Cutting Losses
Fandom: Mai Otome
Pairing: Shizuru/Natsuki
Rating: R
Warnings: Lesbians and sex. Author's interpretation of "canon" Otome-verse. If any of these offend, please click the blue arrow.
Length: ~7500 words
Summary: They have an arrangement, but Shizuru's particular indiscretion with Tomoe Marguerite sticks in Natsuki's craw. Yet it's Natsuki who's in the doghouse, and she's having a hard time figuring out how to get things back to the way they were before.
Natsuki heaved a contented sigh. There was still so much to be done, but the conflict was over. They were still mopping up campus, but her wide, stark office was restored. Work hadn't officially started—at least, not administrative work in this office—but she shuffled around paperwork, organized her desk, and checked her drawers in thinly veiled pretense. Shizuru was bound to drop by. She'd been surprisingly absent after-hours since they'd been reunited.
On cue the door opened to admit Shizuru. "Lock the door," Natsuki ordered, setting her pile of papers down (construction plans and a few estimates on the damage done to Garderobe; she'd get to them later). Shizuru's face shifted into a serious, focused look. She obeyed, flicking a deadbolt that would make Miss Maria at least knock, and stood before Natsuki stiffly. "Has something happened?" She was every bit a warrior, ready to activate her robes at Natsuki's command. Shizuru's strict work-orientation had ceased to be a shock and still remained quite a turn-on.
Natsuki approached with a half-smile. "That's not why." She was pleased when Shizuru turned into her kiss. And very displeased when Shizuru drew back.
Shizuru's surprising lack of presence in her apartment the last few nights coupled with her refusal now equated active avoidance. She'd never—except when physically exhausted or under time constraints—refused Natsuki. That Natsuki had gone out of her way to blatantly initiate sex was an extra sting. She wanted Shizuru now with the assurances that she was well and that the world was right again, and she wanted Shizuru to want her back with the same intensity.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's necessarily wrong." Shizuru's eyes hooded and she turned away pointedly. Natsuki dropped to her chair with a sigh.
"Then what is it?" She couldn't be sleeping with someone who wanted an exclusive relationship. How could she have found the time or circumstance recently? (How could she choose that person when Natsuki accommodated her wishes? When Natsuki knew her so well—which included a sexual knowledge that she assumed—no, knew was more than satisfying.) True, they somehow hadn't had sex the few weeks before Galdelope was attacked. But sometimes they didn't. Sex was usually after some incident in which one of them (usually Shizuru) was endangered. Once they went half a year before falling into bed together; they'd made up for lost time though and taken two sick days together just to stay in bed. It had been glorious.
Natsuki regarded the other woman now as possible reasons for rejection flashed through her mind. She wasn't prepared for the answer.
"I had unprotected sex with Tomoe Marguerite." Taking in Natsuki's expression, Shizuru pinched her lips. "I was blackmailed. I assumed you had been taken captive, and there was no way to know otherwise until your letter. In the very least, the situation allowed me to escape custody."
Well, that was...irritating. She didn't particularly like to think of Shizuru's other lovers, and Shizuru had always remained silent about them. Perhaps that was why it stung. "Ah, well, then," she managed levelly, "I'm glad you were able to escape through such easy means."
Shizuru's eyes hooded in displeasure. "Ara, 'easy' you say?"
That wasn't what she meant. "Well, it could have been a lot worse."
Shizuru seemed to deflate from her righteous anger as she leaned against Natsuki's desk. It was a surprising posture for her; Shizuru was always proper, even in informal settings. She looked...tired. Natsuki felt a twinge of both affection and worry. She cleared her throat. "Anyway, why would that mean we can't have sex?"
Incredulity crossed the Third Column's face. "I should get tested to be sure I haven't contracted anything."
"But your nanomachines—"
"—don't work on STDs," Shizuru interrupted. Now she just looked surprised. "How did you not know, Principal?"
Ouch. That wasn't very nice. "How should I have assumed otherwise, Deputy?" Natsuki snapped, heat rising to her face. Shizuru tossed her an apologetic glance. What the hell? Were they teaching the girls this? How could they have forgotten to teach her class?
"A question of my own: how did you manage to miss the seminar?"
So there was a seminar. Natsuki relaxed. She was getting old if she felt such responsibility for her students as that. "I have no idea. Mai went missing so I skipped a lot of the finishing classes. And after graduation I was called to Reman for a while before I returned to start training for my position."
"To sum it up: the original programming assumes that Otome are chaste."
"That's it?" Natsuki asked incredulously.
"Indeed," Shizuru replied. It was obvious that she thought the policy was ridiculous. Then again, Shizuru was surprisingly scathing about the sexist and heterosexist policies of the Otome system so it shouldn't have come as a surprise. (Natsuki had never considered that by implication the Otome system assumed a sexual relationship between two women wasn't significant enough to ward against until Shizuru had informed her ignorance. Should she be surprised that Shizuru was such a feminist?) The Third Column regarded her silently for a moment. "Well then, I would suggest you get tested as well."
"Why?" Natsuki asked, confused.
