We meet again!
As you guys know, I am a big Bamon fan but you may not know that I also am a giant fan of DEFAN. I feel like the show did not give us nearly enough brotherly love and I hate that the most noteworthy part of the Defan relation ship was their endless feuds over women (blah). I will probably write just as much Defan as I do Bamon since neither of them got their just due on the show (eye roll).
Anywhoo, I wrote a little Defan oneshot and it is set in 1856 when Stefan and Damon were human boys. It's really just a day in the life and it kind of focuses on how close they were before Katherine. *Please excuse my poor attempt at trying to capture the language of that time. You get the picture though, I think*
***WARNING*** There is talk of child abuse so if this is a trigger, please proceed with caution.
-DISCLAIMER- I do not own these boys but I wish I did.
He hears a tentative knock at his bedroom door. Their secret code. Knock, knock. Knock….KnockKnockKnock. It is how they signal 'the coast is clear' when they are being mischievous. Tonight, Stefan begged Damon to take him out to the stables. Teach him to ride. Of course their Father forbade it. Thought him too young for such things.
"I am thirteen, Father! The natural age of consent in many countries! And you think me too incompetent to ride a horse?"
"This is not up for discussion, Stefano. If I hear another word about it, I will skin your hide! Now please, leave me be. I have prior obligations to tend to."
Their father had dismissed the issue without even a consideration or second thought. Damon sat in the study with his nose in his book, listening to the entire thing. Not daring to offer his opinion. Their father threatening Stefan was minor compared to his punishments for Damon. He had long accepted that Stefan was their father's favorite and he never once blamed Stefan for this. He understood that of the two of them, he was the black sheep. He had abandoned his position in the war, he did not want to join their father in the family business of banking while Stefan studied his every move, and he questioned their fathers every word while Stefan accepted everything with blind faith. Damon felt that he had thoroughly earned his place as second in their father's eyes and he was fine with that. No way was he living under his father's thumb or anyone else's for that matter. We get but one life on this Earth and he intended to live it to its fullest extent. On his terms.
Damon knew Stefan would come to him later with his big doe eyes. He can never resist his baby brother. Especially when he had already felt that their father was being overly fastidious with his word to begin with.
So, as it is, it is just after midnight and Stefan has Damon's shirt tail balled in his fist as they make their way across the thousand acre grounds to the stables. Stefan tip toes behind his brother, so close that he steps on Damon's heel every now and again.
"How far now, Damon?" He whispers. Although, Damon finds it unnecessary that Stefan whispers, being that his voice is still so heavy that the Heavens above could hear him.
"Almost there. Now hush. If Father catches us, I am dead."
He goes quiet as told and Damon can hear him breathing heavily behind him.
Damon is four years Stefan's senior and at times he feels he should set a better example for him. But then he remembers that for now, he must be mother and father to Stefan. Their mother died of consumption when Stefan was just two years of age. Stefan cannot fathom her love as Damon remembers it. He knows not the healing touch of woman's hand. He will never know her smell. The thick curly locks that graced her crown, the pure love that shown in her icy blue eyes, the eyes that Damon shares with her. He will never feel the warmth of her embrace; never hear the beat of her heart. Damon's soul cries for Stefan has suffered such a profound loss. A loss so great and he does not realize. He feels it his responsibility to nurture Stefan as much as he possibly can, every chance he gets. Being that they have been left in the care of one Giuseppe Salvatore, a man who makes the world's greatest villain seem a lullaby. The man who would so quickly raise his hand in wrath rather than love. He will not let his brother grow into a man with a cold heart such as his own. He will not know such torment; Damon will make sure of it.
They make it to the stables and Damon holds up a hand for Stefan to stay put.
"I would like to ride Rembrant, Damon. He is my very my favorite!"
His hands are clasped under his chin and he is standing on the very tips of his toes trying to see into the darkness. The green of his eyes sparkle like Emeralds. He is the epitome of happiness and in this moment Damon could not be more proud because it is he who put this joy on his brother's face.
Damon gives him a small smile. "Very well."
He can hear the horses huffing and shuffling as he makes his way back. Even in the darkness, the golden brown shine of Rembrant's coat can be seen. He bows his head as Damon comes near and he gives the horse an affectionate pat on his snout as he opens the stable door and takes him by the reigns, leading him back toward Stefan.
Stefan's grin is wide and bright and he is practically bouncing on his feet. Damon's heart swells at the sight.
"Relax, Stef. You will surely vibrate from your skin." He says, ruffling his hair.
Stefab bites his lip and Damon can see that he is trying to contain his excitement to no avail. He can do nothing but shake his head and chuckle as he hands off the reigns to his brother.
