Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Supernatural world, which is trademarked by Eric Kripke, The CW, and Warner Bros. Television. Some characters used in this story are created and owned by Eric Kripke, et. al. and I do not claim any ownership over them of the world of Supernatural. The story I tell here is my own invention, and it is not purported or believed to be part of Kirpke et. al.'s story canon. This story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line. I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story. I am grateful to Kripke et. al. for the wonderful stories about Supernatural, for without the show, my story would not exist.
I Am the Cosmos
By: Loretta Poels
I sauntered down the hall next to my best friend, Rebecca, and held my books in the crook of my arm. The white jersey fabric felt soft against my skin. I do not play football, but my older brother, Dean, does. Tonight is the first home game of the season. His away jersey hangs loose around my neck.
"Since when do you play football, Winchester?" Said Biff Tannen, the bane of my existence. "Oh wait, you don't. How come you're wearing your big brother's jersey, Sammy? Is it cause you're his girlfriend?" He and his posse laughed.
"I'm busy, Biff. Just go to class." I said.
"Oh so you don't deny it. You really are his girlfriend aren't you? Why else would you wear his jersey, Sammy?" Biff continued. "Are you going to take his dick tonight after the game? Just like a little gi…" Before Biff could finish, his head was shoved into the lockers next to him. I was confused until I looked and saw Dean with his hand on Biff's jersey collar.
"You leave him alone, you hear?" Dean seethed.
"Dude, I was just joking around." Biff shook.
"I don't care what you were doing. You stay away from Sammy." Dean punched Biff in the cheek and Biff pushed Dean away from him.
"It's a damn good thing we need you, Winchester. I'd break your fucking leg otherwise." Biff spit some blood out of his mouth and walked down the hall.
"Sammy, are you ok?" Dean turned to me.
"I'm fine. He was just saying things. He didn't touch me." I assured him.
"Good. He's a jerk, Sammy. Don't listen to him." Dean patted my right shoulder. The muscles in his arm bulged where they stretched his jersey sleeve. "Why are you wearing my jersey, though?"
"I wanted to support you. Do you not want me to wear it?" I said.
"No it's not that. You look good in it." Dean flashed one of his famous smiles. "See you at the game?"
"Yeah, of course." I smiled back. Dean ran down the hall to his last class while Rebecca and I went to ours.
"You should tell him." Rebecca, with her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, said as she turned to me.
"He wouldn't understand. He'd tell Dad or beat me up or something." I put my books down and got ready for class.
"You don't know that." Rebecca smiled at me.
"Whatever. Just pay attention." I looked back to Mr. Brown, our Freshman English teacher.
After class, I said good-bye to Rebecca and went to the exit of the school. I saw Dean in his letter jacket with his backpack slung over his shoulder. He was texting someone with his head buried in his phone. I walked up to him.
"How was class?" I asked.
"Fine. Kind of boring." Dean smiled at me. "Mrs. Berken is such a bitch."
"That sucks. Do you have time to bring me home?" I asked hopefully.
"That's why I'm here and not in the locker room." Dean smiled and started walking with me to the Impala. "Coach wants us back at 5:00."
"When is the game?"
"Gates open at 5:30. Kick off is at 6:30."
"Ok. I'll have Dad drive me back." I said. "Are you excited?"
"Hell yeah. Home opener. Almost went to State last year. And I'm starting this whole season, coach said."
"Hey that's great, Dean." I looked at my hands. "What position are you this year?"
"Quarterback, Sammy. They don't switch us around." Dean smiled and started the car.
"Right, I know." I looked out the window. Maybe I should get to know football better. It's so embarrassing to not even know about the sport my brother plays.
"That's the one that throws the ball to someone else." Dean smirked.
"I know, Dean! God I'm not stupid." What a jerk.
"I'm sure you aren't."
We made it home shortly after and I slammed the door in his face. He's such an asshole. Too bad I love the guy. My dad wasn't home yet. I went to my room and shut the door. I flung my backpack on my bed and went to my dresser. I pulled out the top drawer and grabbed a pair of pink silky lace panties out of it. So I like to feel pretty sometimes, sue me. No one knows about it except Rebecca. I unbuttoned and pulled down my jeans. I slid my boxers off and stepped into the panties one leg at a time. The silk feels so good against my skin. My dick sticks out so I tuck it in. Then I put my jeans back on. I heard Dean shut his door. My dad came home ten minutes later so I went down to greet him.
