Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any characters portrayed therein. I do, however, claim ownership of Amelia.

Chapter 1: Plaisirs Amers

Amelia was irritated. Which, in and of itself, was irritating. No one in the rest of her garrison was irritated, or feeling much of anything, really. In general, most angels felt nothing at all. Sure, there was the occasional bout of loyalty, and some angels were known to be a bit sarcastic, but in general, angels were pretty blank. Except Amelia. It wasn't as if she was over-emotional and melodramatic, and she generally kept any emotion she was feeling to herself, but knowing that she felt something about the topic at hand and no one else in her garrison did was irritating.

Anna, Amelia's garrison leader, was discussing their continuing mission. They had been searching for years for the archangel Gabriel, with no success. The garrison had found a few leads, but those had turned out to be dead ends, probably not even related to Gabriel. None of the other angels were overly concerned about not being able to find the archangel, since he wasn't disturbing or hurting anything, but Amelia was extremely bothered by it. She supposed that she felt a personal connection to the problem.

After calling the meeting to a close, Anna instructed the garrison to split into their search teams to discuss plans for future investigations. Amelia's team consisted of Castiel, who was already seated next to her, and Uriel, who wasn't present at the meeting due to a separate mission that he was involved in – Amelia didn't care to know the details of it. Anna joined Amelia and Castiel instead.

Anna wasted no time in any sort of small talk and got right down to business. "Amelia, I haven't asked you this up until now because I thought we'd have more cogent options, but it turns out we're not doing too well at finding Gabriel." Anna paused to look at Amelia, as if expecting her to know where the conversation was going while Amelia stared back, not entirely sure that she did. Anna continued, "You are Gabriel's offspring, are you not?"

Of course. Amelia sighed. She had figured that this subject would come up eventually, but she hadn't really given it much thought, since it didn't really matter to her. She decided to humour Anna, replying, "Yes, I am."

Anna waited a few moments, expecting Amelia to expand on her answer, but when she did not, pressed on. "Do the two of you have any sort of connection that could help us find him?"

Amelia responded immediately, "No, I don't. I have no connection to him whatsoever."

"You got nothing from him at all? That's unusual, isn't it?" Castiel interjected.

"I didn't say that," Amelia said. "I said I had no connection to him. I can't, and never could, tell where he was. I got some attributes from him, but that's it." Amelia turned to Anna, hoping for a change of topic, but Castiel seemed unappeased.

"What sort of attributes?"

Amelia turned back to face him. "Well, I'm a bit handier in a fight than your average angel. On the flip side, I don't have very good healing powers, which isn't all that helpful." Castiel nodded, his curiosity sated for now, and they both turned back to Anna, who had been waiting patiently for them to finish their conversation before continuing with relaying plans for their next move. Amelia, however, could only half pay attention to what Anna was saying. Her mind was on the one thing that Gabriel passed down to her that she didn't like to share with the other angels – her emotions. Ever since Gabriel had told her why she was different, why she felt things that none of her peers felt, she had been terrified to bring it up. She could remember exactly what Gabriel had told her, years ago…

Amelia had been searching for hours for Gabriel. She had a feeling he was avoiding her. After all, Heaven wasn't that big, and she was certain she'd checked all of it. The longer she searched, the more frustrated she got, and the more frustrated she got, the angrier she got. She needed to find Gabriel. He was the only one who could answer her questions.

She had been talking to Uriel, and she had mentioned that helping people made her happy. He had given her a very odd look and abruptly left. This had given her the distinct impression that something she said had been wrong, and the only thing she could think of was that things made her happy. She decided to find Gabriel and ask if it actually was wrong to feel happiness. The only flaw in her plan was Gabriel's tendency to disappear. He tended to not like dealing with the other angels. Amelia couldn't really see why, but most of the time it didn't bother her, unless she was trying to find him.

Finally at her wits end and out of places to look, Amelia decided to go for broke and shouted, at the top of her lungs, "GABRIEL! COME HERE!" and then stood and waited. Sure enough, in a few moments, Gabriel appeared, albeit behind her.

"What do you want this time?" he drawled at her. He never did like taking time out of his busy schedule to talk to her.

"I need to ask you a question."

Gabriel scoffed. "I figured as much, or why else would you have called me here?"

Amelia glared at him, and then continued. "Today while I was talking to Uriel, I mentioned that certain things made me happy, and then he gave me a really strange look and disappeared. I was wondering if you knew why he acted so strange about it?"

For once, in all the time Amelia could remember him, Gabriel actually looked serious while he thought about how to answer her. Amelia crossed her arms across her chest and waited for him to answer. His answer, however, came as a question. "Do you feel any other emotions?" he asked tentatively.

Amelia furrowed her brow. "Yes. Why?"

Gabriel grabbed her shoulder and said, rather forcefully, "Don't tell anyone else that you do. It isn't normal."

Amelia tried to back away, but Gabriel was holding her arm too tightly. "What do you mean, 'it isn't normal'?"

"I mean, none of the other angels feel emotion but me. And you, apparently, but I don't know why. The only reason I get away with it is because I'm an archangel, and even then, I have to keep it as hidden as possible."

Amelia suddenly found that the anxiety she was feeling before was being rapidly replaced with dread. "So, in other words, showing emotion is a big no-no?" Gabriel nodded. "That's just great." Being different in heaven was not a good thing. To keep order, everyone was generally required to be equal in status, except for those higher up in the chain of command. Stepping outside the box, as it were, generally got you into trouble – a terrifying thought for Amelia.

Apparently Gabriel could see the fear in Amelia's eyes, because he took hold of her arms and said in the kindest voice she'd ever heard come out of him, "Don't worry, Amelia. Emotions are precious. Just because the heavenly host doesn't like them doesn't mean they're a bad thing. Treasure them. Just… don't share them." And then he hugged her – another first. Not one to miss an opportunity, Amelia returned his embrace. She vowed then and there not to disappoint him, and would keep all her emotions to herself, no matter what.

Amelia gave her head a shake, bringing her attention to what Anna and Castiel were discussing. It would do her no good to dwell on the past. She wouldn't break her silent vow to Gabriel, but that didn't mean she had to think about it all the time, nor would it help them find Gabriel. Just because he had disappointed her didn't mean she had to disappoint him.

A/N: Short chapter is short. This sort of goes along with, but technically comes before The Batchild's Supernatural fic, found on her page: .net/u/1085312/The_Batchild GO READ IT if you haven't already.

Also, chapter titles, as well as the title of the fic, are names of songs. Never fear, it's not a song fic XD I'm just too unoriginal to come up with my own titles. Chapter 1 refers to the song by Marie-Mai, and translates to "Bitter Pleasures".

Enjoy!