Nico's first mistake was agreeing to go out for lunch with Honoka and Rin.

Her second mistake was leaving her bag at the table when she got up to use the restroom.

Her third mistake was taking some extra time to check herself out in the mirror, fixing her hair and adjusting her shirt and shamelessly admiring herself.

She immediately has a gut feeling that something is wrong when she finally returns to see Rin and Honoka giggling behind their hands. It's like an omen of sorts. An omen of death? That sounds about right. Nico checks her seat before sitting down, crossing her arms and glowering at the two.

"Alright, what did you do."

"Wh-what're you talking about, Nico-chan? We didn't do anything, nya…!" Rin snickers, nudging Honoka with her elbow. Honoka snickers too and elbows her back.

God, they're so dumb. Why are they so dumb? Nico narrows her eyes in a way that makes her look like an angry chihuahua.

"You took way too long in the bathroom, so. We got kinda bored!" Honoka's cheeks are puffing out from her effort to hold in her laughter. Rin, meanwhile had already given in to a fit of hysterical giggling, gripping the edge of the table for dear life.

… Wait a second. Nico snatches her bag and rummages in it for her phone, her suspicions confirmed when Honoka lets out a rather unattractive guffaw. Shit. Shit. She somehow forgot to change her password the last time these two morons got their hands on it, and—

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU IDIOTS DO," Nico yells, scrolling through her text conversation with Eli.

eyy bby r u religious? ur the answer to all my prayers
did u sit in a pile of sugar? cuz ur ass is SO SWEET ;)
ur so hot u caused global warming lol good job Eli
GIVE ME DIRECTIONS TO YOUR HEART!
also give me directions out of ur eyes cuz i got lost in them
im also lost in ur tiddies
did u fall from heaven because youre SEXY
can i lick chocolate off of u
i'd like to nico your nii if u know what i nico nico mean ;) ;) ;)
ELI PLS CRUSH MY HEAD WITH YOUR POWERFUL RUSSIAN THIGHS

Ah, Nico can feel her body slowly drifting up out of the atmosphere and into the freezing vacuum of space, destined to eventually find its way to the sun and burn into particles of nothing. How poetic. More poetic than the lines Honoka and Rin had texted Eli, at least.

Just let her soul be swallowed by the void. Thanks, universe.

"I came up with that last one!" Rin says way too proudly, clinging to Honoka for support as they both nearly fall out of their chairs with laughter. Nico's ready to flip the table over right on top of them when her phone suddenly pings with a new message; she yelps, fumbling with it like a hot potato.

It's from Eli. Of course it's from Eli. Honoka and Rin eagerly crowd at Nico's sides; she tries to pull her phone away, but of course that won't work. Almost everyone around them is staring now, and while Nico would normally bask in the attention, this is just… just… mortifying. It's almost as mortifying as the one-word text Eli had sent in response to all those stupid things Honoka and Rin had sent her.

хорошо

"Whoa, she actually liked those lines! It's official! We're experts at seducing girls, Rin-chan!"

"Rin never knew we were this smooth!"

"This means we successfully hooked up Nico-chan and Eli-chan without even trying, right?! How amazing are we?!"

"Totally nyamazing! You're welcome, Nico-chan!"

This is the stupidest thing that's ever happened to her. Nico hides the burning red of her cheeks by slamming her face down on the table with a groan, trying to come up with a plan of action for facing Eli and salvaging her dignity. Well, if anything, she can just blame Honoka and Rin and possibly move out of the country.

"I hate both of you."

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A/N: idiot trio appreciation 2k15