Notes: HA! I just listened to the song and I was totally inspired to create this fic out of humor! ENJOY!
Also, I do not own EarthBound or Mother.
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It was a nice, quiet, peaceful day in Tazmily Village. Everyone was out and about, doing their business, playing their games, talking their talks; the entire boring jazz people do during the summer time. Sure, this peace was what all true warriors strive for, but still it was quite BORING around here. The very reason why you could find Kumatora walking around aimlessly in the village. She had absolutely NOTHING to do. If some random guy on a flying carpet came saying he needed her help, she would gladly take off, because anything would be better than this boredom that she was trying to face.
In spite, she found herself face to face with Duster's door on his cute little log cabin house. She sighed to herself. Well, while she's here, she might as well bother the hell out of Duster.
She literally kicked down the door off its hinges, not bothering to knock to see if anyone was even home. Duster stood in both shock and horror. "I JUST FIXED THAT DOOR!" He said, putting down the comb he was using to comb his hair (Like you couldn't figure THAT out)
"I'll fix it later." The bored and angry Princess said, "I'm bored. Wanna go for a walk?"
Duster blinked, his mouth hanging open. "But … my door …!"
Kumatora pulled Duster by his collar and dragged him outside. "I said I'll fix it later. Right now, I'm bored, and I wanna hang with you."
The day kept coming, the sun in the middle of the sky. Duster walked beside Kumatora awkwardly, wondering what the princess had in mind for the day. It couldn't be as bad as last week, when Kumatora asked Duster to fetch a certain item for her that was up in a tree. His bottom still felt sore from the nasty fall he had, and he still wondered how the princess could have gotten her boots in the tree in the first place …
Speaking of trees, Duster's eyes happened to spot one with a nice, juicy looking apple hanging on a limb. He nudged Kumatora and pointed to the apple. "See that Apple? I bet I could knock it down with your knife."
"You mean to tell me you could throw a knife at that apple and hit it square in the middle, knocking it down?" Kumatora said, practically scoffing.
"Well yeah!"
Kumatora let out a single, but loud laugh "You never held a knife in your life!!" She said, "What makes you think you could get that apple!"
Duster's ears steamed with anger as he snatched Kumatora's knife and threw it at the tree. Just like he said, he caught it square in the middle, the force of the impact knocking the apple out of the tree, it landing on the ground.
Kumatora stared in awe as she saw those evens happen right before her eyes. She then shook her head and steamed. "W-well, I bet you can't do this!" She ran to the tree, and kicked it twice. A small rain of apples fell out of the tree, Kumatora standing there with pride.
"Keh," Duster breathed out in a coy voice, "I could do that in ONE kick. And I wouldn't feel it either!"
"Oh yeah?! Well …" Kumatora felt the anger swell up in her body. She just couldn't face the fact that she was second to some one. "Well … Well …!!"
She marched right up to Duster, pointing a finger at him "Anything you could do, I could do better!"
"HA!" Duster yelled right in her face.
"I can do anything better than you!" Kumatora repeated.
"No you can't" Duster said slyly.
"Yes I can." Kumatora said back, in the same slyness as Duster.
"No you can't." Duster said, still sly but a bit frustrated.
"Yes I can." Kumatora said, still sly.
"No you can't!" Duster said, practically demanding.
"Yes I can, YES I CAN!" Kumatora yelled in Duster's face, practically singing.
"Anything you can be, I can be greater!" Duster said, pointing at Kumatora, "Sooner or later I'm greater than you!"
Kumatora scoffed. "No you're not."
"Yes I am!" Duster said, his arms folded in greatness.
"No you're not." Kumatora said, shaking her head.
"Yes I am!" Duster said, still trying to keep his dignity.
"No you're not!" Kumatora said, almost laughing.
"Yes I am, YES I AM!" Duster said, pointing to a bird in the tree, "I can get a partridge with a single cartridge!"
Kumatora laughed and said, "I can get a sparrow, with a bow and arrow!"
"I can live on bread and cheese!" Duster said, trying to further greater.
"And only on that?" Kumatora asked with innocence.
"Yep!" Duster said, shining in victory.
"So can a rat." Kumatora said, smiling.
"Any note you can sing, I can sing higher!" Duster said, forgetting the fact that Duster could not sing at all.
"I can sing any note higher than you!" Kumatora said, ignoring Duster's threat of singing.
"No you can't!" Duster started to sing (Badly)
"Yes I can!" Kumatora sang, a little bit better than Duster.
"No you can't!" Duster sang a note higher
"Yes I can!" Kumatora sang even higher than Duster.
"No you can't!" Duster sang higher
"Yes I can!" As did Kumatora
"No you can't!" Sang with all the grace he could find, thinking he had one this battle.
"Yes I …" Kumatora breathed deeply before letting out a nice, although screechy, note singing across the fields. "… CAAAAAN!"
Duster could have sworn he heard glass breaking. "How do you sing that high?" Duster asked in awe.
"I'M A GIRL!" Kumatora yelled, saying it as if it were obvious.
Duster scrambled through his mind to find something else he was good at. "Anything you can say, I can say softer!"
