A/N: Yes, it took me a long, long time to get this segment out. Other priorities got in the way of writing, and I will say no more about that. So, without further delay, here's part four of the "Severed Saga."
Thank you for those who have patiently awaited an update. I will get to work on the fifth and final segment soon.
OOOOOOOOOO
The drive in her white Rabbit did not take long, and for this, Cassie was glad. Final stop: the cemetery. Where Adam Conant was buried and resting within Earth.
Strolling over the well-maintained grasses, she passed grave markers of varying heights. Those stone masses told tales of who resided here. Fathers and mothers; sons and daughters; brothers and sisters; generation beside generation. So many stories of their own, and Cassie walked among their endless histories with reverence. They whispered to her, welcoming her presence, and it did not cross her mind to feel nervous. Earth was quiet here, she realized. There was an overwhelming sense of peace. Like two gentle hands cupping around the land she walked upon. Perhaps the spirits of the dead detected her state of mind, recognizing Cassie's own inner peace, and let the sensation grow, expand, and touch the surrounding environment. She drew in a deep breath, bringing the sensation into her lungs.
Peace. She felt it, swam in a shimmering sea of it. Peace with a decision she had finally made for herself. After all the grief and heartache from losing Adam, how had she gotten to this point? Deep down, she knew. It had been a trio of events that allowed her heart to awaken.
The first of these entered her mind instantly. One that occurred only six months ago.
OOOOOOOOOO
-April-
It had been during one of Nick's many visits to Number Nine. His presence had become so frequent that neither mother nor child hesitated to welcome him into their home. Still, he never entered without being invited first. That had struck Cassie. In the past, she had been used to Nick silently doing as he pleased, and if there was any argument, he would push until he got his way. She recalled how he had been so forceful with some girls at high school dances, looming over them until they were too terrified to refuse any request. With her, though, it was not the same. He was…a gentleman, through and through.
Sitting on the steps of the front porch, Cassie and Nick observed Sarah, who played in the shade of tress in the front yard. Every so often, she would lift her arms and spin, feeling Air brush past her and cradling her as she moved against it. Cassie observed quietly, adoring her daughter's joy in the elements.
Idle chit chat passed between them, neither feeling pressure to fill the void with words. When they came, they came, and it was natural for both of them. As the minutes stretched on, though, Cassie was silently building up the courage to bring up a topic of importance. She had pondered on it for months, but kept it tucked away inside, as she was unsure of how to approach the subject. Most of the time, Nick had been the one to initiate conversation between them. However, she now decided it was time to break the habit, be brave and just…speak.
Arms crossed in front of her, she drew in a breath. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you, Nick." His eyes were on her, waiting; not hurrying her to talk. She gathered her nerve and shoved it out. "I've been keeping an eye on you over the years, and I've noticed something: you don't date." He said nothing to this, so she went on. "Ultimately, it's none of my business, but I've noticed, and I'm curious as to why. I say this because I consider you a close friend, and I care about what happens to you. Anyone would be incredibly lucky to be with you." She bit her lower lip. "The reason I'm even bringing it up is…" she took a breath, feeling her throat close slightly, "…is because I wonder if you're spending so much time with Sarah and me that you don't give yourself a chance to have a life." There. She had said it. She hated the words as they left her lips, but at least they were honest.
A flash of coldness passed through his eyes, a look Cassie was not unacquainted with. "You suggest I'm unhappy with my status." Not a question.
She hesitated, but only briefly. "Hear me out. I don't want it to get to that point. You might wake up one day and resent all the time you wasted with me." She frowned, realized she had meant to say "us," but instead said "me." What did this mean?
Those eyes became quite intent. His voice was very careful, words slow and deliberate. He wanted to make sure she heard every syllable. "I don't consider time spent with you as time wasted. You've known me for a while, Cassie. You know I make my own choices, and if I'm ever bothered, I am quick to make it clear." He rested his elbows on his knees. "No; there is no regret, and there never will be."
