Disclaimer: I don't own The Italian Job, or anything associated with it. I do own this story, and any original characters that may appear.
Full summary: After getting their friend completely smashed after a break-up, Rob and Left Ear find out exactly what Lyle wants in a woman. Handsome Rob, being the friend that he is, tries to get it for Lyle. But after some mistakes, some fun, and some scares, Lyle may just find the right woman all by himself.
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Chapter One
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Lyle "The Napster" was at this very moment, completely drunk. He never could handle large amounts of alcohol, and both Left Ear and Handsome Rob knew that. They usually made sure he didn't drink more than a couple glasses of champagne, but lately Lyle's moping over women had changed their minds.
In order to cheer him up, Rob came up with the idea to get Lyle absolutely smashed and make him reveal exactly what he wanted from a woman. That way Rob would be able to find the woman, set him up and stop all of his annoying moping. Rob envied Charlie and Stella to the point he wished he'd gone to Venice with them on their honeymoon. Lyle really knew how to mope.
"So, tell us Lyle," Rob began.
"I can't believe she left me! And for that stupid tall, handsome guy with his rugged looks and abs. I mean, what's he got that I don't?! Besides all that," Lyle slurred.
"Absolutely nothing, mate," Rob reassured him, looking to Left Ear.
"Well, you know you weren't so happy with her yourself, anyway. She was a supermodel, what was so bad about that?" Left Ear prompted Lyle, clapping him on the back.
Lyle started to fall forward, the drink and hit on the back too much for him. Rob and Left Ear hurried to hold him up properly.
"She wouldn't do it," Lyle muttered.
"Do what, mate?" Rob asked. "Have sex with you?"
Left Ear frowned at Rob at that. They'd all seen Lyle's ecstatic face the morning after he had slept with his supermodel girlfriend. There was no mistaking the boy had got laid.
"She had sex with me!" Lyle announced, louder than he should have.
"All right, mate. We believe you," Rob hurried to say, aware of the looks they were getting from others at the bar. "What wouldn't she do then?"
"She wouldn't take her clothes off. If I didn't have the stereo with the speakers and the sound, she would never have got naked to start with. I mean, for you," Lyle slurred, looking at Rob, "For you, she would have gotten naked if you so much as looked at her! But me? I needed a fucking stereo to do that," he muttered.
"I think he's going to be sick, man," Left Ear said, letting go of Lyle quickly.
Lyle fell forward again, and Rob hurried to hold him up so he wouldn't fall to the ground.
"He's not going to be sick, mate. Just help me get him home," Rob muttered.
Left Ear looked dubious and wary, even as he grabbed Lyle's other arm and helped Rob carry him out of the bar.
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Rob looked at the women before him with a critical eye. They were all prostitutes. He didn't need them of course, being Handsome Rob. He could have got any woman he wanted for free. Although the busty red-head had already whispered in his ear that she would do him for free, Rob had simply nodded and kept looking. He was here for Lyle, not for himself. If he really wanted to, he could swing by and pick up the red-head later.
"You like short red-heads?" he asked one of the women, a blonde.
"I'd rather you, babe," she replied, winking at him.
"As nice as that sounds, I think I'll pass. You like short red-heads?" Rob asked, a little frustrated that he had to repeat himself.
"I like anyone if they've got the cash," she answered, a little put out at his reply.
"Good. You got a nice dress then? I don't want my friend knowing I paid for you, if you don't mind," Rob asked, charming her when he noticed her annoyed expression.
"Of course I've got a nice dress! The guys usually just expect this, you know?" she replied with a half-grin as she indicated to her small and tight-fitting attire.
"Bloody wankers should look past the outfit," Rob murmured sympathetically.
"So your friend, is he here now?"
"He's at home nursing a hangover, actually," Rob said, grinning. "You can meet him tonight," he said, giving the woman the address for the bar he and Left Ear would drag Lyle to that night. "Now, here's the thing..." Rob added, telling her the one and only condition.
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End of first chapter. Hope you liked it.
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