Authors Note:
Narcissa Malfoy reflects on her first cousin Sirius' death. Spoilers for OotP (duh)
~*~
They always tried to say it nicely: 'Sirius Black passed on' and 'He's in a better place' or even 'He's happier now.'
But the truth is, he's dead. Dead. And he shall never return. And all of the fancy words in the world can't change that, and sadly, neither can I.
He was just one of those types of people that you meet and you instantly hate. Right off the bat. Boom. He just comes across as smug and rude and insolent. And well, he is. But he's also a good person. Granted, he's nothing amazing but he was (as he promised) 'good.'
As cousins we were related through blood, and blood, although thin means something. We got together for various occasions, Christmas and Easter and such. We didn't even bother hiding the fact that we loathed each other; it would have been far too hard.
He was obnoxious, ridiculous, unreasonable and childish. He tried to play the hero so much I often thought he was looking for a fight (and often I was correct.) Always trying to 'save' someone and 'help them out' in times of peril and trouble. This skit got old after awhile and we all tired of him. But me especially, you see, the thing is...
He was always trying to save me.
From silly things like when Tonks tried to throw pumpkin juice on my pretty dress (he stepped in front of me, getting pumpkin juice on himself.) And he always defended me in arguments with Mother and Father.
I guess that was the problem, you always needed him, even when you hated him and wanted him to disappear.
It was a sick concept, really. Needing someone that you couldn't quite stand.
But later in life, I would realize how thick blood could run.
Lucius doesn't understand. He says Sirius was a 'prat' a stupid one at that. And, of course, that's a valid point. But Sirius Black happened to be a stupid prat who was MY cousin.
And his personality hardly mattered at all; it'll never change the fact that he's my cousin.
Lucius refused to go to the funeral so I went alone. I'm not used to doing things alone.
I stood by Tonks, even though I've always hated the prat. Her curly brown hair (at the time) was in a bun and she was crying.
And I was not.
He was as much my cousin as he was hers. And I was stony-faced. I missed his presence, but I did not miss him. Sirius always visited with all of our relatives, I was always in the corner. Taking small sips of pumpkin tea or chatting up Sirius' owl. But he always managed to come back to my table and talk with me for a while.
Sure, it was superficial and pointless but he was taking time to talk to me. And just me. For I was alone, and even Sirius knew that. And it made me feel sort of special, and valued. Even if all he did was supply a wink and say, "you're utter trash, you know that?"
I was not so very alone this time, for I was near Tonks. I might as well have been alone though. All of that raw emotion was disturbing to watch, the poor girl was distraught.
The funeral was long and I sipped iced lemonade as I half listened to the service.
Then I went home.
Lucius smiled grimly, "How was it, love?" But it was not a happy voice.
"Fine," I replied, hardly listening. I ran up to our bedroom and fell back on the bed, the silk material comforting me.
Tears didn't drop.
My arms were folded on the pillow, my face hidden in the giant pillow. I thought of Sirius, how he was doing, that Bella girl who had killed him.
He didn't die at the pinnacle of his life (the pinnacle would have been around sixteen or seventeen for Sirius.) When I heard about his death in the paper I half laughed.
I hear he stated exasperatedly a roguish grin on his face:
"Come on, you can do better than that!" To Bella in a "duel."
I can hear him saying that in my head, and it's a happy sort of thing. The sort of thing you say to an old friend, urging him on in competition, boasting, excited.
And it's just the sort of thing Sirius Black would have said.
He died fighting. Not begging on a dungeon floor.
And he came to the rescue of Mr. Harry Potter (who frankly didn't deserve all the 'Order of the Phoenix' members who showed up...but what do I know) he went for his godson.
I have to say for the poor bloke that whatever he did, he did it with style and class. He never looked awkward (even when learning how to ice-skate which is, how can I say it, an odd experience.) Even when my Mother cooked burnt pumpkin pie, he swallowed it and said: "Simply mahvelous, Auntie." And when she offered him another piece, he even took it.
Sirius Black, I must admit was a classy sort of bloke.
