Phi: Ano...Gomen, writing up a new story when none of my others are finished yet and I still am not even close to done...
Naruto: And you're picking on me, why do you insist on torturing us?
Phi: Actually, what I have thought up so far for this plot line is very nice to you...albite in a twisted manner, 'kay? Alright once for the money, Don't own Naruto, though Kaede is an original that I made up for this story line. And like the intro says, Team 7 has a different sensei. Now, lights, camera...ACTION!
Kaede-Sensei
Chapter One: Introductions
"…Team Seven will consist of Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. Your Jounin Sensei will be Yuugarashi Kaede…"
At this point, must I write their reactions to the news? No, I think not, if you want to know, then go read the Manga or watch the Anime, the story-line is pretty much the same until they meet Yuugarashi Kaede…
So, with that said, onwards to the changing of history!
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The scene is…
Sasuke meditating (read; sulking) rather bored-ly in the corner, Sakura scolding a mischievously giggling Naruto while the object of said scolding, an eraser for a chalkboard, was propped innocently neglected (of sorts) betwixt the sliding door and it's frame.
And continues with…
The above mentioned door opening and the eraser flying out to hit Sasuke squarely in the head.
"Get up, get to the center of the room and get in a line, NOW!" came an authorative female voice angrily.
After fifteen or so seconds, an outlandishly annoying "Sasuke-kun!" from Sakura, two more thumps on Sasuke's poor, abused noggin, and a few on both Sakura's (the annoying shout and slow compliance) and Naruto's (slow compliance and fair play) heads, Team Seven was standing in a line in front of what they supposed was their Jounin sensei.
She was of average height, with a slight, though toned and trim, build. Her hair was cropped short and was a dark burgundy colored not unlike dried blood. She was wearing the standard Jounin attire with her Hitai-ate placed firmly on her forehead and the Konoha symbol embroidered on the back of her vest in black and gold stitching.
Currently, she was eyeing the three of Team Seven with an annoyed glare, arms crossed and feet planted firmly.
"Who was it who thought up the eraser trick?" she asked the three Genins standing before her. Naruto's guilty flinch and Sasuke and Sakura's glance in his direction was all she needed to deduce the guilty party.
There was a moment of tense silence before the woman bent down as though to whisper into Naruto's ear.
"Great idea and good execution, but…" Naruto looked up at this, his expression brightening.
"Don't ever do it again…" At this point the woman was standing, left hand on hip, right fisted and resting on Naruto's poor, recently re-abused noggin while Sasuke and Sakura looked on dumbfounded.
A moment later the three found themselves in front of the woman who was apparently deep in thought. When she finally decided to break the silence they let out breaths they didn't know they'd been holding.
"After thinking through my first general impression of the three of you, I'd like to say…" ears perked and with bated breath, they waited through the momentary, and deliberate, pause. "I'm now going to castrate Sandaime-sama with a rusty spoon."
The three Genins had expressions that could only be described as saying "Eh?" And they were all likely thinking along similar tangents, that being "What the hell does that mean?"
Thankfully, the woman decided to answer their unvoiced question.
"Because now I have to teach the three of you brats…"
Or was that not so thankfully.
Soon after, they all found themselves on the school's roof to do what the woman called 'getting to know your teammates' and they all referred to as 'the pointless activity'.
So, with Sakura making the brilliant observation that they wouldn't know exactly how their new sensei would like them to introduce themselves, the woman was induced to speak first. They settled themselves with the three Genins seated on a small set of stairs, the pink-ette in the middle with out blonde protagonist to the left and the raven-haired little angry-boy to the right and their sensei opposite them, leaning against the rail (much like it looked like in the anime…)
There was a moment of silence as the woman thought on what to say…
"My name is Yuugarashi Kaede, I like it when the sun is just rising and the day has just barely arisen, that is my favorite time of day. I dislike it when perverted fools decide to peek in on the woman's bath; it's none of their business in the first place. I dream of rabbits with fox ears and tails and shell-less turtles dancing in a myriad of soup-bowls with many colored stars and my greatest desire is to finally manage to get two certain individuals together for a day so they can make hot, steamy love to each other. I do believe they are blatant enough as is that it shouldn't be too hard, right. Now, who's up next?"
The three Genins just stared blankly, not even knowing where to even begin to think, let alone ask…
Or make their own introductions.
Soon, though, they could think coherently again, and Naruto gave his introduction.
After Naruto gave his introduction, though slightly more reserved than the Anime version, (I'm not writing it out, or typing it as the case may be…imagine it yourselves you people) the three looked to their sensei to find that she was holding up a sign with a fish head picture, a plus sign and a picture of a piece of cake, in that order from left to right. Naruto looked outraged, Sakura giggled and Sasuke stared blankly at this obviously senile woman.
Next it was Sakura's turn, after a short while of giggling, blushing and what was apparently meant to be shyly-coy glances at Sasuke that he ignored, the three looked back to see another sign in their sensei's hands.
It said "Fan-Girl, Rabid Class, Stalker Type."
Naruto and Sakura both looked outraged at this though Naruto had a glimmer of humor in his eyes and seemed as though he still wanted to laugh. Sasuke simply sweat-dropped.
And finally (the moment you've all been waiting for) it was Sasuke's turn. Fairly confident in the fact that there wasn't much this senile woman could insult him with, he made his introduction.
How mistaken he was. For, when he was done with his introduction the sign she held stated "Girly Emo Boy, Class C Homicidal."
Moments after this, Sasuke was on the ground after a failed attempt on their Sensei, Naruto was on the ground due to an acute case of laughing his lungs out and Sakura looked outraged on behalf of her Sasuke-kun.
After a period of time where the three Genins of team 7 finally calmed down enough to think rationally, though Sasuke was still murderous, Naruto was still happily commenting that the signs did fit them pretty well (he even attested that his FishCake sign was a hoot, and was tempted to start getting people to call him such) and Sakura was being kept from hitting Naruto over the head by dint of fact that Kaede threatened dire punishment if any quarrels between the three erupted again and came to blows.
After above said events, they were given the information they needed on where and when they needed to be for the following day so that their sensei could properly evaluate their skills and tendancies and Kaede disappeared by simply falling off the edge of the building and the three left to do as they pleased.
Blissfully unaware of the horrors that their new sensei had cooked up for them for the next day.
Phi: Like?
Naruto: I liked the signs...
Sasuke: ARE YOU INSANE YOU SENILE OLD HAG???
Sakura: Why do you hate Sasuke-kun?!?
Phi: I'm neither senile, nor old and I don't look like a hag, live with it. Reviewers get authentic Kaede Signs!