That's The Only Way You Know

She'd lost Derek when her children were too young. She knew they'd come a day she'd have to deal with whatever came her away. When Bailey begins acting out, Meredith reaches out to the only person she knows can help, Derek himself, only to be reassured she's never alone. One Shot.

I OWN NOTHING

"You gonna get that?" Alex asked pointing his head over at Meredith's buzzing phone. She'd been too immersed in her charts to even notice when it began moving on the table.

"Crap..." She sighed when she noticed it was Bailey's school calling. That'd been the third time this week. She sighed, picking up the phone. "This is Dr. Grey."

"What?" Maggie asked worriedly, she knew exactly who it was. This had been happening for months now, her once angelic and shy nephew had started acting out at school, much to her very busy mother's dismay... "If it's Bailey I can go pick him up" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"No, of course I understand, yes, I'll be there." Meredith sighed, shoving her phone aside. "I have to go."

"Again? It's the third time this week Mer, and it's only Thursday." Alex pointed out. Meredith glared at him. "Why are you doing post ops anyway? That's intern homework."

"Yes Alex, I remember, thank you very much." Alex rolled his eyes at her. "I just don't trust an intern with this, it's too important."

"Why?" Maggie asked.

"This kid's been battling tumors his whole life. Derek was the one who originally worked on his case years ago." Alex's face filled with realization. He remembered doing that with Shepherd years ago when he was still doing rotation with Robbins. "He's too important."

"I'll do it." Alex added in quickly. "I've worked with the kid before Meredith, I know his charts, I'll be careful, I promise." She glared at him, then smiled tiredly, as much as she loved bantering with Alex, being a single mother of 3 children under ten didn't help her brain and Bailey's antics were giving her a constant headache.

"Okay, but you still have to go check on him Alex, and I have to warn you, he isn't the little adorable child he once was..." Her phone buzzed again getting a text from Amelia, apparently they'd called her too. "And neither is my kid it seems..."

"I'm sorry to call you Meredith, I know you have a pretty busy schedule but... We just can't keep condoning this behavior, I do hope you understand that..." Meredith looked at the young woman, Pearl, nice enough, from one working mother to another, she'd shown her support for Meredith's situation over the years, of course she never had any problems with Zola. There was a knock on the door, a younger woman was holding Bailey's hand, instantly spotting his mother, Bailey lowered his head.

"Thank you Amanda, that'd be all" Pearl said, Bailey knew he was in trouble by the way he was looking at the door, ready to bolt out, given the chance.

"Again Bailey? Seriously?" Meredith turned to her son. "What did he do now?"

"Violence isn't something we can condone, not in any circumstance." Meredith frowned. "Bailey, you want to tell your mommy about what happened today?" the little boy waved his head. "Fine, I'll tell her then.."

"He pushed m e!" Bailey chimed in. "So I pushed him." He said the last part in a quieter voice. "I'm sorry mommy" Meredith grabbed his hand and spoke to him softly, saying he was in a lot of trouble and they'd talk about it later.

"I'll have to suspend him, for a couple days at least..." Pearl said. "He did end up apologizing for his actions but I'm afraid this is the only measure I can think of as of right now, given the fact that this isn't the first time something like this happens." Meredith tried to make a plea but she knew it was no use, she figured she should be grateful they were not kicking Bailey to the curb, she really didn't have the time to look for a new school.

She made her way home, Alex said he'd take care of the rest of her patients for the day and Amy had offered to bring the girls home after dinner, so Meredith would have a bit time alone with her son. Bailey sat on his booster seat. His four year old self consumed with worry, Meredith knew that frown all too well. after all. it was Derek's.

"Okay honey, you know what we've talked about, right?" She tried her best to stay calm, she didn't want her little boy to have one of her famous rants right now, she knew deep down, this was her fault, a few weeks back, Bailey had come home covered in dirt, she didn't make most a lot of it, because, he was a little boy after all, but when over at bath time, she'd noticed a bruise, her motherly alarm went off and she'd asked Owen to talk to him, uncle to nephew, he and Meredith had tried their best to tell him not to let kids push him and that he had to fight back, apparently he'd taken it too literal because he was now being the one leaving the kids on the groud.

"Yes." He said. Not even avoiding the subject. "But mommy, you said I..."

"I know what I said, I do, alright, but, I don't want you getting into anymore trouble, good intention or not, you just have to promise me this won't happen ever again, ever, never, and we'll leave it at that, okay?" Bailey wouldn't even look at her.

