A/N: Ok, so I've been working on this story for a while. To be honest, I'm actually rather nervous about posting it. It's alot darker and more serious than my other stories, hence the rating. I've really tried to get into the heads of the turtle's, rather than write something, fluffy, adventurous and fun. Generally I don't get a lot of feedback, not really a problem as I generally only write for enjoyment and to give people a fun read. Yes, I know, I'm an emotional sucker, can't help it. But, for some reason, this story means alot to me. I'm actually quite proud of the way it's panning out. So I'm kinda nervous about the reactions, or lack of reactions. But you know what they say, if you don't try, you'll never know, so I've decided to post the first bit. See what you guys think of it. As I said, it's only the first bit, but there will be further chapters to this story, if it proves to be something you'd really like to read. That's the whole point really of being here on fanfic isn't it. To write and read something you enjoy. On that note, I'll stop twittering on and leave you to actually read the chapter. Rated M for swearing and adult themes.

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own any characters from TMNT, they belong to their own respective and genius creators. :-)

"Fuck you Leo!" The red-banded turtle growled, twirling his sai between his fingers.

The blue-banded turtle eyed his younger brother contemptuously. His Katana drawn, ready for the fight. "What's the matter Raph? Don't like to be told the truth?"

Another growl sounded deep in the younger turtle's throat.

"You think you're better than me?"

"I am better than you!"

He shouldn't have said it. He knew that the second the words left his mouth. But Raphael just had a way of crawling under his skin. Pushing his buttons till reason and sense no longer mattered to him.

Leonardo lifted his Katana, readying his stance for his brother's attack.

With a snarl of rage, Raph threw himself on Leo. Weapons clashed, metal against metal. Another desperate attempt between the two to prove who the more superior was. Only this time, Raphael had had enough. Endless years of fighting with his older brother. Resentment, anger.

His feelings bubbled once more to the surface. His rage taking over.

Leo struggled, fending off his younger brother's attacks, but slowly finding it harder and harder to do so. He'd been locked in battles like this many times with the hot-headed turtle.

"You mean nothing to me! You hear me!" Raph roared, gaining the upper hand as his sai locked with Leo's Katana.

Raphael's statement momentarily shocked the blue-banded turtle to the core. It was all his younger brother needed to gain the upper hand. With one swift swipe of his leg, he knocked Leo off his feet and onto his shell. Standing over him breathing hard, he glared down at his leader.

The oldest brother eyed him warily, his pride rebelling. "I guess now we know where we stand." He said evenly.

Raph's eyes narrowed. "What the fuck's that supposed ta mean!"

Slowly getting to his feet, his eyes never leaving the angry turtle's face, he spoke clearly. "The feeling's mutual bro!"

"Hey, just say the word and I'm gone!"

"You need my permission? Fine! Get the fuck out of here!" Leo yelled suddenly, his anger returning.

A strange look flashed behind Raph's eyes, though whether it was because of his statement or his rare use of a swearword; Leo couldn't tell.

"Don't push it fearless! You'd miss me once I was gone!"

"Miss what exactly! You're constant foul moods! You arguing with everything I say! You're misguided belief that you're somehow better than me!" He took a dangerous step forward. "I wouldn't bet on it! If anything, I'd be glad! So go on! Leave!"

There was another snarl and Leo felt Raph's fist connect heavily with his jaw. He'd never even seen the attack coming.

"You'll regret that Leo!" The angry turtle hissed, turning on his heel and storming out the lair.

There was a pause. A feeling of disbelief. Leo couldn't understand what had happened. They had been fighting, nothing new there. They always fought, only this time, Raph had seemed more agitated, angrier than usual. As for himself, Leo couldn't understand how he had risen to the bait. He had known, deep down, his younger brother hadn't meant his harsh words, even though they had cut through him, he'd known. Then why had he responded? Why hadn't he taken the high road and just walked away? It would have been easier for him to forget the harsh words. Words never did mean anything to Raph. They were just empty things, never holding any true meaning.

Leonardo sighed, slowly getting to his feet once again. His eyes fixed on the lair's exit, through with his brother had disappeared. He'd never told any of his brothers to get out. Even as he'd said the words, he'd felt something tug at him, heard a voice warning him he was going to far, but he hadn't been able to stop. Why had he said that? To Raph of all turtles. There was something strangely funny about the situation. The one order Raph had ever obeyed without question and it had been one Leo didn't mean.

"Dammit!" Leo exclaimed vehemently, rushing toward the lair's exit. "Raph! Raph wait! I didn't mean it! I didn't…"

The blue-banded turtle looked round the sewers. He wasn't there. He couldn't have gone far though. Something whispered inside him to go find his brother. Make his peace now. Again, his pride rebelled. No. He'd wait for the hothead to cool off. There would be time later for mumbled words of apologies and nods of acceptance. Jutting out his chin, he turned back to the lair, only to be greeted by the pale faces of his other two brothers.

"Erm…is everything ok?" Donatello asked carefully.

Leo looked into his gentle brother's face, noticing the pained expression lurking in the depths of his eyes hidden partly by his purple mask.

"Everything's fine Donny." The blue-banded turtle attempted to sound reassuring.