Oh…God. Her heart pounded so rapidly, strumming a beat in her ears. She had to momentarily avert her eyes, which made it easier for her to go on. A memory resurfaced, one she had reflected on frequently. "You know, when I first met Faye and the girls, I overheard her saying how you and her had an arrangement."
His eyes flashed again, but it was not anger directed at her. "Faye's always stuck her nose in where it doesn't belong. On top of that, she sure as hell doesn't dictate my life. No one does."
"I know," she said softly. Swallowing, she continued. "I'll admit: I thought you'd end up with someone like her, you know? As far as being direct and in-your-face." It was the mildest way to describe Faye when she had first come to New Salem.
He contemplated this. "Funny part is I used to think the exact same thing. Not many girls could handle a personality like mine," he shook his head, smiling dryly. Then his eyes met hers. "But then I met you, and everything I'd ever expected for myself completely changed. Sure, it took a while for me to see and understand that, and at first, I thought we were way too different to get along."
You and me both, Cassie thought.
The light in his face shifted then, making him appear calmer from the inside out. "But the thought didn't last. It changed at the oddest moment for me. It was when I gave your backpack to you." Cassie remembered the humiliating scene vividly. "You had thanked me for such a mundane task, and it caught me off-guard. There you were, this wide-eyed, frightened young girl…and me, this hard-ass with several chips on my shoulder…"
Jaw clenching, he went on. "The initial thoughts I'd had about you weren't lasting. You were someone who sought the light in people. Even when I was a jerk to you, you managed to look for the good in me. Not an easy chore, I know."
They both gave a short laugh.
But he was not finished. "The more I watched you, and listened to you, the more I grew to respect you…then began to realize how much I liked being around someone with such a beautiful and loving heart." He paused. "Remember when I once said you were unique?
"Yes." It had been after she had broken up with him a few years back.
"I meant it in the best possible way. Laurel used to describe you as a unicorn: 'blue-eyed, shy, and one of a kind.' She's right, you know. And that's what you are to me, Cassie. One of a kind. There will never be anyone else like you and I'm grateful for that." His deep brown eyes bore into her bright blue ones. "That's who you are to me, Cassie. Your good heart has struck me deeper than any woman ever has, and it was as unexpected to me as I'm sure it is for you to hear it."
She could not answer because she could draw in air. Everything in her had ceased functioning, became paralyzed in awe. What she did feel was the barest shimmer of tears pooling in the bottoms of her eyes.
Of course, Nick noticed. "God, those eyes," he muttered, turning his gaze away. They were his personal kryptonite. He then came back to her original question, voice becoming low and intense. "The reason I haven't bothered dating anyone else is simple: I can't."
Somehow, she found her choked voice. "You can't?"
"No."
She shook her head, brows knitting. "Why not?"
He drew in a breath, released it slowly, and his face became serious as he turned back to her. "They're not you."
She blinked. Twice. Three times.
Dropping his gaze, and he patiently went on. "A long time ago, I fell in love with you, and to this day, I haven't gotten past that. You're the only woman I've ever loved, and the only one I ever will love. I know this without a doubt."
Her stomach was plummeting inside.
Before she could interrupt, he spoke on. "I wouldn't interfere in your relationship with Conant because I had no right to. I'm neither low enough nor selfish enough to sabotage fate, or hurt a woman I care deeply about. I saw the love you had for each other. Hell, we all did. I couldn't do that to you. Not to you."
His eyes closed slowly, and then with a jerk of his shoulders, he stood and prepared to go. Before he could take off, though, Cassie's hand shot out and grabbed his. He stopped, feeling her skin on his. She just held him there, and he let her. Or was he holding onto her? Neither could discern for sure. No words, nor objections to the action. She knew how much he despised letting his guard down, but she had to convey how much it meant to her, even if this was all she did. Touch was a powerful method, particularly with Nick.
