McCree stood from the bed, clearing his throat as he pulled his boxers on. He pulled out a cigar from his jean pockets, looking around for his lighter before his fingers came in contact with the cool metal. He pulled it out and flicked it on, bringing it to the end of the cigar and lighting it before noticing Hanzo hadn't said a word about him lighting a cigarette indoors. He looked behind him in the dark room, only the moonlight coming though a small crevice in the drapes, slightly illuminating the other mans face.
"You alright darlin'? You would've already had my head." Hanzo's face remained stoic, his head facing forward. "Hanzo?" He tried again. When he received no response, he slowly made his way over to the bed, his heavy footsteps causing Hanzo to flinch slightly when the cowboy's voice was right next to his ear. /p
"It is nothing." His voice was low, with fake annoyance trying to cover up the very obvious sadness. McCree gave a chuckle.
"C'mon now, don't you go tryin' to hide things from me now ya hear? What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Hanzo fought the smile that tried to escape to his lips, knowing if he was going to be able to keep it together he would need to remain emotionless at least on the outside. Hanzo let out a breath he had been holding for a while. McCree kissed his temple. "Don't be scared now. You know you can tell me anything.
"Jesse, you knew this wouldn't last." When McCree's breathing slightly faltered, Hanzo felt his heart constrict in his chest, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep his courage going.
"What do ya mean Han?" McCree's tone had changed to a more serious one. It wasn't the tone you normally heard him speak to people, it was the tone of someone who was being hurt deeply.
"My father says it's time to marry me off to the highest bidder." He stiffened as he felt McCree move away from him, letting out a sad sigh at the loss of contact. This time Hanzo couldn't stop himself from looking at the cowboy who was now pacing back and forth in the room.
"Ah shit, Han." He suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked over with big eyes like if he just had the most brilliant idea in the world. "I got it! Let's just run away! We don't need anyone else, just you and me, let's pack a bag, get in my car and just go wherever the world will take us." Hanzo wanted to say yes, he wanted to just run and be with Jesse. But he knew who his father was, and he knew what his father would do to find him, knowing he'd kill anyone in the process.
"Jesse, I... I can't. I don't want you to get hurt." Jesse growled in frustration, running his hand through his hair.
"You think I can't take care of us?" Hanzo saw as Jesse's eyes became sad. Hanzo couldn't explain why he felt sudden rage swell up his chest. He snarled toward the other man.
"This isn't about you anymore Cowboy. You think I want you to die?! Because he will kill you! He will do anything to make sure that I go through with this. That I am used like cattle for sale just to get more money. You don't know my father, but I do. He will stop at nothing. In fact tonight is the last night I can see you. I have already met who I am to marry." Hanzo looked forward again, knowing he'd see McCree rage in just two seconds.
"What the hell do you mean you already met them?!" Jesse put out the cigarette and threw the lighter onto the floor so hard it bounced, smacking into a nearby mirror that shattered into a million pieces. Hanzo flinched, his shoulders bounced slightly but he quickly went back to his stoic state. "Who is she?! What's her name?!"
"My father knows of my preferences, so he offered me to another family who's son is also... an embarrassment." McCree slammed his fist down on the dresser where all the shattered glass was. At this point he didn't care if he was hurt physically, he was more hurt emotionally.
"So you've met him huh?" His voice was a pure, dry rage. Hanzo closed his eyes, almost expecting a hit, something his father had accustomed him to when he was a kid, to expect to be hit when things went wrong. It was then when he heard a chuckle and a soft voice.
"Yes." Hanzo could barely stop the tremble in his voice as he answered. He opened his eyes to see Jesse thoughtfully stroking his chin, the bottom of his hand bloody with some jagged edges of glass poking out while other smaller shards fell off, glimmering slightly.
"An' tonight's the last night we can see each other yeah?" Jesse looked directly into Hanzo's eyes. Hanzo felt as if he was drilling into his soul, trying to convince him otherwise, as if begging to tell him they could keep seeing each other. Since he couldn't bring himself to speak once more without possible bursting into tears, Hanzo just nodded once.
"How about we DON'T stop seeing each other. I can be your aahhh... sidedude?" McCree wasn't very set on the terminology. Hanzo just shook his head silently, but when McCree didn't notice he decided to speak up.
"I can't hurt you." Then he added in a quieter voice. "Or him." When he saw McCree turn towards him, he knew he had heard the last part, and he was ready for whatever came next.