At this point, Shizuru was obviously exasperated. She didn't try to hide it. "One would assume that in your ignorance, you have had unprotected sex your entire life."
"But you're the only person I've—" Natsuki bit off her statement, a little startled at why expressing that made her feel vulnerable.
Shizuru stared at her silently, and to Natsuki's relief, she didn't press the point. "Ara," she murmured instead. "We don't have to abstain completely." She slipped to her knees, ignored Natsuki's "Oi!", and began to work on her trouser clasp. "I told you because I know you like—" Shizuru drew Natsuki's trousers down and off, followed by her underwear. "—to do this to me."
It was no lie...actually pretty spot on. Natsuki shuddered as Shizuru kissed the inside of her knee. "I heard," Shizuru continued lazily, "that you and Zhang-han were arrested for indecent exposure in Aries."
"Just me. That little bitch cut off my pants to flag down a truck. Of course it turned out to be the Border Patrol. Why didn't I expel her when I had the chance?"
"But you got a ride, hm?" Shizuru's breath chased over her sex, and Natsuki lifted her hips with a little whimper.
"Yeah," she gasped. "Chrysant pardoned—are you going to make me keep talking?"
Shizuru smiled. She pulled away long enough to grab a towel from the bottom drawer in the desk. (As much as Natsuki didn't like the idea of having sex in her office with Miss Maria just a knock away, they weren't going to stop, especially because Natsuki never wanted to say no. As a result, they were at least prepared to keep the mess down.) Natsuki lifted her hips and Shizuru slipped it under her. Shizuru rested her cheek on Natsuki's upper thigh and just regarded her for a long moment with an indecipherable, sober expression on her face. Natsuki touched her temple gently—not to guide, just to make sure Shizuru was there with her. Shizuru started and her eyes jerked from Natsuki's eyes to her snatch.
"Talk?" she echoed. "I'm going to make you beg and babble and tell me how much you're going to enjoy doing this to me. And you're going to think about that until you touch me again."
Natsuki moaned, already halfway to coming just from those words. When Shizuru talked during sex, Shinso help her. Taking that as her cue, Shizuru dipped her head delicately. Natsuki found herself obeying Shizuru without thought. She begged, she babbled, and she made lots of promises she was going to enjoy fulfilling.
"Shinso-sama," Natsuki groaned at last. Shizuru licked her fingers delicately with a smirk of complete arrogance on her face. Natsuki leaned her head back and lowered one leg to rest beside Shizuru; the other stayed splayed on the desk. If Miss Maria had any idea I could look and feel this debauched in the office... Relaxation slowly filled her body. So Tomoe Marguerite had had this same experience, huh? Tomoe, a student. How funny.
That had been their one rule: no sex with students, even the of-age adults. Not until they graduated. Natsuki had never known Shizuru to sleep with a former student. Well, she'd broken their one rule. Natsuki laughed softly at the thought.
"What?" Shizuru still had her head on Natsuki's thigh, and she looked wholly fulfilled. She was smiling almost dreamily, which was a little uncharacteristic of her. Natsuki could count on one hand how many times she'd managed to put that expression on Shizuru's face, and it was usually after a series of screaming orgasms.
"I can't believe you had sex with a student." She laughed again. "I know she wasn't technically a student at that point, but—"
Shizuru leaned back, and it took Natsuki a second to realize she was upset. "You won't get censure," she hastened to add, hoping to reassure her lover—that is, the woman she slept with periodically. Lover was too strong a word. She really wanted to put that dreamy expression back on Shizuru's face.
"I wasn't worried." Shizuru's voice and expression remained sour.
"Oh. Why are you upset then?"
Shizuru wiped her face with her hand and sighed resignedly. Natsuki felt a cold wash of uncertainty. "Did, that is, do you have feelings for her?" The Marguerite girl had been understandably ridiculed in their circle recently. She hadn't even considered that Shizuru might actually care for her. (She fell in love? In love with a psychopath? A psychopath who'd tried to kill Natsuki? When Natsuki herself had been with Shizuru a lot longer and had to be better in bed? Hell!)
Somehow that only seemed to make Shizuru more upset. "For her?" Okay, that was a "no", thankfully. Her expression darkened further as she stood and strode to the door. "Shizuru, what did I say? Shizuru!" Natsuki rose as well and yanked on her trousers. She was two steps towards the door when it slammed shut. "Dammit!"
Shizuru still wasn't speaking to her, and it was upsetting. To be fair, Shizuru was often off campus during the next two months of clean-up (including a three week stint in Artai), but those times she was on campus, she was notably absent. Of course she still assisted Natsuki professionally, but... But it was getting to be beyond heart-wrenching. Especially when Shizuru was due to be in Annam, with Ann Li (damn her), and nothing was going to convince Natsuki they didn't fuck when within 50 miles of each other. Of all Shizuru's dalliances, her old Onee-sama was the worst.
Possibly because Ann Li could actually mean something to Shizuru. Who still wasn't speaking to her.
Dammit.