Absently, he stroked her fingers with his thumb. "I had believed I would end up with someone as stubborn and bull-headed as I am because I thought it was what I needed…thought it was the only kind of woman who could tolerate me. But after knowing you…What I've discovered is that I need is someone who is good." A pause. "Scratch that: what I want is someone good. There's no one else I want in this life, Cassie, but I would never force you into a situation you don't want. If it means I remain alone for the rest of my life, then so be it. I can handle it." His eyes met hers again, the purity of his words striking her. "I only know that I have to be in your life…somehow. I don't care in what capacity, just as long as I'm there. Remember that no matter what, I am here for you." Faintly, unexpectedly, his voice quivered. "I am yours."
She stopped breathing. There he was again, offering himself to her in a way that caused her heart to burn with pleasant fury.
He put on his typical stoic face, Nicholas Armstrong through and through. "I'll see you later, okay?"
With a final squeeze of to her hand, he released her and walked across the yard, pausing as Sarah came to him. The pair spoke quietly, and then he gathered her into his arms for a farewell hug.
Cassie's eyes lingered on him as he went on to Crowhaven Road, and watched until he disappeared into the distance. And her heart ached to see him go.
She remained frozen in place on the porch steps. She had known. Dear God, she had known what Nick felt for her all along, even throughout her marriage to Adam. But not once in endless millennia had she ever expected him to voice it aloud. The eternal iceman had pushed his pride aside in order to confess his truest feelings to her. To do that, he must have been in love with her.
Admitted that he had been thawed by the warmth and goodness of her heart.
Hugging herself with her arms, Cassie could not banish the chill that suddenly enveloped her after Nick's departure. She could not shake it away, secretly longing to be enclosed in his protective arms.
OOOOOOOOOO
Wind picked up and combed through Cassie's hair, tickling her senses with caresses of Air. She breathed in the distant scent of salty ocean atmosphere, savoring how sweetly it filled her lungs. Time had passed since that interlude with Nick. What had kept her from acting on her own feelings for Nick? Why did she not immediately reciprocate what he had confessed at long last?
The reason—the second of three awakening events—had been the person that mattered most in her life above all others: Sarah.
OOOOOOOOOO
-July-
Three months after Nick's admission, Sarah was in the front yard of their home. Beneath the shade of an old oak, she sat on the grass, reading from the familiar, red leather bound Book of Shadows. The collection of spells that had belonged to their ancestor, Jacinth. Eventually, it would belong to Sarah Conant. Most of the incantations within its pages had been committed to memory, but she wanted to memorize every word.
Her attention was riveted on ways to remember a loved one. It had been Laurel who gave her advice on how to create effective spells, particularly with simple nature poems. Pressing her palm into the ground, it was as though there was a gentle pulse from Earth beneath her. A definite impression of being alive…aware…Then came a moment of inspiration, aided by a mental image of her father.
Earth of old, Mother true,
Let me feel his heart in you
It was repeated in her mind rhythmically. Earth must have listened, for she felt the barest, softest warmth stretch across the expanse of her palm. Like a faint pulse growing stronger. When she was young, Sarah could recall times when her father had hugged her against his sturdy chest, and placing her palms upon him, the steady pace of his heartbeat tapped against her skin.
Hey, Dad, she thought happily.
"Ever my studious little witch."
The girl's eyes snapped open at the sound of her mother's voice, who loomed over her with an expression of pride on her face. Breaking concentration caused the warmth to drift away from Sarah's hand, but remnants of the sensation lingered within her chest. "Hi," she smiled.
Cassie beamed in return. "Hi."
Patting the grass beside her, Sarah encouraged her mother to sit. Together, they glanced over a few pages in the book. Occasionally, Sarah pointed out a word she had could not quite pronounce, and Cassie aided in correcting her. Bonding over spell books, she thought in mild amusement. Not anything she would have anticipated if she had remained in California the rest of her life.
Several minutes passed before Cassie sighed visibly, garnering her strength. "Sarah, there's something I want to talk to you about."
"Sure," she said, closing the book, "what is it?"