"What you mean ya can't hurt him?" McCree said in a calm, collected voice. "Do you like him? How long have you known him that you already like him?" Jesse's voice cracked.
"He happens to be... an old friend that I know from Japan. I will also move back to Japan for the wedding and to live there with my... husband." He sneered at the last word.
"Husband..." The bed sunk slightly as Jesse sat on the bed. "Ya know I always thought you would use that word to reference me." McCree's voice was almost tender as he spoke which caught Hanzo by surprise. "So you know him huh? Do you atleast know if he'll treat ya good?" McCree sounded resigned.
"He said he will. And that he knows my heart belongs to another so he expects nothing but a friendship from me." Hanzo closed his eyes and leaned into Jesse's hand to caress his cheek.
"That's all I can ask for then." He planted a soft kiss on Hanzo's forehead before getting up and beginning to get dressed. Hanzo felt tears brim his eyes as McCree pulled on his jeans and slid on his button up, pushing the sleeves up before starting to do the buttons. At this point Hanzo finally stood up, carefully avoiding the glass shards that decorated the floor and hugged him from behind, holding Jesse's hands to stop his actions as he began to sob into his back. Jesse just stopped and let the man cry. He has never seen the serious man cry, but he was glad that even on their last night, they still had a first. They stood there for what seemed like hours.
"The sun's comin' up." Jesse finally broke the silence as he saw the first rays of dim sunlight enter the room and he looked out the window to see a dark cloudy sky, much like his mind. Hanzo's sobs had turned into quite sniffles but his grip on Jesse's hands never lessened. "Your father will be waitin'. You should get ready too." Hanzo's arms trembled as he removed them from around the other man.
"You are right." His voice was shaky and thick from crying. The next few minutes were filled with the rustling of clothes and zippers, along with some heavy sighs from the cowboy and a few sniffles from the archer. Jesse sat on the bed and slid on his boots, the sound of small raindrops falling against the hotel window.
"You know this means I'm leavin' right? It's time to move on to the next town if there's nothing for me here." Hanzo simply gave a grunt of affirmation. "To make this easier on ya I might even leave after this." Another grunt from the archer. McCree grunted back and took out his duffel bag he had stored in one of his hotel room drawers and began taking his clothes out the closet where he had kept them. He'd never really had a reason to unpack before but after being about 2 years in this place he figured there was no harm in unpacking. But this burning he felt in his hands as he took his clothes out told him why he'd never unpack anywhere again.
"Jesse do you know where my other shoe is?" McCree gave a quick scan of the room, noticing his grey sarape laying on the floor. He walked over to it and lifted it, the shoe falling out from between the cloth. Jesse silently handed it to him. "Thank you." Jesse tilted his hat in response, gripping the brim.
"It's rainin' make sure you cover up." He didn't hear Hanzo's response because he noticed that the only thing that wasn't burning his hand as he picked it up was this grey sarape. An idea sparked in his brain. He folded it up neatly, then placed it next to Hanzo who was still sitting on the bed, tying his hair up with his ribbon.
Hanzo gave a small sound of wonder as he looked at the sarape. He noticed it was Jesse's favorite. He lifted it and stood, walking to the duffel bag, placing it inside. McCree stubbornly took it out and put it back in Hanzo's hands.
"It's a gift. A parting gift at that. The grey will look good on you." Hanzo felt a slight tingling on his cheeks but just cleared his throat. He held it close, the scent of Jesse radiating off it and travelling through his senses.
"Thank you." He carefully clutched it to his chest when he saw Jesse wasn't looking. The rain got heavier. "It is about time I leave."
"Yeah I suppose it is." McCree finished packing his bag as well, pulling out an umbrella, holding it out to Hanzo. "You'll need this more than me. Wouldn't want ya getting sick. This might help too." He took the sarape from Hanzo's arms and softly draped it across his shoulders, buttoning it up and smiling gently at him. "He's waiting for you Han, so come on, smile, don't let him know you were cryin'." Hanzo nodded gently.
"We leave together?" Hanzo looked up into McCree's eyes. His instinct was to kiss the taller man in front of him. McCree just smiled and shook his head, closing his eyes because he couldn't stand to look at the other man without wanting to stop him from leaving.
"Nah I still have to settle some things here before I leave. Go on ahead before it gets worse out there." Neither man moved. "Go on now." Not a single muscle moved between them.
