So much had changed in such a small period of time. It had only been a week and a half since Casino Night, but it felt as though a whole lifetime had passed.
Everyday she was entertained by the slow change of the clock on her computer. She counted down the minutes until she could leave the suffocating pressure of the office.
It used to be that every little meaningful look that they shared was precious. Now whenever she felt his eyes on her it was absolutely excruciating, and caused a red flush to creep up the back of her neck into her cheeks. And she had to pretend not to notice, had to pretend that it was perfectly normal that he was looking at her and she wasn't looking back. She couldn't look back, or she would be driven insane.
A week and a half ago she used to consider spending time with him normal, just a necessary part of life at Dunder-Mifflin. Now even if she stood a little to close to him she felt the eyes of the whole office on them, as if everyone knew exactly what was between them.
She used to take his words exactly as they were. Now she parsed every letter that he gave to her for hidden meanings, replayed every sentence he uttered over and over in her mind.
Before that night, she awaited his frequent emails and laughed every time she opened one of them. The emails he went her were genuinely funny, not like the forwards that Michael found so hilarious. Now she very carefully kept her face devoid of any expression as she read the messages that filled her inbox.
She used to look over at Jim every so often. Some times she had looked longer than she should have. But now it was almost impossible to look away. Whenever his eyes were averted she couldn't help butt stare at the man who loved her. She studied his features, creating a picture in her minds eye that would never fade. His eyes, which in her picture were crying the same bright tears as they had cried on Casino Night. The same tears that had made him even more irresistible, that had lit up his eyes like lanterns to guide her through the dark. The same tears he must have cried later when she ran out of the dark office.
They spent their days trying in vain to pretend that nothing had even happened. Putting on a show for their coworkers and their friends. Neither of them was under the illusion that they were doing a good acting job. But they did the best they could.
God, she was sick of pretending. But what else was there to do? It was too soon. Too soon to tell anyone about what had happened, to soon for them to understand. Too soon to leave for the day.
Pam watched the clock on her computer screen leisurely count down the time until her freedom.
That day Pam was the third person out the door. The third person to breathe an enormous sigh of relief as the shiny gray elevator doors closed in front of her.
Ten years, and yet it was still ridiculously easy for her to climb into the passenger seat of his car. Ridiculously easy to turn her back on the past and face forward into something new. Easy to be completely, wonderfully happy. To be in love.
Jim leaned in to kiss her before she could even fasten her seatbelt.
"You're getting slower Beesly," he teased, looking down at his watch. This time I was waiting for you for almost three whole minutes.
She made a face at him as he pulled out of the parking lot.
Someday soon they would tell everyone in the office that they were dating. But for now, the wonderful afternoons they spent together were more than worth the difficulty of hiding there relationship throughout the day.
It would take a lot of afternoons to make up for three years of lost time. But they were making a pretty good start.