Strength, stay with me, she thought. "A big question, really. It's one I've wanted to ask you for a while, but it never seemed like the right time. But I think I'm ready now."
"Okay, what?"
She worked at gathering her thoughts into as succinct an inquiry as she could manage. Problem was, there were a million questions she could fire off at Sarah, but it did not seem like the best way to approach her child about—
"Mom?"
She must have been quiet for a while, and shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Sorry. Just trying to think of how to say it."
"Don't be afraid to ask me anything," she said sincerely.
It touched her so. Eight-years-old, Cassie thought, and so bright. The strength possessed by her daughter inspired her to be brave. "I guess this is the easiest way to put it: Sarah, are you happy?"
Small eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, why?"
Mother draped an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "I don't mean today, sweetheart. I'm referring to how things are and have been for us, with your father being gone. I know you loved him so much, and it's difficult for you to be without him."
"I do miss him," she verified, "but I've still got you."
That prompted a squeeze to Sarah's shoulders. "You'll always have me." Beneath her chest, she felt her heart momentarily burn. "I loved your father since the moment I first saw him. The silver cord—you remember me telling you about that?—I could see it so clearly when we met. I didn't understand what it was at the time, but it was the beginning of a great journey for me. I found who I was meant to be with.
"But then the accident happened…" She fought hard for control of the sadness threatening to overtake her eyes, won the struggle. "I have good days, and some bad ones, no matter how much time has passed." Sighing, she said, "It's been hard for us to be alone these past few years."
Sarah looked at her steadily. "We haven't been alone, Mom. Not really. Look at the rest of your Circle. Aren't they there for you?"
She was right. Diana, Melanie, Laurel, even Faye, Doug, Sean…all of them had been there through all the rough times, as well as the good. "Yes, sweetie. You're right about that."
"And we've got Uncle Nick, too; he's always been around and looking out for us."
Silence. Heart skipping several beats at the mention of his name. Cassie had meant to bring him up herself, but Sarah had beaten her to the punch. She thought about that, again recognizing how much truth there was behind Sarah's observation. "He has, hasn't he?"
The girl appeared to contemplate something. "A while ago, I'd asked him about magic, and why he doesn't use it."
"You did?" Sarah nodded. Cassie was impressed. Normally, Nick was not one for talking about magic, not even with her. It was something he tended not to embrace, even though he was officially a member of the Circle. "Nick doesn't like to talk about magic."
"I know, but he let me ask him questions about it one day."
Amazing. "Would you tell me what you discussed?"
"Promise you won't tell him I told?" When Cassie promised telepathically, the girl nodded. "Like I said, I know he doesn't use it the way you and I do, or the way the others on Crowhaven Road do. So, I wanted to know why. And I asked him."
"Were you both alone?"
"Yes. I knew he wouldn't want to talk about it in front of anyone else. Anyway, he told me…"
Nick smiled softly. "I've used it before, but only to help my friends. Other than that, there's no real point in me using it."
"Why not? Sometimes, you can get the elements to do things for you. Things you want." A few quiet moments passed, and she waited, eager for his response.
Nick was not fooled, catching the meaning in her subtle suggestion. "I know, little lady, but that's not for me."
"But why?" She pressed on.
He half-shrugged, but said, "Let me put it this way: I'd rather have things come to me if they are meant to happen, not because I've unfairly influenced them one way or another."
Cassie's eyes widened a bit in understanding. What it came down to was that Nick wanted Cassie to come to him of her own volition, not because of manipulation from outside forces. God, he was waiting for her.
But still…"Sarah, what prompted you to ask him about magic?"
There was no hesitation. "Come on, Mom. I see the way you both look at each other. I'm eight, not blind. You guys have feelings that are more than friendship. So what's holding you back?"
Tears began to form in her eyes. "Several things, I guess."
"Like what?"
"Well, like the fact that I loved your father so much," droplets fell down her cheeks, though she controlled the sobs, "and there are moments where it still hurts to realize he's gone."
"What is it you want?"
"As a mother, what else would I wish for my daughter? I just want you to be happy."