So, since life had settled, Garderobe was fully functional, and Natsuki had been working her ass off for three years without a single legitimate vacation, she decided to take a week sojourn back to the place she immaturely thought of as 'home'. Reman was a po-dunk country in the backwoods, where most everyone was so ignorant of world politics that the last time she'd been back, she thought she'd die of mortification every time someone in her family opened his or her (mostly the latter) mouth.
She'd been just like that once. When she first arrived at Garderobe, she'd had a huge culture shock. As much as she tried to act like true royalty just to fit in with many of the other blue-blooded girls, she hadn't managed to pull it off. It was strange to think of herself so innocent and ignorant, not to mention arrogant. She certainly wasn't anymore: the Principal of Garderobe itself, having an affair with her Deputy Principal. It was all the salaciousness one would expect from an Otome romance novel.
She purchased a commercial ticket with her own money (her sad bank account had hardly an withdrawals since she began her training to become the Second Column) because god forbid Miss Maria noticed such a frivolous charge on the school's tab. Natsuki bought a paperback which she didn't read. The trip was slow, mainly because she worried over Shizuru. Could she keep working with Shizuru without feeling...the way she felt? Was Shizuru having a tumultuous affair with Ann Li right at that moment? It was bad enough suspecting it when she'd fucked the life out of Shizuru before she left, but now that Shizuru was angry with her, well...
If she thought the commercial flight was torture, the car ride to her father's estate was even worse, mainly because it took longer to travel that one hundred miles versus the thousand on the hover-plane. Reman needed to invest in better highways...or at least a rail-line through the dense mountains. For not the first time, Natsuki wished she had tried flying into bordering Annam and passing through customs to take the considerably shorter trip that way instead of from Reman's capitol. She also rather wished that it was justifiable to tax the Otome system by Materializing to fly herself there and back.
C'est la vie.
The trip wasn't infinite so she did eventually arrive at the oh-so-familiar town of Tamon. She rode for twenty minutes more before she saw a break in the dense winding forest. Behind the thick foliage lay a wide clearing that she called home. There was the large barn, the well-built estate (made from the trees that had been cleared to make room for it about five generations before), a well that supplied several neighbors with fresh water, and her family, all lined up in a massive bunch of dark-haired, bright-eyed individuals.
She rolled down the window to take a deep breath. There was sweet evergreen, gray smoke from a freshly barbequed hog, a wood fire. The car rolled to a stop, and Natsuki stepped out into the cold air. She immediately fended off two large hounds that milled at her feet happily. Her arms were full of her father, of her mother, of an older sister or two, then a younger. It was a dizzying round of hugs and laughter when Natsuki mistakened a younger sister for an elder. She hadn't seen them in years so they forgave her, as they always did.
"You're hardly wearing any clothes!" one of her sisters cried. Immediately she was ushered into the warm, rich wood and velvet of the estate. The dogs followed them inside, and they lay down with Natsuki on the rug in the den. The fire warmed her entire front, and the dogs insulated her back.
"Has everything settled down, Natsuki-chan?" her father asked, stroking the cat perched on the arm of his chair. Though he was a fairly rich duke (who had funded at least a quarter of Natsuki's education fees), he didn't have a good grasp of international politics outside of Reman and Annam. Despite that, there was no way he didn't know about the war that had threatened their entire world.
"Most everything." She started to speak again, but her mother handed her a mug of honeyed-tea and said, "No more talk of work. This is vacation, and you look horribly tense, Natsuki-chan."
It was amazing how her mother still treated her like she was fifteen. Natsuki suffered a kiss on the forehead and drank down the honey-sweetened tea, pleased at the warmth that spread through her limbs. Clearly something alcoholic had been added to the drink. She relaxed immediately. Not for the first time she wished that she had not been called to serve as a Column or the Principal of Garderobe, and that the Grand Duke of Reman was powerful enough to attain his own Meister Otome. Because the Grand Duke had funded a good bit of her education for specifically that reason, Natsuki was attempting to draw up all the appropriate paperwork to appoint a lower-ranked Otome to guard his life. But it was still nice to dream of personally serving as an Otome for such a small, peaceful country.
She could quit now, with a reasonable amount of time to replace herself with an adequate Otome and train her. But it had taken, what, four, five years to train to be the Principal. It would take less time to train a replacement now because Shizuru was fully trained herself. With a new Principal and Deputy Principal coming in at the same time, she and Shizuru had needed far more time with their forerunners to gain the necessary experience. But even now, a decade after she'd begun training, Nastuki still needed more seasoned people to go to. She needed Shizuru. Not that she had her now, not in the way she truly needed—she had her Deputy, but her friend and lover was gone. Damn.
I should be angry at her. She had fucked that Marguerite girl and was probably fucking her Onee-sama now.
Despite her family, her home, the wood and wine, Natsuki's thoughts revolved around wanting Shizuru desperately. It must have shown, and indeed it did because one of her sisters, Yumiko, slipped into her room as Natsuki was preparing to sleep. Natsuki allowed this transgression because Yumiko was the sister she was closest to—her favorite, though it always made her guilty to think that way. She loved all her sisters, but Yumiko was the youngest, and Natsuki had loved her deeply as a baby. She'd partially raised Yumiko, and it was so refreshing to see her as a young adult now.