"Hey, how was school?" He said.
"Not bad. How was work?" I asked as I sat at the counter.
"Bill is out for the week so I've been really busy all day."
"That's too bad. Are you going to the game tonight?"
"Yeah. Is Dean getting ready?" Dad set down his briefcase.
"Yep." I picked a few grapes off the stem from the bowl that sits on our counter.
"Why are you wearing his jersey?"
"I wanted to support him." I popped a grape in my mouth and smiled at my dad.
"Whatever. What do you want for dinner?"
"Doesn't matter. Ask Dean." Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Dean galloped down the stairs with his gym bag over his shoulder.
"Hey, Dad." Dean said.
"Hi, Dean. What you want for dinner?" My dad asked.
"Whatever we have."
"We don't have much. Should we get McDonald's or something?"
"No! McDonald's is gross." I shouted. I couldn't stand to think about eating grease for dinner.
"You can get a salad, Sammy."
"Fine. I'll eat their nasty sponge lettuce." I mumbled and put my sneakers back on. We all headed to the car and drove the three blocks to McDonald's. I would have been fine with walking and saving a little gas, but whatever. Dad ordered a Big Mac, Dean got a double cheeseburger, and I got a wimpy little salad with fakey lettuce and pale tomatoes. At least I won't have a heart attack when I'm 35. We headed back home to eat. Dean left a little while later.
"Is it ok if I sit in the student section?" I asked my dad.
"Of course, Sam. You don't have to sit with us old folks." Dad laughed a little and went to get his Firebird gear on.
In the parking lot at school, Dad waves me off when he goes to talk to Mr. Singer, whose son is also on the team. I waited in line to get a ticket and texted Rebecca. I found her saving me a spot in the "freshman area" of the student section: the very top of the bleachers. Rebecca was sitting with Katie, our mutual friend.
"Sam!" Katie yelled and got up to hug me. I smiled and hugged her back. "We brought pompoms." She handed me two plastic forest green and silver pompoms.
"Thanks. I've always wanted to be a cheerleader." I rolled my eyes.
"Oh please. It's fun." Rebecca pushed my shoulder as I sat down.
"Should we get snacks?" Katie asked.
"I just ate, but maybe later." I said.
"I'll come with you. Do you want a soda, Sam?" Rebecca said.
"Maybe some water. I'm trying to watch my figure." I smirked.
"Oh my god, don't even say shit like that. You're so lucky with your metabolism." Katie said as she climbed over someone to get out. I smiled at them as they walked down to the concession area. The crowd started cheering and I looked up from my phone. The cheerleaders were running out on the field and doing cartwheels.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Haskell Memorial Stadium. Tonight, the Lawrence Free State Firebirds take on the Olathe South Falcons. Let's hear it for the Firebirds!" The announcer's voice boomed through the air. The crowd cheered again. The players rushed the field and got to their benches. Coach Crowley jogged out next to the players. Luckily, the Firebird's bench was on this side of the field. The Firebird mascot came out waving his "wings" and pumping his fist.
"For your starting lineup on the Falcons: number 13 quarterback Herman Rhodes. Number 27 tight end Larry Munsey, number 45 wide receiver Beck O'Malley."
The announcer continued listing the players while our side booed.
"For the Firebirds, tonight's starting lineup: Two time conference champion and state finalist, number 7, your quarterback, Dean Winchester!" I screamed my lungs out as he ran past his teammates and high fived them.
"Number 84 wide receiver, Biff Tannen. Number 28 tight end Steve Singer."
I saw Dean look up in the stands and I waved. I couldn't tell if he saw me since he was wearing his silver helmet already. He looked so nice in his dark green jersey and silver pants. His pads made him look twice as bulky as he already is.
"I got you a Coke even though you said you didn't want anything." Rebecca said as she handed me a soda cup.
"Oh thanks. You didn't have to." I said smiling at her.
