Changes Chapter 1, a veronica mars fanfic

Title: Changes
Pairing: Veronica/Logan
Word count: 9.980
Rating: PG-13 for cursing
Summary: This is set after Veronica dumped Logan on the second season, but she never came back to Duncan (I hate them like a couple). Things got really dark for Logan.
Warnings: first VM fic so it might suck and English is my second language so my writing sucks too.
Disclaimer: I don't own VM, but thank you Rob Thomas.

This in a one-part… But maybe in a future I would make another one. Rewiew if you like

Logan POV

It's been three weeks since Veronica left me, but all I can think about is her. Her hair, her hands, her kisses, all of it drives me crazy. That is why I can't take it anymore; I'm finally ending all this.

But before I'm going to leave her a message, so I can finally tell her goodbye.

Veronica POV

This last three or so weeks had been hell. I left Logan because I can't take him getting hurt again but I don't think it was for the best.

Now he's all alone, no mum or dad and her sister isn't around either. I was the only one he had left but the thought of falling in love with him and then lost him was really tormenting me.

I didn't help leaving him, it all get worse because what I didn't realize then it was that I already loved him. I do. God, it feels good to finally admit it. But everything is screw up now. I don't know how to get to him, ok that's a lie, the really thing is a still don't know if I'm ready to love with all my heart, I'm afraid of been hurt again. Who would have said it? Veronica Mars afraid of love.

And there is also the secret that's been hunting me for a week. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I should talk to Logan about it, but I can seem to be able to lately.

Ok, enough of these thoughts. The noise of the door of my dad's office reminds me that I have to focus on work.

-"Hey honey, this came for you"- my dad hands me a box

-"Thanks" – It really shocks me to see the package it's from Logan. I tried not to show dad my confusion so I can open it by myself, but I have no luck on this. He saw it was from Logan, and since that night that we broke up my dad doesn't really likes him.

When I open it I see a letter and a videotape.

-"What is it Veronica?"

-"I don't know, it doesn't say anything"

-"Come here, we would watch it on the TV"

So I follow my dad to the TV and while he puts the tape I read the letter.

'I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

All it was in it was a song of Avril Lavigne. Something it not right here, Logan writing Avril Lavigne's song 'When You're Gone'?

I got the feeling that today wasn't going to be a peaceful day…

I turn my eyes to the TV and suddenly I see Logan's face. God, I miss him so much!

The look on this face is so sad, it seams like he's been crying a lot. He's pretty much like when he find out his mom was dead. I can't stand seeing him like that. And then he starts talking:

-"Hey Veronica, how are you doing? I really hope you're okay. I'm not doing so well, I think that things just went down hills since Lilly died. Back then I thought that losing her was the worse feeling I would ever have, I thought that I loved her but I was so wrong V.

After she left I start hating everything around me, I believe that because of Lilly's dead I would never feel right again. That's why I became such an asshole to you, to almost everyone around me. But the thing I regret the most is hurting you, believe it or not.

And even after all that, when I thought my mom was alive you help me. You help me look for her, you help me get through my grieving and suddenly of hating each other we start being so much more than friends. Believe me when I said that the moments with you have been the best in my life, even if all we had were bumps in the road, first when you thought I raped you, then when you thought I killed Lilly, even then I loved been with you.

It was what kept me sane, kept being the keyword.

And I'm really sorry for not letting things get normal after getting out of jail, I just couldn't take it. I would have done it if I believe that you would be safe, but they could have hurt you that night when they shoot at us and it would have been my fault. That drove me crazy; all I wanted was to keep them away from you. But I couldn't even do that.

It's all really ironic, I mean, all I ever wanted was to protect you, but I kept failing. First by treating you like garbage, then giving Duncan GHB, and last of all: almost got you killed.

So I think you are so much better without me, you have people that would take care of you better that I did.

I don't want you to feel guilty for anything, ok? I did this to myself. If only I would have done things the right way you would me here with me.

I just want you to know something: I don't regret even for a second the day you helped me, because that day we connect and… you know that phrase 'Better love and lost than never love at all'? I never believed in it until I had you. I thought that Lilly was my first love, but I was so wrong. What I feel for you is thousands of times what I felt for her, and when you dumped me it destroy me thousands times what Lilly's dead destroy me. But with you I finally felt right again, I also felt complete for the first time.

This was suppose to be a letter, but when I start writing all I could find that describe how I felt now was that song, so I decide to make you a tape. I'm always best talking that writing.

Well, I think I just make it very long so… Just know that I'm really sorry for everything that I did wrong, EVERYTHING. And that what we had was the best that happened to me. Thank you for giving me a chance and for all the times that you help me.

Promise me you would get your happy ending, you would marry and have lots of kids just like you. I know that deep down you hope for it. And my last wish is for that to happen.

I LOVE YOU. Bye"

By the time the screen went black, I was sobbing uncontrollable. My dad hugged me and told me that everything would be okay. But he had no idea what was going on.

