The Beginning of the End

By Marie Masen

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If you think I did, think again.

Jasper's POV in New Moon.

Today had been an especially challenging day. The anxiety of the student body had made me edgy and moody. The wind had always been blowing the wrong way, and the humans with the most tempting blood had always been standing in the wrong place. And there had been too many opportunities, easy chances to lure someone the wrong way, a few steps into the surrounding forest, and no one would ever have known. Except for my family. I would not have been able to lie to them, nor would I have wanted to. So I waited. I would stretch the tiny amount of control I had and make it last until school ended, until Bella's party was over, until darkness took over, and I could hunt in the early hours before the dawn.

* * *

A paper cut. That was all it took to awaken the monster inside me and send him roaring. One drop of blood, and I no longer had control over my body. In that second, the throbbing thirst in my throat transformed into a burning fire, a searing pain that I could not ignore. My body was no longer a democracy, where I had the power to choose between my thoughts and my desires. Now it was a dictatorship, and the monster was the dictator.

"No!" Edward roared, as he heard the reaction in my thoughts. His voice sounded weak and distant behind the pulse of Bella's blood, which was now thundering in my head.

Edward flew across the room, his arms locked around Bella's fragile body, the momentum of his leap knocking them both back into the table. My eyes were focused on Bella's dazed face, but I still saw, with perfect clarity, as the cake, flowers, and plates shattered against the floor. My mind registered every spark of light reflected off the china, every drop of icing as it plunged toward the ground. The monster watched greedily as the shattered glass pierced through her fragile skin. By the time she was on the ground, I was already pouncing towards her. My body collided with Edward's, the sound was small and insignificant compared to the pounding of her blood. I knew that, thanks to my previous training, I could take on all six vampires, and kill them all. And then nothing would stand between me and my prey.

A vicious snarl erupted from my chest. In the back of my mind, a rebellion was building, a faint shadow of the life I had tried to build. Subconsciously, I knew that I could not hurt Edward, or Bella, or the rest of my family this way. But the dictator silenced these thoughts, banishing them from my mind. She was the prey, I was the hunter. This was the way it was meant to be.

From behind me, a pair of arms locked around my torso, restraining me, pulling me back, away from her. I struggled on, unable to stop. Carlisle's voice was barely audible as he instructed Emmett and Rosalie to get me outside. I knew it was over, but my instincts still controlled my body. I wrestled helplessly as Emmett and Rosalie pulled me out through he door Esme had opened. I realized, as Esme followed us out, that none of them were breathing.

I waited until I had cleared the river and made it to the clearing where we played baseball, before gulping the fresh night air. Emmett had kept my arms in an iron grip until we had crossed the river, but he and Rose had left me alone when I continued running. The memory of the scent of Bella's blood had pounded through by body with each stride I had taken to get here. Now the humid, dense air released me from the dictator, clearing my mind and erasing the red haze from my eyes. Instantly, a wave of shame and disgrace crashed over me, drowning me in the intensity of the hate I felt towards myself. How could I have hurt Edward this way? What had I done?

I was so caught up in the shame and regret that I was not aware of the swift footfalls until they were less than a mile away. Too heavy for Alice or Esme, too swift for Emmett, Carlisle would still be busy with Bella, and Rosalie wouldn't have bothered to come. Edward. In all the years of my existence, I had never felt so weak and ashamed of what I was. How could our bodies be so strong and unstoppable, and our minds be so weak and lacking discipline? Never before had my mental strength be tested this way. How could the rest of my family resist the way they did, and why wasn't I as controlled as them?

"It's not your fault," Edward said as he stepped into the clearing, his bone white face in sharp contrast to the darkness surrounding us. His voice surprised me; it was empty and cold, devoid of emotion. Immediately, I sensed the pain and heartache he was hiding behind it. "It's my fault," he whispered. "I'm too selfish to let her go, to keep her safe." The pain echoed through his hollow voice. "I should have never come back." I knew he was referring to that first week, when he had escaped to Denali in self- denial. "We have to leave," he whispered, his voice broken, and I understood that the pain in his voice was only a shadow of his true feelings. I sensed a moment of indecision, a second in which he wavered between right and wrong, his desires and Bella's safety. "I am leaving her because I am not human," he whispered, so quiet even I could barely make out the words. "But I have never felt more human than now."

He knew that this decision would torture him, but he also knew that doing anything else would hurt more. "She is almost ready to go home now," he murmured, his voice once again distant and unemotional. I wondered why he did not say her name, but when he heard it in my thoughts, he winced, the pain breaking thought the carefully composed, emotionless mask on his face, and suddenly I understood. He missed her already. The sorrow continued to emanate from him, making me feel even guiltier than I already was.

"I'm so sorry," I thought, unwilling to break the silence with my voice. "It's all my fault. If only I had better control - "

"No!" he almost growled. "This is not your fault. Something was bound to happen eventually. Better now than later." He concentrated for a moment, his eyes narrowing a fraction of a centimeter. "Carlisle is done now."

Together, we ran back to the house, for what was most likely the last time. I didn't try soothing him; I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't appreciate it. I stopped by the river, but Edward continued, his steady pace was almost uninterrupted by his leap. I waited until he had reached the house, and was too busy with the rest of the family's thoughts to hear mine. Only then did I break the barrier that had been holding the remorse and frustration at bay, allowing myself to drown in the feelings.

"She said she wasn't mad at you," Alice murmured, joining me from the house. I heard the sincerity in her voice; I didn't need my extra sense to tell me she wasn't lying, but I couldn't suppress thoughts of what Bella would think of me when she found out I was the reason that Edward was leaving her. "We're moving again," she whispered into my ear, and I knew that as much as I wanted her to consolidate me, she was the one who needed it more. Her voice was saturated with sadness, but behind it, I sensed a stubborn determination to do the right thing; we were leaving Forks to let Edward protect his only love from himself. I wrapped my arms around Alice, our skin reflected the dim moonlight as we said our goodbyes to yet another home.

"I'm sorry."

Marie - I love this fic so much! Its beautifully written and I love how true tocharacter it really is. I think its brilliant how you have

captured the selfloathing that both Jasper and Edward feel in this situation. Nicely done :)