"What's wrong Na-nee?" It was an old nickname, one that dated back to Yumiko as a baby. With so many older sisters and a heavy lisp, she'd called them Shi-nee, Ma-nee, A-nee, and so on.
"Work," Natsuki bluffed.
"Are you really that unhappy as an Otome? Can't you just retire?"
"I'm not in a position to do that," Natsuki replied. Realistically she wasn't, though along the lines of her thoughts earlier that day, she knew she could. It would just be messy, an embarrassment to the system, a hassle for Shizuru.
"I thought retirement usually came after ten years."
None of her family really knew of her position within the hierarchy of Otome. She never imparted the true significance of her post. It always seemed boastful and made them seem backward and ignorant. They knew of Garderobe and of Meister Otome who protected royalty. They didn't know of the Columns or the lower unranked Otome who served in some militaries and protected lesser government officials or those royalties of lesser districts or nations.
"I'm not in a position to retire. I just can't quit like that."
"How can they stop you?"
"It's my sense of duty, I guess," Natsuki replied sourly. She patted the spot beside her in bed, and Yumiko took the invitation. She snuggled into the covers with a sigh. Cotton sheets—a commodity in this country—covered by fur blankets, the scent of her childhood. Natsuki closed her eyes and felt unaccountably safe.
"What if you want to get married?"
She cracked open an eye to glare at her little sister. "I don't."
"What if you want to have babies?"
"I really don't." She had the feeling Shizuru wasn't much of a baby person. For one thing, the single time Natsuki had seen Shizuru hold a baby—not by her choice, either—Shizuru had been hilariously awkward. To add insult to injury, the baby had promptly thrown up on her. While Natsuki had dealt with enough babies not to find the milk spit-up nauseating, Shizuru hadn't exactly felt the same way. Natsuki had managed to contain her laughter until they were in private. Shizuru had said something like, 'There's a reason I like being an Otome.' Natsuki had pretended that she hadn't felt a pang of disappointment.
Natsuki jolted awake when she realized what she'd been half-dreaming. Shizuru having her baby? Ridiculous, impossible, and Shizuru was still mad at her! Dammit.
"You're thirty, Na-nee."
"Gee, thanks." She was thirty. Astounding. That made Yumiko twenty-one. It was dizzying. The little baby she'd held, freshly delivered and bawling the unmistakable newborn cry was now this, this adult. She'd been a sweet baby. When she was a little older, she dragged around a blanket for ages. She'd sucked her thumb until she was six. Natsuki smiled at the memory.
"You're positively middle-aged!" Yumiko gasped. Natsuki jolted awake again at the comment. With a growl, she shoved at her sister. "Out with you! I'm going to bed."
"Just like I said. Middle-aged." Yumiko leaned over to kiss Natsuki's cheek, and she slipped from the room, humming pleasantly.
Natsuki fell asleep and dreamed of Shizuru's arms around her as she held their baby.
She jolted awake and shifted around awkwardly. "Shizuru," she muttered, trying to get a little more room in bed. Shizuru didn't usually sleep this hard nor did she take up this much room in bed. Though that was mainly because Natsuki always slept wrapped around her like a vine. Tonight Shizuru was at her back, just a warm sleeping mass. Natsuki shoved a bit more and then rolled over to put an elbow out. When she put her hand on the warm body next to her, she let out a gasp of shock. Fur, thick fur. What the...?
A dog?
Reality came back quickly, along with the realization that she was depressed about Shizuru. There was no point in trying to sleep in, not feeling this way. Natsuki rose and squeaked when her bare feet hit the cold wood flooring. She shuddered in the cold of the bedroom and hastened to stoke the fire, hoping to get a bit more heat in the room. Thankfully she could smell breakfast cooking below. Her rooms had always been over the kitchen of the estate, something that had never plagued her unless she'd been ill.
She scented carefully. "Pork," Natsuki told the dog stretched out on her bed. "Fried potatoes, flapjacks, winterberries." She dressed in her warmer clothes: full thick trousers, a closed-throat shirt, scruffy leather boots, and a long wool jacket. It was strange to show so little skin. Even in her official Otome dress she wasn't this covered. "Food," she told the dog, who awoke to follow her downstairs to the dining room. She was one of the first down and took the honor of walking back upstairs to bellow down the hallway that breakfast was ready. The few lagging sisters appeared only moments later. Yumiko was the last. She yawned sleepily at Natsuki and rubbed her hair into greater disarray.
All seated, breakfast was loud. Sisters teased each other, their mother, and their father, and they all argued boisterously as they waited to serve themselves food. After the lull in noise (broken only by cutlery) that meant everyone was enjoying breakfast heartily, Natsuki's mother said, "We're attending a banquet tonight. It's hosted here for officials and traders from Annam."
Natsuki swallowed down an entire flapjack. She noted her mother was looking directly at her. With the loving look in those soft blue eyes, and it was hard to think of a way to refuse. "And you want me to go?"