"Do you really want me to leave Jesse?" Hanzo didn't know what came over him as the words tumbled out of his mouth. He knew he had to leave regardless, but he wanted to hear Jesse say this wasn't what he wanted. Because he seemed so accepting of it and that scared Hanzo into believing that maybe, just maybe, Jesse didn't care after all, and that might make this all that easier on him to forget.
"Darlin', if I wanted you to leave, I woulda already let go of ya. But I'm still here hopin' you'll change yer mind and let me take you away from this." Hanzo's heart skipped a beat and before he knew it he felt warm drops falling on his cheeks, but only the tears weren't his, they were Jesse's. They ended quickly though and he finally let go of the archer.
"Alright. I will be going now." But his actions betrayed his words as he lay his head on Jesse's chest, which made Jesse only tighten his death grip on the mans smaller frame. "Goodbye, Jesse McCree."
"Goodbye, Hanzo Shimada." Hanzo winced when he heard Jesse's voice crack. He buried his face into the man's chest once more and gave a long sniff, memorizing his scent before forcing himself to pull away. Always the gentleman, McCree reached for the doorknob. Hanzo headed to the door, and waited patiently, but Jesse hesitated.
"Can I just ask you a question?" Jesse looked over at Hanzo, who tilted his head confused but nodded anyway. "Don't worry sweetheart, it's just so I can rest easy." Hanzo nodded once more, understandingly. "So, what's he like?"
"He's polite, humorous, and hardworking." Hanzo had no idea what this man was really like, he was just giving answers that he knew would help Jesse be at ease. Jesse nodded but instead of opening the door he asked another question.
"Does he love ya?" That question lingered in the air too long for McCree's liking but he waited patiently for an answer.
"Not that I am aware of. It was arranged as I explained to you." McCree just kept nodding.
"And you said you know him from back home in Japan yeah?" Hanzo looked over at McCree to see his eyes examining his face, memorizing it.
"A childhood friend, yes." Hanzo didn't know what this had to do with anything but didn't refuse to answer questions.
"Do you know what he likes to do in his free time?" This one really caught Hanzo off guard.
"Jesse what does that have to do with-" He was cut off by McCree's voice and his fist slamming against the door, causing a loud bang to ring out into the room.
"Just answer the damn question Han!" Hanzo jumped at the sharpness in his voice.
"I haven't spoken to him in years. I don't know." There was silence except for the heavy breathing coming from McCree. His ragged breathing calmed down once more.
"Please ask him. I have to know." He noticed McCree biting his lip, abit of blood visible, but before he could comment Jesse looked at the ground, his hat covering his face.
"But why? And how would I even let you know?" At this McCree gave a dark chuckle and looked up at him almost emotionless, the hat casting an ominous shadow across his face.
"He's taking my everything, Han. He's taking you. I have to know. And trust me, I will find out. Because until you stop loving me and I stop loving you, what you feel here," He tapped Hanzo on his chest then grabbed his hand and put it on his own, "I will feel here."
"Jesse." Hanzo started but Jesse shushed him. Hanzo launched himself into the other man colliding into him, ramming their lips together. The hard kiss turned soft and gentle. It was a goodbye kiss and they both knew it, so naturally they kept going as long as they could. Their tears mixed together as Jesse held Hanzo's face in his hands and Hanzo's hands balled up into fists holding onto Jesse's collar.
No more words were exchanged as they pulled apart. Jesse opened the door, the loud squeak it gave filling the silence. He watched Hanzo get into the elevator, for the first time noticing that his hair was down. Hanzo gave a small wave as the elevator door finished closing. McCree closed the door, immediately slumping down on the other side in a mess of sobbing and mumbling.
If there was a way to describe what he was feeling it would be him being split in half. But it wasn't like a chainsaw slow and painful, this was like a sharp knife slitting him in an instant and leaving his insides exposed to the elements. He let out a scream.
lHanzo running down the street, letting his tears get lost in the downpour heard the scream and let one out himself as he was running. It came out strangled as he tried to breath while screaming. His panting turned into sobbing as he kept running all the way home.
After what felt like hours of sobbing Jesse stood off the floor, noticing Hanzo had placed his hair ribbon on top of his duffel bag. He took the silk gently between his fingers before taking his hat off. He took off the old leather strap that was around the top of the hat and stored it away, replacing it instead with the white, blue, and grey silk. He perched his hat on his head once more and lifted his duffel bag, swinging it over his shoulder, walking out of the hotel room, never to look back again into the room where he both gained and lost the love of his life.