Another Star Trek-Disney mash-up, and this time, a certain French captain is the hero.
Disclaimer: Mickey's Christmas Carol belongs to Walt Disney, and Star Trek belongs to Paramount, Gene Roddenberry, and J.J. Abrams.
Riker's Christmas Carol
Chapter 1: Dukat's Ghost
In San Francisco, on Christmas Eve, the stingiest man in town, Jean-Luc Picard, walked down the street. There was no Christmas cheer in his heart though. Picard hated the whole idea of Christmas. As he walked, he passed a homeless man as he outstretched his hand.
"Give a penny for the poor sir." The man said. "Penny for the poor."
"Bah." Picard said simply before continuing to his counting house, Picard & Dukat. Picard never bothered to paint out Dukat's name.
"My partner Skrain Dukat." Picard said calmly. "Dead seven years today. He was a good businessman. He robbed from the widows and swindled the poor."
Picard looked at the sign and smirked.
"In his will he left me enough money for his tombstone, and I had him buried at sea." Picard chuckled to himself.
()()()()()
Inside the store, Picard's bookman, William Riker, was about to put a thing of coal in the fire while Picard was out when he came in.
"Oh... Uh..." Will said nervously. "Good morning Mr. Picard."
"Riker, what are you doing with that piece of coal?!" Picard asked angrily.
"I was just trying to thaw out the ink, sir." Will said timidly as he pointed to the ice covered ink quill.
"You used a piece last week!" Picard snapped as he grabbed the coal and tossed it in a bucket. "Now get on with your work, Riker!"
"Speaking of work Mr. Picard tomorrow is Christmas, and I was wondering if I could have... Half the day off?"
"Christmas." Picard spat angrily as he thought. "Mm... Oh, I suppose so, but I'll dock you half a day's pay. Now let's see... I pay you two dollars a day."
"Uh, two dollars and a quarter, sir." Will corrected.
"Oh right." Picard said. "I gave you that raise three years ago."
"Yes sir." Riker said. "When I started doing your laundry."
"Alright Riker, get busy while I go over my books, oh and I've got another bundle of shirts for you." Picard said as he tossed a moderately large laundry bag at Will.
"Yes sir." Will said quickly.
Picard then sat down and went over his notes as a large amount of money sat in front of him.
"Now let's see..." Picard mused. "One hundred and twelve dollars from McCoy, plus his eighty-percent interest, compounded daily..."
Picard laughed as he played a little with a few coins.
"Money, money, money."
Then the door opened, and Picard's nephew and only living relative, James Kirk came in.
"Merry Christmas!" Jim called out.
"And a merry Christmas to you, Jim." Will said as he took a break from his books to talk to Jim.
"Bah humbug." Picard muttered.
"Merry Christmas, Uncle Jean-Luc!" Jim called out with a smile.
"What's so merry about it?" Picard asked moodily. "I'll tell you what Christmas is, it's just another work day, and any jackanapes who thinks else should be boiled in his own pudding!"
"Ew." Jim remarked.
"But sir Christmas is a time for giving." Will said quickly. "A time to be with one's family."
"I say 'Bah humbug.'" Picard said stubbornly.
"I don't care!" Jim called out. "I say 'Merry Christmas!'"
"Well said Jim!" Will called out as he applauded.
"Riker, what are you doing?!" Picard asked angrily.
"Uh..." Will said nervously as he stopped clapping. "Just trying to keep my hands warm, sir."
"And what are you doing here, Nephew?" Picard asked testily.
"I've come to give you a reef and invite you to Christmas dinner." Jim said as he handed Picard the reef.
"Well..." Picard said with a smile. "I suppose you're going to have plump goose with chestnut dressing?"
"Yup." Jim confirmed.
"And will you have plum pudding and lemon sauce?" Picard continued.
"Oh yeah!" Jim said with a widening smile.
"And spiced sugar cakes with candied fruit?" Picard finished.
"Yes!" Jim said excitedly. "Yes! Will you come?"
"Are you insane?" Picard snapped. "You know I can't eat that stuff, now get out!"
"Alright." Jim said as he put the reef on the door. "Merry Christmas!"
"And a bah humbug to you!" Picard shouted back, but Jim had already left.
"That Jim." Will said with a chuckle. "Always so full of kindness."
"Yeah." Picard said. "He always was a little peculiar." The door opened again. "And stubborn!"
Instead of Jim, a very slim Indian man was there with a plump man with brown hair walked in.
"Oh, customers." Picard said with an excited smile. "I'll handle this, Riker."
Picard then walked up to the two.
"Yes, what can I do for you two gentlemen?" Picard asked.
"Sir, I'm Julian Bashir, and this is my associate, Miles O'Brien." Mr. Bashir said. "We are soliciting funds for the impudent and destitute."