"We would appreciate it," her father replied. "Sadly, we're lacking in young women attending and there should be some dancing."
"That's completely unethical!" interjected one of Natsuki's younger sisters with faux outrage.
"We're being used!" Yumiko gasped dramatically, laying a hand to her breast as if struck.
Natsuki regarded her father's sharp green gaze, her mother's soft blue eyes, and sighed. "What will I wear?" She was already weary.
"I've already picked it out," her mother replied.
"It's really attractive, Na-nee," Yumiko hastened to claim. Natsuki slumped forward with a sigh.
As it turned out, she shouldn't have been worried. Reman was a utilitarian country, and its fashions often reflected that. When it was required that all commoners, men or women, work in similar ways—in textiles, raising animal stock, hunting game flesh—the dress was practical for both men and women. Higher fashion reflected this. Natsuki was happy to note that the latest trend was the option for women to wear a well-cut brocade coat with a velvet vest, trousers, and riding boots, all with the appropriate feminine touches, of course. She didn't particularly like the cravat and high collar, but it was a good trade-off versus the dresses she'd never cared for. Though, with her time in Windbloom, she had certainly gotten used to revealing her cleavage, which was her main issue with those dresses.
Her vest was emerald (predictably) and her coat deep blue. Her sisters positively cooed over her, and Yumiko volunteered herself to plait back Natsuki's hair into a knot at the back of her neck. She looked incredibly elegant, but...
"What's wrong?" Yumiko's reflection deflated. "I really like it."
"I do too; it's just..." Shizuru always seemed to enjoy her hair down, and because of that, Natsuki realized she'd grown very vain over her hair. She could be conceited over it, couldn't she? "Someone I know prefers it down."
"Your lover?" Yumiko asked a touch too quickly.
Natsuki thought of denying it but sighed. "Yes, I suppose."
"Why didn't you bring him?"
"Him?" Natsuki cocked an eyebrow at her. "Yumiko, I can't have sex with a man without losing my standing as an Otome. Not that I would want to," she realized aloud.
"Well, I wasn't sure," Yumiko replied. She frowned. "And there are ways to avoid losing your Otome powers anyway."
Powers? "And how the hell would you know about something like that?"
Yumiko blushed to her hair line. "Well, that is... I may have read a few really awful romance novels by—"
"Don't go on," Natsuki interrupted. "I know who you're talking about. And, just so you know, she doesn't at all accurately describe the school system in Garderobe...or anything related to Otome and international politics at that."
"How do you know about her books?"
"My old roommate at school read a few of them. She'd read parts aloud to me for a lark."
"Well, anyway," Yumiko quickly replied, "Is she an Otome? Your Onee-sama? My god, that would be wonderful because I've read one of those novels too!"
"I'm not talking about this with you," Natsuki replied. Yumiko opened her mouth, but thankfully a servant called up that the Duke and Duchess were waiting outside. Natsuki ushered her sister out ahead of her.
The banquet was boring. Natsuki did a very good job of keeping focused in gatherings like this while on duty, but right then she couldn't force herself to pay attention to the people who surrounded her, all chatting about some sect of trade. After all, she was only here to dance. She'd already had two glasses of wine to take the edge off, and she was now pleasantly mellow. She noted her father was making the rounds. She was surprised to find out he had actually mediated this treaty; he usually just managed internal matters of Reman.
She heard her father's deep voice closer and knew that she and whatever daughter was in the vicinity was going to be introduced to whatever man or woman involved in his conversation. She was used to it, and she'd never begrudged him seriously. So, now, she cocked her head and waited for the appropriate moment to step in and shake a hand.
"It's a true pleasure that you've come, Meister Otome." Natsuki's head swiveled. Surely not another Otome? "Perhaps you know my daughter, Natsuki Kruger." Natsuki dutifully turned fully to be introduced even as her mind cycled through all the possible Meister Otomes that could be attending this banquet. She drew a blank, as no royalty were actually here. She looked past her father and came to a halt. At least her mouth didn't open, but it felt like all the blood at drained from her face then rushed back in.
"Shizuru."
For it was Shizuru, in a blood red traditional—that was, ancient tradition (read: archaic)—kimono of Annam with her hair pulled off her neck into an elegant clip. She was beautiful and so very welcome.
Shizuru's face shifted almost imperceptibly. It hurt Natsuki in the chest to see she wasn't happy. "Natsuki. I didn't realize you'd be here."
After all this, business snapped into the forefront of her mind. "Did you resolve the issue?" In Annam, she didn't add. It was classified information.
Shizuru inclined her head in the positive. "There was no fuss. I sent my report ahead and received permission to remain outside of Garderobe to visit family for a few days. I wouldn't have asked had I known you were off as well." Then Shizuru gestured to an older, shorter woman standing next to her, also in a kimono. Natsuki nearly swallowed her own tongue at the similarity between their features. "My mother, Rukia Viola. Mother, this is Natsuki Kruger, Principal of Garderobe and the Second Column."
To Natsuki's shock, Rukia folded her into a warm hug. "Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Natsuki-chan."