"Are you riding Noir, Damon?"
"My one and only." he says as he heads back in for his horse.
Damon had deemed Noir his from the moment he laid eyes on her. She was Damon reincarnated in animal form. She stood tall and alone amongst her peers but it did not seem to ail her. She more observed her environment rather than try to be a part of it. Her body strong and sturdy as she stood, mane jet black like the night.
After he'd retrieved Noir, they'd led the horses as far out into the field and as far away from the main house as possible, Stefan's hand wrapped tightly around Damon's wrist as they descended into the night.
"I can barely see, Damon. How will this work?"
"Oh Stefan, must you always be the worry wart? Once we get far enough out I will fire up the lanterns." He patted his hand gently over the satchel slung over his shoulder.
"Are you sure about this? What if Father wakes?"
Damon halts their steps and turns to face Stefan, planting his hands gently on his shoulders. "This was your idea to begin. How can you go having doubts? We are practically knee deep into it now. Besides, it is I who will bear the brunt of Father's wrath if we were to be discovered, you need not worry."
Stefan wraps both of his hands around Damon's wrists and squeezes. "That is precisely the source of my worry, Damon! I could not bear you suffering at Father's hand for something of my doing." He exhales and looks Damon directly in the eyes. "I have changed my mind. We must turn back before it is too late."
"Nonsense. You want to learn. I am more than willing to teach you. I am practically a grown man. I can make this decision for the both of us. Now, let us proceed." He turns Stefan to face forward once more, effectively ending his string of concerns. He grabs hold of Noir's reigns and they continue their trek.
Once they make it to the gates Damon turns to look over his shoulder. The main house is barely visible from where they stand. He deems it safe and begins to unpack the satchel.
"Here, set these up atop the fence." He says, handing Stefan a couple of the lanterns he had brought along.
They work in silence as they line the lanterns up along the fence and pretty soon they have a respectable amount of light to illuminate their area while still remaining inconspicuous.
"Now for the fun part. Are you ready, Brother?"
Stefan's eyes light up once more. "I am ready."
"Well then. Follow my lead."
They lead the horses out just a bit more and Damon drops the reigns of his horse and goes to stand in front of Stefan.
"Alright. I'll hold him still while you hoist yourself up."
"How do I do this, Damon? He's huge."
Damon places his hand gently on his brothers back, between his shoulder blades, and pushes him forward until he's facing Rembrant.
"First, you want to put your left foot into the stirrup." He gestured toward the little hook toward the bottom of the harness. "While holding on to the saddle for balance, you want to use your leg to push yourself up, swinging your right leg over the horse to straddle him."
Stefan positioned himself as told. Resting his hand on the back of the saddle and placing his left foot into the stirrup. When he attempted to hoist himself up, he lost his footing and began to tumble backward. Damon let go of the reigns and immediately caught his brother before he hit the ground, chuckling lightly.
Stefan exhaled. "This will never work, Damon. Maybe Father was right. I am just too little." Stefan had his head down, kicking at pebbles in the dirt.
Damon stepped forward, resting one hand on the back of Stefan's neck. "Hey. What did I say about using such foul language? What is the number one rule?"
Stefan looked up at him, small grin on his face. "Father is never right."
"Precisely!" Damon said, giving Stefan's neck an affectionate squeeze. "Now let us try this once more. This time, I will spot you. You can do this."
Stefan turned to face Rembrant once more and this time Damon stood behind him. When Stefan moved to hoist himself up, Damon helped lift him. "Now, grab the horn on the front of the saddle and swing your leg over."
Stefan followed his brothers direction and in an instant he found himself straddling the horse as Damon said. He grinned wide, looking down at Damon where he was standing on the ground. "I did it! This is incredible, Damon."
"See? I told you, you could do it."
Damon tossed the reigns up to Stefan and moved to saddle his own horse. Once he was in position he looked to Stefan who still had not stopped grinning. "Can we race, Damon?"
Damon couldn't help his surprised burst of laughter. "Be patient, Brother. This is a delicate process that we must take slow. We will start off with walking. You will need to get a feel for the horse and the way he moves under you. We have time. You must not get ahead of yourself."
Stefan nods.
"Now, make sure you have a hold of your reigns." He pauses while Stefan checks his grips. "Very good. Now, using both of your legs, squeeze the horse gently while pushing forward with your seat."
He hears Stefan's startled gasp when the horse starts to move. Damon and Noir begin to move in sync.