She tilted her head, patted Cassie's hand. "I am happy, Mom, so don't worry about that." She waited a moment, then asked, "When are you going to let yourself be happy, too?"
The elements of time stopped altogether. She was numb with shock, and for a moment she thought she might fall forward. A hand braced itself on the grass just in case that came true. Had she heard this right? Could it be possible? Blast, she could not even form discernable words to respond...
Sarah smiled, leaning to nudge her forehead against her mother's shoulder. "Yeah, I said it. Even I want to see you smile again, Mom. It makes you look more beautiful. You haven't been yourself for a long time, and I want you to come back to me." Taking the red book in hand, she stood and prepared to go, but paused a moment longer to say, "Nick likes it when you smile, too; he says it makes your eyes dance." And with that, she continued on inside the house, all the while singing, "Sky and sea, keep harm from me..."
Still numb. Numbness that stuns in the best possible fashion. Staring after her daughter incredulously, Cassie dug her fingers into the grass she was touching, cool blades of grass soft between in fingers. Earth, give me strength...give me strength to see this is not a dream. She realized the meaning behind her words: put aside her reservations and pursue the desires of her heart. Desires that had been present for long enough. Sarah already approved of Nick, and had not been blind to the mutual affection between him and Cassie. Sarah was giving her permission to be happy. The validation was a great weight lifted from her aching chest.
Sky and sea, hear my plea,
Show her what she needs to see…
The image of the ocean entered her mind again, and she saw Adam's eyes in the everlasting waves. I love you, she thought to the spirit world, knowing Adam would hear her inner voice.
OOOOOOOOOO
And here she finally was, standing before Adam's grave yet again. Her purpose for being here was not to mourn his loss all over again. On the contrary, she smiled as she stood before his headstone, thinking about the last source of her peace. The dream. The one she'd had last night, and the one she'd spent the entire day dwelling on. The third and final event, and one that had set off a chain reaction of emotions: gratitude, confusion, uncertainty, adoration, sadness, relief, anger, reluctance, longing…but above all else, love.
OOOOOOOOOO
Darkness. All-consuming, black darkness. She was trapped inside it, and couldn't move. It was reminiscent of Black John's attack on her grandmother's house, the eerie red light slowing every movement to a crawl. Except there was no light this time. Just black. She could feel terror seizing her nerves. It made her feel helpless, suffocated, immobile, much like when Faye had blackmailed her against her friends, mentally and emotionally holding her prisoner…much like when she had to come to terms with the truth about who Black John was…
No! No, she didn't want to go back to that. She wouldn't. Clenching hands into fists, she snapped her eyes shut, preferring to be wrapped in darkness of her own making. Breathe…deep breaths into her lungs, out through her nose. Let the breaths come steadily, let it calm you, Cassie thought. Only through clarity would she be able to find a way out. To see.
Help me. Help me, please, her heart silently pleaded. Adam, I need you; help me, Adam, help me see…
As she thought the words, she remembered her love with Adam, how pure it had been, the feeling of safety when encased in his arms. She remembered all that he had ever stirred within her. Focused on those memories…The frantic beating of her heart gradually slowed, allowing her breaths to eventually become more relaxed, and her thoughts to be clearer. The fear was subsiding as she dwelled on Adam. Together, their Power was stronger than the devastating darkness. She knew that with him—no matter what form he took—anything was possible.
Adam.
