I've posted this chapter on here before but have made a few edits and added things.

Please let me know if you like this, I have some sort of plan of where I am going with this. I just need to know if anyone is actually reading and wanting to know what happens

I don't really remember how I got on Jax and Tara's kitchen table and having my leg stitched up. Everything has been a blur since I got in the van after... after the incident. I'd used up all my energy in the struggle with Miles and the crawling around on the ground covering my ass by framing Miles with the coke. It was just me, Chibs and Tara in the kitchen. I'm tired as hell, all the adrenaline has left me. It must worn off on my way here. Chibs was leaning on the cupboard across from me. I could feel him looking at me while Tara stitched up my leg, I just couldn't bring myself to look back at him. I was staring at the floor, staring at nothing, seeing nothing. What happened today just kept running through my head. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have taken that brick of coke. I shouldn't have fallen the fuck to sleep. I shouldn't have lied about it. And I shouldn't have killed Miles.

I mean there were only three choices once Miles caught me with the coke, to kill him and live, him kill me, or him telling the club which in turn would be me ending up dead... I can't die. I'm too much of a coward. And I can't run. It's like I've just walked out from a field and ahead of me there is a T intersection and I have three ways to choose from, because I can't go back. So there is left, right or straight ahead. To the left there is a sign that says "you have now left charming" which would mean I would be leaving the club, my only family and inevitably dying a sad lonely death because I have no one, no real family, no other friends and I've got nowhere to run to. The sign ahead reads "Teller Morrow", meaning I stay in Charming, live with what I've done and wait until someone finds out and the club kills me for it. The sign on the right reads "hell", meaning I go and find somewhere quiet and secluded and just die.

These choices all lead to my death, so for now, I'll stay, wait and see if I can get through this without anyone finding out. As well as feeling Chibs' eyes on me, I could also feel the push of the needle through my skin and the pull of the thread, but it was all numb to me. I mean there should be pain right? Even with the local anaesthetic that Tara gave me. But nothing, everything was just numb, body and mind.

After the doc stitched and wrapped my thigh up, she gave Chibs some instructions that I didn't listen to and handed him something, pills probably. Chibs hauled me off the table, outside, down the path and into the tow truck. He drove me home, across town, which I must have fell asleep on the way because we were there in what felt like mere minutes, instead of the twenty minutes it takes. He had to basically carry me inside because I was dead weight and dumped onto the couch in the den. He disappeared out of sight and the next minute he's shoving a glass of water in one of my hands and two tablets into the other. Without thinking I did what was expected of me and swallowed the pills followed by the water.

Again, I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, hell I didn't even want to think. I felt as though that if I moved, or spoke, or even breathed to hard I would break. I couldn't though, not now, not with Chibs sitting next to me, watching, waiting for me to cry, or snap out of it, whichever I don't exactly know, but I tell he was prepared for whatever reaction I was going to have.

Believe me, I tried. I tried to speak, to tell him that I was fine and to thank him for bringing me home and that he didn't have to worry and that he could go home. I felt my mouth open and shut several times but nothing came out. Just silence. Plus this was different, this wasn't like before, I mean sure, I'd killed the Russians but that was with the help of Chibs and Bobby, whereas this? This was bad, Miles was a Son and he didn't even deserve what happened to him, which should be my unmarked grave that Happy was digging, not Miles'. I shot him at point blank range and for my own purposes. I mean sure it was in self-defence, but he was only doing what was expected of him. I'm supposed to be trying to save the club, not kill it.

My thoughts were cut off by Chibs shaking my shoulder slightly, asking me if I was alright. With all the effort it took me, I just nodded slightly and whispered a yes.

"I'm gonna crash on your couch tonight Juicy, I ain't leavin' you alone," he said after about five minutes of silence, I think, I mean it felt like time was moving so slowly. I nodded again, still not able to speak and not having anything what to say.

"Seriously Juice, are you okay? You've said all of one word since we left the factory." Again I just nodded, not trusting my voice. "C'mon kid, yeh can talk to me, I mean you're obviously no' okay." At this point I could feel my eyes starting to water up and I just shook my head slightly and then looked at Chibs, pleading with him to stop asking me questions. Hell to stop talking in general.

"Okay then, c'mon I'll help you into the bathroom to get you cleaned up and in bed." He helped me off the lounge, and before we headed to the bathroom he grabbed my face in both of his hands, me having my hands on his biceps for balance and said, "he was a weasel Juicy, don't feel bad about what you did, he deserved it. I love yeh, my Brother. And I'm glad it was him and no' you that died tonight." I looked away from him then, a tear or two spilling over, not bothering to wipe it away and didn't reply. He still had a hold of my face but I looked anywhere but at him. He moved his and my forehead together, held it there for a few seconds and leaned back, wiping the tears away from my face, kissed the top of my forehead, just below my hair line and then go it altogether.

The next thing I knew I had my head on my pillow and Chibs was throwing a blanket over me, walking to the door, a "call out if you need anything, Brother" and the light went out. Just before the door clicked shut, I called Chibs, my voice a little hoarse and said "the couch is too small and lumpy to sleep on. You can either go home-"

"That's outta the question brother."

"Or you can join me," this was more for me than for him, but I wasn't going to admit that. It was selfish of me to do that to him, I mean I just killed a fellow brother, for my own selfish reasons, though he didn't know that, but I couldn't bear to be alone tonight. Even with him in the other room, I had no idea what I might do if I was left to my own devices. I heard the door close and feet shuffling in the dark, around to the other side of the bed. There was a dip on the edge of the bed and I heard Chibs taking his boots off. He stood up and I heard the familiar clipping of a knife case coming off and a rattle of a gun and put them on the night stand. Next I heard the ruffle of him taking off his leather jacket and kutte and then it was the clatter of a belt coming undone and jeans coming off. I felt a gust of air as he lifted up the blanket, I was already facing him, lying on my non-gimp leg when he laid down, facing me. I felt safe, for the first time since I left the hell of prison, with Chibs in my bed, yeah definitely not telling anyone that. As Chibs settled all I could hear was his heavy breathing, which evened out within minutes, our breaths becoming one. The arm that I was laying on was tucked under the pillow, my elbow sticking out, Chibs found it and rested one of his hands on my elbow. I fell asleep quite quickly after that, feeling safe and warm with Chibs looking over me.