He was saying goodbye because he couldn't take it anymore, he was giving up. He was going to kill himself.

That was what I feared, and now it was happening and all because of me.

-"All because of me"

-"No baby, didn't he told you not to blame yourself? Things just got messy, but it isn't your fault."

-"Yes it is! Dad you don't get it. He isn't just say goodbye to me, he is giving up. He's going to kill himself dad!"

-"Whoa, are you sure?"

-Yeah, dad. I got to find him. He got it all wrong, I can't lose him.

My dad is really freaking out seeing me this broken, but is the truth. He means everything to me.

- Ok babe, where do you thing he can be? At his house? That's where he made the tape.

- I don't think so. I don't know, maybe. He also can be at the bridge his mom jump. He sometimes goes there to think.

-This is what we would do. I would go to the house just to make sure. And you would go to the bridge, ok?

-Yeah. Let's go. He may already do something stupid. Call me if you find him, right away.

-Ok, you too. Be careful honey.

I get in to my car and drove the fastest I could. I really need to talk to him. Like I say, thing are screw up. Thing aren't like Logan believe, he needs to know. Or I would lose him forever.

When I get to the bridge I see his car, I found him!

The thing was he was standing in the cornice. I need to tell him everything, all the truth and quick.

-Logan! Oh my god, get out of there. Please

-Veronica? God, you shouldn't find me. I was supposed to be dead when you saw the tape.

-Don't said that Logan! We need to talk!

-What is to talk Veronica? Things are going to be fine soon. The both of us will be finally happy.

-What are you saying? You think that I would be happy once you leave me?

-Leave you? You finish us. I didn't want you to feel guilty so we would get back together. I just want to finish things, move on.

I couldn't stand that situation any longer. He was so broken, crying. And he was making me so nervous been there, refusing to get down.

-Things aren't the way you think Logan! I mixed up everything, I run away again. I was wrong; all I can think about is been back to you.

-Don't lie Veronica. Please, you just make it worse.

-I'm not lying.

-Then what change since three weeks ago?

-You, me. But that doesn't matters. I was confuse and I thought that thing couldn't keep been the way they were. But I shouldn't leave you, we could have fixed everything.

-They why we didn't?

All the words that came out of his mouth were almost like crying. He didn't yell at me or say anything arrogant. Then it came to me that it was because he was surrounding. That really scares me!

-Because…

-Because what?

-Because I got scared!

-Scared? What are you talking about?

-I got scared of my feelings for you! I have fallen in love with you, but I didn't want to. That would mean my heart could get hurt.

Logan was speechless and I was crying again. After a minute he got down and put me into a hug. But something wasn't right.

-You shouldn't love me Veronica. You have got to forget me, ok?

-What are you saying? What the fuck are you talking about?

-You deserved better. So much better. I can't drag you with me.

-No Logan. You wouldn't drag me with you! We would be fine you'll see.

Logan didn't hear me. He kept walking to the cornice.

-Don't do this Logan! You say you hate your mom for leaving you behind, don't do the same she did.

-That's different. I hated that she leave her son because she couldn't be replace, she would always be my mom. I'm not doing that, you'll be able to replace me for someone so much better.

Come on Veronica! You have got to tell him all the truth, is now or never.

-It is the same thing. You aren't leaving just me. – With that he stopped walking

-What do you mean?

-A few days after I left you I realize that it was all stupid. That I love you and I couldn't lose you. But I was still afraid so I didn't do anything. Until two weeks after. I was going to your home to amend things when I got into a car accident.

-What? Are you okay? Something happened to you?

-If you mean getting hurt, no. I only scrape my arm. But they took me to the hospital and do my test anyway. Two days after they call me and told me that I… That I…

-That you what? You're scaring the hell out of me!

Finally I got a reaction from Logan. Maybe we would get out of this after all. So I smile and tell him.

-They told me that I was pregnant. We are having a baby Logan.

-Wha- Are you sure? This isn't a joke?

-No, no! I'm one month pregnant and I planning on having it. That's why I couldn't face you. I didn't know what you will say.

-What I would say? God, this is the best thing you could ever tell me!

I start laughing and crying. I couldn't believe this was really happening. Logan start kissing me and promise me he would never left me.

-You won't be able to leave either baby. None chance in hell that I would lose you again.

Logan POV

I can't believe that half hour ago I was ready to kill myself thinking that would be the best. God, I'm going to be a dad! That news a few months before would have been the worst, but now is just what I need. My own family, with Veronica.

I know probably her dad would want to kill me for this, but I don't care right now. All I want is to kiss her.

-I don't think that I ever say it right. I love you Veronica Mars, with all my heart and soul.

-I love you too Logan Echolls, with all my heart and soul.

Yeah, that is all I have ever wanted. I guess that wishes come truth, even for asshole like me.

But now that I have both of them, things are going to change: I'm done being irresponsible and with all the parties. My life is really going to change, but only for good.

End