Not Now, Not Ever, a fire emblem fanfic

Not Now, Not Ever

A/N: It's an odd pairing, I know, but I thought of this idea and decided to write it. It's told from Pelleas's point of view and it takes place during Part 4 of RD. Also, since this revolves around Pelleas, I'm sure you realize that that means there will be tons of spoilers for his character.

I sighed as we walked along the long path towards the Tower of Guidance. Joining the Hawk's Army wouldn't have been my first choice; after all, many of its members were from the nation of Crimea. Being the son of King Ashnard, I couldn't have expected them to forgive me for what he did. I couldn't expect them to like me.

So it was that my mother and I walked towards the back of the group, pretending to not be able to keep up so they wouldn't have to walk alongside us. Well, I pretended anyway. She was more concerned with my welfare that her own. Why couldn't she give me even the slightest bit of freedom?

I noticed King Tibarn glance back at us before landing on the ground and stopping the troops. He waited for us to catch up and then began speaking.

"We still have a long way to go before we can set up camp. The Disciples of Order could strike at any moment, that we all know. In order for us all to remain safe, we must stick together." He glanced over at the two of us.

"Nonsense! I won't have my Pelleas's health put in danger!"

I shook my head at my mother.

"Mother, I'll be fine."

"It isn't true, my dear! You don't need to listen to these commoners!"

How could she just call the King of Phoenicis and the Queen of Crimea commoners? Why couldn't she realize that I'm capable of taking care of myself?

"Mother, please..."

"I won't have it."

The king rolled his eyes.

"In that case, I'll have to assign a bodyguard for you. ...Lucia..."

The woman gasped.

"With all due respect, Your Highness, but I must remain by the queen's side..."

"Nonsense! I'll protect our darling queen for you! Isn't that right Elincia?"

"Of course."

The swordswoman glared at both the laguz king and her own emerald-haired ruler. I couldn't blame her. Her country was invaded by my father; her queen and king killed. Had their daughter not been saved, Crimea wouldn't have a proper monarch at the moment. Who would want to be stuck with us anyway?

She smiled at my mother and me as politely as she could after the rest of the army took off. I noticed that her smile was quite pretty, though I wouldn't dare tell anyone.

"King Pelleas, Lady Almedha..."

My mother scoffed at her.

"Foolish girl, do you really think that you can speak to my son in such a way?"

"Mother!" I glared at her before turning to our escort. "Milady, I'm terribly sorry."

"It's nothing... Now, if you'll follow me, we must be going unless we'd like to be ambushed."

"Of course..."

We walked for quite some time. My feet were killing me, but I knew complaining would only get my mother to yell at this woman that had been so unfortunately chosen as our escort.

Suddenly, Lucia stopped. My mother opened her mouth to spurt out some insane complaint, but I halted her. The azure-haired woman turned around to face us.

"There's fighting up ahead."

It took me a moment to realize why she was so concerned. Her queen...

"I'm sorry, but I have to get to Queen Elincia. It should be safe for the two of you here."

"Of course, I understand, Milady."

"Thank you."

She dashed off before my mother could stop her.

"Pelleas, if you are harmed by this girl's foolishness, I'll have her head."

"It's loyalty, Mother. Not foolishness..."

I stared ahead, watching the girl disappear. My mother waved her hand in front of my face.

"Pelleas, dear..."

"Mother, I'm going to fight too."

I couldn't let that girl die. Not now, not ever.

"What?! Pelleas, I know you're the best sage in the world, but please reconsider. You can't die. Especially not to save a band of peasants!"

"Don't call them that, Mother. They're some of the most noble people one could ever meet, and I would gladly die fighting to save them."

She reached out to grab my hand, but I ran past her in the direction Lucia had disappeared in.

"Don't worry, I'll come back in one piece!"

When I finally arrived at the battle, it had already begun. Tibarn shook his head when he saw me.

"Look, I don't know what your mother's been telling you, but this battle is beyond you. Just try to stay out of the way."

"...Y-yes, sir."

Tibarn was completely right. I wasn't prepared for how difficult this would be. I hadn't even thought to bring one of my thunder tomes along. Honestly, it couldn't have helped me much, I wasn't nearly as good at fighting as everyone else here.