"For the what?" Picard asked.
"We're collecting money for the poor." Miles translated.
"Oh..." Picard said. "Well, you do realize that if you give money to the poor, they won't be poor anymore."
"Well that's true." Miles said.
"And if they're not poor anymore, then you won't have to raise money for them anymore." Merlyn went on, putting on a concerned front.
"Well, I suppose." Mr. Bashir admitted.
"And if you don't have to raise money for them anymore, then you would be out of a job." Picard said as he opened the door, and the two walked out. "Oh please gentlemen, don't ask me to put you out of a job, not on Christmas Eve."
"Oh, we'd never do that, Mr. Picard." Mr. Bashir said.
"Well then," Picard finished, going back to his normal manner at once. "I suggest you give this to the poor and be gone!"
He tossed the wreath Jim had given him at Miles who caught it reflexively and slammed the door in their faces.
"What's this world coming to, Riker?" Picard asked as Will turned to listen. "You work all your life to get money, and people want you to give it away."
()()()()()
As the day came to its end, Will used a nearby lamp to keep himself warm, which wasn't too easy. He then glanced over at the clock and smiled when he saw that it was only fifteen seconds until quitting time. Finishing up his last sentence, he closed the book and got ready to head home.
"Two minutes fast." Picard remarked as Will gulped and was about to get back to work when Picard stopped him. "Eh, never mind those two minutes. You can go now."
"Thank you, sir!" Will said as he hopped down. "You're so kind-"
"Never mind the mushy stuff!" Picard shouted. "Just go, but be here all the earlier the next afternoon!"
"I will!" Will said excitedly. "I will sir, and a bah hum- I mean, a merry Christmas to you sir!"
Will then picked up the bag of Picard's shirts and walked off as all Picard said in reply was, "Bah."
()()()()()
At nine at night, Picard closed up the counting house and walked off to his house, which had once belonged to Dukat. As Picard unlocked the door, he looked at the knocker just as it turned into Dukat's face.
"Picard..." Dukat said in an eerie voice.
"Dukat?" Picard asked in shock. "No, that can't be!"
Thinking he was just wearied from a good day's work, he touched the knocker's nose, and exclaimed in a way that frightened Picard so badly, he ran into the house. After catching his breath, he put what had happened off as stress with all the fools he had to deal with that day. He then began to walk upstairs when he heard footsteps coming up behind him. He turned, but no one was there. He went on, and again he heard the footsteps. He turned around again, but still no one was there. He looked down from the stairway, but nothing was there either. He walked on when he heard the footsteps for a third time and turned to see a shadow of a Cardassian with the profile of Dukat. Picard shouted in shock and terror and rushed to his living room, bolting the door and hiding in his seat.
"Jean-Luc Picard..." Dukat's voice called out from the other side of the door.
"GO AWAY!" Picard shouted as a blue-white, transparent version of Dukat walked in. Aside from his usually military attire, Dukat also wore a long chain with cash boxes and safes attached to it.
"Jean-Luc Pic-AHH!" Strange explained as he tripped on a lose rug and ended up landing right next to his chair.
"A bit more hazardous here than I remember." Dukat said calmly as he got up and looked at Picard, apparently noticing a look of terror.
"Picard, don't you recognize me?" Dukat asked. "In life I was your partner, Skrain Dukat."
Picard hadn't wanted to believe it, but looking at Dukat's face, he was forced to, and that actually helped to calm him down a little.
"Dukat, it is you." Picard said as his eyes widened.
"Jean-Luc," Dukat said as he stood straight up. "Remember when I was alive, I robbed the widows and swindled the poor?"
"Yes, and all on the same day." Picard said with a smile at the memories. "Oh, you had class Dukat."
"Yup." Dukat said with a smug look before shaking his head. "Wait, no! No! I was wrong, and so as punishment, I'm forced to carry these chains for eternity! ... Maybe even longer. With no hope. I'm doomed! Doomed!"
Dukat then turned his face to Picard.
"And the same thing will happen to you, Jean-Luc Picard."
"No!" Picard gasped in fear as he recoiled from the chains that were close by his chair. "No it can't! It mustn't! Help me, Dukat!"
"Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits." Dukat informed Picard. "Listen to them, and do what they say, or your chains will be heavier than mine."
Picard agreed nervously as he turned nervously around.
"Farewell Jean-Luc..." Dukat called out as he walked back, making sure to be mindful of the rug. "Farewell . . ."
"Strange!" Picard called out as he remembered something about the stairway. "Watch out for that first-"
There were several loud screams and grunts as Dukat's ghost fell down the stairs.
"Step." Picard finished before going off to bed.
Spooky, huh?