The REAL Deathnote Truths

THIS IS A COMEDIC ENTRY

As some of you may already know, a while ago, a thirteenth volume of the popular Deathnote series was released, revealing many answers to the FAQs as asked by persistent fans including L's genealogy, what happened to Misa, ect.

The following is (humorous) list of facts compiled telepathically by L in his last moments (or so we think), to some random nerdy chick in Canada (me). Either that or I thought of this while high on chocolate. Most likely the latter. Anyways, please read it, and comment.

(AN: this piece is intended to be funny, so don't go on and on about how I slaughtered Deathnote and have no talent and should go back to school and am a Mary Sue or that I am probably one of the latest whack jobs from the my immortal cult, because I'm not. THIS IS MEANT TO BE RIDICULOUS AND IRRELEVANT. Please don't judge me :P)

(AN: this shouldn't seem even remotely logical to you)

hey guess what? this time i fixed it so you can actually read the whole thing! no it wasnt fill in the blanks XD

DEATHNOTE "FACTS"

1. Near is L's son.

2. Frodo Baggins is Near's Brother.

3. Mello is Misa and L's lovechild from the future.

4. Light is Chuck Norris and Princess Lea's lovechild from the future.

5. Mikami is Severus Snape and Lily Evans' lovechild from the future.

6. Takada and Light did have a child, and his name was Harry Potter

7. Watari is Dumbledore

8. Wammy's house is Hogwarts

9. Saido is the ring leader of the knights who say 'ni'

10. Matt's cigarette is really a lollipop.

11. Near did not destroy the Deathnote; he still has uses for it…

12.L is alive

13. Stewie Griffin is Mello and Matt's lovechild from the future.

14. Ryuk and Rem got married and started an apple orchard

15. They are the biological parents of Edward Cullen.

16. Michael Jackson is a shinigami.

17. Light wasn't Kira, he was batman.

18. Bruce Wayne was Kira. There was a mix up. It was on CNN last night.

19. Ryuk's nephew is Pikachu.

20. Pikachu is part shinigami.

21. L is Spock and Oprah's lovechild from the future.

22. L is Russian, hut he's also Japanese, and he live in New York, but he's British.

23. Soichiro Yagami is John Lennon's long lost daughter.

24. Light is secretly Zac Efron.

25. Misa Amane is the CEO of Microsoft.

26. Mello invented the spork.

27. Kira (Bruce Wayne) caused global warming.

28. Lind L. Taylor is Mikami and Takada's lovechild from the future.

29. Light and Misa are only L's friends on Facebook.

30. The SPK head quarters are in the Mini-Wheat's tropical vanilla volcano.

31. Matsuda says: "W is a cool number!"

32. Misa doesn't have ADHD, she has ADOS. Attention deficit ooh shiny…

33. Matt spiked Mello's chocolate with the date rape drug.

34. Mello's half brother is Ronald McDonald.

35. Light's adoptive mother is Sailor Saturn.

36. Matt is a werewolf.

37.I LOST THE GAME!