"You looked pretty thirsty." She smirked and I rolled my eyes. She turned her attention to the field. "And I can see why. You better claim him before I do."
"Yeah, Winchester, there's plenty of eligible candidates that want your brother. Better tame that stallion soon." Katie teased.
"Stop it, you guys. He's not like that." I sipped my soda and watched Dean huddle up with his teammates.
"Falcons win the toss and will receive the ball." The announcer said.
"Did you understand what Ms. Thiele was talking about in Alg. today?" Katie asked me.
"No. I'm pretty sure she didn't even understand what she was talking about." I laughed.
"Hey, isn't that Chris Felton? I didn't think underclassmen could be on varsity." Rebecca said.
"Yeah he's the kicker. I think if they're good enough they can be on varsity. Dean was when he was a sophomore." I said.
"Well I think Chris is really hot." Rebecca said as she bit into her pretzel.
"Not as hot as Sam's bae." Katie laughed.
"Hey! He's not my bae." I scowled at them. Seriously, when will they understand?
"You wish he was." Katie smiled at me. I blushed and sipped my soda. The players lined up and the Firebirds kicked off to the Falcons. They then ran two plays and threw once, only to punt on the 4th down. Dean and co. took the field after.
"Raffle tickets are still available at the concession stand. Five dollars per ticket could win you a new Trek bike!" The announcer said. The Firebird mascot rode the bike down the track to show it off.
"Come on, Dean!" I yelled as he bent over the center. I watched his biceps move smoothly as he held the ball and searched for an open recipient. He threw to Biff who was brought down at the 20. They lined up again, no huddle. What a beautiful, beautiful man. I licked my lips. Too bad he's my brother.
"Oh you got it bad, Winchester." Katie said slyly.
"Shut up and watch the game, Freeman." I looked back at Dean handing the ball off to Steve Singer. I don't know much about football, but Steve running the ball to the 3-yard line is definitely a good thing. Dean hands the ball off again to Brett, who makes the touchdown. Everyone on our side cheered loudly and Brett flapped his arms like the Firebird did before. Dean ran up to him and clapped his shoulder, as did his other teammates. They turned to run back to the bench and Dean looked in the stands. I stood and waved, hoping he would see me. Biff Tannen ran up behind Dean, and must have shouted something because Dean turned around and stopped. He must have yelled something back, and Biff threw a punch at Dean. Dean returned it and they began all-out fighting. Their helmets flew off and the refs ran to tear the boys apart. The crowd yelled, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" and Dean finally pinned Biff to the grass.
"Looks like we've got a bit of a disagreement on the field here, folks. With such a great touchdown to start the game, I wonder what has these two teammates throwing punches at each other." The announcer speculated.
"What the hell, Dean?" I breathed out.
"Why were they fighting?" Katie asked.
"I don't know. I don't understand." I said. I continued standing and watched as Coach Novak, the assistant coach, dragged my brother off the field. Coach Crowley blew up at the two boys sitting on the bench, waving his arms and shouting. I looked over in the parent's section and made eye contact with my dad. He looked at me and shrugged.
At half time, the players left the field and went to the locker room.
"I'm gonna go talk to my dad real quick." I said and got up. I couldn't find my dad in the stands so I headed to the field house. I went to the boys' locker room door and stuck my head around the corner. Coach Crowley was talking with the team circled around him. He finished and the players went their separate ways. I saw Dean.
"Hey Dean." I half-yelled. He looked at me and gave me a 'what the hell' look.
"Sammy? What are you doing here?" He said when he came over by the door.
"The real question is why were you fighting with Biff?" I crossed my arms.
"Don't worry about it, Sammy. It was nothing." Dean wiped his forehead.
"Right. Two teammates fighting is nothing. And you're getting a black eye."
"Just drop it, Sammy. He said some stupid shit and I got mad. End of story. Go back to the bleachers." Dean scowled and walked back to his locker. I left the field house and found my dad at the concession stand.
"Dad. What do you think that was about?" I asked.
"I don't know, Sam. Biff must have said something that aggravated Dean and made him go ballistic." My dad paid for his popcorn and soda.
"It's not like Dean to start a fight."
