Unbalanced
By Misha

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands.

Author's Notes- This is kinda an AU, I guess. I don't know what inspired me to write it, but I couldn't help it. I guess I wanted to write something angsty but character oriented. It focuses on Sam, Donna, and Josh. I change the back story a bit, but not really. It's just strange. Well, that's it, enjoy!

Rating- PG-13

Spoilers- In the Shadow of Two Gunmen and 17 People, I think.

Summery- Their's was a very unbalanced triangle, but it was there just the same.

Archive- Sure, just tell me where.

He hadn't been able to believe it when he had walked into his best friend's make-shift office and saw her standing there.

It had been seven years since he had last seen her, yet there she was, filing papers and arguing with Josh at the same time.

Josh had told him about the girl who had walked into his office and declared herself his new assistant, but even though that had been a week ago, this had been the first time he had set eyes on her.

After a moment, he coughed slightly and both Josh and the girl looked up. Josh smiled at him.

"Sam!" He had greeted. "I don't think you've met Donna yet, have you?"

Sam didn't know what to say.

But Donna took care of that for him.

"No." She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "He hasn't."

And that was that.

Obviously she didn't want anyone to know what had happened between them and that was okay. After all, it had been a long time ago. It meant nothing.

Still, it was hard to see her there, day after day and remember that.

But, days soon turned to weeks, and weeks to months and things got better. He and Donna never spent more time together than they had to and they were never alone. But it appeared neither of them were going anywhere.

Well, Donna had left temporarily. One day she packed up and told Josh that she was going home, back to her boyfriend.

Josh had bitched for days, especially when it came to putting down her boyfriend, "Dr. Freeride" he called him.

Sam listened patiently, willing himself not to remind Josh that he wasn't allowed to care. Donna had just been a temporary assistant after all. Besides, Josh had a girlfriend, if one could apply that term to Mandy.

Still, the weeks after Donna left were miserable. Josh was even more impossible to be around then usual.

Then one day, out of the blue, Donna came back. She gave no explanations, but none were needed, things just went back to normal.

Time wore on.

Then September came. Sam had few regrets when it came to ending it with Lisa, but he would have liked to have been buried. He had always wanted marriage and a family.

Josh sensed his sorrow and took him out to get drunk. Mandy had left not to long ago. Though, Sam didn't think that Josh cared.

Anyway, Donna went with them, she had been sent by C.J to make sure that the "idiot twins", as C.J had already christened him and Josh, stayed out of trouble.

It had been awkward at first, but both he and Donna made an effort to ignore the awkwardness and appear relaxed. They didn't want to make Josh suspicious, because Sam knew that their's was a story she didn't want to tell anymore than he did.

Yet, that night, it came to the surface.

Josh got drunk early, as usual, and Sam got fairly tipsy himself. Donna, who had refrained from drinking, led them both to the hotel.

Once she got Sam and Josh to their room, she turned to go, but Sam stopped her. Josh was passed out on his bed by now, so there was no worry of him hearing what the alcohol allowed Sam to get off his chest.

"It was a shock seeing you." Was all that he could think of to say.

"You too." Donna answered quietly. "I kinda hoped that that part of my life was over forever."

"Donna, I'm sorry." He whispered, the booze making him even more earnest than usual.

"Don't be." She told him. "We were both young. It was a summer fling, nothing else."

The coldness in her voice and in the words she used struck him right to the heart.

But there was nothing he could say. He just watched as she turned and walked out the door. In the morning, the words came back to him, along with a mild hang-over.

And so did the memories he had tried to bury for so long.

He had been twenty-four and had been home for the summer. He had planned on clerking somewhere in D.C, like he had the summer before, but his grandfather was sick and his family wanted him in California; so he got a job at a law firm in his home town instead.

But later he wished he hadn't.

He'd never know what had convinced him to get involved with an eighteen year old girl from Wisconsin who was in California for the summer visiting her aunt. It wasn't just her age, he had met lot's of eighteen years old more mature than the average thirty old, but this girl had been a total innocent.

