Black was a color he couldn't fathom. It brought too many tragic memories he'd built a hold against them by burying them so deep into the ground he himself couldn't be bothered of them till he was hit by a sudden weight of reality. It loomed over with scattered skies in an obscure city.
Tension rose so high he was almost suffocating under it. It was January in the broad night of New York and they stood at the newly covered grave. A shuffle among the group of seven as they pulled away with a final goodbye, only to leave two behind, letting Matt have a moment to indulge with the reality of death.
A temper with the wind was apparent as they moved up the hill towards their cars, some clutched closer than others, letting the loneliness seep into his bones. Tired was what he was; miserable was also a word he could fathom to be associated with, but now he was just tired.
"It's true you sold your guitar and bought… a car."
A simple statement that rang louder than all the cries from earlier, from all the shouting he wanted to deal upon his apartment walls just waiting to be completely torn down now. A heavy feeling of the other still gazing upon his back he could almost remember the way those eyes held a different kind of passion in them.
"It's true," It felt heavy on his tongue as he answered, "I'm leaving now for Santa Fe... It's true you're with this yuppie scum."
Neither of them bothered to stop walking as they trudged up the hill, the tension almost rising immediately after his words.
"You said you'd never speak to him again" was not what he'd expected out of Chad's mouth. A pang of hatred flashed through him as he just continued on without caring at the words response from Jensen, "Not now."
Danneel wasn't one to bite back her tongue as he was so used to now. "Who said that you had any say in who she says things to at all?" The venom in her voice was vicious as well as guarded. He could understand why she could felt so defensive of it. They could all understand.
"Who said that you should stick your nose in other people's-"
Genevieve was one who couldn't bite back a word or too as well.
"Who said I was talking to you?"
It was almost as if glass was shattering all around them, all coming to a halt to stare at each other only falling back in baffle and confusion was Katie, lost in words by all of them now. A stood ground between the five of them, Katie, Jensen, Chad, Danneel, and Genevieve and he couldn't tell who was emotionally distraught the most.
He could continue on, he could just walk away from all of this pain and hell he practically went through to lose it all-
"We used to have this fight each night; she'd never admit I'd existed!" Jared could almost feel how hard and broken those words rung into Danneel's body, a short and drawn intake in surprise from Gen's words. He could feel his own body coming to a stop at Jensen's dark rasped voice. "He was the same; it was always run away,"
It wasn't his fault he couldn't help but face Jensen as he felt the other become madder and more enraged,
"Hit the road, don't commit you're full of shit!"
His arms waved out in his anger and Jared could only stare at him with a bit lip. Maybe patience wasn't his greatest virtue. Chad could only relent with a call of Jensen's name only to be ignored by most all of them.
"He's in denial." Jensen could only shoot out, getting a nod from Gen as she turned to face Danneel, echoing his words and stepping closer to her. The two who were supposed to have been married, but that just gotten blown to hell at a fight at their own wedding.
It ended in shambles and a great reminder why commitment was something he couldn't conform to just yet.
Maybe that's why he and Jensen wouldn't work before or now.
"She gave an inch when I gave a mile!"
His green eyes never looked more intensified than when he was brimming with rage, anger bubbled up in him to where he was just fucking through with Jared's shit. "I gave a mile!"
"Gave a mile to who?" he bellowed, finally struck enough by the guilty stick and throwing back a glare towards the other, caught by how shocked he was for a second before returning an even harsher glare. Fucker.
Katie took an opportunity, worry consuming her as she tried to just in. "Come on guys chill!"
It was a worn out cry as Jensen stared him down, that man who once held him close as if he was so fragile he'd break was now torn shreds of what he used to be, broken and shambled and thrown aside so easily and Jared couldn't even revoke that it wasn't true he was unfair at times and sometimes a bit too possessive. "I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Misha had. Someone to live for, unafraid to say I love you." He spat out with a dark look that Jared could barely recognize as him, but after confusion cleared all he could see was rage.
"Oh your words are nice Jensen, but love's not a two way street!" He finally barked, stepping closer and catching how he stepped back from his towering form. "You'll never share real love till you love yourself!" He bit off the last words, gazing him hard into the other's eyes, breathing heaving out in heavy turns. "I should know."
None had noticed Matt stepping back in till he was in the middle of all of them, disbelief on his face as well as sadness, the depression sinking into him as he glared wearily around at all of his friends. Shame rain on them, yet they all just met his eyes in sorry.
He looked worn out, not the professor he once was. Just a shambled man who wanted to be anywhere but that graveyard and really Jared couldn't blame him.
"You all said you'd be cool today, so please for my sake. I can't believe he's gone." He stared back at everyone before peeling his eyes back towards the grave. His once bright cheery eyes just so distant and shadowed into so much drowned sorrow and misery Jared wished he could never relate to. Only a memory of Sandy hit him as he gave a wavering look towards Jensen.
"I can't believe you're going." Jensen could only look up at Jared at Matt's words, eyes on him now as he felt so in the spot light. He wasn't the only one going, yet he knew he'd be the only one that wouldn't return. "I can't believe this is," They all met each other's eyes before out in one breathe did they all mutter,
"Goodbye."