She really couldn't rebuke the '-chan', not from Shizuru's mother. Whom she had just met. Natsuki fumbled for words. "I actually think it's the other way around, Viola-san."
Natsuki's father coughed, reminding her that he was actually there. "Shizuru, Viola-san, this is my father, Duke of the District of Tamon in Reman, and my mother, Duchess Saeko Kruger." She lifted a hand to politely point out her family. "My elder sisters Shima, Fumi, and Kamo, and younger sisters Mari, Akiko, Tome, and Yumiko. I'm very thankful our family doesn't have the tradition of multiple middle names," she added truthfully. "And, Father, this is the Third Column of the Otome, Deputy Principal of Garderobe Academy, Shizuru Viola."
Rukia's eyes rounded. "All girls?"
"Eight of them," Natsuki's father groaned.
"It's all your fault, Daddy." Yumiko had sidled up, and she slipped her arm through Natsuki's. She tilted a sweet smile to Rukia and Shizuru, who, to Natsuki's horror, blushed.
"That's what Mother said when she found out about you," Natsuki sniped, reaching fingers over to pinch her sister. Yumiko wriggled away and stomped on Natsuki's foot. Natsuki's eyes watered. "I'd think you would complain the loudest, Na-nee." She turned her words to Shizuru and her mother and spoke in a stage whisper. "She's notorious for walking in on them."
"Girls." Their mother was now speaking in a sweet tone of voice edged with poison. "It isn't beyond my ability to take you over my knee and spank you for misbehaving."
"Na-nee would save me." Yumiko winked at Shizuru, who blushed again. Dammit. This time Natsuki's fingers landed a pinch, and Yumiko squeaked. "Ow," she hissed audibly.
"Save who? You? I think I remember a time in the near past in which you said something like 'it's every man for himself' when you left me with a very drunk Tatebana man."
"You have a very long memory, Na-nee. I was only sixteen at the time and very foolish. I've since learned the beauty of family." She turned to Shizuru and Rukia and whispered, "I don't know why she's complaining. She beat him to a pulp, naturally."
Another sister slipped by and commented, "The beauty of family? Is that why you put a toad in my bed the other night?"
"Her husband screamed like a little girl," Yumiko told Natsuki, who couldn't resist giving her a nod of approval.
Their mother abruptly grabbed them both by the sensitive flesh of their ribs and steered them away. "Be-have." Their father, meanwhile, quickly ushered Shizuru and her mother away. They could hear him saying, "I'm so sorry. Natsuki is so rarely home my daughters all get a little rambunctious when she visits again."
"No matter, Saito-san. I'm just a commoner. I feel a lot more comfortable now," Rukia replied before they were out of earshot.
After their mother was occupied with a knot of traders from Annam, Yumiko grabbed Natsuki by the hand. "She's your lover!" she whispered excitedly.
"Not at this point," Natsuki replied, turning a gaze to Shizuru's proud back. She'd only seen Shizuru in a kimono once, and it hadn't been a formality. She missed civilian clothes on Shizuru, she realized. But truth be told, even when they were in school Shizuru hadn't often worn anything but her Pearl uniform.
"That's why you're depressed?"
"I guess." Yumiko smacked her on the forehead. "The hell?" Natsuki snapped.
"Go fix it then."
"How the hell do I do that? It isn't that easy."
"Just talk to her. About something other than work. There's even a little alcove outside. No one could see you because it's so bright in here." Yumiko gave a faux gasp. "It would be so romantic, like out of—"
"—One of those awful books you read," Natsuki replied stiffly.
"Well?"
"I'm not going to confront her here."
Then Natsuki bit her tongue as Shizuru slipped out the glass paneled doors to that very alcove they were talking about. "You see? It's fate at this point." Yumiko pressed another glass of wine in Natsuki's hand and gave her a gentle push. Her heart leapt. It was inappropriate. She'd had too much to drink to think clearly. Her feet carried her across the room, and her hand was pushing open the doors before she even considered stopping. Then she was outside, standing on that little balcony with Shizuru in front of her.
She settled her hip against the cold stone banister and turned her eyes to Shizuru. The light from indoors cast a golden sheen to Shizuru's glossy hair and skin. The red of the kimono shifted her soft brown eyes to sharp crimson. She was striking. And she was holding a glass of champagne. Natsuki took a swallow from the wine glass in her hand, irritated that she couldn't offer it to Shizuru.
"Hi." Her voice was embarrassingly thick.
Shizuru gave her a faint smile which tore at Natsuki's heart.
"I'm sorry," Natsuki blurted out. "Whatever I said, I was wrong. I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you, and I just... I want things to go back to the way they were before."
"I don't."
"Oh." Natsuki felt like something was tearing her open from the inside out. "Oh," she gasped again, clutching the banister. She wanted to retch.
"I want to be exclusive." Shizuru's hand slipped over hers, and Natsuki stared at it dumbly.
"Oh," she said again. Of course. She'd found someone. Natsuki was going to kill Ann Li. If only she could find her voice to Materialize her robe, fly to Annam and blast that smug bitch to pieces. She was rusty with individual combat, but she could take her, with all this rage inside to fuel her. "With who?"