"He didn't. Biff threw the first punch." My dad shoved some popcorn in his mouth. "I don't think it's anything to worry about."
"Ok. I'll meet you at the car after the game."
"Sounds good, Sammy. Go Firebirds!" Dad said as he walked away.
After the game I got in the truck next to my dad.
"You have fun?" My dad started the car. "Great game. I saw you talking to some girls." He smirked and raised his eyebrows.
"We're just friends, Dad." I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't push the issue.
"Well maybe you should ask one of them to homecoming." Dad said. "That's coming up soon isn't it?"
"Yeah." I looked at my phone. "I just have someone else in mind. But I don't know if it's possible."
"Why? Is she older?" Dad turned to me.
"Yeah. They're a senior." I bit my lip again.
"Oh. Have you ever talked to her?"
"Every day."
"Well maybe it won't be so unlikely after all." Dad stopped at a red light. "And besides, it's homecoming. Your mom and I didn't go together. It's not like you have to marry them."
I shrugged and nodded slightly. "Weren't you and Mom on the Prom court together, though?"
"Yeah, that's how we met." Dad smiled at the memory.
"Well they don't even like me like that. It's just a hopeless fantasy." I said and looked down at my hands.
"Is she hot?" Dad flashed me a very Dean-like smile.
"Yeah, they are." I smiled back.
"How come you say they?" Dad frowned a little.
"What do you mean?" Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
"I asked if she's hot and you said they are." Dad shifted in his seat and pulled into the driveway. "Is there something you're not telling me, Sam?"
"What? No! I just…I don't know have bad grammar or something." I stumbled over my words.
"Ok." Dad parked in the garage and got out. I sat for a second before getting out as well. I am so screwed. Dad put his keys on the hook and took his boots off. My phone vibrated and I pulled it from my pocket before flopping down on the couch. It was a text from my dear brother.
10:51 pm
Dean: Sammy I'm going to a party tonight. Tell Dad I'm just hanging out with a few people. Idk when I'll be home.
I huffed out a breath and replied.
Me: Ok. If you need a ride call Dad, though. Be safe.
10:53 pm
Dean: Ok Mom… lol ;)
Me: Shut up. Don't get in another fight.
Dean: I won't. Go to bed.
10:54 pm
Me: I'm not a kid. : P
I clicked the screen off and shoved my phone in my pocket.
"Sam, don't put your shoes on the furniture. You know that." My dad said as he walked in the living room with a beer and sat down in his La-Z-Boy recliner.
"Sorry." I kicked my shoes off. "Dean texted me. Said he's going to the Tannen's house for a little bit."
My dad looked at me. "Tell him he better watch out or he'll be off the team. And that scholarship is more important than a few shots."
"Yeah, like he'll listen to me." I rolled my eyes and focused on the TV. The news was just ending and Seinfeld would be on soon.
"So tell me about this girl…" Dad prompted.
"Dad, it's no big deal. Just a stupid crush." I put my head in my hand.
"What's her name?" He sipped his Miller Lite.
"Um… D.. i.. ana?" I said unsure. Crap.
"Diana? Nice name. Old fashioned. Does she know Dean?"
"Yeah. They're good friends." Oh god I'm dead.
"Sam I can tell when you're lying. You've never been good at it." Dad looked at me sternly.
"What? I'm not lying." I gulped.
"Sam you can tell me anything." He sipped his beer and looked at me softly. "You're my son. And I love you, kiddo."
"I know, Dad. I love you, too." I sat up and scooted to the armrest. Shit he knows.
"You don't have to tell me, Sam. But I do want to be around to listen and support you." He rubbed his jaw. "I think you know what I'm getting at here. So you might as well say it."
"Yeah, Dad. I'm in…. I really like a guy, Dad." My head fell in shame.
Dad looked at me for a while, just staring and moving his jaw. "I'm really proud of you, Sam."
My head popped up and I eyed him confused. "What?"