Opening her eyes, darkness remained, although something was different, as her witch senses were now taking in every nuance they could detect. There was the barest amount of blue-white light swaying before her, seemingly without control. Eyes were adjusting to that light, and it took only a moment to realize its source. The silver cord. The broken line that now swung sadly from side to side since being severed from Adam Conant. She watched it as it waved leisurely in front of her, following it like a tennis match in slow motion. She felt its pain and confusion, the loss impacting it as much as her own heart. It made her want to cry along with it, if only to give the cord comfort…
But then something else was seen in brief flashes, as the lit cord kept passing in front of her. Glimpses of…of a face. One with high cheekbones and a unique handsomeness. A hand reached out and caught the wild cord easily, stopped it from wavering, which instantly caused her chest to fill with warmth at the touch. Taking a shuddering breath, Cassie felt herself smile at its familiarity. And the light grew brighter, just enough to reveal the figure's identity. She didn't need to see it to know who was there. Adam. Adam was standing before her, and his grasp on the silver cord connected them once more. He looked just as she remembered him, eternally young and striking, but with so much maturity emanating from his features. How Cassie wished to remain in this place and wrap her arms around her true love forever. Here, Adam could be real, even if only in her thoughts.
Sensing her mind, Adam smiled. Not a sad one, just a smile, one she had seen over and over again. God, he looked so beautiful, eyes glowing silver in the faint bluish light as he gazed at her. But the smile also conveyed a message to her, one only she could understand. His smiled broadened, a hand rising to graze her cheek with the backs of two knuckles. She savored the contact for what felt like forever, and all was right around them.
Then he stepped back, guiding the cord behind him. The glowing light revealed that someone was standing further in the darkness, his backside facing the pair. Cassie stiffened and watched, waiting. Adam's eyes never left hers, and he was still smiling. Taking the silver cord, he wrapped it around the person standing there. Her heart swelled as it had earlier, and everything felt completely and utterly right within her. But something had been added to the sensations she felt. What was that, and why did it make her knees pleasantly weak? The light glowed even brighter, chasing away more darkness and bringing the world into view. Adam and the person stared at one another, and Adam nodded in approval, backing away.
Finally, the other figure turned, and Cassie's breath caught as she was swept away by a sea of mahogany. She knew it was Nick, the same handsome face that she adored and loved in the deepest part of her heart; she had felt it was him all along.
She stared for a while, hardly daring to believe what was happening. Glancing over at Adam, he smiled softly, conceding, and she comprehended what was happening. Instead of connecting them at the heart, the cord was wrapped around Nick's shoulders, and it remained there, reconnected, strong as it had ever been. However, the sensation Cassie felt was identical to what she felt with Adam, and she realized what else she was feeling. Like lines of fire racing through her veins…the way she had felt when she had first kissed Nick. She smiled. Not soul mates, she thought, but still sharing a love akin to destined lovers. In Adam's eyes was the reassurance she had been seeking: he was encouraging Cassie to be with Nick.
He looked at Nick one last time, mutely communicating his request. Love her as I no longer can.
Cassie was amazed and unbelievably happy. She would forever love Adam, but she was being given the chance to find love again, with someone who loved her as purely as her soul mate had. She loved him even more because of it.
Placing a respectful hand on the elder man's shoulder, Adam walked away, leaving the pair to be together. Cassie looked into Nick's eyes, and he smiled warmly in return, stepping in to take her hands in his. Nothing but peace filled them both…
OOOOOOOOO
Pulling back to the present at last, that same peace was still alive and thriving in every nerve of her body. It was the greatest feeling she would ever experience. Adam's final gift to her was permission to love Nick, to have a family with him, a family all of them—Cassie, Nick and Sarah—deserved. Her dreams still held answers to the questions that plagued her heart. Thank the Elements for their guidance and strength; thank my ancestors for passing the gift of Sight on to me.
She touched the grass of Adam's grave. Thank you, Adam. She knew nothing more needed to be said.
Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the chalcedony rose. Over the years, it had never changed in appearance, and made her remember the faraway day Adam had given it to her on the beach in Cape Cod.
With a secret smile, she kissed the crystal, feeling a sweet tingle against her lips, and then buried it in the ground next to Adam's headstone. Sighing, she felt satisfied that she had finally let go.
I love you, she thought. Forever. You will always know that.
Standing, she felt ready to do what she should have done long ago. Thinking about Nick, she called on her Power to determine where his current location was. In her mind, she saw a place of familiarity, somewhere she'd been earlier that day. Smiling, she began to walk back to her car.