At that moment, I stood alone, surrounded by three enemy bow-wielders, one of their arrows already lodged in my arm. I cringed from the pain; blood was already dripping from the wound, onto my robes. No one could help me--they were all off protecting someone else, leaving me to die alone.

I quickly cast my Carreau tome, taking out the weakest bowman. It still wasn't enough. The warrior with the crossbow aimed at my chest. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move out of fear. He chuckled as he prepared to take my life. I couldn't watch. I closed my eyes, waiting for it to be over.

Instead of feeling any more pain, however, I heard the man groan. I reopened my eyes in time to see Lucia take the head off the last remaining sniper. She cleaned her blade on the grass and walked over to me.

"King Pelleas, are you alright?"

"Y-Yes, Milady. I'll be fine."

She glanced over at my arm and pulled out a vulnerary.

"Let me take care of that for you."

The woman moved closer to me and placed her hand on the wood of the arrow.

"This'll hurt a little..."

"Milady, it really isn't-- Ahhh!!"

I bit my lip as she pulled the tip from my body. She did it so carefully, and yet I could still feel the pain. I can just imagine what a sight that was; me, actually wincing from a little pain? If Mother had been there, I could just imagine the things she'd do to Lucia.

"Okay, got it."

She dropped the lone arrow to the ground and treated my wound with a vulnerary. Afterwards, she expertly bandaged it up.

"There we go."

"Thank you, Milady."

"You know, Your Highness, you can call me Lucia."

"If that's the case, then you can call me Pelleas."

"King Pelleas?"

"No, just Pelleas will do. Now, I think it would be best for you to finish helping Queen Elincia."

"Of course."

She slipped away sadly. I hated to hurt her like that, but I couldn't let her see how exhausted I was; what a wimp Ashnard's son truly was. Shortly after she left, King Tibarn flew up to me.

"Nice work, Pelleas."

He slapped me on the back, causing me to gasp for air and wince even more.

"Sorry about that. Hey, maybe you should rest a bit."

I nodded before collapsing to the ground. I heard Tibarn mutter something to the effect of "Considering he's the only son of that cold-hearted man, Ashnard, he's quite the momma's boy."

I sighed. I suppose that was partially true. At least that was how it would seem to all of them.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I never noticed her sit down next to me. When I glanced over and saw her staring at me intently, I jumped up from my place on the ground.

"I'm sorry to startle you, Mi--Pelleas. I just came to check on you."

I sighed in relief, returning to my spot beside her.

"It's alright, Lucia. Why didn't you say anything until now then?"

She shrugged.

"I did, but you didn't answer, so I figured I'd wait until you snapped out of your daydream."

"I see. Say, Lucia, could I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

"Well--"

I was cut off when Tibarn flew back over to the tree we leaned upon.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I thought I'd let you two know that we're going to be heading out soon. We're only going to travel a little farther and then we're setting up camp. Think you can handle that, Pelleas?"

"Yes, of course."

"Lucia?"

"Was there any doubt in your mind, King Tibarn?"

I couldn't help but smile at her comment. I don't know what it was about this woman, but she seemed to always make me happy.

"No, I didn't have any doubt," Tibarn sighed and rolled his eyes. "Now, let's get going. Pelleas, I've sent Nephenee to travel with your mother."

The green hawk shifted and took off into the sky. I stood up and turned to Lucia.

"That poor girl...having to put up with my mother..."

She smiled.

"Pelleas, your mother's not that bad. Now, I think we should get going before we get left behind."

"Of course..."

I held out my hand and helped her up from her position on the ground.

"Thank you, Milord."

It wasn't until later that evening that I was once again able to speak with the swordswoman. After we had made camp and eaten dinner, I found her wandering near the lake. As I approached her, she turned around to face me.

"Oh, Pelleas, is your mother well? I noticed that she wasn't at dinner tonight."

"Honestly, I don't exactly know. I'm sure she's fine though."

"Shouldn't you go check on her?"

"I wouldn't think so... I believe there are more important things to attend to."

"That's...not true. You shouldn't avoid her like this, Pelleas. One day I'm sure you'll regret all of this."

