A Hidden Soul

Disclaimer- All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Part 1

Chapter 1- Alone

"But little do men perceive what solitude is and how far it extended"

-Edgar Allen Poe

1921

The image of Carlisle's face as he gazed down at the Esme, who stared up at him with her vampire eyes for the first time played in Edward's mind over and over again. This was not the face of a man who shone with pride whenever Edward played an original piano composition. It was certainly not the face of a man who looked at Edward with a fatherly warmness whenever he walked through the front door. This was the face of a man who had found his true purpose in this woman. To Edward however; it was the wretched feeling of losing another father.

Of course Edward had to have known that he would not have been enough for Carlisle forever. They were after all, simply friends that had formed a sort of father son bond over the past three years since he had been turned into a vampire.

Edward's life before that night in Chicago seemed so distant now, but the memories of all that he had lost, still had yet to fade. He never really took the time to acknowledge the death of his parents and had pushed the grief aside; he shoved the memories into the back of his mind even though they still managed to seep through the holes from time to time.

It had happened in a way that was too sudden to fully absorb. A mere three years ago, Edward was an average seventeen year old boy with plans to enlist in the war. He was part of a respectable, middle income family, attended high school, went to dances, and flirted with girls his age. It was not until the evening that his father fell ill and collapsed due to the influenza epidemic, that he was exposed to the harshness that accompanies life. Not long after, the flu took his health from him too and then the health of his beloved mother, Elisabeth. In those few days, he had lost his childhood innocence and his life as he had always known it and now after three years, he was beginning to feel the emptiness that comes with the feeling of simply being lost.

Edward was standing at his usual spot in the Marion train station. He leaned against the wall beside the ticketing stand and watched the goodbye hugs and kisses of the passengers and their families, before they got onto the train that would be taking them far away from the safe, hominess of Churchill, Idaho.

They eagerly climbed the steps of the train and waved excited goodbyes through the windows as the bell of the train sounded. Within seconds it was gone, along with those happy, hopeful passengers.

Edward came to this station often, the optimistic thoughts of many of the humans and their families gave him some sense of hope for his own future, even though it was more difficult to predict what eternity had to offer. He also came to this place whenever he needed to get away from the all too happy couple at home and their "affection" for each other. It was not uncommon for Edward to catch a glimpse of Carlisle and Esme's private affairs in their thoughts. They did little too block out their mental images of each other and often times, Edward saw visuals of Carlisle's hand clutching onto Esme's breast, her nipples exposed or him coming home only to leave again because of the sounds of their moans and the rocking of the bed upstairs.

The thought of being even the slightest bit a part of their lovemaking made him feel physically sick.

He usually came to this place whenever he did not want to be at home with them but today was different. Earlier in the morning Carlisle had announced to Edward, that Esme and he would be getting married.

"You are what?!" Edward exclaimed, not hiding his unhappiness.

Carlisle's expression looked liked he had just been slapped. "Edward, son-"

"Do not call me that!"

Esme flinched at the harshness of Edward's words and Carlisle's face became harder. Edward knew how protective Carlisle was of Esme and Edward scowled at this, thinking that Carlisle would even turn on him for the sake of Esme. He heard Carlisle's pleading thoughts say Edward, please understand that you cannot and will not ever be replaced, but the truth is that I love her too and I want her to be apart of this family. Can you please just accept that?

Beneath Carlisle's thoughts, Edward felt a hint of truth. Still he could not accept it, any of it. He knew what Carlisle told him was fair, but for some reason, he felt a hatred growing inside of him. And the more time that went on, the bigger it grew; whether or not it had to do with Esme, it was wedging a gap between him and Carlisle. From the reaction Edward was giving, it seemed this gap would not to be filled anytime soon.

Edward turned his back to them and faced the doorway; he said with a cold voice, "Do what you want, but I will not be going to the wedding."

Their pain and confusion bombarded his mind. On one side, Edward felt like a sadistic, unfeeling monster and was disturbed by his own behaviour. On the other side, he got a sense of pleasure from their pain; in a way it almost made him feel smug. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his reflection in the mirror hanging on the living room wall. He turned his head slightly to face it and he was startled when, amidst all the hurt and feelings of betrayal radiating throughout the room, he saw a hint of a smile forming on his lips.

Now as Edward stood in the corner of the station, he felt ashamed of the reaction he had. He did not know why he had not been himself lately; something was troubling him and he could not quite place it.
Edward's attention turned to a mother and her son who looked about six, greeting a man who was coming off of the train that just arrived. He assumed the man was the father and judging from his briefcase and suit, had just returned from a business trip.

Edward was intrigued by the warmth between the family as the father picked up his small son playfully and briefly kissed his wife. The family strangely reminded him of his human family. He remembered many times standing with his mother at the train station, waiting to greet his father who had gone away on short trips for his law firm. He felt a dark feeling overwhelm him and he couldn't bear to witness the scene any longer.

As Edward started to leave, he turned his head to view the opposite end of train tracks. There seemed to be the figure of someone watching him and he heard the thoughts of a person observing his movements. When he saw and heard nothing suspicious, he shook off the thought and told himself he was simply letting his mind reading abilities get the best of him. But he still glanced back once more before finally exiting the busy station.