~*~
La Fin
Narcissa Malfoy reflects on her first cousin Sirius' death. Spoilers for OotP (duh)
~*~
They always tried to say it nicely: 'Sirius Black passed on' and 'He's in a better place' or even 'He's happier now.'
But the truth is, he's dead. Dead. And he shall never return. And all of the fancy words in the world can't change that, and sadly, neither can I.
He was just one of those types of people that you meet and you instantly hate. Right off the bat. Boom. He just comes across as smug and rude and insolent. And well, he is. But he's also a good person. Granted, he's nothing amazing but he was (as he promised) 'good.'
As cousins we were related through blood, and blood, although thin means something. We got together for various occasions, Christmas and Easter and such. We didn't even bother hiding the fact that we loathed each other; it would have been far too hard.
He was obnoxious, ridiculous, unreasonable and childish. He tried to play the hero so much I often thought he was looking for a fight (and often I was correct.) Always trying to 'save' someone and 'help them out' in times of peril and trouble. This skit got old after awhile and we all tired of him. But me especially, you see, the thing is...
He was always trying to save me.
From silly things like when Tonks tried to throw pumpkin juice on my pretty dress (he stepped in front of me, getting pumpkin juice on himself.) And he always defended me in arguments with Mother and Father.
I guess that was the problem, you always needed him, even when you hated him and wanted him to disappear.
It was a sick concept, really. Needing someone that you couldn't quite stand.
But later in life, I would realize how thick blood could run.
Lucius doesn't understand. He says Sirius was a 'prat' a stupid one at that. And, of course, that's a valid point. But Sirius Black happened to be a stupid prat who was MY cousin.
And his personality hardly mattered at all; it'll never change the fact that he's my cousin.
Lucius refused to go to the funeral so I went alone. I'm not used to doing things alone.
I stood by Tonks, even though I've always hated the prat. Her curly brown hair (at the time) was in a bun and she was crying.
And I was not.
He was as much my cousin as he was hers. And I was stony-faced. I missed his presence, but I did not miss him. Sirius always visited with all of our relatives, I was always in the corner. Taking small sips of pumpkin tea or chatting up Sirius' owl. But he always managed to come back to my table and talk with me for a while.
Sure, it was superficial and pointless but he was taking time to talk to me. And just me. For I was alone, and even Sirius knew that. And it made me feel sort of special, and valued. Even if all he did was supply a wink and say, "you're utter trash, you know that?"
I was not so very alone this time, for I was near Tonks. I might as well have been alone though. All of that raw emotion was disturbing to watch, the poor girl was distraught.
The funeral was long and I sipped iced lemonade as I half listened to the service.
Then I went home.
Lucius smiled grimly, "How was it, love?" But it was not a happy voice.
"Fine," I replied, hardly listening. I ran up to our bedroom and fell back on the bed, the silk material comforting me.
Tears didn't drop.
My arms were folded on the pillow, my face hidden in the giant pillow. I thought of Sirius, how he was doing, that Bella girl who had killed him.
He didn't die at the pinnacle of his life (the pinnacle would have been around sixteen or seventeen for Sirius.) When I heard about his death in the paper I half laughed.
I hear he stated exasperatedly a roguish grin on his face:
"Come on, you can do better than that!" To Bella in a "duel."
I can hear him saying that in my head, and it's a happy sort of thing. The sort of thing you say to an old friend, urging him on in competition, boasting, excited.
And it's just the sort of thing Sirius Black would have said.
He died fighting. Not begging on a dungeon floor.
And he came to the rescue of Mr. Harry Potter (who frankly didn't deserve all the 'Order of the Phoenix' members who showed up...but what do I know) he went for his godson.
I have to say for the poor bloke that whatever he did, he did it with style and class. He never looked awkward (even when learning how to ice-skate which is, how can I say it, an odd experience.) Even when my Mother cooked burnt pumpkin pie, he swallowed it and said: "Simply mahvelous, Auntie." And when she offered him another piece, he even took it.
Sirius Black, I must admit was a classy sort of bloke.
~*~
La Fin