a bowl of cereal, I checked my phone messages. There was a message from Eddie Gazarra with an attachment. I opened it and choked on my Cheerios. It was Joe sleeping on the courthouse steps naked from the waist down except for his boots and he was holding his gun. The firearm one.

I had received texts and more photos of Morelli all day along with some nasty ones from Angie Morelli and my mother. Today had been a Rangeman work day and I was glad not to have to go to the station. I stopped at the deli for a sub sandwich and some chips on my way home. I ate, had a couple beers and called it an early night.

I was awakened during the night by a sudden weight on my chest and hands wrapped around my neck. I smelled the liquor on his breath and knew who it was before I opened my eyes.

"Hello again, Cupcake. You're going to get pregnant and a little extra from me tonight. You think you and and your friends can just embarrass me and get away with it? Me and my boys are gonna' bang you up good."

He took one hand and unzipped while he squeezed harder with the other hand and I reached under my pillow and pulled my stun gun out and right when he reached in to pull Billy bat and the boys out, I zapped him. He went limp on top of me. I felt around in his pockets and pulled out his phone and dialed Ranger.

"What the fuck, Morelli?"

I whimpered, "Ranger, help please. He's dead weight on top of me. I can't breathe. Get him off me Ranger..."

"Hold on. I'll be there in five."

I hung up the phone. Morelli's dead weight was pressing down on my chest making it really hard to catch a good breath. It wasn't but a few minutes that felt like years before Ranger, Tank, Lester, Bobby, and Hector were coming in. Tank immediately came and threw Morelli's limp body off of me while Bobby came to check me out.

Bobby held a stethoscope to my chest, "Breath deep for me Steph. It's alright."

As I breathed for Bobby, Ranger was sitting on the bed with me holding me close and safe.

Lester checked Morelli's body, "He's shit-faced." He chuckled. "All you did was give him the equivelent of a happy ending with that zap. He even has the boner."

I growled, "Screw you, Santos!"

I started crying, "The window is open. He came up the fire escape and he was choking me tonight. He was going to rape me this time. He's not going to stop."

Ranger was shushing me and telling me not to worry but it wasn't doing any good. Hector came over and knelt down and put his hand on my cheek, "Don't worry Angel. I take him tonight."

Hector made a call to Cal. When Cal arrived, he and Hector left with Morelli's limp body.

I looked at Ranger, "Won't you guys get in trouble for this stuff?

He chuckled. "No Babe, we won't. We don't leave evidence."

I packed my things and moved into Ranger's apartment that night and never looked back.

Epilogue

The Trenton Times read two days later:

Trenton Detective Found in Phildelphia Zoo Enclosure

After reports of strange behavior in the days prior, detective Joseph Morelli from Trenton New Jersey was found naked and deceased in the gorilla enclosure at the Philadelphia Zoo yeserday morning. An autopsy report stated that he had died of a broken neck. Zoo workers reported the animals making loud noises and having wild gorilla sex prior to finding the detective. A full investigation is underway…

The only people who seemed to really miss him were Angie Morelli and Helen Plum. About four months after Morelli's disappearance, it was revealed that Helen was six months pregnant with his child and Frank definitely wasn't the father as he had a vasectomy after Stephanie was born. Frank, in a rare display of balls, divorced Helen and married his high school girlfriend, Angie Morelli's cousin Gina. Helen had a little boy that she named Joseph and gave him to Valerie and Albert.

They had wanted a boy to raise because Albert's sperm were too feminine to produce a baby boy. The last anyone heard, Helen was living in a homeless shelter next to a police station all the way in Kansas. About a year ago, the news had reported a tornado blowing through and there was a woman flying through the air screaming, "Why ME?"

The End.