My Immortal...
A.N.: This happens after Harry's 5th year. His thoughts on the death of his Godfather.
Disclaimer: The song, My Immortal, is on the Evanesance cd, Fallen... I was listening to the song and just got the urge to write about me favorite character and his early death. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and all the companies who own part of the trademarks, copyrights, and what-not.
"I'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone."
Harry cried himself to sleep for the third time in the week since he'd come home to Privet Drive. He could not get the scene out of his head. And he knew that everything was his fault. No matter what. It was always his fault. First his parents, then Cedric, and now, now, Sirius.
'If only I hadn't gone. If I had just used the mirror, I would have known. I knew I shouldn't have trusted the elf.' He thought to himself, as he closed his eyes and saw, yet again, Sirius' face as he fell through the veil.
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase."
Harry knew what had to be done. He picked up the broken mirror Sirius had given him and looked at it. "Sirius." He whispered, fingering the shards; hoping against all hope that, somehow, maybe, there was a chance Sirius had the other mirror and could hear him. When nothing happened, when nobody answered, Harry picked one of the shards out of the mirror and held it against his wrist.
'If I kill myself, then I can be with him again. I can be with my parents and leave everybody else to fight Voldemort. He's not my responsibility. He killed my parents and if it weren't for him, Sirius might still be alive.' He pressed the shard against the vein.
"when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
He gasped as the first drop of blood appeared, quickly followed by more. The pain was intense. He had heard about people doing this, but never had he heard about the pain. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he tried to not to stop the flow of blood.
"you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now I'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me."
He squinted into the dark room, thinking he saw somebody there, moving in the shadows. Somebody with long dark hair, somewhat gaunt face, tall figure, laughing eyes, no longer haunted by the thought of Azkaban. "Sirius?" He whispered, hardly daring to believe it.
"Yes, Harry, it's me. What are you doing?"
"I thought you were dead." Harry answered. "I wanted to be with you, so I thought, maybe, if I killed myself, that I could."
"I am dead, Harry, but please don't do this. I'm not worth this. I want you to live, Harry."
"I want to be with you!"
"Damn it Harry, I said No! For once would you please listen to me? I know you're hurt and upset. And you think it's your fault. It's not. I felt the same way after your parents died. I knew that I had betrayed them, that it was my fault they were dead. I almost couldn't stand to be alive. But Harry. I'm with them. I'm finally with one of my best friends. We can finally be together."
"But you're supposed to watch out for me. You're supposed to be my Godfather. Who's going to watch me, help me? Who can I run to now that you're not here?"
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
"Remus is now your Godfather. That was something your parents insisted on. They gave you two Godfathers, instead of the usual one. Remus will help you with anything you need. As well as any member of the Order. They're here to help you."
"How come you're here now? Have you decided to become a ghost?" Harry asked eagerly.
Sirius shook his head though. "No, Harry. I've come to say goodbye. And to tell you that," He paused. "I'm not sure how to say this, but," He sighed. "I love you Harry. And your parents want you to know that they love you and are always watching you. We're all very proud of you."
Harry wiped away the tears that were rolling down his face. "Are you going?"
Sirius nodded. "Yes. I have to. I don't belong here anymore. I'm free Harry. Finally free. But I'll come back when you need me. That's all I promise. Be careful, Harry."
"I love you Sirius."
Sirius ruffled Harry's hair and pulled him into a hug. "I know. I love you too. And I'm sorry I had to die on you. I wasn't planning on it, ya know. I had so many plans for us after Voldemort was defeated. Looks like we'll have to put them on hold, huh?"
Harry gave a weak smile, then gasped as Sirius grabbed his bleeding wrist. He had almost forgotten about it. Sirius muttered some words and the pain disappeared and the bleeding slowed.
"I have to go now, Harry. But remember. I'll always be here when you need me."
"I'll always need you Sirius."
Sirius gave a sad smile. "No, not always. You have others who need you and in time, I'll be another memory. Bye, Harry." He hugged Harry again, then transformed into Padfoot and walked back towards the shadows in the room and vanished.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me I've been alone all along."
Remus showed up, shortly after Sirius left and found Harry, almost unconscious and his wrist bleeding, slowly, much slower than it should have. He healed it magically and cleaned up the blood. Then he put a bandage on the wrist. After he finished, he pulled the blankets over Harry and turned to leave. "Sirius." He heard Harry mutter.
Remus blinked tears out of his eyes. "I'm sorry Harry." He whispered, then walked towards the door, when he saw a shadow move. He pulled out his wand, only to see a large black dog. He gave a small, sad smile. "Padfoot." He said, no more, no less.
Sirius transformed and became human again. He nodded towards Harry. "Watch him for me, will you Moony? It's important to him, his parents, and I. You're the only one who can do this."
"I know and I will. I won't back out, I can't. I swore my blood and life on it."
Sirius nodded. "Good. Thank you."
"I'll miss you, old friend."
Sirius gave a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I know. I'll miss you too. I wish, I could turn back time and find a way to live, but, I can't. Destiny called and I had to answer."
"I know. Tell them, tell them that I miss them and love them. And that Harry will be fine."
Sirius nodded. "I have to go. I'll be back when he needs me."
Remus nodded. "It was nice, Sirius. It was fun."
"Always remember." Sirius gulped, trying not to cry.
"I can't forget. Bye, Padfoot."
"Later, Moony." Sirius transformed, went to Harry's bed, licked his face, then vanished into the shadows.
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
In memory of Sirius Black aka Padfoot and Snuffles.