"Only we heard you guys fighting and…" The purple-banded turtle trailed off, glancing quickly at his youngest brother.

"You told Raph to leave." Michelangelo chipped in, his normally cheeky face pale and horrified.

"Yeah well…" Leo flushed slightly "…he was asking for it. That hothead has a serious attitude problem."

"But…you've never told him to leave." The orange-banded turtle whispered, gulping suddenly.

The oldest brother flushed again. Mikey was right. No matter what happened or how angry Raph made him, he'd never told him to leave. Again he berated himself. Why had he risen to the bait? Why hadn't he just let it go?

"Don't worry Mikey. I'll straighten things out with him when he gets back. Everything will be ok. I promise." He said, looking affectionately at his youngest brother. His words seemed to bring some comfort to the happy go lucky turtle. Mikey grinned suddenly, not as wide a grin as he usually gave, but a grin none the less.

"Yeah, ok. You're right. Raph just needs some time to cool off. He wouldn't really leave."

His grin widening slightly, he seemed satisfied by that thought. He bounced over to take up his usual position on the couch. Grabbing the remote, he flicked on the TV, flicking through channels.

Donny stayed put, guarded eyes resting on his oldest brother. "You sure everything will be ok?"

"Don't worry Don. Like I said, Raph just needs some time to cool off."

"Yeah but…he usually only leaves cause he wants to, not because you tell him too."

Something twisted in Leo's gut. "It's Raph, when has he ever listened to a word I say. He'll be back soon, ready to fight again. Count on it."

Donny nodded his head slowly. "Ok Leo but…can I ask you one question?"

The blue-banded turtle tilted his head enquiringly at his younger brother.

"Are you trying to convince us he'll be back? Or yourself?" With that, the purple-banded turtle walked away from his brother, leaving Leo with the distinct feeling he'd just been punched in the gut.

Outside, the rain pelted down heavily on the red-banded turtle's head as he jumped from one rooftop to the next. His chest was heaving, sweat poring off his brow, mingling with the rain. He was still fuming. Who the hell did Leo think he was? How dare he tell him to get out. Well, he'd show his fearless leader. Let's just see how long his precious brother could survive without him there constantly watching his back.

On and on, Raph raced, panting heavily. There was a stitch in his side, screaming at him to slow down, take deep breaths, but he ignored it.

Raph wasn't sure how far he'd run, or even where he was running too and it didn't matter. All that mattered now was putting as much distance between himself and the lair as he could.

There was a loud boom overhead as the sky was lit suddenly by a jagged flash.

Raph's scowl deepened. It looked like the heavens mirrored his mood. For some reason, that wasn't a comforting feeling.

Finally after what seemed like hours, Raphael could no longer ignore the pain. He slowed to a stop; clutching a hand to his side, he took deep breaths. He looked round, satisfied to see he'd come quite a way.

Still clutching his side, he sank down, pulling his knees up against his plastron. Feelings started to rush through him. Feelings of regret, anger, disappointment in himself.

He hadn't meant what he'd said to Leo. Of course his brother meant something to him. All his family did. He loved his family, though he'd rather die first than ever admit it, especially to Leo. But, no matter how he tried to deny it, they were all he had in this twisted world. Ever since the day he'd stopped being a mere turtle and started being…whatever it was he was. Not really turtle, not really human.

The red-banded turtle sighed, dropping his head down onto his knees. He hated this. Hated his own humanity. It made things too difficult, too complicated. Sometimes, it made things almost unbearable for him.

A frustrated cry tore from his throat as he raised his eyes to the sky, welcoming the heavy rain fall. At least that was something he could recognise. Not have to sit and dwell on for hours. It was rain, it was simple.

I'd be glad! So go on! Leave!

"Fuck!" He swore loudly. That had hurt. His brother's words had cut through him.

Raph realised he probably shouldn't have baited his blue-banded brother the way he had, but it was just too damn tempting at times. Wiping the smug, arrogant look off his leader's face gave him a certain satisfaction. Only once again, Leo had won. Leo had managed to gain the upper hand and Raph, like the emotional, fucked up turtle he was, had once again been beaten. He hadn't even managed to think of a retort that would sting his brother as badly as he had been stung. Instead, he'd just obeyed the order and left.

Raphael wasn't sure how long he sat there berating himself, but finally he got up, leapt down to the streets, disappearing into the shadows.

The streets were silent, no humans about, but that didn't stop Raph from being cautious. He bounded swiftly across the street, reaching his target and stood staring down at the man hole cover. His entrance back home. He could almost see Leo's smug face at the victory of seeing Raph crawling back home, tail tucked between his legs, ready to once again, apologise.

Anger rose within him once more. Reckless, consuming rage. No! No fucking way was he going to give Leo the satisfaction. Let his brother sweat for a change. Let his brother know what it would be like without him. Let Leo, come after him for once.

Raising his eyes to the heaven's again, he roared. "Damn you!"

He never even heard the startled cry of fear. The soft pattering of feet coming up behind him, followed by a deafening crack as once again, the sky was lit by lightening. There was a feeling of intense pain, then…everything went black.