Hurt
Summary: Sam/Phil angst/fluff. Phil turns down Sam's advances and she doesn't understand why. Short songfic; 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash/Nine Inch Nails. The lyrics are beautiful but really depressing, that doesn't mean the fic isn't my usual fluff though! I'd forgotten how much I missed writing these little SP oneshot/song fictions.
Reviews are loved! Xx
"I thought you wanted me, Phil," Samantha Nixon stood before him, her hands on her hips. "You've changed so much in the last few years; I thought it was because you wanted to be with me." There was anger in her voice but Phil knew it was just to mask the hurt; hurt he had caused and would continue to cause her if he didn't back away now.
"I did, I do..." He paused, watching the expression in her green eyes. He wanted to look away but somehow he couldn't. "But I'll only hurt you Sam, and you deserve better."
Sam rolled her eyes in frustration. "Phil, stop telling me what I want, I know what I want and it's taken me long enough to work it out. I want you, Phil."
Phil rubbed his hand across his forehead. "Maybe now you do," He agreed. "But I'll let you down, I don't trust myself with loving you, I'm sorry."
She looked at him, trying to choose the words to say next but nothing would come to her that she wouldn't regret later. Instead, she walked away without a backward glance in his direction. Phil sighed, he knew he had just let the best opportunity of his life slip through his fingers but he also knew he had no other option.
.
The kind of anger Sam felt as she drove toward her home was unlike any other kind of rage she had ever felt before. She was certainly pissed at Phil but she was also angry at the situation. For once she was angry at all of the women who had tempted Phil astray when before she had always felt sympathy towards them. Phil had changed so much recently and he had become a much better man; a man Sam could easily find herself loving. Now he didn't want her because he didn't trust himself. Right now Sam didn't care if he did hurt her, she wanted him to give her the choice to love him or reject him. Arriving home, she locked the front door and poured herself a large glass of red wine, which she took into the living room with her. She curled up in the arm chair and sipped at the wine, trying to think about anything other than Phil but he was the only thing on her mind.
Phil sat at his desk as the office opened and one by one the lights went out. His fellow colleagues wished him a good weekend as they left and he muttered in reply. His mind was miles away but thinking about one thing in particular. He had known this conversation was brewing for a while now, ever since Sam had ended her relationship with Stuart because she wanted something different. In his wildest dreams Phil never could have imagined a woman like Sam wanting to be with an ex philanderer like him. In his heart Phil knew that he would never cheat on Sam if she ever gave him a chance but now that they were getting closer he was becoming more and more scared of hurting her and letting her down. He had had so many failed relationships in the past and he didn't want Sam to just be another ex lover on the list. That was why he had done what he had today but now he was wondering why the right thing suddenly felt so very wrong.
Sam stood up from the armchair and made her way out to the kitchen to top up her wine glass. As she poured more of the dark red liquid from the bottle she realised how ironic the situation with Phil really was. In trying not to hurt her he had succeeded in doing so. She wondered if there was a way to convince him that she wanted to be with him, regardless of the pain it may cause her in the long run but part of her didn't want to fight for him if he wasn't interested. She was taking a long draw of the red wine when she heard the doorbell ring. She sighed and went to answer, wondering who it could be at this time on a Friday evening.
"Phil?" She asked, coming face to face with the man who hadn't been far from her thoughts since she left the station.
"Can I come in?" He asked, looking down at his shoes rather than at her.
"Okay," Sam agreed, standing back and allowing him inside her home. "What do you want, Phil?" She asked, taking a glass down from the cupboard and pouring him some wine. He took if from her gratefully and drank a little before he spoke.
"I was thinking about earlier," He explained. "I realised that in trying to protect you from being hurt, I've hurt you more."
Sam smiled, nursing her own wine. "That's true."
"I'm sorry," He smiled back, a little sheepishly.
Sam stepped towards him, setting their glasses down on the kitchen counter.
"Stop apologising," She said, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Stop trying to protect me," She moved her face closer to his, their lips just centimetres apart. "And just love me."
Phil smiled, bringing his lips towards Sam's and closing the small distance between them. He leaned into the kiss and whispered into her mouth. "I do,"