K. T.
A.N.: This happens after Harry's 5th year. His thoughts on the death of his Godfather.
Disclaimer: The song, My Immortal, is on the Evanesance cd, Fallen... I was listening to the song and just got the urge to write about me favorite character and his early death. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and all the companies who own part of the trademarks, copyrights, and what-not.
"I'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone."
Harry cried himself to sleep for the third time in the week since he'd come home to Privet Drive. He could not get the scene out of his head. And he knew that everything was his fault. No matter what. It was always his fault. First his parents, then Cedric, and now, now, Sirius.
'If only I hadn't gone. If I had just used the mirror, I would have known. I knew I shouldn't have trusted the elf.' He thought to himself, as he closed his eyes and saw, yet again, Sirius' face as he fell through the veil.
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase."
Harry knew what had to be done. He picked up the broken mirror Sirius had given him and looked at it. "Sirius." He whispered, fingering the shards; hoping against all hope that, somehow, maybe, there was a chance Sirius had the other mirror and could hear him. When nothing happened, when nobody answered, Harry picked one of the shards out of the mirror and held it against his wrist.
'If I kill myself, then I can be with him again. I can be with my parents and leave everybody else to fight Voldemort. He's not my responsibility. He killed my parents and if it weren't for him, Sirius might still be alive.' He pressed the shard against the vein.
"when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
He gasped as the first drop of blood appeared, quickly followed by more. The pain was intense. He had heard about people doing this, but never had he heard about the pain. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he tried to not to stop the flow of blood.
"you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now I'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me."
He squinted into the dark room, thinking he saw somebody there, moving in the shadows. Somebody with long dark hair, somewhat gaunt face, tall figure, laughing eyes, no longer haunted by the thought of Azkaban. "Sirius?" He whispered, hardly daring to believe it.
"Yes, Harry, it's me. What are you doing?"
"I thought you were dead." Harry answered. "I wanted to be with you, so I thought, maybe, if I killed myself, that I could."
"I am dead, Harry, but please don't do this. I'm not worth this. I want you to live, Harry."
"I want to be with you!"
"Damn it Harry, I said No! For once would you please listen to me? I know you're hurt and upset. And you think it's your fault. It's not. I felt the same way after your parents died. I knew that I had betrayed them, that it was my fault they were dead. I almost couldn't stand to be alive. But Harry. I'm with them. I'm finally with one of my best friends. We can finally be together."
"But you're supposed to watch out for me. You're supposed to be my Godfather. Who's going to watch me, help me? Who can I run to now that you're not here?"
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
"Remus is now your Godfather. That was something your parents insisted on. They gave you two Godfathers, instead of the usual one. Remus will help you with anything you need. As well as any member of the Order. They're here to help you."
"How come you're here now? Have you decided to become a ghost?" Harry asked eagerly.
Sirius shook his head though. "No, Harry. I've come to say goodbye. And to tell you that," He paused. "I'm not sure how to say this, but," He sighed. "I love you Harry. And your parents want you to know that they love you and are always watching you. We're all very proud of you."
Harry wiped away the tears that were rolling down his face. "Are you going?"
Sirius nodded. "Yes. I have to. I don't belong here anymore. I'm free Harry. Finally free. But I'll come back when you need me. That's all I promise. Be careful, Harry."
"I love you Sirius."
Sirius ruffled Harry's hair and pulled him into a hug. "I know. I love you too. And I'm sorry I had to die on you. I wasn't planning on it, ya know. I had so many plans for us after Voldemort was defeated. Looks like we'll have to put them on hold, huh?"
Harry gave a weak smile, then gasped as Sirius grabbed his bleeding wrist. He had almost forgotten about it. Sirius muttered some words and the pain disappeared and the bleeding slowed.
"I have to go now, Harry. But remember. I'll always be here when you need me."
"I'll always need you Sirius."
Sirius gave a sad smile. "No, not always. You have others who need you and in time, I'll be another memory. Bye, Harry." He hugged Harry again, then transformed into Padfoot and walked back towards the shadows in the room and vanished.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me I've been alone all along."
Remus showed up, shortly after Sirius left and found Harry, almost unconscious and his wrist bleeding, slowly, much slower than it should have. He healed it magically and cleaned up the blood. Then he put a bandage on the wrist. After he finished, he pulled the blankets over Harry and turned to leave. "Sirius." He heard Harry mutter.
Remus blinked tears out of his eyes. "I'm sorry Harry." He whispered, then walked towards the door, when he saw a shadow move. He pulled out his wand, only to see a large black dog. He gave a small, sad smile. "Padfoot." He said, no more, no less.
Sirius transformed and became human again. He nodded towards Harry. "Watch him for me, will you Moony? It's important to him, his parents, and I. You're the only one who can do this."
"I know and I will. I won't back out, I can't. I swore my blood and life on it."
Sirius nodded. "Good. Thank you."
"I'll miss you, old friend."
Sirius gave a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I know. I'll miss you too. I wish, I could turn back time and find a way to live, but, I can't. Destiny called and I had to answer."
"I know. Tell them, tell them that I miss them and love them. And that Harry will be fine."
Sirius nodded. "I have to go. I'll be back when he needs me."
Remus nodded. "It was nice, Sirius. It was fun."
"Always remember." Sirius gulped, trying not to cry.
"I can't forget. Bye, Padfoot."
"Later, Moony." Sirius transformed, went to Harry's bed, licked his face, then vanished into the shadows.
"these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me."
In memory of Sirius Black aka Padfoot and Snuffles.
K. T.