Shizuru's grip tightened on her hand. "Look at me, Natsuki." Shizuru's expression was incredulous when Natsuki found the courage to look. Didn't she have the right to be jealous, now that someone was taking Shizuru away forever? I'm not sure I can even work with her like this. "Natsuki!" Natsuki focused on her again. "With you, you fool!"
The air rushed from her lungs, and it felt like all blood had either drained out or flooded her brain. Her legs didn't want to hold her up. Dizzying, dizzying relief. Joy. How was it possible? It didn't make any sense, and there was no point in asking Shizuru to be exclusive if she couldn't be that. Natsuki could make do. "I thought you didn't want that."
Shizuru withdrew her hand. Natsuki wondered if grabbing for it was in bad taste. "Whatever lovers you might have," Shizuru said quietly, "you'll have to choose. It can only be me or them."
It made no sense. Natsuki's jaw fell open. Her mind jumped to a far more significant issue. "But you... What about your other lovers?"
"The only women I have ever slept with after you, after us, were the result of alcohol and some juvenile wish for you to be at least a little jealous."
"Ann Li?" Natsuki asked incredulously.
Shizuru's face twisted in shock. "I haven't had sex with her since I was a Coral."
"Oh," Natsuki gasped. What a wonderful relief. But there was the first indiscretion—that woman Shizuru had slept with just after they'd started their romantic relationship, years ago. It had been right after Shizuru started her training to be a Column, and Natsuki had been starry-eyed in love with her successful Onee-sama. "Senator Altman?"
Shizuru winced. "I didn't, Natsuki. I got drunk, she took me back to her apartments in hopes of seducing me, and I told her 'no' because I was operating under the assumption that we were in a relationship." Natsuki's mouth was hanging open; she knew it. "And when I hastened to return to Galdelope to explain to you the truth—"
"I congratulated you for sleeping with her," Natsuki finished. She was an imbecile. A complete idiot! Why had she done that? Well, because she was so in love with Shizuru that she was ready to take just a part of her. And because she hadn't trusted Shizuru to be faithful, not even at the start—she'd cut her losses instead of taking a worthwhile gamble. She realized the shocking truth of it. She had, in a way, forced Shizuru to be unfaithful by expecting it, by encouraging it even! "So not only was I not supposed to assume you wanted an open relationship, I was supposed to be jealous?"
"Yes."
Natsuki's fist closed over her wine glass, and it shattered in her palm. "The hell!" She turned an outraged stare to a now startled Shizuru. "I can't believe you slept with that woman from Artai! On our anniversary, even! And what's her face from Aries! And... Tomoe Marguerite!"
Shizuru's eyes welled up, but she let out an uncharacteristic bark of laughter. "All along, you felt what I'd hoped." She laughed again before sobering. "I didn't want to have sex with any of them, least of all Tomoe Marguerite. She had..." Shizuru winced. "Very unpleasant...very strange preferences."
And now Natsuki saw it from an entirely different angle. "She raped you. And then I said those things... I'm so sorry. For that more than anything."
Shizuru shrugged. She delicately picked up Natsuki's bleeding hand. The nanomachines had already begun to seal the cuts, but there was a piece of glass wedged there. Gently, Shizuru plucked it out. "I love you," she said at last. "Do you have another lover?"
The two phrases together stunned Natsuki. "No. Didn't I already admit you were the only person I've been with?"
"I assumed you had another lover here, perhaps a man, because you never wanted me to accompany you, even on official visits. You...don't have to have sex with someone you're in love with." Shizuru stroked her fingers against Natsuki's wrist.
"There's no one else but you. Ever. I never invited you here because..." She sighed. "Oh, hell, Shizuru, I'm embarrassed by my family. And I was afraid they'd treat me differently if they actually knew my ranking."
"They're lovely people."
"I'm happy I was able to meet your mother."
Shizuru touched her cheek and tilted her head up to meet her gaze. Natsuki's heart ached with happiness. "What is your answer, Natsuki?" Shizuru whispered.
Natsuki licked her lips. "Yes. I love you. Desperately."
They were kissing then, and Natsuki moaned and shifted to the balls of her feet to better meet Shizuru's lips. Their height difference was a little more exaggerated since Natsuki wasn't wearing heels. Despite that and the time they'd spent apart, the kiss was achingly familiar. Their tongues slipped against each other then they shifted into gentler, slower kisses, breaking apart and returning again and again. A thought occurred to Natsuki as they parted for a moment. "Let's get married."
Shizuru gasped. "Married?"
"Yeah." Natsuki leaned in for another kiss and whimpered when Shizuru evaded her.
"Are you serious?"
Natsuki touched Shizuru's cheek and brushed back a wisp of hair that had escaped her clip. "Yes."
"Yes. I want that."
"Shizuru." Shizuru met her gaze, and the smile slipped from her face. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you to be faithful. I was waiting for confirmation, and I... I really fucked things up. I trust you now, and I'm so sorry." She kissed Shizuru's knuckles.