Some mother material she was. It was moments like these she knew Bailey needed his father, and to be honest, so did she.

As soon as she got home, she sent Bailey to his room, while she made him something to eat. She noticed the house was too quiet and wondered if Bailey had fallen asleep.

"Bailey?" The little boy was not on the bed, or in the bathroom, she could see a bit of his darker hair sticking out. She smiled to herself. "You coming out of there?"

"Nope. Not ever" He said, pronouncing the R sound with some difficulty.

"Well, how am I supposed to clean the closet if you won't come out?" Bailey shrugged. Meredith sighed. He took after his parents alright on that one. His sparkling blue eyes met her's, for a second, she felt a pressing pain in her heart as Derek's eyes met hers. In the time since Derek had died, Meredith seemed to see more and more of him in both Ellis and Bailey, and even Zola's expressions and mannerisms. Although Ellis took more after Derek physically, she could swear to be able to notice little things in her that were all Derek, her son, although, he resembled her more, she had noticed, had taken on Derek more and more as he grew, specially in the way he acted, and the way his hair had darkened. "Should I tell your sisters they are getting all your toys?" He shrugged again. "Fine." Bailey looked at her for a moment, she then noticed he was wearing one of his favorite shirts. Red with ferry boats on.

"Mommy?"Meredith sighed. Bailey hated silence, he got pretty anxious about it actually, mostly because he didn't like feeling alone. "Am I bad?" Meredith weighted her options. It had been her own fault, she'd told him to fight back because she'd wanted him to be able to fend for himself, he was though when he needed to be, but the sweetest at heart, Meredith knew at least that, and she had wanted to protect him, even if it was from himself.

"No, but you did a bad thing. There's a difference." Bailey frowned. "You are not supposed to be hitting kids because that's bad." She finished.

" If I Promise not to hit, can I be good again?" the little boy's assessment made her heart sink and a sharp pain pressed in her chest again . She swore to have seen Derek for a second. To one of the last conversations she'd had with him. When she'd called on Post it, Zola and Bailey. On their life together.

"Only if we come out of the closet so we can shake on it." She said with a serious look but a slight smile in the corner of her mouth. "Mommy's back isn't what it used to be."

She stood up and offered her hand to her son, he took it and they moved over to the bed. "Daddy said I should be good always. Be a good boy Bailey, daddy loves you" Bailey said suddenly. Meredith froze. Had Bailey dreamed of Derek? Or was it some suppressed memory, most people didn't remember?

"He...He did?" She spoke. Her eyes shooting to the picture on the nightstand. "When did he tell you that?"

"Don't know" Bailey admitted. Meredith's pulse raised. "I know he did, just don't know when, cause I was really little when he went up to heaven, wasn't I mommy?"

"Yes, yes you were." Meredith said with a smile, reaching for the frame she'd been looking at. She traced her finger across her husband's face. In the picture, he held Bailey who had a cheeky smile on his face. Meredith remembered having taken the picture, just a few days before Derek had died.

"Mommy? You sad?" Meredith looked at her son. "I'm sorry mommy, don't be sad..." Meredith sighed again.

"You listen to me okay? Your daddy was a very good man, he saved people, he helped people and he did love you, he loved all of us. He will always love us."

"Just like we do?"

"Yes honey, just like we'll always love him, and because he was a good man, I want you to try and be as good as he was, alright?"

"Try and help people?" Meredith nodded. Bailey smiled. "Kay mommy."

"And the first person I want you to help is mommy, because she loves you so much and she wants you not to be hurt or to hurt other people , because bad things happen when people get hurt."

"Like when Daddy died?"

"Just like when daddy died. So promise me, you Derek Bailey Shepherd are going to help people. Help mommy." Bailey nodded. "You are going to be a good boy."

"I promise to be just like daddy, mommy!" He said after a moment.

"That's my big boy, come here" Meredith moved the little boy to her lap and Bailey got a hold of the picture. "Mommy loves you so much, so much."

"I love you too mommy, just like daddy does, cause I have his name." Meredith smiled as she cradled her son against her. "Right?"

"Yes, your name is Derek too "

I miss you so much. Derek. I wish you could be here to find out what kind of man our son will be, although I'm sure he's gonna be just like you. He already is.

Aww man! I cannot picture a world without Derek Shepherd, a world were Meredith doesn't have Derek, but at least she has the next best thing, right'

Thanks for reading! What did you think?