But she was smart and earnest and passionate about what she believed in.

That was how it had started. They had met on the beach one day and become involved in a heated discussion over something or other. They spent hours talking and arranged to meet the next day.

Soon, he was spending all his spare time with her.

At first, it had just been friendship. They talked about everything. Sam was amazed by how much she knew for someone so young.

And then, one night, he kissed her and that was that. They soon rushed headlong into a passionate affair that they both had to have known couldn't have lasted.

But neither of them had imagined the way it would end.

That on their last night together everything would fall to pieces.

He remembered that they had arranged to go out one last time, she had sounded very serious, saying that she had something she wanted to tell him.

But, before she could, they were in an accident on their way to the restaurant. Sam had been barely hurt, but Donna hadn't been as lucky. Nor was their unborn child who she had miscarried as a result of the accident.

Sam had gone white when he learnt that she had been pregnant and even whiter when he learnt that it was unlikely that she would ever be able to have any other children.

Donna's father had screamed at him, saying that he ruined Donna's life, and that he should be ashamed himself for preying on an innocent eighteen year-old girl. Mr. Moss had also gone on to add that if Sam ever tried to contact Donna again, he'd pay.

Sam had taken a look at Donna's six-foot-three, two-hundred and twenty-pound father and believed him. Still, he couldn't leave things like that between him and Donna, so he had risked going to the hospital the next morning, hoping that Mr. Moss was no where in sight.

He wasn't, but Mrs. Moss was.

She wasn't as angry as her husband and she was even sympathetic as she told him that Donna had specifically said that she never, ever wanted to see or hear from him again.

So, that was that.

He went back to law school and tried to forget his unhappy love affair and his broken heart. Even though he had only meant for it to be a summer romance, he'd had to admit to himself that he had fallen in love with Donna.

But, obviously, it was never meant to be.

He moved on. In time, he pushed the unhappy incident aside, and he met Lisa and fell in love again.

And then Donna walked back into his life and he watched his best friend fall in love with her the same way that he had so long ago.

Still, after that night in the bar, Sam and Donna came to an understanding.

They decided to start over, pretend the past never happened. It worked, they became casual friends, never commenting on everything under the surface.

Then, the shooting happened.

A man that Sam and Donna both loved was clinging to his life, it was natural they would turn to one another.

Also natural that it would bring back memories.

They talked that night, as they waited for news on Josh.

She shocked him by telling him that she cried for him, begged for him to come to her, only to have her mother tell her that Sam had called their relationship a mistake and that he never wanted to see her again. He told her his side and they cried a little as they realized what her parents did.

But, it had been a long time and the truth no longer mattered.

A part of Sam wanted to reach out and do something to change that, but he knew it was hopeless.

Especially as he watched Josh recover from the shooting and Donna be there to nurse him back to health.

He often mused that it was a weird triangle of sorts that they had going. Two best friends in love with the same woman, for Sam had long since realized that a part of him still loved her, one has her past, the other her future.

There were things that Josh would never know, it was better that way. It was easier to pretend that Sam and Donna had met that day in Josh's campaign office.

So, Sam kept up the charade. He bit his tongue numerous times when Josh told him little things about Donna, things that Sam had known long before Josh. Donna did the same.

The only time Sam came close to blowing the cover, was when Josh came to him and confided that it would be really hard for Donna to have children, since she had been in car accident and it had left some scarring on the uterus. Josh also added that Donna had been pregnant at the time and had miscarried.

Sam wanted to cry, to say that he knew that, because it had been his baby too, but he didn't.

There was no point.

So instead, he told Josh what he knew his friend wanted to hear, and saved the tears for when he was alone in his apartment.

He finally realized that he envied Josh, but at the same time... By keeping their past relationship a secret, their was piece of Donna that Josh would never really know.

Sam's Donna.

It wasn't what Sam really wanted, but he realized that it had to be enough.

He also knows that their's is a very unbalanced triangle.

One that will never be acknowledged.

But it's there.

The End