They circle the area slowly for a time and this is the perfect night for riding. The weather is mild, slight breeze blowing through their hair. Yet another confirmation from the universe that they were meant for this adventure tonight. Damon looks over at Stefan periodically and his heart lurches when he sees the pure awe on his face every time.
They ride until Stefan starts to tire, a yawn making his whole body shudder. "Ah. I think it time we retire for the night." Damon says as he begins to lead them back toward the stables.
They are heading back toward the main house now, horses safely back in the stables and Damon has one arm slung over Stefan's shoulder as they walk slowly through the slightly overgrown grass.
"Tonight was perfect, Damon. Thank you for doing this for me." His head is resting on Damon's side where he's tucked under his arm.
"Oh never you mind, Stef. I know Father can be rather unflinching. No sense in you missing out on childhood due to his own transgressions."
"Did Mother teach you to ride?"
"She did." His eyes drift as he recalls his memory. "I was about your age, come to think of it. And Father was against it, even then. And much like our endeavor tonight, Mother taught me in secret. I enjoyed every stolen moment."
"Do you miss her?" Stefan whispers.
"Infinitely."
They make it to the side entrance leading through the kitchen and Damon disappears around the side of the house to return the lanterns to the shed.
Stefan kicks off his boots and leaves them outside as he steps in, keeping as quiet as possible. He leaves the door slightly ajar so that his brother can enter and he makes his way slowly through the kitchen toward the stairs. As he makes his way through the kitchen and halfway through the sitting room he notices a faint red glow in the corner and freezes, breath catching in his throat.
"Stefano." His father's low timbre reaches his ears from where he sits in an armchair in a dark corner of the room, only a portion of his face illuminated by the dull glow of the table lamp next to him. A cigar resting between his index and middle fingers. "The hour is late, boy. What reasons have you to be traipsing about?"
Stefan turns to face is father, spine ramrod straight, fingers balled into fists at his side. "I….sorry, Father…I…I only came down to fetch a glass of water, that is all.
The quiet engulfs the room as they stare at one another, his father unblinking. Stefan hears the quiet click of the kitchen door being closed and bolted and his heartbeat picks up ten times over, breathing stuttered and panicked.
"Is that so?" His father asks, his tone unconvinced.
Stefan lowers his eyes to the ground as he hears the light patter of his brothers bare feet coming toward them. This is my fault. He thinks just as he hears Damon's startled intake of breath at the sight before him.
"Father." Damon whispers as he comes up to stand behind his brother.
"Damian, nice of you to join us. Stefano was explaining to me how you two were just coming back from the stables after I explicitly forbade it, no less."
Stefan reaches back, gripping the edges of Damon's shirt and holding on for dear life, willing him to deny, deny, deny. For the love of all that is Holy, DENY!
Damon lowers his head, licks his lips and exhales. "Father…I. It was not my intention…I…" He looks over at Stefan and back to his father. "I did not mean to disobey you, Father but-"
"No," Stefan cuts him off. "It was I who disobeyed. I convinced Damon to take me out. All of this is my doing." Stefan turns to his brother trying to convey his deepest apology with only his eyes and when Damon looks to him, Stefan sees no blame there. Only love and gratitude.
"Enough!" Their fathers booming voice startles them and they face forward once more. He is now standing from his chair. "Stefano, upstairs, now!. Damian, I would like for you to join me in the cellar.
Tears immediately well up in Stefan's eyes and he turns to his brother, eyes wide with panic. He grips Damon's shirt in both hands at his sides and buries his face in his brothers neck. "No, no, no, no, no." He whispers as the tears start to spill down his face. "No, Damon. I am so sorry. Please…"
He feels Damon's hand rubbing in soothing circles at his back. "Shhhhh." He's whispering in Stefan's ear. "I do not blame you." He exhales. "Look at me, Brother."
Stefan looks up at him, tears still falling from his eyes.
"This is not your fault." Stefan hears the tremble in his brothers voice and he knows Damon is afraid. "Now. Do as you are told and go to bed. I will be up soon." He offers a smile as he gives his brothers shoulders a light squeeze. "Go, Stef."
Stefan is shaking his head and holding on to his brother for dear life but Damon's glare offers no argument. He lets out a shaky exhale and finally allows Damon to pry his fingers off his shirt and nudge him toward the stairs. He watches as his brother makes his way toward the basement door on shaky legs with his head hanging low, their father trailing behind him. A fresh set of tears roll down his face as he heads up the stairs and to his room.
