This came from a strange conversation in which my friend told me "The power of youthThe force!" And if that's true, Lee is Luke Skywalker. And that makes Orochimaru Darth Vader. Therefore, Orochimaru is Lee's father. Odd logic. But whatever, it inspired this.
"Lee! I AM YOUR FATHER!!!"

Of course Lee was utterly shocked at this revelation. I mean, how do you reply to something like that?

"Now that you know the truth, I wish to spend bonding time with you!"

This couldn't be happening.

"We can play catch for starters! I always wanted to play catch with my son!"

It just couldn't be true.

"And then we could go to the carnival! I want a picture of you riding a pony to go in my wallet!"

There had to be some mistake.

"Maybe we could go get icecream! Or watch sports until our brains melt!"

They didn't even look alike!

"We'll catch up on all that lost time!"

No. No. No. No. No. Lee was not happy.

"I'll even teach you how turn into a giant bone-crushing snake!"

Oh God...

"And how to get your tongue long enough to wrap around your own head three times!"

... Thunk.

Orochimaru looked over. Lee had fainted.

"...Too much for him to handle all at once, I guess..."

Owari