"I'm sorry for not being honest," Shizuru replied gently. "It was just as great a hurt—and cowardice. I was afraid I would push you away if I was possessive."
Natsuki smiled. "Forgiven. We could think of them as canceling penalties."
Shizuru's laughter was sexy and low. "Everything goes back to Garderobe, hm?"
"You should be worried if I start comparing sex to a battle. Orgasm is a KO of the robe, and so on." Natsuki was gratified to hear Shizuru laugh. She leaned in for another kiss.
Sounds of the interior room broke into the soft sounds of nightfall. And then the Duke's voice. "Natsu—Oh, forgive me."
Natsuki jerked her head around to see the door close on her retreating father. She couldn't help her blush. "Well..."
"That's one way to tell a parent."
"Your mother isn't going to eviscerate me or something, right?"
"She already knows."
Natsuki slipped as she leaned against the balcony and bruised her ass on the cold stone of the balcony. "What? She knows?"
Shizuru was too busy laughing to reply. Natsuki sighed from her seat and spotted a few flecks of broken glass from her earlier tantrum. "You wouldn't be laughing right now if I'd sat in that." Shizuru sobered slightly and helped her rise.
"I'd offer the same cure."
"Oh?"
"I'll kiss it to make it better."
"I'm more than willing."
"I knew you would be." Shizuru leaned in for another kiss, and Natsuki sighed into it. "I love you," Natsuki whispered in between kisses. "I love you. I love you."
Shizuru pulled back and folded Natsuki into her body.
"Come back with me, you and your mother, with my family. Just for a few days."
Shizuru brushed her fingers over Natsuki's braided hair. "Ara, I thought you were embarrassed by your family."
"We're engaged now," she pointed out. "Too late for that."
"You just want to have sex tonight, don't you? Naughty woman."
"You taught me well, Shizuru-onee-sama."
Shizuru laughed a laugh that rolled sweetly across Natsuki's ears. "I'll never have such an eager kohai again."
"That's 'imouto' to you."
They broke down into silly giggles and held each other for a moment. Natsuki was very close to taking the opportunity to kiss Shizuru again, but she noticed Shizuru was shivering. It was a good bit colder than she was used to, up in these mountains. "Let's go inside. I'll get you some tea."
"What a dashing offer," Shizuru replied, all smiles. Natsuki grinned back as she lead them back inside where she fulfilled her dashing offer. By some stroke of luck (or the fact that they were both Meister Otome), they were seated next to each other for dinner. Shizuru kept her left hand on Natsuki's thigh the entire time, and between courses, Natsuki slipped hers atop Shizuru's. Maybe it was juvenile, but she felt...like nothing could go wrong now and even if it did, she had everything she needed.
After dessert, the music started up, and a few couples stepped out to dance. Not surprisingly, half of the girls on the dance floor were Krugers. Natsuki took the time to find her father.
"Ah, Natsuki-chan," he said and blushed deeply.
Natsuki cleared her throat. "I, uh, invited Shizuru and her mother to stay with us...at least until I have to go back to Windbloom."
"Oh. Well, certainly. We'd love to host them." He looked supremely uncomfortable, and he blushed even darker. He inclined his head and murmured, "Will she be sharing your quarters?"
"Yes." Natsuki congratulated herself for not blushing. Her father shifted his cravat and nodded. "Well, then. It'll be a pleasure," he said again. Natsuki patted his arm and departed. She promptly wished to turn back because Shizuru and her mother were approaching. Rukia at least didn't look murderous.
"Natsuki-chan," Rukia said, and she opened her arms again. Hesitantly, Natsuki stepped into them. Rukia said, "I'm very happy that's been taken care of. I would love to come with you, but are you certain it won't encroach on your parents?"
"My father said it would be an honor, Viola-san."
Rukia smiled innocently, and Natsuki had the urge to gulp because it was a familiar expression. "Call me Rukia-baa-san, Natsuki-chan. I think we're afforded that."
Natsuki blushed to her hairline, and it was only then that Shizuru intervened. "Mama," she murmured. Rukia winked and slipped off to speak with Natsuki's eldest sister. Natsuki allowed herself to study Shizuru's face, and Shizuru looked back at her with decidedly bedroom eyes. "Shall we dance?" Shizuru asked her.
Natsuki held out a hand, and they slipped into the throng with the few other dancers. Natsuki missed this. Back in the relative peace a few years ago, they'd often attended little political parties like this. She had always danced with Shizuru at least once. Often not more than that, based upon how certain Natsuki was that Shizuru was going to spend the night with someone else. It had been torture to guess which woman it would be, all the while hoping that Shizuru would decide that she'd rather slip into Natsuki's bed, naked and willing.
Now she didn't have to worry about that. Because Shizuru would be in her bed from now on...even if there wasn't sex. There certainly would be tonight though. "I love you," she gasped, knowing that she'd never be able to say it enough to make up for her previous silence. "I love you; I love you; I love you."
Shizuru brushed her nose long Natsuki's jaw, and Natsuki tilted their faces into a kiss, not caring who saw or what they might think. This woman will be my wife.
-end-