He'd sat on the edge of his bed for what seemed like an eternity when he finally heard his father's heavy footsteps thundering down the hall followed by Damon's lighter ones. After he was sure that his father was inside his own room he made his way to his bedroom door and listened. All was quiet. He cracked the door open just enough to poke his head out. Damon's room was right across the hall from his own. The door was closed but he could see a faint glow of light leaking under the door. He tip toed across the hall and rested his hand on Damon's doorknob. He couldn't hear anything on the other side of the door so he twisted the knob and peered inside.
Damon was shirtless, standing in front of the vanity mirror on the far side of the room. He had caught Stefan's reflection in the mirror and spun around, grabbing his shirt to cover his torso. "Stefan, what are you doing? Father will skin you alive, go to bed." He whispers frantically.
He enters Damon's room fully, making sure to close and lock the door behind him before heading toward him. "I just…needed to make sure you were well."
"I am fine, Stefan. Just go back to bed."
Stefan noticed Damon's breathing was short and choppy. He looked down to where Damon was holding his shirt against his abdomen and noticed several burns on the back of his right hand. Stefan's eyes grew wide and he brought his hand up to cover his mouth were an agonized groan threatened to escape his lips.
Damon immediately dropped his shirt and shoved his burned hand into the pocket of his trousers.
Stefan nearly doubled over in pain as he eyed his brothers now exposed torso. His right side was littered in black and blue bruises which now explained his brothers labored breathing.
"Damon…" He stumbled forward, catching himself on one of his brother's bedposts before he crumbled to the ground. "I…I'll kill him." Stefan spat through gritted teeth. He was struggling to catch his breath. His vision going blurry, the room was spinning. Why? Why does he do this to us? To Damon? He does not deserve this.
He had been so lost in his own tormented thoughts that he had not realized Damon was now standing directly in front of him, cradling his face between his hands. "Stef…Stef. Breathe. I will be fine. This is minor compared to what could have happened, trust me. I will heal in a few days and this will all be nothing."
Fresh tears began to poor down Stefan's face. "No. This is not fair. None of this is right, Damon. Why does he get to do this to you? This was my fault. I should have been punished." His hands are hovering over his brothers bruised ribs and he can feel the heat radiating from his body.
"Stefan. You must settle down, now." He's got gentle fingers pressed against Stefan's lips where muffled sobs seep through. "Come, let us lie down. We both need rest, agreed?" He says, trying to give Stefan something else to focus on.
Stefan sobers up a bit and looks Damon in the eyes. He tries to wipe away the tears staining his cheeks and nods. "Agreed."
"Good." He lets out a relieved breath and leads Stefan slowly to his bed, careful not to put any strain on his ribs.
Stefan removes his trousers and dress shirt, leaving him in long johns and an undershirt and climbs into the bed, pulling the blankets up to his chest. He watches as his brother does the same. It took a bit more effort on his part, moving slowly as not to jostle his injuries.
Still shirtless and in wool night pants, Damon makes his way to the other side of the bed. Stefan makes room for his brother, scooting over and pulling down the blankets. Damon carefully climbs into the bed and Stefan pulls the blankets up to cover his brothers legs. He props two pillows up behind Damon and places a gentle hand on his back, helping to guide him down. Once Damon is lying flat on his back, Stefan snuggles in against his uninjured side, resting his head on his brother's shoulder, breath coming out thick and hot against his neck.
"Why are you not angry with me?" Stefan whispers.
Damon exhales, his weariness forcing his eyes closed. "Because it is not your fault, Stefan. Father's tirade has nothing to do with what we did tonight, I assure you. I am being punished for simply being me. You did nothing wrong, Brother."
"But he loves you. Doesn't he, Damon?"
"I cannot answer that question as I do not know." Damon exhales. "What I can say though, Brother, is that Father loves you. And he tolerates me because you love me.
"I do love you, Damon. So very much and I will never understand how a man could treat his own flesh and blood with such hatred." He scoots closer to his brother, feet tangling together beneath the blankets. "I cannot wait until I have children to call my own. They will never know such evil, Damon. Never."
He feels Damon's fingers as they stroke through his hair. He can hear Damon's short bursts of calculated breath and it almost feels like he shares his brothers pain. He buries his face against his brothers neck and breathes in his scent. The scent he associates with devotion, love, protection…home.
"I know Stef…I know."
"I hate this, Damon. You being beaten…and…and tortured…I can't." His voice has died in his throat as he struggles not to cry again.
"Shhhhh." His brother pulls him closer still. "If it keeps his hands away from you, it is all worth it. And that is my word."
Stefan's breath hitches in his throat and he feels such overwhelming emotion for his big brother that it nearly consumes him. He wraps his arm around his brothers neck and squeezes tight.
Damon rakes his fingers through his brothers hair once more. "Sleep, Baby Brother. With the morning brings new hope."