"I'm proud that you have the courage to tell me something like that. Now before we get into what I think, I want you to know I still love you. You're my son, that will always come first." He twisted the beer bottle in his hand. "I don't understand it, I'll try, but I probably never will. But I want you to be comfortable in this home and be able to be safe here with whoever you love. Just because I'm a pigheaded Kansas conservative doesn't mean you're not welcome in this family because of who you choose to spend your life with. If you want to get married, I'll be there. What kind of father misses his own son's wedding? I love you and I support you. Maybe I don't agree, but you're still my son. And don't tell Dean, but I think you've got much more potential than him." Dad smiled at me.
"Dad, I…Thank you." I wiped some stray tears from my eyes and stood to hug him. He joined me and we embraced, him patting me on the back. I've never been so relieved.
"Of course, Buddy. Hell, even if you killed someone, I'd still love you. And I might slip up sometimes, with the name-calling and whatnot, but I'll try, Sam. I'll really try for you."
"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too." He smelled like beer and peppermint and faintly of cigars.
"We having a Dr. Phil moment?" Dad and I split apart to look at the door.
"Dean? I thought you were going to a party?" Dad said.
"Yeah it got busted before I got there. As soon as I saw the lights I came straight home." Dean looked between us. "Did someone die?"
"No, Dean. We were just talking." Dad patted my shoulder.
"What about?" Dean shrugged his football bag and pads off his shoulder to the floor.
"None of your damn business, son." My dad said.
"No, Dad, it's ok." I sat back down on the couch.
"Sammy, is everything ok? Did you get hurt?" Dean immediately came to my side and sat next to me.
"I'm fine. I didn't get hurt. But I do want you to know something about me, Dean." I bit my lip and closed my eyes. "I like…boys."
Dean sat with his mouth slightly ajar. "So?"
I looked around confused. "So…I'm, I guess I'm gay."
"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy." Dean shook his head. "I already knew that."
"What? How?" My eyes widened in shock. Who told him?
"Well you have a poster of Spiderman, the actor, in your room. You're a little too old for him to be your 'hero' so I figure he's there for your enjoyment. Your two best friends are girls, but you've never once talked about them other than friend…like. And straight guys don't go around wearing frilly purple panties and thongs all day."
What? He knows about that? Oh god. My face is so red I can feel it. I can't do anything but stare at him.
"We all do laundry in the same place. And I honestly can't see some of those fitting Dad." Dean smiled.
"Dean…" I started. I looked at my father. "Dad, it's not what you think."
"Sam, like I said, what you do is up to you, and I'll always love you, no matter what." Dad smiled slightly. I could tell he was uneasy about this.
"And I love you, too, Sammy. That's why I'll beat Biff into a pulp if I have to. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for you, kiddo, and that can't change no matter what." Dean put his arm around my shoulder.
"Thanks, both of you. I guess I didn't know I'd get so much support." I smiled a little.
"Well I think it's time I hit the hay. You boys shouldn't stay up too late either. Dean, you have a shift at the garage tomorrow at noon." Dad said as he stood up. "Good night boys. I love you both." He smiled and went up the stairs.
"I never thought Dad would be ok with it. I get that he's uncomfortable, but still. I thought he'd kick me out or shoot me." I said to Dean.
"I don't know what you'd have to do to get Dad, or me, to stop loving you." Dean took my hand. "This is really chick-flicky and I hate it, but you're my little brother, Sammy. I care about you a lot. I honestly can't imagine not having you in my life. And I sure as hell won't let something like this get in the way. You're still you, still the Sammy I've always known. You're smart, talented. Kinda cute, too." Dean winked. "And you'll always be my little brother."
I launched myself at him and hugged him tight. "So you really don't care that I wear girl's underwear sometimes?"
"Of course not. You could go around in full drag and it wouldn't change a damn thing." Dean patted my back.
"So what did Biff say to you?"
"Nothing important. I gave him what he deserved, though." Dean smiled triumphantly.
"Good. Your eye doesn't look too good though." I reached up and touched his eye gently. "Do you want some ice?"
"Nah, it's passed that point. It'll be fine." Dean stood and put his hand on my shoulder. Even if I can't have him the way I want him, I'd give anything to keep him like this forever.
"Ok. Good night, Dean."
"Good night, Sammy. I love you." He tousled my hair and kissed my forehead. I smiled and went up the stairs to my room.