Kumatora folded her arms. "I can say anything softer than you!!"
"No you can't!" Duster said softly.
"Yes I can!" Kumatora whispered.
"No you can't." Duster said, whispering softer than Kumatora
"Yes I can …" Kumatora said through her teeth softly.
"No you can't …" Duster said as soft as he can.
"Yes I can-." Kumatora couldn't go any softer than Duster, and through anger, forgot about the contest, "YES I CAN!" Kumatora yelled at Duster, his hair blown back.
Duster smiled, "I can drink my liquor!" He snapped his fingers at Kumatora, "And that's within a flicker!"
Kumatora stopped her foot. "I can drink it quicker …" She looked as if she felt nauseated by the very thought of drinking liquor, "And get even sicker."
"I can open any safe!" Duster said, remembering his thieving skills.
"Without being caught?" Kumatora asked in child-like behavior.
"You bet!" Duster said, still shining with false dignity.
"That's what I thought you crook" Kumatora said, punching Duster lightly on the shoulder.
Duster faced Kumatora, his face red with anger. Time for bad singing again. "Any note you can hold, I can hold longer!"
Kumatora smiled. "I can hold any note longer than you!!" She stated.
"No you can't!" Duster said, singing badly again.
"Yes I can!" Kumatora did the same.
"No you can't!" Duster still sang badly.
"Yes I can." Kumatora said, her arms on her hips.
"No you caaaaaaaaaan't!" Duster said, trying to hold the last note as long as he could.
"Yes I can-!" Kumatora saw that Duster was trying to sing the note longer than her. She wouldn't go down with a fight. "YES IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII …"
Duster stood in awe as Kumatora sang the final note longer than he could. But after 10 seconds of her singing, he wondered when she would stop, as it was getting old and annoying.
He looked at his watch.
She was still singing.
Dammit, How much longer could she sing?!
" … IIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiii can!" Kumatora finally ran out of breath, barely enough to sing the last note.
Duster shrugged and laugh as Kumatora panted. "Yes you can!!" He said, patting her lightly on her back. "Where do you keep all that air?"
"Here …" Kumatora said lazily, still trying to catch her breath and pointing to her diaphragm.
"Oh …" Duster said, as if the answer was stupidly obvious.
Duster yet again scrambled for things he knew he could do.
"Anything you can say, I can say faster!" Duster blurted out.
"I can say anything faster than you!" Kumatora said, her smile wide.
"No you can't!" Duster said quickly
"Yes I can!" Kumatora said faster than Duster!"
"Noyoucan't!" Duster said even quicker.
"YesIcan!" Kumatora said.
Duster and Kumatora exchanged short yelps that translates into "No you can't" and "Yes I can" To each other until they were nothing more that little yelps pretending to be sentences.
"I can jump a hurtle!" Duster said, trying to scramble for anything left in his artillery of talents.
"I can wear a girdle!" Kumatora said, although regretted saying it, saying she could wear such a private article of cloth.
"I can knit a sweater!" Duster said, risking his manliness.
"I can fill it better!" Kumatora said, quipping at Duster's 'manliness'
"I … can do most anything!" Duster said, finally running out of things he could do.
"Can you bake a pie?" Kumatora asked.
"No …" Duster said, ashamed he couldn't cook anything at all.
"Neither can I." Kumatora said, quickly scrapping the subject.
Duster thought and thought, then sighed and tried one last attempt to win this contest.
"Anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter." Duster said, biting his tongue.
"I can sing anything sweeter than you!" Kumatora said back, facing Duster.
Duster's eyes settled, his smile becoming pleasant and his face becoming relaxed. "No you can't …" He said in the most soothing voice he could.
"Yes I … caaaan …" Kumatora said, mimicking Duster's pleasant look.
"No you can't …" Duster said, approaching Kumatora, his face still pleasant to look at.
"Yes I can …" Kumatora said, approaching Duster, her eyes flickering with stars.
"No you can't …" Duster said, putting his hand on her face.
"Yes I can …" Kumatora said, grabbing Duster's hand and letting her face settle in it.
"No you can't …" Duster said, his face leaning in closer to Kumatora's.
"Yes … I …"
Kumatora never got to finish her sentence, nor did Duster get the chance to prove greater than Kumatora. Before they could continue, they found themselves kissing each other in their lock of battle. They quickly forgotten the fact that they were fighting and concentrated on the fact that they were in love.
From a distance away, Flint and Lucas watched, stunned at the events that happened before them. Flint turned to his son and coughed.
"And that's why you should never break out in song while competing with one another." Flint said, as if talking in a lecture.
"But … it looks like it ended up well for them."
Flint turned Lucas around before he could see Kumatora practically tackle Duster on the ground. "Believe me, Lucas. You're mother and I did the same thing."
"Really?" Lucas asked in awe.
"Yes. And it didn't end up very well either."
"Why not?" Lucas asked.
"We ended up skinny-dipping in the middle of a cold river on a dare."
Lucas decided to end the conversation there.
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OKAY! That was a bit more Lovey-dovey than I wanted, but I didn't know how to end it. So yeah. Hope you had a good chuckle or two.