Slightly Exaggerated Diary of a Former Half-Vampire
December , 23
Realized today that perhaps it's best to swim laps before Dr. Expendable gets up in the morning. It was rather strange to be swimming along and realize that young William was hovering above me, on the edge of the pool. Of course the fact that I couldn't find my swim trunks and was therefore naked didn't help matters any. I can't believe he had the nerve to say that I should forgo swimming until my trunks reappear. What the hell am I supposed to do, let my now-mortal body fall apart because a giant wookie misplaced my shorts?
On the other hand, I could always find some way of getting Helen to go into the pool house while I'm swimming. I'll have to remember to install a water heater in that building.
December , 24
Christmas Eve get together is going to be painful. I don't think I can handle being in the same room with the children and walking carpet as they exchange meaningless trinkets and grin like idiots at their new iPads. Only going because Helen asked. Briefly considered wrapping myself in a bow and hiding in her bedroom, but I think perhaps that might be a little much. After all, she might faint and that only offers momentary entertainment. No, I need her conscious. Guess I'll just settle for the homing pigeon idea. I'm going to tie a note inviting her to dinner to one of my birds and give her the first edition Dickens I…procured.