She started to walk away from me, but I grabbed her arm, pulling her back. She looked up at me and I released her when I saw the tears forming in her eyes.

"Pelleas, please...go to her. Don't do this."

She ran back towards our camp, disappearing into the darkness. I hadn't meant to upset her...why had she behaved like this? Still, I couldn't let her down; I headed out in search of my mother.

Following Queen Elincia's directions, I found my mother sitting by herself. She did not look at me as I approached, nor did she acknowledge my existence. I placed my hand upon her shoulder.

"Mother, is everything alright?"

"Oh, Pelleas... Yes, I suppose I'm fine."

"You don't look it..."

"Don't worry about me, my dear son. You have others to worry about..."

"Mother, I don't care for anyone as much as I do you. I merely wished to get to know the other members of this army."

"So be it. Son, I only have one word of advice for you: don't get too serious about that girl. She can never love you for who you are."

"M-Mother?"

I was shocked. How could she know these things? Most importantly, how did she know how I felt for Lucia?

"She's the daughter of Crimea's late Count Delbray."

"T-Then you mean...?"

"Yes, her father was killed by Ashnard during the Mad King's War. I'm afraid she'll never be able to forgive you for what he did."

Now I understood why she had been so upset. She had lost her father, probably even watched him die in front of her, and she didn't want the same to happen to my mother.

"I hadn't wished to hurt her like this..."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, Mother, I made her cry... I said awful things. How could I allow this to happen? How could I be so cruel?"

I can't remember anything after that, aside from darkness.

I didn't awake until at least the next morning. Opening my eyes, I found my mother and Lucia chatting quietly. The woman nodded before slipping out of the tent. My mother turned around and smiled when she saw me.

"Pelleas, I'm so glad you're awake!"

"Mother, was that Lucia?"

"Oh, yes, dear. I came in to take over for her. She's been helping me watch over you since you've been out."

"And how long has that been?"

"Nearly two days."

"T-Two days? W-What happened?"

"Honey, you fainted! Don't you remember?"

"Sort of... Well, I guess I remember everything up until I collapsed."

"You missed a lot then. We're nearly at the tower!"

"We are? I-I've been a burden to you, haven't I?"

"Not at all! That girl was a big help too. Honestly, she took care of you the majority of the time."

"She doesn't hate me then?"

"Far from it, my dear. And I must say, she's not all that bad. But you'll just have to find that out for yourself. Now, I'm sure you're hungry, so I'll go fetch something for you to eat."

I smiled as she disappeared. Lucia didn't hate me? Mother actually liked her? Maybe things could work out then...

Another battle had passed us. Count Bastian and General Geoffrey had joined with the army, along with Duke Renning, though the latter was still resting. We were currently awaiting the two other armies to join us at the tower.

I hadn't yet had the chance to talk with Lucia. There had been so much marching, so much fighting. After Crimea's former prince had been found, she had taken it upon herself to care for him. I was amazed at her selflessness.

My mother sat by my side, for once smiling. We sat in silence, neither of us daring to speak and ruin the moment. She chuckled to herself, causing me to glance at her. She opened her mouth to speak, but we suddenly heard a man's scream. I grabbed my Verrine tome and we both headed out in the direction the shout had come from.

Arriving at the scene, we were just in time to see Lucia smack King Tibarn. I gasped. On the ground lie Geoffrey, covered in feathers. Normally it would have been a pretty entertaining scene, but the anger in his sister's eyes brought fear to onlookers.

"Look, Lucia, I'm sorry but your brother's just too fun to pick on!"

She glared at the hawk.

"You think so do you? Well how would you like my blade through your chest?!"

Her brother jumped up, sending feathers flying in every direction, grabbing his sister before she could harm the other man.

"Lucia, it's okay, I'm fine."

"And if you weren't?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

I stared at her in horror. Never before had I seen her behave in such a way. Her over-protectiveness nearly scared me. It was like some sickening memory that I was reliving. I couldn't bear to watch them torment her this way.

"I'll just go check on Duke Renning then..."

Geoffrey released her and she kept her gaze on the ground as she walked away. Was I truly the only one to notice her sadness?

