Warning: Discussion of Suicide
It was just another day after the Nogitsune, a pretty normal day, just Stiles and Scott chilling in Stiles' house, playing video games and eating potato chips.
"You know," Stiles says suddenly, "some days I think about starving myself."
And Scott's brain freezes, because as far as he's concerned, that literally comes out of nowhere. He knows Stiles has been having a hard time ever since the Nogitsune, ever since Allison died. He knows Stiles has been dealing with depression, that he has been having some pretty tough days, and has even considered talking to Stiles about it. He didn't realize that Stiles was anywhere near suicide, though.
"Do you," Scott swallows, "do you think about this often?" He wants to ask Are you thinking about this now? but he doesn't know how.
Stiles shrugs. "Not too often," he says, almost casually, but Scott knows Stiles too well to believe this façade of indifference. Stiles is scared, scared of what he feels, and scared of admitting it to anyone, even to Scott.
"You do eat, right?" Scott asks, just to make sure. He's quickly reviewing the last few weeks in his head, cataloguing everything he remembers Stiles eating. He'd seemed to be eating normally. But Scott isn't with Stiles all the time, and the Sheriff sure as hell isn't monitoring Stiles' food intake. Scott wonders if he should tell the Sheriff about this, but he doesn't want to lose Stiles' trust.
"Yeah," Stiles says. His heartbeat remains steady, and Scott doesn't think he's lying, but Stiles is a crafty little bastard, and Scott knows better than to trust everything Stiles says.
"Have you ever thought about doing – anything else?" Scott asks. He's imagining knives and scars. It's not like he can see Stiles' skin under all of those layers
"Nah," Stiles says, shaking his head with a sad little smirk on his face, "I'm too squeamish to do anything else."
"Good. That's good," Scott says. He doesn't think that's good at all. The only reason Stiles isn't actively hurting himself is because he's squeamish. Not because suicide is so wrong, or so – so final. But because he's squeamish.
"Does anyone else know about this?" Scott asks. "Like your dad?" His mind struggles to come up with any other authority figures Stiles might respect.
Stiles stills, and stays quiet for a really long, tense moment. "I don't really know how to tell him," he says finally in a small, quiet voice. "I don't know how he'll react."
"I'm here for you whenever you're ready to tell him," Scott says. He figures that the best support role he can play right now is that of loyal best friend.
"Thanks," Stiles says, swallowing. "I'll – I'll keep that in mind."
"But, you'll tell me if you ever think of doing – something," Scott presses.
"I'm not actually going to do anything," Stiles says shortly.
"Promise me," Scott says. He needs some sort of promise, something that he can use to convince Stiles to rethink if he ever goes back into that dark place.
"I'm not going to do anything."
"Promise," Scott says.
"Fine," Stiles mutters. "I promise I won't do anything stupid. You happy?"
"Yeah," Scott says.
It stays pretty tense between them, so Scott makes up some excuse, and heads home as soon as he can.
Scott's nervous. He worries that Stiles will chafe at the commitment Scott wrangled out of him. He's scared that Stiles won't tell him anything just to spite him, just to show Scott that he doesn't have to listen to him.
And he knows that he didn't handle the whole conversation well. He freaked out, and pushed Stiles farther than he was comfortable with, farther than he should've.
He decides he needs to talk to Stiles again. He pulls out his phone. They've been texting a lot. It's easier to talk about feelings and emotions when he doesn't have to look the other person in the eye.
SCOTT: Srry i freaked. U rlly scared me :(
He's not sure if Stiles is going to answer, how their relationship changed after their conversation earlier today. He doesn't know if Stiles is interested in confiding in him anymore, after Scott pushed him like that.
STILES: It was a scary thing to hear
Scott breathes a sigh of relief. Stiles answered back right away, so they're still talking to each other. It seems like Stiles is even willing to talk about that. Not in person, clearly, but if Stiles wants to have this conversation via text, Scott can do that.
SCOTT: no shit. u freaked me the fuck out
SCOTT: u kinda just sprung it on me man. no warning or whatever
STILES: sorry dude. i thought u knew
SCOTT: ?
SCOTT: i *did not* know that.
SCOTT: Why did u think I knew that
STILES: I nvr told u?
SCOTT: no!
STILES: sorry :(
SCOTT: wld u ever tell anyone else?
STILES: not my dad. Don't know how to tell him
SCOTT: anyone else?
Scott's thinking about a therapist or something. He doesn't know how to bring it up.
STILES: I'd even talk to a shrink but no shrinks know abt supernatural shit except morrell
And Scott can immediately see the problem with that.
SCOTT: she's scary man
STILES: scary? she creeps me the fuck out
SCOTT: maybe deaton knows someone
SCOTT: or derek
STILES: ?
STILES: derek has some serious issues dude. i don't rlly see him going 2 a shrink like ever
SCOTT: his family were arounnd like 4ever. He prob knows abt e/o in the supernaturally comm in norcal
SCOTT: even shrinks
There's a long pause from Stiles, and Scott thinks that maybe he's pushed too far. He's unsure of whether he should text him again, or let Stiles resume the conversation. He waits a bit.
STILES: wud u talk 2 derek from me?
SCOTT: sure dude!
He'd do anything that would get Stiles some help.
STILES: I'll think about it.
SCOTT: we're good?
STILES: we're good.