The Infection of Nagato Yuki

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I would never have expected this. I mean, Haruhi is likely to get into trouble (frequently) and she doesn't even need a book, but Yuki? I doubt that I could have even expected such a thing to occur. She's a data-alien-thing, right? Shouldn't she have antivirus?

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's start from the beginning, from that fateful day... at the library. (cue dramatic music).

Yes, I was at the library with Yuki. I had to; when you're about to be clobbered by a glowing air-giant, and someone's last message to you is such a simple request, how could you do the dishonor of refusing at a later date? I suppose this makes me at fault, but how could I have known? It began with a book... Yuki likes books -- I think that's probably all she likes. She was looking at this book (this very thick book), and I was standing there, thinking she'd asked me to accompany her for a reason, and wondering why she wasn't saying anything. So.

Are you going to get it? I'd like to get out of here before sunset, in case Haruhi phones me at midnight again for more 3am esper-hunting.

"I..." I could hear the gears spinning in her head; if this were an anime, I'd see the chobits-style processing lights in her eyes. "Yes."

Then let's get on with it. All these books are making me dizzy. I never liked being surrounded by books, and the shelves in this section were so high that I was beginning to feel vertigo. Or maybe it wasn't the shelves. I had a distinct sensation, even then, that the shelves and the books themselves were bending with my breath, but memories are not to be trusted. Not now.

After checking it out and walking Yuki to her appartment (she didn't seem to notice), I biked home and partook of a (thankfully) dreamless sleep, feeling quite nearly pleasant when my alarm clock (in the form of my incredibly annoying yet cute little sister) got me up for school. I packed up happily, and actually felt cheerful on my way up the long hill, and even the thought of Haruhi sitting behind me in class seemed tinged with happiness. This alone should have tipped me off.

As I entered the classroom, it was devoid of students -- at every desk, there sat an identical clean-cut gaijin in a black suit, with out-of-style sunglasses and shiny black shoes, turning towards me as I entered.

Woah... What class did I walk in on?

"Kyon! What are you talking about?!" One of the suited men, speaking in a synthetic replica of Haruhi's voice, stood up and walked towards me. I've seen a lot of wierd things in my day, so this didn't phase me. Well, maybe a little.

What are you doing?! You're not Haruhi! I swiped her hand away.

"Kyon, what is wrong with you? You know you shouldn't come into school when you're delirious; you might pass it on to me!"

You can't catch delirium -- if you could, I would have caught it from you! At that moment, I realized it really was Haruhi. No one else could possibly make such a ridiculous statement and mean it. I don't know how, but the suited man figure faded away, and Haruhi, looking uncharacteristically concerned, was revealed. All the other suited men looked at each other, and then disappeared.

"Kyon... Are you alright?" Her hand was still on my cheek.

Are you? I was very wierded out -- I'm not sure if it was the MIBs, or the fact that Haruhi was acting empathetic.

"You... What the hell was that?! You just totally freaked on me! You know, if you go nuts on me, the SOS brigade will have no use for you!"

This was all too wierd. Luckily, just then, the entire remainder of the class flooded in. This in of itself was pretty unusual, but it gave me some much needed distraction. Also, the home room teacher walked in behind them -- five minutes early.

After class, Haruhi was adamant (as always): "Don't forget to go to the club room immediately! I have some things to do, so I'll be there a little late." Having "some things to do" is always a bad sign, but since the alternative is worse, I didn't question.

I'd go even if you didn't tell me to. It's not like I have anything else to do; the SOS brigade takes all my time.

"Good. Keep it that way." Yep, definitely Haruhi.

As I sat down, the tea was brewing, the board game was set up, and Yuki was in the corner with a book. It all seemed almost normal, though in retrospect, only Yuki was present, so the tea was brewing itself and the boardgame was set up before I entered by parties unknown. The tea served itself as well, though I barely noticed, quiet as Mikuru-chan usually is when serving tea. It tasted as good as always as well.

Five minutes later (on the dot -- I timed it), Haruhi burst through the door carrying two shopping bags. Ignoring me, she rushed over across the room, sat the bags at the desk, and sat down at the computer. Unusually, Yuki's book caught her eye. "I have that book," she said, as she booted up the computer (a brand new Mac -- I could have sworn we stole a different brand). I looked at the spine of the book -- complex english words, but I was able to read them barely -- "The Illuminatus! Trilogy". An odd taste, that girl has. The cover looked like some kind of bizzare Salvador Dali-themed scifi-fantasy novel.

"Hey... Where are Mikuru and Koizumi?" This is when I noticed their absence. "If they miss club again, I'm going to have their heads! I thought I told them that already!"

"They have some other matters to attend to, so I took over their duties for the time being." A mouthful, for the normally silent Yuki, but compared to the lecture I got in her appartment, it was nothing.

"Oh... That's no good. But I guess it's okay if you took over. I'll just have to wait a while to have their heads! Hahahahaha!" With this, normality returned... or what passes for it, these days.

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A/N
Just something I'm playing around with -- if you can figure out where I'm going with this, then maybe you should be writing it, not me. I have a plan for it, but it is seriously wierd and conveluted, and has a surprise ending. It also will NOT be canon to the books (or to the new series, if it ever comes out). Is an 13 year old likely to understand The Illuminatus! Trilogy? I don't know -- Haruhi is smart, but I think I'd have to stretch things a bit for her to read a thick book in english that is that complex and confusing at age 13 (i.e., 3 years before the beginning of the series). It'd certainly explain things though. Anyway, please review... I should note that I am NOT skilled in Kyon's writing style, and need some pointers with that. If I write in my usual style (which is more like Yuki's phrasology) I seem more fluid, but attempting Kyon's style always makes me feel stupid and illiterate. Anyway, it's about 4am right now, so I may have another chapter by morning.

NB: Fixed some minor issues (such as the bad age estimate -- I thought Haruhi & co were 14! Thank goddess someone on IRC knows the ins and outs of the .jp school system :P). And no, I am not implying that Haruhi read the book recently -- the idea is that she read it 3 years before (I thought that was pretty obvious, but it's a major plot element).