I stood up from my place on the cold dirt ground when I saw Lucia emerge from Renning's tent. She smiled when she saw me and slowed her pace so I could catch up to her.

"Are you feeling any better, Your Highness?"

"Much better, thank you."

"That's good."

"How's the duke faring?"

"He's still sleeping, but he honestly doesn't look all that bad."

"I'm glad to hear it. Now, may we discuss what happened the other day?"

She sighed. "I suppose."

"I just...wanted to apologize for my actions. I hadn't a clue that you were Count Delbray's daughter."

"...What does my father have to do with this?"

"My father, King Ashnard, murdered him. I-I'm terribly sorry."

"It isn't your fault. You're nothing like your father, Pelleas."

"Thank you. If you don't mind me asking, he didn't kill your mother as well, did he?"

"No, he didn't. My mother...she left my father a few years earlier. He raised us from that point on--she said that she wanted nothing to do with us."

"I'm so sorry. Now I see why you're so protective of Geoffrey..."

"Yes...he's really all I have left."

"That's not true, Lucia. You have Queen Elincia, Count Bastian, and..." I took her hands in mine. "...You have me."

"Pelleas...thank you."

She began sobbing. I pulled her closer to me, allowing her to cry into my robes. Why did I always end up hurting her like this?

"Milady, please don't...please don't cry."

She looked up at me and I wiped the tears from her face, kissing her forehead in the process.

"I'll always be here for you."

The next day was the day Ike entered the Tower of Guidance, along with a small amount of troops. The rest would stay to fight off the corpses Ashera was bringing back to life. Among those chosen to help the general were Lucia, Elincia, Geoffrey, and Tibarn. I would stay here, away from the woman I loved.

I kept telling myself that everything would be alright. Lucia would live, as would I. If I didn't, I would die trying to save her. I couldn't let her or anyone else down. Not now, not ever.

We all battled Ashera's warriors with all our might. As our weapons came on the brink of shattering, the men started dropping down to the ground, dead. We had known that our companions had won. Ashera had been defeated.

Now all we had to do was wait for those fierce soldiers of ours to return. I had had so much faith in them; I believed that they all lived, but I soon found out how wrong I was.

As the doors of the tower opened, we all awaited our loved ones to emerge. The first to step foot outside were General Ike and Micaiah. Sothe followed close behind. Kurthnaga and Ena joined my mother and Sanaki arrived with her bodyguards. Tibarn flew out with Reyson and Elincia, whose solemn look caught my eye. The last to emerge was Geoffrey. In his arms, he held his sister's body close.

I rushed over to him and saw his tear streaked face. Never before had I seen him cry. He was beyond that... As I glanced at Lucia's body, I saw the gash across her chest. She no longer bled, the life already taken out of her. I couldn't believe it.

Her brother placed her lifeless body in my outstretched arms. Tears rolled down my face. She couldn't die. Not now, not ever. She couldn't...

The day after was the one I talked to Mother. She had tears in her eyes as I told her the news.

"Lady Almedha, I'm sorry, but I'm not your son."

"But...your Brand. Pelleas, you have to be..."

"Milady, I'm sorry, but I'm not a Branded. This mark is from a pact I made with a spirit long ago. I'm not your son."

"Pelleas, don't do this to me... I know your heart has been broken, but allow me to take care of you... I..." She trailed off.

"I'm sorry, but I speak the truth. However, I thank you for the love you've shown me. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a mother."

Currently, I lie in bed, sobbing, like I have every other day before. I have nothing to live for. My beloved was gone, as was the Lady Almedha. After I had told her the news, she was heartbroken. She passed not long after.

I flip through a few pages on my Balberith tome. Stopping on a page, I chant the spell and allow the violet flames of dark magic to form around me. This would have happened sooner or later, as the spirits would see fit. Now was the best time I had.

I couldn't be with her. Not now, not ever.

Closing my eyes, I wait for the purple mass to envelope me and steal my life.

A/N: Well, that was...depressing. Haha. Anyway, I kind of like this pairing now. Maybe even more than Lucia/Renning. *gasp* No way! Maybe I'll even write some more one-shots for it. The good news is that I finally have a title for it--thanks to that phrase I kept repeating (it wasn't even intentional!).

Okay, so...that's it really.